Bite my Clit!!
Bite My Clit!!

The Queen of Wrestling

Laura

Record

Achievments

People Used

People Mentioned

RP #

4-3-0

Won gold medals in Sydney Olympics, track star at her university

Laura

Whoever she wants

Four/4

(As would be said in Mortal Kombat: ROUND 4......FIGHT!! Round 4 as in, the 4th set of Laura interviews devoted towards both her Ego Title match and the Hardcore Royal Rumble. It seems as though Laura has made a lot of noise this week and has been getting some notice from the rest of the federation. I just worry what's going on with her reference to killing not just Sean Cole but Kevin Steele as well. Talk about taking being pissed off to a whole new level! Well, as it is, we're outside today. It's another wonderful day with sun shining bright though there are a few clouds in the sky today. Our first glimpse of where we are is that we're looking up a sidewalk as someone is approaching the cameras. With each closing step it's noticeable that this pedestrian is attired in black dress pants, black dress shoes with a low heel, a lovely blue shirt that appears to be silk and that is tucked into the person's pants. With a couple more steps we see there is long black hair on this person and a familiar look to us, the NEW fans, on what is this female's face. Yes, 'tis Laura. However, she is going for the inconspicuous look today as she has on a pair of sunglasses and has on an orange baseball cap with the Texas Longhorns bull logo on it. We get a side view of Laura as she walks down the sidewalk. She passes a small building, in the window a red neon sign (unlit now of course) that says "Jerry's Barber Shop," the door wide open so as to let the air from outside into the shop. Inside this small place, as we can see through a giant window pane, sits one barber's chair with a customer sitting in it. Along the side of the shop closest to us, thus against the wall the window is on, sit a number of black chairs, three of them, of which one has a second patron sitting. On the other side of the room sits a bench of sorts, with black padded cushions for seats. Behind the barber's chair, which is near what is for us the right-hand wall of the room, is a small bar that holds the barber's razors, scissors and other hair-cutting utensils. Also on this bar sits a 13-inch white television set, currently turned off. The barber, this would be Jerry of course, is a middle-aged man with graying hair, glasses and has on a plain blue t-shirt and blue jeans as well as white sneakers with a blue stripe running along the sides of the shoes. The man in the chair is an older man with gray hair as well, enough to have a hair cut, but not enough to really warrant combing every day along with black dress shoes. We can't tell what his shirt or pants are of, as he wears a brown smock over his body with his hair clippings upon it. Both are rather average-sized men. Sitting in the seat by the window is the other patron, a younger man who's wearing a button-down flannel short-sleeve shirt that is tucked into his blue jeans and has on brown hunting-style boots. He is a larger-sized man himself, with apparently a fresh haircut. Jerry stands behind his current client, starting for another round of clipping as he makes conversation.)

Barber: You guys ever watch New Era Wrestling? N-E-W? I was flipping through channels the other week and I came across it. (outside Laura takes a step past the barber shop, then stops and steps backwards)

Man in chair: I've seen it before.

Man by window: Yeah, me and dad watch that from time to time.

Jerry: Yeah, that's neat stuff isn't it? It's amazing what those guys can do. I could NEVER have done that stuff at that age.

Man in chair: I know it Jerry! (he gives a short laugh as Laura turns her head and takes a step into the shop.)

Laura: You guys are talking about New Era Wrestling? I was walking by....

Man by window: (as our view is now looking out from the opposite side of the shop towards Laura) Jerry here just brought it up.

Jerry: Is there something I can do for you, ma'am?

Laura: Oh, no. I just heard you mention N-E-W and couldn't help but stop. (she gives a smile)

Man in chair: You know guys, as we're talking about N-E-W, this lady sort of looks like----

(Laura removes her Texas cap and her sunglasses, stunning the three men.)

Jerry: Oh my GOSH! It IS Laura!

(Jerry puts his clippers on the bar area and wipes his hands on a nearby towel before making strides towards Laura)

Jerry: Laura, I tell you, I really respect what you do in that ring every single week. I am really honored to have you in my barber shop.

(Jerry sticks out his right hand, looking for a polite, friendly handshake. Instead of shaking, Laura digs with her right hand in her right pants pocket and pulls out a device. With the press of a button the top of the device a blade shoots out---OH SH*T! It's a switchblade! She's nuts!! Laura looks at Jerry threateningly)

Laura: I cut you! Don't you dare patronize me or I'll cut you!

(Jerry backs off, like any smart person would. Seeing this, Laura retracts the blade and puts it back into her pocket. She motions towards the bench with raised eyebrows and Jerry invites her to sit, lifting his right hand, palm up, towards it. Laura walks to the furthest black cushion from the barber's chair and takes a seat as Jerry goes back to the haircut)

Man in chair: So what brings you out here, Laura?

