(We fade in to what appears to be a restaurant. But actually it's a bar. Actually, a sports bar. Actually, it's the Friday's Front Row Sports Bar, located inside Miller Park, the home baseball's Milwaukee Brewers! So what are we doing in a sports bar..especially one in Wisconsin? Why, that would happen to be the location of our Laura for this evening! Yes, for the weekend she is out of Minnesota and back visiting her real home of Oshkosh, WI---although obviously for the time being she is in Milwaukee. What we've got here is a room filled with packed tables, the entire Friday's is full. Tonight there happens to be a special radio broadcast after the Brewers game, cuz that's what happens after Friday home games! The front portion of the restaurant is taken up by a "stage" for the radio show---basically just a really long table featuring the show's host behind his microphone and three seats to his right (or his left as we view) for the guests/players that will be coming on the show. Around the room are numerous television sets with ESPN, ESPNews and other in-progress baseball games from around the country. Sitting at one of the tables close to the radio area, it's just to the left of the set-up actually, is Laura and her group....okay, friend-Janice. Laura, her brown hair in a ponytail, is in a small green tank top-esque shirt with shorts and her usual Adidas shoes while Janice, her red hair in a tight bun, has on her Doug Mientkiewcz jersey, tan shorts and sandals. The two are eating dinner, even though it is 10:30 PM. Laura is enjoying a grilled chicken salad and a glass of diet soda as Janice downs a plate of cajun chicken strips and Friday's fries along with a glass of soda herself. Laura takes a forkful of her meal and downs it, gently patting her mouth with her napkin as a fan approaches the table. Probably not a good idea, but this fan, his brown hair cut short and in no specific style, wearing a Miller Park jersey, jean shorts and Nikes, apparently didn't see Laura's last encounter with a fan in this sort of situation. He comes to the table and extends his right hand.)

Fan: Wow! Laura from the CWA! COOL! You know, you're my favorite wrestler and you're really cute too. If I could just get an autograph and shake your hand, that would be great. I really think you should be champion.

Laura: (while shooting an extremely cold, evil, sinister glare at the fan) Don't patronize me!

Fan: Oh, uh...sorry. (extends his arm further towards Laura still hopes of being able to touch her) Please though, an autograph?

Laura: (raising both her arms while leaning back so as to avoid any contact) Get away from me you PERV!

(At this point the fan realizes things aren't going to go his way, so he just leaves Laura and heads back to his table in a huff, Laura's friend Janice sitting with a surprised expression at what just occurred. The radio station person though, a heavyset guy with a mustache and brown hair parted on the right side wearing a white t-shirt with the rest of his clothing covered by the table he's behind, looks up quickly towards Laura with a questioning look before going back to his pre-show work.)

Janice: That was inconsiderate and rather stupid.

Laura: (now looking hatedly at Janice) Yeah? Why's that?

Janice: WOOOOOAAAHHHHH! Easy girl! You see, that was a FAN! He's what makes the difference between whether you have a job or not. Treat fans like that, you'll be unemployed.

Laura: Whatever.

(Laura goes back to her grilled chicken salad as Janice shakes her head at her. Before long Janice is back to eating her meal as well. Time quickly passes by and before you know it, Janice and Laura are sitting at their table having paid their bill and now watching the radio show (yeah, you read that right!). The show's host has now just finished interviewing two of the Brewers' star players, JEFFREY HAMMONDS and RICHIE SEXSON. The other fans applaud wildly as the two player get up and leave while waving.)

Janice: THAT'S how you treat fans Laura.

Laura: (uninterested in Jan's statement) Uh-huh.

Janice: Hey, come on! Let's catch up to them outside!

(Laura here has no choice as Janice pulls her up from her seat and leads her out in a rush. They get outside the restaurant, then quickly catch up with Jeffrey and Richie as they are leaving the stadium and headed for the players' parking lot, or at least Janice does. Laura makes it a point to remain about 50 feet behind Janice. The players turn around as soon as they're outside and acknowledge the girls.)

Janice: Great game tonight guys.

Jeffrey: Thanks a lot....but hey, you're wearing a Twins jersey!

Janice: Guilty as charged! (smiles) I may be a Twins fan, but I admit that tonight you guys were the better team.

Jeffrey: That's cool. Say, why's your friend there staying so far back and looking grouchy? Twins fan too, huh?

