Bite my Clit!!
Bite My Clit!!

The Queen of Wrestling

Laura

Record

Achievments

People Used

People Mentioned

RP #

4-3-0

Won gold medals in Sydney Olympics, track star at her university

Laura

Whoever she wants

One/1

(We fade today to find that we are at an airport. What city this airport is in, we can't tell. But we do know that we are in the waiting area for an American Airlines flight to Abilene, TX. Sitting in one of the many seats nearby a window that allows people to look out towards the plane currently being loaded up with passengers' luggage, with her back to the window, is NEW's Laura. She looks rather upset, holding her head in her hands, a frown on her face and her eyebrows lowered. She only blinks her eyes as she stares straight ahead into the hordes of people around this terminal. She has on a pair of black jeans, black Nike hightops with white shoelaces, and a blue sweater. Her hair is tied back and held in place by a small blue bow. As she continues waiting, she leans back in her seat, dropping her hands into her lap and leaning her head back for just a second before bringing it back down to look straight ahead. However, in doing so, thus leaving herself to be more recognizable to people there, we notice a small handful of people head over towards her. The first to reach her is a small boy and his father. The father, probably about 35, is carrying a black briefcase in his left hand and has on a gray business suit and a red tie with black dress shoes, is clean-shaven and has no glasses on because he can obviously see very well. The little boy, about seven years old, has on a small red, white and blue windbreaker-type jacket, a baseball cap for the New York Yankees and is also wearing blue jeans and small blue sneakers, the make of which we cannot tell as they are too small for us to see that sort of detail. Laura at least makes eye contact with them, though she doesn't look very thrilled.)

Father: (smiling, in an attempt to appear friendly in hopes of her cooperation (not THAT kind of cooperation sick-o's!) Hi there! You're Laura, from NEW, right?

Laura: Yeah...so? (She gives a dirty look now, not wanting to be bothered)

Father: My son is a big fan of NEW, and I'll admit I've begun watching it myself. I must say you're quite talented. Would you mind signing an autograph for my son? (he sets his briefcase on the ground, opens it and gets out a small pad of paper and a blue pen. He uncaps the pen and opens the pad of paper to the first sheet and extends both towards Laura) His name is Andy.

Laura: Got 20 bucks?

Father: What? No, why?

Laura: No 20 bucks, no autograph. (Laura looks at him in the eyes and only blinks a couple times, showing she's NOT joking here)

Father: Are you kidding me? We're fans of you! We pay big money to see your events and your pay-per-views and you want us to pay MORE for an autograph??

Laura: (nonchalantly) So?

Father: That's ridiculous. Besides, in your case, it's only five letters!

Laura: (getting pissed) It's only 20 bucks!

Father: I can see why my daughter hates you.

Laura: Maybe I hate her too, ever think about it like that?

Father: Come on Andy, let's go.

(The two walk away disgusted, as Laura just sits without a care about them as she is approached by another fan. This fan is female and is about 18 years old. She has on an orange long-sleeved t-shirt that sports an Adidas logo on the upper left breast. She is also wearing red windpants with black Adidas shoes. Her hair is blonde and is in a bun. She approaches Laura with a big smile.)

Fan: Oh my gawd---Laura! (she opens her arms for a hug and steps towards Laura, prompting Laura to get out of her seat and move to her right)

Laura: Get the f*ck away from me!

Fan: Oh, don't be such a mean person. You're not in the ring now, just be cool. (the fan takes a couple steps towards Laura again, but this time Laura doesn't just move away)

Laura:

DON'T TOUCH ME!!

(The high-pitched scream by Laura sends the fan running from her as well as gaining the attention of everyone else in the terminal. They look at her in surprise and wonderment what that was for but all Laura can do is give a sneer for a look back before spouting another opinion at a high-pitch)

Laura:

F*CK YOU!! F*CK YOU AAAAAAAALLL!!

