(Pyros go off everywhere and amazing lazerlights blast from every corner of the arena as Friday Hellfire opens here in the Gund Arena in Cleveland, Ohio. The arena becomes completely dark and the lazerlights turn green as "Schism" by Tool blares over the PA system. Darkside, the president of X-treme Anarchy Wrestling comes out mic in hand. He walks down the ramp and slides into the ring. He pulls a mic out of his back pocket and begins to speak.)
~DS~ Hello Cleveland, Ohio. Home of the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame and the best damn town in the good state of Ohio. As you can probably tell I am in a good mood. Mostly because our first pay-perview is in 2 days. Sunday Night it's Baptism by Fire. We are going to make history. An 8 man King of the Ring tournament and along with that a Royal Rumble to decide the first ever XAW World Champion. It's going to be a night of wonders, of fun, but most of all pure explicit unadulterated violence.......hell yeah! I will be back at the end of the show with the 8 combatants in the KOR Tournament. Well we have an sweet ass card tonight everyone has a match. We are finally gonna kick this fed off the way it was meant to be.
First of all there is a #1 Contenders Match for the Jobber Title. This match will also be for a spot in the KOR Tournament. It's Tag Team Champ Da Boom -vs- The Night Rapist.
Next is a Barbed-Wire Strap Match between a debuting man known as Bret "The Hitman" Hart and the Vice President himself Necro. Let me explain the rules of this match to you. The barbed-wire rope is tied around the combatant's arm. You can use the wire for ......well I think you should know. To win the match you must have your opponent knocked out in the middle of the ring, and you must be able to touch all four of the turnbuckle pads before you are declared the winner.
Then there is a Special Guest Referee/Tazer on a Pole Match between Mack Daddy and another debuter who I see has taken out a few of my jobbers JelloMan. The spec. guest Ref is the new Interview guy Kid Rock. He is the real deal folks. This match is also a KOR qualifier.
Then is a 3-way dance for the XAW Jobber Title. Can TRT keep the Jobber Title or will Doombox rise to reclaim it. Or maybe the new man in the picture. Former X-treme Champion Hell's Angel will also be in this match.
Jaden and Fartman will then go head to head for Jaden's X-treme Title that he won off of Hell's Angel at Terror.
Then finally in the Main Event it's The Coroner -vs- Triple H for the Anarchy Title in a Ladder Match. Well that's it see you all later. So take this shit straight to your head cause after all it's quiet when you're dead. Until then Enjoy the Light!
("Schism" by Tool hits again as Darkside walks back up the ramp he disappears from behind the curtain.)
~Shaggy 2 Dope~ What the fuck is up juggalos and welcome to another exciting edition of Friday Hellfire. We've got loads of matches so let's get to the ring.
~Dick Buffer~ Now coming to the ring Night Rapist!
(mWo Theme Music plays as Night Rapist gets in the ring.)
~Dick Buffer~ Now coming to the ring 1/2 of the XAW Tag Champions.....Da Boom!
("Rollin'" by Limp Bizkit hits as Da Boom gets in the ring.)
They start off with a basic collar bone and elbow lock. They push eachother around for a while until Da Boom gets Night Rapist into the turnbuckle. Da Boom hits Night Rapist with a huge back elbow to the forehead. Then finishes up the combo with a bulldog. Da Boom dances for the crowd. Meanwhile NR is back on his feet. When Da Boom turns around he gets a brainbuster. Night Rapist drags Da Boom over to the corner and sets him up. Night Rapist gets a running start as he runs his knee right into the forehead of Da Boom. Night Rapist picks Da Boom up and goes for a double arm ddt, but Da Boom frees his arms and turns it into a back body drop. Da Boom grabs Night Rapist by the head and drives him down with an evenflow ddt. Da Boom climbs up on the top rope and comes off with a flying headbutt. He pins. (1............2.............kick out!)
~VJ~ Night Rapist kicked out of the flying headbutt.......amazing!
~S2D~ Da Boom flew more than half-way across the ring with that headbutt so he has to be feeling the affect too.
~VJ~ Yeah it's just one of those high risk maneuvers that can get you into alot of trouble.
Da Boom gets back to his feet just as Night Rapist sits up. Da Boom crouches as if setting up for the spear. He goes for a spear but Night Rapist executes the G-Spot Sweep and sends Da Boom into the turnbuckle. Night Rapist sets him up on the top rope and starts the 10-punch. Da Boom grapples Night Rapist from around the legs and climbs up on the top rope. Da Boom comes off with Da Boom Buster. Night Rapist is out but Da Boom is too exhausted to move.
~VJ~ If Da Boom pins him now he has him.
~S2D~ Did you see the impact the people in the nose bleed seats must have heard that one.
