Carlito smirks once again when suddenly Jesus’ taps him on the shoulder from behind. Carlito jumps up a little startled since the big idiot just didn’t approach him from the front.
‘ Das Cool ’ Carlito Caribbean Cool: Jesus’…what da hell are you doin’ man’g? Don’t do dat to Carlito…Carlito doesn’t like it when people jus sneak up on him…das not cool man’g. You hang out with Carlito enough you should have learned to sorta kinda be cool by now…
‘ Da Idiot Bodyguard ’ Jesus: My bad man’g…are you feelin’ okay?
‘ Das Cool ’ Carlito Caribbean Cool: Ummm yeah, why wouldn’t Carlito be feeling okay? Is Carlito suppose to be sick or something?
‘ Da Idiot Bodyguard ’ Jesus: No I jus thought you’d be mad about your loss..
‘ Das Cool ’ Carlito Caribbean Cool: Mad…no Carlito isn’t mad. Carlito doesn’t care…getting’ all mad das not cool. Das somethin Christian Cage would do…get all puffed up and look ready to kill . Carlito doesn’t go about his business like dat man’g…Carlito handles it da cool way. Christian doesn’t know how…he jus knows how to get all red faced. An’ das not cool…on X-Rated he’s gonna feel Carlito's wrath…and das gonna be cool!
‘ Da Idiot Bodyguard ’ Jesus: He’s jus a warmup for you, right man’g?
‘ Das Cool ’ Carlito Caribbean Cool: Yeah you idiot…thanks for statin da obvious for the 900th time. It may be da obvious…but it’s also da truth. Christian’s time at da top is coming to an end man’g. An’ at X-Rated Carlito is going to show da world dat Christian's entire ECE run was a fluke…and dat his reign at da top is also a fluke. Christian does not need to be representing da ECE dere is only one guy cool enough to fit dat role…and das Da King of Cool, Carlito…Caribbean…Cool. Carlito is da shining bright new star an’ Christian Cage is da fading one. Christian reign of uncoolness is comin to an end on X-Rated Carlito plans on softening him up.
Carlito reaches into his pocket and pulls out an apple. He smirks a confident smirk as he starts to toss the apple up and down.
‘ Das Cool ’ Carlito Caribbean Cool: What do most people think when dey see dis apple Jesus’?
‘ Da Idiot Bodyguard ’ Jesus: Dey probably…
‘ Das Cool ’ Carlito Caribbean Cool: Shut up man’g…das one of dose questions you’re not suppose to answer. Anyway when Carlito sees dis apple all he can think about is spitting it into da face of someone who chooses to not be cool…an’ dis week it jus so happens dat Christian Cage is the unlucky one. Cause dere is one thing dat Carlito does not tolerate…and das uncoolness. Haha Carlito should have fired you along time ago den man’g…Haha I’m kidding. But Carlito is not kidding when he says dat he is facing da uncoolest person in da entire ECE. Christian Cage who think for some reason he is some sort of celebrity…Carlito has not seen him hanging out with any famous people…all Carlito has seen is dere idiot camera man…Christian needs to realize dat jus because dey pay some homeless people five bucks to ask for autographs…dat doesn’t make dem famous. Dat makes dem really sad…an’ also not cool. An’ den dey think dey have da right to call Carlito uncool…Haha das hilarious. If Carlito is uncool…den Christian does not have a big head…an’ everybody knows das a fact. Jus like Carlito bein cool and Christian bein a B list wrestler…
‘ Da Idiot Bodyguard ’ Jesus: Yeah man’g…you will have no trouble with him.
‘ Das Cool ’ Carlito Caribbean Cool: Jesus’…Carlito is seriously gonna get you some pom poms or somethin man’g…because you’re not a bodyguard, you’re more like a cheerleader. An’ das not only sad…it’s also not cool. An’ Carlito knows cool…jus like Christian Cage knows being fake…dis guy are about as real as Candice Michelle's chest…an’ you know her puppies are fake, jus like her. But Carlito…Carlito’s real…Carlito is cool! Somethin dat Christian will never be. It’s Mr.Cool versus Mr. Hopeless…because on Monday Night Christian Cage is gonna get to see first hand dat dey aren’t da new fresh guy on da scene…dey are gonna see dat Carlito is da new fresh face of wrestling. Cage is nothin’ but a joke…an’ da worst part is it’s not even a funny joke. Dis guy honestly thinks he is da greatest thing to ever hit da ring…everybody knows das Carlito. Carlito is da only guy cool enough to be da greatest…not Hulk Hogan, not Da Rock…an’ not even you Triple Aitch…it’s CARLITO!
Carlito takes a big bite out of his apple and spits the chunks towards the camera, flashing a big smile at the camera.
‘ Das Cool ’ Carlito Caribbean Cool: Dat right dere was more dan chunks of an apple…das Colt Cabana's future. Because on Raw das what’s gonna happen to him because…I spit in da faces of people who don’t want to be cool. An’ Colt Cabana may want to be cool…but dey fail miserabley at it. Carlito should start a class to help people become cool…but den again dose punks are hopeless. Dey are at da point were da have no hope of ever being cool or winning on Raw …Carlito is simply unstoppable…an’ das very cool. An’ on X-Rated Carlito will continue his Impact…it may be Spring time but on Monday Night Carlito is going to take Christian to school. An’ on Monday Night I will show da entire ECE once again why I am da coolest guy to ever hit wrestling. Carlito like Carlito said cannot be stop…an’ Christian Cage will get to see dis first hand. Dere’s also one other thing dey will get to see first hand….
Carlito takes another big bite out of the apple and spits the chunks once again at the camera, again smiling satisfied looking ready to go.