Janice: Actually no--she's just always a grouch. (turns to Laura) HEY! Laura--come over here!

(As Laura approaches, Richie Sexson gets a look of "I know who that is.")

Richie: I think recognize you. Weren't you in the Olympics with our teammate Ben Sheets in Australia?

Laura: Yeah, so what?

Richie: That must have been fun. You win a couple gold medals---Ben's always bragging about his one..be kinda nice to upstage him and have you come in!

Laura: Uh....not happening.

Jeffrey: I swear I saw you on television the other day. Name's Laura, right? (goes over in his mind as to what was happening when he saw her) Wrestling I think....had some really dirty picture you were using to embarrass someone I think.

Laura: Nice to see you can recall something with your short-term memory.

(Both Richie and Jeffrey look at each in surprise after fielding verbal smack from Laura, who stands there without bothering to give a damn. Janice lightly socks Laura in the left shoulder but that just causes Laura to look at Janice like she wants to punch her back. Jeffrey quickly breaks in before Laura DOES punch Janice back.)

Jeffrey: Girls, we got to get going...would you like some autographs quickly, after all since Laura here is a celebrity we'll sign for you if she signs for us.

Richie: Smooth thinking there big guy.

(Janice hands over her program to the two Brewers as she continously pesters Laura to sign for the two guys as she REALLY wants their autographs. Laura finally gives in but not willingly. The players sign for both Laura and Janice as Laura signs, really scribbles, for Jeffrey and Richie. The players wave goodbye and walk off to their cars as the girls go the other way towards a pedestrian bridge)

Janice: Why do you act like that?

Laura: Because I don't really care anyone but me.

Janice: Considering you face Tiffany Cross Tuesday I suggest a new frame of mind.

Laura: Say WHAT!? What do you want me to do? Give her a card and some chocolates and say "I'm going to let you win, congratulations"?

Janice: Noooooo, but I think you better at least be ready for what she can do. Your ego is big is kinda stupid really.

Laura: Like you're one to talk about stupidity. With how you act I wonder if you've got some gum stuck on your brain somewhere or if your nose has got a permanent link to glue.

Janice: Hey, I'm just saying it's Cross---

Laura: (She puts her right hand up and stops in the middle of the bridge) Let me tell YOU something about Tiffany Cross! You see Janice, Tiffany Cross is but only a slight step above "Dinosaur" in terms of stupidity, and we both know where dinosaurs are now.

Janice: Africa?

Laura: EXTINCT!

Janice: Oh....hey, quick joke- what's the stupidest animal in a jungle?

Laura: Tiffany Cross!

Janice: NO! A polar bear!!

(Janice starts cracking up at her awful joke as Laura just stands and lets out a groan of frustration)

Laura: First off--retarded joke. Secondly--retarded person, you. Thirdly--retarded wrestler, Cross. You see, the whole deal, or most of it anyways, with Cross is this: When people ask how Tiffany is doing/has done, they may as well be asking "Why do bagels have holes?" The response is the same: "Who cares?" "What's the big deal?" "Why would I dare be interested?" No one, save maybe you, really cares about her. And no, I'm not saying that out of jealousy either. Take a look for yourself. Stats don't lie--and yeah, I know where Cross can go with that line, so I'll address that a minute, but first my point. You see, while Mr. Synnester drove away the fans from CWA shows and TV programs--Tiffany Cross hasn't done ANYTHING to bring them back. As much as I hate to say it, we still perform in front of half-packed arenas on a GOOD night. Tiffany Cross as champion was the largest mistake this company ever made. She shouldn't have been given the chance against Synnester in the first place, she had a good match, and now the company is paying for it. Ratings are down around the level of cable-syndicated Full House reruns. Sure, maybe throwing her in against Synnester was to try to revive ratings and buyrates and probably even her first couple appearances on TV after winning the title were as well. It was a gamble that was taken and it turned out to be a major loss, a blunder nearly as bad as Enron. Why they haven't tried taking the title off her everyweek is beyond me. Looking at business stats, our losses are much larger than profits--this is SUCH a losing deal. What Cross could say about stats not lying is (a bad imitation of Tiffany) "Oh Laura, you got a crummy record. You have like no merchandise numbers. You don't really pull in any money for us either." (end imitation) Hey, maybe so but you know what? I'm not the champion---SHE IS! It's HER job to bring up our financial woes and promote our company and make us all larger than life. The fate of the CWA falls on your shoulders for right now Tiffany and let me say this---right now that pressure has you out cold and that's about where all of us are about to be left out in. My job is to go out, perform and win matches. She has so much more to do and she can't do it. It's not her fault though. Some of us have it born in us to be leaders, like myself, and others of us are meant to be lowly followers and slaves, like Tiffany. It's time for her to fold up the championship papers and what better way to prepare than by losing to me, Laura. After all, I DID show that picture of her baring all. I did that because I knew we needed that spark in ratings and while I don't enjoy having to resort to cheap T&A tactics like that, it was my last resort. I did that to show that yes, I am ready and prepared to pick up the ball that Tiffany has SO dropped.