Night Rapist starts to stir as Da Boom rises to his feet. Da Boom sees this Da Boom climbs up on the top rope once again and comes off with a Swanton Bomb. Night Rapist somehow flips Da Boom over into a pin. (1..............2)Da Boom kicks off the ropes and rolls up into another pin. (1................2..............3)
~Buffer~ The winner of this match and entering the 2001 King of the Ring Da Boom!
Da Boom grabs his Tag Team title and walks backstage as Johnny Blue and some medics check the health of Night Rapist who seems to be holding the back of his head.
(It shows back in the Coroner's lockerroom where he and Necro are preparing for their matches later that night. Necro's match is next so he leaves. Out from behind of his desk where he keeps all his shit jumps Stephanie Mcmahon-Helmsley.)
~Coroner~ What the hell are you doing in here?
~SMH~ Just wishing you luck.
~Coroner~ Bullshit!
(Coroner looked around the room and found nothing of suspicion.)
~Coroner~ Look bitch you better get out of my damn office.
(Just then the door opened and Triple H ran in with a wrench he swung and hit Stephanie in the head after Coroner ducked. Triple H crouched down to check on his wife when Coroner grabbed a potted plant ( or is it a pot plant.........oh well) and blasted him over the head with it.
~Coroner~ I'll see you in the ring you pathetic jackass!
Meanwhile in the ring Dick Buffer speaks.
~Buffer~ Now coming to the ring the XAW Vice President Necro.
("Dig" by Mudvayne blasts over the amps as Necro walks down to the ring with the barbed-wire strap in hand.)
~Buffer~ Next, coming to the ring Bret "Hitman" Hart
(The Hitman's music begins to play as he runs down to the ring and slides the other side of the strap around his wrist and locks it on tight.)
The bell rings and Necro reveals that he has the wire wrapped around his hand and pelts Hitman in the forehead with it. Necro puts Hitman in the Camel Clutch and still punches at the forehead of Hitman. Hitman is already busted wide open. Hitman shakes it off slowly as he grabs the chain and yanks Necro into a clothesline. Necro gets up and gets hit with a huge backdrop. Necro pops back up and gets caught with a dropkick. Necro rolls out of the ring and stumbles around on the outside of the ring. Bret pulls him in and executes a baseball slide. Necro rolls into the ring pissed. He punches Hitman furiously. He wraps the barbed-wire around the neck of Hitman and superkicks him over the ropes. Hitman is being hung with barbed-wire.
~S2D~ If Necro doesn't let go of that wire soon Hitman's head is gonna come clean off!
~VJ~ Look at Necro's face man. He looks insane!
Hitman somehow gets a footing and manages to climb up to the mat. Hitman wraps the wire around his arm and screams in pain as he pulls Necro into the turnbuckle. He proceeds to bounce Necro's head into the turnbuckle pad. Necro falls to the ground dazed. Hitman grabs Necro's feet and does a figure-four leglock hanging from the turbuckle. Bret finally let's go after about five minutes as Necro hops around. Hitman puts Necro on the turnbuckle faced towards the crowd. He rolls the wire into a coil on the ground. Hitman quickly executes a Superplex onto the coil. Hitman touches all 4 corners as Necro lays there with a bloody back. The bell sounds.
~Buffer~ The winner of this match...........Bret "The Hitman" Hart!
To add insult to injury Bret locks on the Sharpshooter. And doesn't look like he will let go any time soon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Commercial Break~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When the scene opens back up a maintennance man is tying the tazer to the top of the pole.
("American Badass" sounds all over the arena as Kid Rock walks down to the ring.)
~Kid Rock~ As you may know I am the special guest referee for this match so let's get this mother started.
~Buffer~ Now coming to the ring Mack Daddy.
("EI" by Nelly hits the pa and Mack Daddy runs down to the ring.)
~Buffer~ Next coming to the ring and debuting in the XAW JelloMan!
(You can hear someone say "Aight JackDaddy you gonna die!" then "Bullet" by Superheist blasts over the pa as JelloMan pops out from under the ring with a Singapore Cane.)
MackDaddy runs to the otherside of the ring and comes charging back for a spear but gets caught in the forehead with the cane. It shatters into a million pieces. Mack is lying there holding his head. MackDaddy starts to get back to his feet. He gets caught with a huge clothesline from hell from Jelloman. JelloMan starts to pummel Mack Daddy to the ground. He climbs up and grabs the tazer when all of a sudden "BasketCase" Green Day can be heard throughout the arena and H.P. Lovecraft runs down to the ring. He throws his pipe to the side and executes the Reanimator on a surprised JelloMan. H.P. grabs a mic.
