WOLVIE TELLS IT LIKE IT IS
(Just your regular everyday highly biased and highly opinionated wrestling column)
Every Friday, report back here for my latest rant about the big-time pro-wrestling monopoly that is WWF-WCW-ECW. You may not agree with my views...but that's all right, since I don't always agree with yours, either.
IN THE SUMMERSLAM, WHERE THE WEATHER
IS HIGH...
by Chris Wolvie
[Vented August 17, 2001]
"Let the bodies hit the floor", eh?
If they're not too careful, the PPV audience will let their bodies hit the bed early.
So, what's on the docket for "INVASION, Take 2"? Two 'World' Title Matches, both
with Alliance members defending, a 4TC (Title-for-Title Tag Team Cage) Match, the King
going for a singles belt, a ex-DXer finally defecting, a GORE-y vengeance match, a
"Hardcore Ladder Match" and a mix-match six-man?
Sounds like they'll do just fine. And they better. Although I, personally, liked INVASION,
I've heard an awful lot of negative feedback about the first-ever E/WCW vs. WWF
pay-per-view. SUMMERSLAM is a "major" PPV, though, and usually demands a more
"intense" level of competition.
I think the new SMACK DOWN! came at the best-possible time. The new set, the Marylin
Manson music, the intense battles...PERFECT lead in for the PPV. And, with the lineup on
tap, the 14th annual summertime spectacular should do even better than INVASION.
This is no longer about who gets the most matches - WWF or Alliance. This is about getting
titles back, taking them away and just plain showing domination. I thought it would be
dead even at INVASION...but it doesn't matter how many wins each one gets, but who is
still walking tall at the end of the night.
And, with that bit of bull, I present my official unofficial official SUMMERSLAM
'01 predictions!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
TITLE-FOR-TITLE LIGHTHEAVYWEIGHT/CRUISERWEIGHT MATCH: X-PAC (WCW Crusierweight
Champ) vs. TAJIRI (WWF Lightheavyweight Champ)
Does X-Pac suck? Not in my opinion...aside from the fact that, for a long time, he
couldn't hold on to the title belt if it were glued to his waist. He got a little better
about that during his time with D-X...but I'm afraid it might come back to haunt him
tonight. He already lost ONCE to the "Japanese Buzzkill", costing him half of
his "undisputed" title...and it looks like "the mist" is gonna cost
him the other half. And, if Albert barges in, Regal should be able to handle him. Still, I
suspect X-Punk'll get some help from Helms or Kidman...thus solidifying his defection to
the Alliance...at last!
PREDICTION: TAJIRI BY PINFALL
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
HARDCORE TITLE LADDER MATCH: JEFF HARDY (Champion) vs. ROB VAN DAM (Challenger)
Uhhhhmmm,...am I missing something? Doesn't a Hardcore Title Match mean that ANYTHING can
be used...INCLUDING ladders? And doesn't a Ladder Match not have any DQ or count out? The
only thing separating this match from a regular "Headcase" Title Match is the
fact that the belt is hung high. As good as "Mr. Monday Night" is - not too
mention how popular he is - you do NOT get involved in a Ladder Match with a Hard(l)y Boy!
PREDICTION: JEFF HARDY
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: LANCE STORM (Champion) vs. EDGE (Challenger)
If I could be serious for just a moment...OK, that's enough. These two polar opposites:
one a remarkable talent who stays focused in and out of the ring...the other a remarkable
talent who goofs around outside the ring. There is one handicap of Edge, though:
Christian. With the number of times the guy hasn't been able to help his "Team Blame
Canada" partner, Edge is in deep trouble. Lance pulls no punches and gives no
quarter. Without Christian to help, Edge won't make it. And WITH Christian to
help,...yikes...
PREDICTION: LANCE STORM BY PINFALL (NO THANKS TO CHRISTIAN)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
REVENGE MATCH: RHYNO vs. CHRIS JERICHO
They've been playing up this "0-for-Jericho" deal a bit much lately. In sports,
when one harps on some fact for so long, the fact gets shattered. Someone says, "He
hasn't hit a homer in 60 games"...he hits a homer that game. Someone says, "He
hasn't tossed an interception all season"...the ball gets picked. Someone says,
"Jericho will never E-E-E-EVER beat Rhyno"...well, Jericho WILL get his
"Walls" move, but the Billion-Dollar Princess with the Million-Dollar Dual
Airbags will set Y2J up for the "GORE! GORE! GOOOOORE!"
of a lifetime!
