March 24, 2k3: Counseling?
.::What is the price of helping out a friend? Can you even put a price on friendship? Well, according to Avril Lavigne and her gang of friends you can't. Infact, they'll go as far as to making people think they need counseling just to help get a long time high school friend's business off the ground. Behind the scenes, off camera, they have been waking up on certain days, going to her office, sitting around in a circle letting her counsel them about problems in their lives. The first two to walk in the door are Evan and Charlie. They both still seem to be tired as they walk over to their chairs and sit down. Evan is wearing blue jeans, a plain black hoodie, and a white T-shirt underneath. Charlie wears black jeans, a funny long sleeved red shirt with "Hugs not drugs" across the front in black lettering. Evan puts the hood on his head sighing. He leans back and looks towards Charlie who is staring at Erica, the girl doing the counseling::.
Evan: It's just 'cause she's hot, you know.
Charlie: What is?
Evan: Everything. Everything she gets away with. You honestly think we'd be down here at 8:00 in the morning for her to ask us God-knows-what if she were ugly?
Charlie: We're down here to give her a hand.
.::Evan rolls his eye's and laughs slightly::.
Evan: You're so whipped.
.::Charlie flips Evan off as the door swings open again and in walks Michelle, dressed in a khaki skirt, a black shirt that hugs her upper body tightly, and knee high black boots. She looks like she's about to go to somebody's club instead of someone's counseling session. Mark strolls in after her wearing blue Jean shorts, a plain blue T-shirt, and a blue zip up hoodie. Evan and Charlie watch Michelle in amazement as she sits down in the chair and crosses her legs. She sees that they are staring at her and gives them a look as if to say "What!?". They shrug their shoulders realizing that it is just Michelle. Michelle shakes her head and waves to Erica who enters the room with a pad and pen in her hands. She smiles and looks around the room sitting in her chair. She then gets a weird look on her face as she notices one chair is empty.
Erica: Thank you all for making an appearance here once again. I see that we're missing someone, we all know who that is, but no problem. We'll start without that certain someone. So how are we feeling this morning?
.::They all moan something that can't exactly be made out. Charlie then sits up straight and raises his hand as he speaks. Erica focuses her attention on him::.
Charlie: Okay, question. Have you ever pretended to write down a guy's phone number?
.::Erica smiles and goes to say something but Michelle speaks before she can get anything out::.
Michelle: Were you born dumb, or do you put in work?
.::Charlie flips Michelle off as she does the same to him. Erica waves her hands in the air trying to calm the hostility in the room. As she is about to speak again the door swings open and in walks EFW Falconer champion Avril Lavigne. She's wearing navy blue dickies, has on a white shirt with "key" written across in small navy blue lettering, and a white zip up hoodie. Avril too, seems to be tired as she strolls in the room pulling her title after her. She raises her finger in the air waving to the group and begins to speak, her voice sounds like she's just waken up from a night after partying.
Avril: Is this an invite only, or can anyone crash?
.::Avril sits down in her chair and slides down in it a little like she's about to fall asleep. Erica just stares at her and begins to speak sarcastically, not too happy that Avril isn't taking her counseling job too serious::.
Erica: Well, well, well . . . so far, your colleagues have come up with the following excuses for why you're strolling in here so late - you had a dental emergency, your aunt died . . . again, and my personal favorite from this guy - you were detained by the officials for practicing witchcraft. Now, would you care to further insult my intelligence?
.::Avril looks toward Evan and laughs at the whole witch craft thing, he winks at her and smiles. Avril sighs and looks back at Erica::.
Avril: I overslept. No maid service. No wake-up call. No mints on the pillow.
.::Erica laughs sarcastically and gets a serious look on her face::.
Erica: I would just like to go on record as saying that I'm unhappy with the treatment I'm receiving currently.
Michelle: Alright Erica, look, I apologize on behalf of my, as you say "colleagues". Avril's just been under a lot of stress lately, but if you ever need any help with your insurance, then let me know.
Erica: So, have you worked in insurance before?
Michelle: Technically speaking, no. But remember back in school when you used to play the dozens?
Erica: I'm sorry?
Michelle: You know, trading insults. Like, your breath's so bad, when people call you on the phone they hang up. I happen to be blessed with mad verbal skills. Kids used to pay me cash money to come up with diss they could use. So, in a way, I guess you could say I sold insurance against catastrophic tongue failure. I was referring that to them, because that's basically what we do all day after we're done with rehearsals, interviews, photo shoots, autograph signings, you know the whole nine yards. Of course, I always win. So if you need me to shut them up, I can.
Erica: Riight. I'm starting to think that you all really do need counseling. Avril, tell me, what has you under so much stress?
.::Mark takes it upon himself to answer the question::.
Mark: You see, one thing that we haven't told you about Avril, is that she's a "Professional wrestler" now. As you can see she's a champion there, and at this weeks show she's going to be in match with her new tag partner "PointRange" going up against her, I guess you could say, "former" tag partner Druj Knox, and this guy Zeek Williams. That pretty much sums up the fact of why she is so stressed.