~H.P~ How do you like that you no talent ...........
Before Lovecraft can finish his interference in the match he notices Johnny Blue knocked out on the floor. Jaden appears from behind the guardrail and executes the Urban Cross. The bell rings.
The scene cuts to Darkside's lockerroom.
~DS~ Aight Lovecraft you wanna play. You get a shot at the Hardcore Title on Hellfire next week. Hell in a Cell!
~Buffer~ It's time for the triple threat match. Now coming to the ring Former X-treme Champion Hell's Angel.
(Hell Awaits plays as Hell's Angel makes his way to the ring.)
~Buffer~ Now coming to the ring former Jobber Champion Doombox.
("Wait & Bleed" by Slipknot blares over the loudspeaker as Doombox comes down to the ring )
~Buffer~ Now coming to the ring the current Jobber Champion and one half of the XAW Tag Team Champions.......TRT!
("Bloodline" by Slayer plays over the loudspeaker as TRT walks slowly to the ring.)
Hell's Angel and Doombox have already started the match before the bell rang. They are hitting eachother with lefts and rights. Hell's Angel kicks Doombox in the gut and hits a powerbomb. Doombox shakes it off easily and comes back with a few clotheslines then a guillotine legdrop. TRT finally climbs up into the ring and executes a humungous Dangerous DDT on Doombox. He executes a Lionsault. (1..............2........) Hell's Angel runs over and dropkicks them out of it. Hell's Angel and TRT are both battling it out when Doombox rolls out of the ring and reaches under the ring for something. Meanwhile Hell's Angel has the upper hand on TRT. All of a sudden you hear someone say " There will be no salvation for you Hell's Ass" Hell's Angel looks up into the crowd and Jaden is standing there with a mic. H.P Lovecraft is sitting in a fanseat beside him but Jaden doesn't notice until he is caught with the Tongan Deathgrip. Hell's Angel runs out of the ring and through the crowd to attack H.P. and Jaden. Doombox has whatever he grabbed tucked into his jacket. TRT finally gets up from his daze and Doombox pulls out the tazer and shocks TRT. He then hits the Enter the Box. TRT is out. The ref didn't see this because he is watching Hell's Angel. The ref finally turns around as Doombox pins TRT. (1.................2.................3!)
~Buffer~ The winner of this match and new Jobber Champion Doombox!
~S2D~ I don't believe it Doombox has recaptured the XAW Jobber Championship!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Commercial Break~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~Buffer~ Coming to the ring at this time the challenger Fartman.
("My Way" by Limp Bizkit hits the pa as Fartman runs down to the ring and slips in.)
Now coming to the ring the Xtreme Champion Jaden.
("Cemetary Gates" by Pantera blares over the loudspeaker as Jaden comes out holding his throat.)
The scene quickly cuts backstage where Hell's Angel and H.P. Lovecraft are beating the hell out of eachother.
Fartman takes the Trash Can to Jaden's head but it does nothing. Jaden tries to clothesline Fartman but misses. Fartman delivers a massive Chokeslam to Jaden. He must have surprised himself cause he was waving to the fans and what not. Jaden gets to his feet. Fartman turns around with trash can in hand and gets the Urban Cross sending the can right into Fartman's face! He attaches and AnkleLock and Fartman doesn't submit. Jaden let's go and starts blasting Fartman upside the face with lefts and rights. Fartman falls dizzy into the corner. Jaden looks at the trash can and gets a crazed look in his eye. He sets up the trash can on the lap of Fartman and climbs the neutral corner. He jumps off and hits the VanDamminator perfectly. Jaden pins Fartman.(1....................2...................3!)
~Buffer~ The winner of this match and still XAW X-treme Champion Jaden!
Jaden walks through the crowd triumphanly.
Meanwhile in the back you can see Triple H walking away from an ambulance in a rage he knocks out a cameraman and runs to the ring area.
Before Buffer can announce him Triple H is already in the ring.
~Buffer~ And now coming to the ring the XAW Anarchy Champion The Coroner.
Coroner runs down only to get knocked down by a huge right hand from an insane HHH. HHH kick Coroner right in the face and his nose starts to bleed. HHH hits a huge piledriver. HHH picks Coroner up again and hits a huge Evenflow DDT. HHH rolls out of the ring and grabs the ladder. He takes it and drives it down into the ribs of Coroner. Coroner got up slowly and kicks HHH in the stomach. He drives the Ladder into the face of HHH. Coroner uses an Evenflow of his own. He climbs up on the ladder and grabs his title. He comes down with the New Jersey Jam on HHH.
~Buffer~ The winner of this match and still Anarchy Champion Coroner!
*A preview of Baptism by Fire shows and the screen fades to black.*