(YIKES! As uncalled for as that was, it DID work, as people turn away from Laura. Whether it be out of fright or because they disrespect her is another call, but Laura does get her way. She manages to sit back down in her original seat as hunches over, putting her arms on her knees for stability)

Laura: Bunch of no-good b*st*rds. Expect ME to sign something for free? That takes time and I want a cash reward for doing so. I'm famous, I ain't signing ANYTHING without a cash return coming my way. Idiots. Oh, American society---what a waste of humanity. I really think I'm the only worthy American of anything these days. That gets shown for sure on Sunday. These people don't know what's going to hit them in the face. It's going to be one giant "Wave of Laura" coming straight to their face. Sunday is not only my Lord's day...it's MY DAY! I'm a good, religious kid and that's the kind that God favors. God doesn't go for fakes and frauds. God goes for the real believers. That's why I'm in that Ego Title match. That's why I have a chance for an Ultimate Title match with the Hardcore Royal Rumble. An Ego Title match that I earned with my work. Larry Snow and Matt Michaels to face me. Guess what? I beat them both. There's not one other person in that match that has beaten the others vying for that belt. I apparently am the only person here who knows how to take a dilapidated history teacher and hold him on the mat for three seconds. Matt Michaels is a choad. He seriously is the strangest thing I have ever seen. I've seen people pushing the Bible and other religious works and that's fine. But he pushes history!? What's that all about? Am I supposed to lose to him because he can compare his wrestling matches with what happened in the past? So what? Where's the skill there?? If he wants to play Mr. History with me, Laura, again, he's welcome to do so. He can't even stand with himself with what he's already spouted off. Says Kennedy enacted Title IX or put it into play. It was NIXON that enacted the damn thing, Kennedy only started the talk with it. Some teacher, can't even get his facts right. With thinking like his, he's bound to get lost in the middle of Bolivia while trying to get from Boston to Los Angeles someday.

(She leans back in her seat once again, in order to straighten out her back which must be acting up on her, to an extent, as she grimaces in doing so)

Laura: If only his train of thought wouldn't branch off towards the unfinished rail bridge, he could get somewhere. No one really cares what happened more than ten years ago and no one wants that pushed in their face, especially by an overgrown, hormone-enhanced, testerone-laced athlete. If he wants to play history, I can play too. What? Am I NOT supposed to know that John Hanson was the first REAL President of the United States, even if was only under the Articles of Confederation? Or maybe that there were seven other presidents that followed him in that line before Washington. I know that---I don't know if anyone else does, but I do! Maybe he can go hide his sorry ass in the one-time state of Franklin. Yeah, I know about that western land in North Carolina that the state ceded in 1784 to the Union in order to help pay off war debts. Too bad it only lasted four years though. But maybe I can work something out with the citizens there to allow Dr. Michaels to live on some of the former Franklin land. Oh, wait, I'm sorry, I wasn't supposed to know that either. I'm supposed to be an average opponent of Michaels' and be a twat. I'm not a twat, nor a twit. I am Laura. I went to school, I know things. So sue me. Come here camera person, I see you---just come over here. (the scene of Laura closes in on her beautiful face before coming to a stop, with just her whole head now in the screen) Matt, what you teach to us---it's "Useless Knowledge." Sure, we learned about it in school and yes, you may know it and try to use it to show how much smarter you are than an average opponent, but I'm no average opponent. I stole your spotlight. I did it because I need ATTENTION! I never have enough. If you want to take Larry Snow to school, be my guest. When recess occurs, I'll be outside waiting to play. I finished my homework long ago and have been getting ready while you two were still taking tests and wondering what mommy packed you for lunch. I suggest you eat your peanut butter sandwich Matt because the LAST one you eat......is going to be the LAST ONE you eat. Simple enough? Clear enough? Or did your head get too filled with history-enriched cobwebs? You may know a lot, but I know more. You may be good, but I'm better. You say that all people were created equal but you were made to be better, some bullsh*t phrase like that? Then why did I beat you before? Luck? Fluke? No! It's because I know what I'm doing. (she sits up straight, causing her to look closer into the camera) My game plan isn't to do better than my opposition on quizzes and homework, though I do, my plan is to outperform. All you do Matt is out desensitize. You talk about the past until the sky turns orange and until fish learn to walk, basically pushing the "snooze button" in everyone's system. Since I already KNOW what you're going to say, I can skip over it and just kick you in the mouth to shut it. I wonder---(gets a look of puzzlement on her face) were you hired by the same people who made Saturday morning cartoons become educational? (loses the puzzlement expression and goes for sarcasm) THAT was a bright idea! Make the kids learn on weekends! (Loses the sarcasm now) We all know that the 'toons on Saturdays went straight into the New York sewer system and turned into a mutant alligator, right? That's what's going to happen here with you Fatty Matty. You will come on and instantly, the whole WORLD will change the channel. I speak for everyone when I say: We aren't in school, so we don't want to learn! If you're about wasting time, that's fine. Keep at it, you're doing a wonderful job! If not, then drop the damn books and glasses and let's see you fight. You still won't get past myself, but hey, at least put the effort forth, okay? Am I getting through? Or are the Cesar Chavez labor references you'd like throw at the audience here clogging the pipe to your brain?