Janice: Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it. May I just inform you that Tiffany DOES go out and do photoshoots and interviews?

Laura: Don't get into that, huh? Those things are for our key demographic and while yeah, right now we DO need to pull those viewers back in, we need to appeal to other demographics as well. I already showed I'm ready to give what our big demo wants with that disgusting, slutty picture of Tiffany. I can also draw in other demographics that this business has only DREAMED of attracting! I can go on networks like Fox News and CNN and the like and put in the good word for what happens in wrestling. Not go out and put on the T&A show like Stiff Tiff does everyday. Heck, even when Tiffany DOES open her mouth what comes out is utterly ridiculous. It's like taking a scenic cross-country road trip and sleeping through the whole thing. It makes no sense, makes her look like an even bigger ass than she already is and accomplishes nothing at all. Asking for whole sentences complete with subject, predicate, noun and verb from her is like asking a dog to get a full grip on an object like a ball. It's impossible! The dog doesn't have prehensile paws and Tiff--she has nothing upstairs--at least as far as what's in her head is concerned. If breast size were brains I'd only be "smart" and Tiffany would be a "genius" but that's not how the world works is now, is it? She goes on and on about my losing to Joshua Black like that's the biggest story in the news today. Newsflash for those tuning in: I lost, deal with it. While I'm glad that Tiffany is smart enough to figure out some basic logic: If A is less than B and B is less than C, then A must be less than C with me being "A," Black being "B" and herself being the "C." However our situation is far from being basic logic. Just because I may have been lower than Black last week---that doesn't mean I'll be lower than Cross this week. Tell me Janice---which of these two teams tonight was the better one?

Janice: Milwaukee--I told that to....

Laura: NO!! I mean going into the game, which team was better.

Janice: OH! Minnesota! First place team against the worst team in baseball.

Laura: Huh....(Laura now places her right hand under her chin and starts scratching it with a look of pondering) Well, now....if that logic then is correct----shouldn't Minnesota have won? (Looks like she's expecting an answer to her rhetorical question) I-I think SO! Tiffany could figure that out too. But---didn't MILWAUKEE win!? My, my, my--(Puts down her hand and lowers her head and starts shaking it as Janice and she begin walking across the bridge again.)--something here is flawed. (quickly raises her head in quick revelation) I know what the problem is! It's sport! This was a sporting event---just like our match will be---just like my track events are! But you know something, upsets happen and logic isn't the best way to figure out what's going to happen in sports. Granted, I am the best trackster around and should win anyways, as logic states, but I prepare enough and work my body enough to make sure that yes, I DO win. While I'm sure Tiffany is at her 10 cent health club/spa/gym doing something---is it going to be enough? I doubt it. It might be good enough for others on this roster but she's got now an Olympic world class gold medalist on her hands, capable of ripping apart her body. Why, in fact, that's a good idea to do! I can take her lips and rip them off, that way it shuts Ms. Cross up in the process, and wrap them tight around that scrawny little rat neck she owns. Then I can pull off ger arms and tie them around her head, you know, to save her from seeing my next set of actions as I will then rip her legs off and beat her with them until she is just a bloody, pulpy shell of a person of who she once was. Sounds like a lot of fun, doesn't it? Just like Casablanca, just like The King and I this match between myself and Crackwhore Cross is destined to go down as one of the most entertaining spectacles of all-time. Of course, if you ask someone who actually DOES care about Cross, they won't agree. They'll be crying because hey, against Laura, that was the day she was reminded that she was just a little teenaged girl at the time and was never able to recover from that harsh, cold reality.

(As Laura and Janice keep walking over the bridge, again our camera begins lagging behind, waiting for them to disappear into the night and as they do our scene fades out)