Laura: Touring the country. Looking around at the various cities and nearby towns for where our federation stops at. What's your name?

Jerry: This is Gus, over by the window is Adam. I've been cutting their hair for what now, is it 25 years now? Gosh that's a long time.

Laura: (uninterested) Uh-huh.

Adam: You guys have a pay-per-view this weekend, don't you?

Laura: Yup.

Jerry: Yeah, that's right. Heh...you've got a long night ahead of you, don't you Laura? (he puts the finishing touches on Gus's haircuts, combing down Gus's hair now)

Gus: Who does she face?

Adam: She's in a championship match, Dad---Ego Title, right? (he looks towards Laura, who nods once) Then she fights in this big battle royale for a chance to get a title shot at the N-E-W's biggest belt, the Ultimate Title.

Laura: I face Matt Michaels and Larry Snow.

Jerry: Oh, the history guy!

(he puts the comb down on the bar and removes the barber smock from Gus revealing a Texas Rangers t-shirt and tan shorts along with black socks and low-cut Reeboks. Gus gets out of the seat and sits down on the bench, on the other end of the three-seater from where Laura is. Jerry puts the smock over a sink and grabs a large cup with a straw in it and takes a seat in the chair himself. All three focus on Laura now.)

Jerry: Yeah, Matt Michaels is Mr. History. He seems to have gotten pretty upset with you recently.

Laura: I know, I know, my friend Janice told me about that.

Jerry: And he must've seen what you said, because he let you have it again. He took some sort of poll on a flight of his. Needless to say, you aren't well-liked by other fans.

Laura: GOOD! FINE! SEE IF I CARE! I'm not in this for you fans, I'm in it for me. If you want to hate me, please, do so. I'll be honest here in saying that I don't appreciate you fans very much. Always second-guessing and criticizing---get in the ring yourselves!!

Adam: He fell asleep watching you speak as well, you know.

Laura: (she busts out laughing) You're kidding, right? (Adam shakes his head "no" as Laura settles down) Oh, man! You guys, you think about this, if you can't even listen to an opponent talk---I mean, you can't take in a full interview of them speaking---if you pass out and fall asleep---how do you expect to win? If you can't watch what your opponent has to say, one of the EASIEST things in the world to do, you have no chance. All you need to do is find a comfy-cozy chair to sit in and watch for a few short minutes. It's NOT hard to do! My dog can do that! My year-old baby sister can do that, and she moves around and has "fits" almost every 15 seconds, but I bet she could sit through an interview. You know guys? All I'm hearing about Matt is him replying off what I say in the first place. I don't hear him saying much that he's coming up with. That shows no brains. If he can't come up with his own stuff for talking, how can he come up with his own moves?

Gus: That reminds me, you really CAN'T remember the day and happenings when you won you're gold medals? Matt Michaels says that's impossible and he can't understand how you can remember a match with him but not that important date.

Laura: First off, NO, I CAN NOT remember that event. I'll get to that though guys, okay? Now, he thinks he can TELL me what I think? I doubt it. He's no mind-reader and last time I checked, I was me, not HIM. I know what's up in my own head, he doesn't. The reason I remember my match with him is simple, that was a few weeks ago. If he had listened, I said I can retain things within three months of their happening. Our match was within the last three months, that's why I remember it. It's also in my recallable memory bank because it pertains to my "job." I HAVE to have some recollection of it in order, especially now, to move myself up in N-E-W. When three months have passed, I'll watch a tape of it. Those Olympics were back in what? Uh-----when was that....?

Jerry: They were in 2000. How can you not remember that day? That's a significant event when you swam to---(Laura interrupts)

Laura: Swam? Who says I swam?

Jerry: Michaels did...

Laura: It was in track and field. I ran to gold---literally.

Adam: Now, how do you remember the sport and not the crowning? Which event?

Laura: The event is kind of ON the medals I have. Which event did I run in? I have no idea---I don't remember and I'm not looking THAT closesly at the medals. They're authentic, I got them, that's all that matters.

Jerry: Still, that's a big day, winning for America....where did the memory go?

Laura: Oh, it's in my head somewhere. Everything that happens to you is taken into your memory and stays forever. I just can't recall anything that's older than three months. Call it repression, call it what you will, but I can't remember long-term.

Gus: What about your childhood?

Laura: Nope.

Adam: First baseball game? Or event with mom and dad?

Laura: I hate sports and no, no memories with mom and dad.