PREDICTION: RHYNO BY PINFALL
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
SIX-MAN MATCH: SPIKE DUDLEY & APA vs. TEST & DUDLEY BOYZ
Why, Test, why? Because he's friends with Shane? 'Cause he wanted revenge for the APA
thinking he was "The Mole"? 'Cause he's too second rate to even be a valid part
of the WWF anymore? Nah, couldn't be the last one; Spike's still in the WWF. The American
Punk-Asses and the Dum-Dum Boyz have had many a boring encounter before. Expect tables,
expect carnage, expect a Clothesline From Hell on Test to be turned into a 3-D while the
ref's back is turned.
PREDICTION: TEST & DUDLEYZ BY PINFALL (TEST PINNING BRADSHAW)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
TAG-TEAM TITLE-FOR-TITLE STEEL CAGE MATCH: UNDERTAKER & KANE (WCW Tag
Champions) vs. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE & KAYNON (WWF Tag Champions)
Strange as it may seem, I was praying that Palumbo & O'Haire would've won the titles
back on RAW. Little did I phathom that the ex-champs would not only be DEstroyed but
A-to-Z-stroyed by the Brothers Doom. Now, "undisputed" Tag Team Champs are
inevitable, since there's no DQ or count-out inside the cage. Diamond Dull-Ass Page and
Not-So-Grand Kanyon are in for a world of hurt...especially Page, who I think will be
more-or-less crucified against the cage wall by Undertaker. And who better than Kanyon?
Well, Kane SPRINGS to mind. UT and Kane'll be the first tag team ever with both major Tag
Titles...that is, until they lose one of the titles on RAW or SMACK DOWN! later in the
week.
PREDICTION: UNDERTAKER & KANE BY DOUBLE PINFALL
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
WCW CHAMPIONSHIP: BOOKER T (Champion) vs. THE ROCK (Challenger)
Who in the blue hell thought THIS match would happen, huh? I dunno about you, but I
was hoping for Rock vs. Austin instead. But, no...I guess the road to Austin now goes
through the "WCW Champion Sucka". Don't get me wrong; the Rock's gonna electrify
the crowd, the Rock is gonna layeth the smacketh downeth on Booker's candy ass, the Rock
will even get the People's Elbow in after a Rock Bottom. But the Rock will STILL not
win...or, if he does, it'll be by DQ. There is no chance in hell, heaven or San Jose that
Shane's gonna let his company's title go into the enemy camp (again). Shane will KO the
WWF ref or cause a blatant DQ before allowing the Rock to hold his gold. Expect a
Spinnerooni and a "Book-End"...that Rock will kick out of with authority. And
expect Shane to get the snot beaten outta him before it's all said and done.
PREDICTION: BOOKER T BY PINFALL
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
WWF CHAMPIONSHIP: "STONE COLD" STEVE AUSTIN (Champion) vs. KURT ANGLE
(Challenger)
Y'know...Austin just ain't been the same as a heel that he was as a face. On the other
hand, YOUR (but not MY) Olympic Hero...what? YOUR Olympic Hero is the SAME as a face than
as a heel. It's true...it's DAMN true! Still, Kurt can take a "world" title when
possible...what? Kurt can take a "world" title...just ask Booker T. Austin has
everything to lose, including the respect of the Alliance members...what? If the
Rattlesnake doesn't retain his title - with or without the Alliance's help - you can
expect Morrus, Stasiak & Tazz to lead the charge against Austin. It's gonna take
several Olympic/Angle Slams...what? Several Olympic/Angle Slams and at LEAST a few minutes
in the Ang/kle Lock but, in the end, Austin will probably tap out...what?!?
PREDICTION: KURT ANGLE BY SUBMISSION (Hey, Austin, turn up your damn
hearing aid so you can hear yourself losing!)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
(If any new matches are put up on HEAT [like they did with INVASION], I'll try to put up
my predictions before the PPV)
Chris Wolvie, the .netter who ALWAYS tells it like it is
Comments, detractions and general praise to cwolvie@go.com
The opinions are mine and do not reflect those of the Webmaster...can ya DIG IT, SUCKA?!