.::Avril sits up straight like she's just drank 2 cups of coffee. She stares at Mark shaking her head::.
Avril: Are you dehydrated or something? ‘Cause you're not making a whole hell of a lot of sense. This match doesn't have me stressed. Whose to say I'm even stressed, you're all assuming things about me. I haven't even been thinking about anything at all since the PPV.
.::Erica writes something down on her pad and jumps at the moment to finally do some real counseling::.
Erica: Um Avril, you've got to take comfort in the words of the great Bob Marley: "Me don't swim too tough so me don't go out in water too deep."
.::Avril stares at Erica confused while everybody else laughs a little::.
Avril: That just didn't help me out at all.
Erica: But of course, you kids could learn something from that man's example.
.::Evan pulls his hood off of his head and coughs sarcastically::.
Evan: Bite me.
Michelle: Bless ya. Kids, Erica? You're the same damn age as we are, excluding Avril, no offense to you Av.
Avril: None taken.
Erica: Anyway, back to you Avril. You look like you were around in the days before the pulse. Your parents brought you over to visit your little friends. Carpools to soccer games, art schools. And do you really think, Miss Lavigne, that your childhood prepared you for the life that you have to live now?
.::Avril tilts her head to the side really not sure of what to say in response to that. She laughs slightly::.
Avril: My childhood wasn't quite like that. But Somebody out there just doesn't want me to be happy. I mean, I've got fame, fortune, great friends, and I'm even a champion, but I feel like there is still something missing. Can my life suck any harder?
Erica: Interesting. What do your dreams consist of?
.::Charlie laughs and looks at Avril::.
Charlie: Big time World Champion, Reese Benson.
Avril: WRONG! Actually Charlie, I had a dream about you the other night.
Charlie: Oh really now?
.::Avril puts her title on the floor and smiles at Charlie beginning to talk in a sarcastic sweet romantic voice::.
Avril: Yes, really. You were this, uh, Roman gladiator, and you slew barbarians and Medusa-like women, and I was your tiny little valet. I wiped your sword clean after every sweet victory. I rubbed your tired, beautiful, golden muscles...
Charlie: Tell me more Av, this is very intriguing to me.
Avril: SIKE! Charlie you're so damn gullible
.::Everyone except Erica laughs. She stands from her chair throwing her pen and pad on the floor. She stands with her hands on her hips as everyone gets quiet and looks at her::.
Erica: Enough! Not a damn single one of you are letting me do my job. You know, when you all first started coming here I thought that this was just going to be a way to show people that I am a damn good counselor and I could help them with their problems, but now I see that it is you all who have the problems and who need the help. Avril, my advice to you with this match that you have coming up is to stop telling yourself that you don't care, because quite frankly I believe you do, and to the rest of you...you're the one's putting the child under even more stress with your nonsense conversations!
Avril: What is it with people being so hostile lately?
.::Michelle stands up out her chair and walks over to Erica::.
Michelle: Erica!?
Erica: What?
Michelle: There's something I've been wanting to say to you ever since the day we started coming here. I quit.
.::Erica's mouth drops open as Michelle swings her hair and begins walking towards the door. She pulls the door open and walks out. Erica looks around at Mark, Charlie, Evan and Avril who each get up one by one and exit the room. Avril stops as she is just about to leave the room and turns around looking at Erica as if she has something to say. But before she can say anything Erica begins to speak::.
Erica: I went to bat for you and I think that I managed to fend off a full procedural review, so say "thank you."
.::Avril gets a confused look on her face not sure of what Erica is talking about::.
Avril: What??
.::Erica just rolls her eyes and walks across the room entering her office area slamming the door. Avril shakes her head smirking::.
Avril: Pissy little bitch.
.::Avril grabs the door handle and slams it shut. She then runs off down the hall trying to catch up to the others. They all get to their cars and just stand there before getting in::.
Mark: I can't believe we wasted so much time on that chick. Man, I could still be sleep right now.
Avril: You're telling me.
Michelle: So Av, are you finally gonna do some training for this tag match. It's a pretty big match. Druj and Zeek, their no joke.
.::Avril bites her lip looking down at the ground running Zeek and Druj through her mind. She looks up with a determined look on her face and shakes her head::.
Avril: No, no training. Hey, maybe we could do some training again like last time, you might not know what I'm talking about, but you guys do. Remember, the day of my big match with Bobbi Billard back in the XWL. How we crashed that Ice Cream shop. Now that was some fine training.
Evan: Yes, I remember that, and what fun it was. Sure, we can do that again sometime this week.
Charlie: But Av, are you sure about that. Because if I recall correctly you happened to lose that match against Bobbi.
Avril: That wasn't my point genius. Anyway, I'll catch you guys later. I think I should go see what my new business associate is up to.
Michelle:Yeah okay. Meet you all at Av's hotel room later?
Mark: Sounds like a plan.
.::They all get into their cars and one by one exit the parking lot::.
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