Jerry: First kiss? Everyone remember their first kiss.

Laura: Not me. If it happened I'm not recalling it.

Jerry: Why is this so short-term for you?

Laura: I have too much today to worry about. I have matches on Sunday. I need to get my brakes fixed. I need an oil change in my car as well. I have to be in nine places on Saturday. I have a speech to make in Nebraska next week. I have conventions for school doings to attend within the next month. I have this federation to worry about competing in. There is so much for me to remember just with in the next few weeks I sure as heck don't have time or room to remember what happened, say, ten years ago. Winning gold medals was so petty. I can do that in my sleep, that's how talented I am. I'll work my butt off to beat Matt Michaels and Larry Storm, but it'll get done. I say it will, so it will. Talking to Michaels and wanting to get through to him, it's like mowing wet grass. Everything gets clumped up and clogs the main vessel, the mower. It's like everything I've said is clumping up exponentially and is clogging Matt's brain. I wouldn't be surprised if on Sunday he started going into convulsions and just collapsed in the ring because everything came undone in his head at the same second. I've overfed him and he hasn't cleaned out his system because he still talks like someone with cranial constipation. As much as he tries, he digs himself a bigger hole to get out of. He's twenty feet into the ground and there's no basket coming his way to help him back to the Earth's surface. This isn't Robin Hood: Men in Tights. He shouldn't try singing, talking in this case, about something that makes him look foolish. He doesn't wear tights but he preaches too much in his specialty. If he's so good, how did I beat him? Why did my brawling outdo his wrestling? Happens every time---the wrestler comes in, talks about putting holds and manuevers on me until I'm worn out, but all that happens is a punch to their respective face and three counts later I win. I just feel sorry that he has to cop off me for his material. It's like the man who works so hard at his job, yet someone else takes credit for what happens in the end. It's laziness is what it is. If this guy is so tired and beaten, why doesn't he go buy a Sealy Postur-pedic mattress or maybe even just a Serta? How about one of those beds that conforms to your shape? He needs a long nap, so I suggest to Michaels to find a kindergarten and drop by.

Gus: What about this battle royale thing?

Adam: Yeah, 29 other people in it. That's quite a chore.

Laura: Not really. The way I see it, it's about half that. Numerous people have already thrown in the towel, realizing they have no chance to win. They'll still show up, I know that and expect it, but I see they're putting little effort towards really caring about. In order to win something like this, you have to think and you have to care about it. I only notice about five others here giving a crap besides me, and I know I can have their numbers come Sunday. It's me versus the world is what it is. You've got the facists in Kevin Steele, big, tall dumb-dumbs in TOTAL--that's really about it actually. This is something serious. This includes a serious prize. The right person has to win otherwise this company is in serious trouble. Think about what would happen if the wrong person won this, someone like TOTAL, a full ogre like I ever saw one, a person who's language is basically "Ugh" and "Grunt" and "Oog." What if that non-charasmatic Kevin Steele won? It'd be worse than Operation Dumbo Drop! Not even a week and I'm sure you guys would have your sets turned to something else, like the Hi-fi WeatherScan Network. Watching a cloud swirl around possesses more entertainment than those two put together. How does Sean Cole really expect someone like them, who can easily fall over when just trying to tie their own shoes, to put on a good match every night? He'd be better off throwing them in a cardboard box and letting the trashmen throw them into the truck. Watching their bodies getting crushed would draw record ratings because people like you three would know they'd never have to worry about seeing them ever again. There's people out there that actually think committing SUICIDE while watching someone like Travis Sutton because that'd be an easier way out than turning the channel, because you'd always risk turning back and seeing him in another match. That's why I have to win. For the sake of NEW, I MUST WIN! I don't want the schmo buying up hundreds of dollars of N-E-W merchandise to go jumping off a bridge just to save his television watching dignity. If he's dumb enough to spend that sort of money on that sort of stuff, imagine how much how much televsion with NEW he'll watch if I, Laura, am featured more. It wouldn't just be that one person either. For each one guy like that, there's got to be thousands, maybe MILLIONS of people like that. Success, bringing this federation to the forefront to have more people like you three, just chatting about it in a friendly situation, bringing it up out of the blue, that's what's important for me on Sunday. For this place to survive and thrive, it's important that I win. People will stop each other on the street and say, "'How about that Laura from NEW wrestling?'" More mainstream attention comes from me winning that battle royale. It seems like such a small task, but it looms so large when you look ahead. The future and billions of dollars rests on me, Laura and my winning that battle royale. I don't plan to fail.

(As Laura continues to sit with the barber shop folks, our scene fades out)
Laura
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