by Psycho Penguin (mcfaddendaman@aol.com)

Sorry if this report sucks, I am typing it on my laptop as the show happens, so I am just gonna paraphrase a lot. I hate my laptop..

The ending of Smackdown (Austin throwing medals off the bridge) is shown. What? LOL.

Welcome to Excess. Tazz is hosting but he's on his cell phone! Trish points to her boobs as being the email address (the viewer sees the email addy under her) and Coach says he loves those adresses. Trish says, "There's only one address." "I know." Heh heh. Let's take a look at the week in rock.. or The Rock.

Opening promo from RAW, Rock/Rhyno from RAW, and RVD/Rhyno vs. Jericho/Rock from Smackdown are shown.

Trish says the Alliance seems like they will do anything to get what they want, which is just like her. Coach hypes up Trish having a crush on him. Hah. Christian has challenged The Rock to a WCW title match on RAW just to finish off his heel turn. Coach asks why Christian has challenged The Rock, but Christian will be on the phone next, so maybe we will find out!

Commercial. 0 for 1. Nothing breaks the show like watching boring Rock matches, but at least they showed two Rhyno gores to The Great One!

WWF Slam of the Week: Christian costing Edge the US title on Smackdown!

Coach says there are problems developing between Edge and Christian. Trish says maybe there is sibling rivalry, Coach asks if Trish's sister is hot too. Christian wrestled tonight against Justin Credible. Christian says they've always done things together. Trish asks for Edge, but he's busy. They show how Christian stole the trophy after KOTR, but Christian was just putting Edge over as KOTR. How come Grandma Edna won't answer Christian? He keeps getting cut off apparently.

Ben's on with Christian. Ben asks if Christian can be King of the Ring one day. Everyone knows Christian got screwed out this year, but he will get his chance. Christian hopes he can win the title. "We won King of the Ring, we won the IC title, and I will win the WCW title." They put over the fact he said we instead of I, we will see Edge, Christian, and Trish in their hometown on RAW. Tazz is looking at a picture of Stone Cold. Vault match tonight is the first ever HIAC match.. HBK vs. Taker from Badd Blood. I can't wait.

Commercial. 0 for 2. You should all know my opinions on how Christian is holding Edge down, so hopefully they are really gonna push Edge now, without Christian.

Trish likes shopping. New York City is always a hot spot for shopping. Oh goody, they're gonna show the Hardyz and Lita shopping in NYC. They're in Trash and Vaudeville. They're trying out weird ass outfits. And everyone wonders why I hate the Hardyz. I am not going to trasnscribe what the hell they're weaing, but I just saw Matt Hardy put over the fact he's wearing blue pants with a FISHNET STOCKING SHIRT. What the hell? Lita talks about the Hardyz' unique style. She's all right. Jeff likes plaid since he never wore it. They have their own unique style, I'll give them credit for that. Lita looked pretty hot in the skirt.

Coach wants to see Trish in that gold skirt, but Trish wants to see Coach in it. Coach is in love with Trish all of a sudden. Trish shows the new WWF magazine, WWF Extreme. I guess it's about the Hardyz and Lita. I won't be buying, then. Lita's on the phone, next.

Commercial. 0 for 3. I hate to say it, but last week's episode was better, but the format so far for this show is better. They are keeping the highlights to a mininum. They better not have a friggin Hardyz segment every week, though.

I go back to the football game and see Penn State is down 30-0 to the Hurricanes. Stand back, the Hurricanes are coming through. I like the Canes, so I am not pissed that they're beating up my team.

Smack of the Night: I called it, it's Helms winning the Euro title. STAND BACK.. THERE'S A HURRICANE COMING THROUGH!

"The new european champion, Hurricane Helms, actually believes he's an actual superhero." That's how they segued into a phone call with Lita. How's Lita doing? She's hanging in there. Lita and Matt beat up Ivory and Helms apparently, but she doesn't say who won, so I guess Helms and Ivory won. How's Jeff doing? Coach gets jealous cuz Trish keeps asking about Jeff. First it was Edge, now it's Jeff. This is so not getting a point from me.

Trish keeps following Coach around the show backstage. How hard is it to keep Lita's boyfriend away from girls like Trish on the road? Trish laughs, then is speechless after Lita's response. Coach puts over the last segment and the new Extreme magazine. Coach asks about the new outfits, and Lita bought the skirt, but it was on pink instead of gold. Coach says he'll wear the skirt for Lita. LMAO. That's what Lita likes about Coach, he's up for anything. How's Lita going to get back on Ivory? The feud is not over, says Lita. Coach appreciates the compliments. Trish laughs. Tazz is walking. I love his outfit, and he's wearing glasses. Cool.

0 for 4. This show needs Tazz, now. I will say this show would be getting a 4 for 4 if they put on people I like, instead of Lita, Hardyz, Christian, and The Rock. Tazz is my favorite Alliance member though, and this show hasn't sucked ass yet, and the Vault pick tonight rules, so this show is looking good.

Tazz rocks. Why the defection to ECW, why leave Vince McMahon? Tazz says Vince was helping put food on the table, but Tazz was tired of Vince's political games, so he took the chance to leave. They show the footage of Tazz getting beat up by the Alliance with Stone Cold's blessing. I love this segment. I love the new Stone Cold. He rules as a heel. Alan Sieracki wants to know why trust Austin if Austin says DTA. Tazz makes fun of the guy's name. Tazz never said he trusted Austin, but he is the leader, so he has to follow him, and Tazz deserved the beating he got on RAW, but he stood up to Stone Cold, which no one else did, and he's proud he got beat up.

But he promised that is the last time you will see him get beat up. Is he sure? Yse. Tazz doesn't laugh when Trish says she is a good whipper. Tazz establishes the fact Coach is a cross dresser, but Tazz gets pissed when Coach says Austin was faking the arm injury. Main event highlights from RAW. Tazz got pinned at the end of this match, you know. I'm sure Tazz is going to have to say something about this.. assuming the highlights ever end. I love Austin's new song. Here we go, finally. Tazz laughs. What's so funny? The alliance lost the battle, but won the war. Has Tazz ever had anything precious stolen from him? Yeah, his bike in junior high school. But Coach says that isn't as important as a gold medal. I wanna see Coach get the Tazzmission by the end of the show.

1 for 5. I have always given points to a segment with the in studio guest so far, but never a point to a segment where the in guest studio wasn't there. HHH was better than Tazz has been so far, but Tazz is finally playing the bitter asshole character he plays best, so it's all good.

Awesome ass Tazz vigenette. I love it!

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