(Laura sits back in her seat once again, rearranging herself just a small bit in the process. The camera view of her backs out just slightly so we can see her neck and the upper part of her chest now)
Laura: Oh, Larry Snow. You are a loser as well. Did you enjoy your little reunion with your slut? That was so nice to see! She thought you were dead all that time! And you weren't. How delightful! (does the "finger gag motion" and even coughs a couple times for effect) That was sarcastic in case you couldn't tell by the way. I'm sure everyone in their homes VOMITED when they saw that trash on their screens. Barf city. So you're alive and with your wife, good. How about showing up to wrestle now? Can you do that? Or would you like to keep sending out Lucifer? He at least DID something in the ring when he was still here. Then you had to go and beat him. Shame on you for that. How dare you, as a reverend (rolls her eyes) put someone out to "pasture" like that? Now he's going to be unemployed and homeless. I thought you people were here to HELP, not hinder. Oh, I'm sorry---you're not a reverend, you just play one on TV. If you WERE a reverend, Snow, you would have made sure to conjure up a miracle from everyone's friend God in order to NOT have to face me. While you were on hiatus, supposedly burning in a field---God if that were only true---you probably saw me on TV a few times and saw how much ass I am capable of kicking. Just for all this crap you've made us sit through, the whole "Whorehouse Conspiracy," I myself ought to shoot you in the head like a police woman did to a poor, little defenseless cocker spaniel. Let's face it, you ARE poor, you ARE little, and you sure as Hell ARE defenseless! That's why you chickened out from NEW for a few weeks. You wanted to reformat yourself in order to get a better grasp on why you were starting to suck. You honestly think it's going to matter. You'd be better off walking through South Chicago with an anti-Hispanic sign. Better yet, go to The Paseo in Kansas City, MO, and see how long you can last. Anything more than 10 minutes and I'll let you take me on. Oh, dammit, (snaps her fingers) that's right---you'd be dead by the time you got off that strip of land. (more sarcasm here) Oh, shuckey-darns! (end sarcasm) If I'm supposed to care about you, I don't. You have a better chance of going back in time, killing yourself and setting off a huge space-time paradox destroying the whole universe than you'll find me caring about anything anywhere. You're best off trying to play Cribbage with a dead horse or trying to resurrect Einstein. Go melt after a dog pisses in you.

(The camera stays with Laura as she looks up at a clock that is behind our camera. We see her get a look of frustration as she bites her bottom lip and starts cussing under her breath. She runs her hands through her hair as she lowers her head. After a few seconds she raises her head back up.)

Laura: An hour and a half before even BOARDING begins! SH*T! I guess you idiots may as well stay here. I sure as Hell am not taking a nap and I'm not going to sit and read Better Homes and Gardens or any other periodical garbage that's out there today. Magazines are just a mess. People look at them, think they learned something, then toss them aside. What's that about? Magazines are sort of like----the Hardcore Royal Rumble! I know, bad reference, but hey, I'm in an airport, okay? (she takes her hands out of her lap and clasps them together around her knees and takes a deep breath) This rumble is going to be a big-time mess---yet at the same time is so important. Twenty-nine d*ckwads in this damn thing--an Ultimate Title opportunity on the line. So many ways to go about this thing. I could try to disect everyone else's moves and what they would want to do. I could trash talk EVERYONE---get into their heads that way. That's the typical strategy for these things by everyone else, that's why I try to avoid them at all costs. Honestly, ever watch TV the week of a battle royal? Snooze-fest! All you get is everyone talking about EVERYONE ELSE in the God-damned thing! It's unbearable! Birthing, I'm sure, is more fun that sitting through a week like that. I guess BloodZone is having too many viewers and NEW would like to keep viewing at a small pace and advertising rates low. It's already started. Tony Rios has begun what I'm SURE is going to be the most anticipated series since the Star Wars Trilogy. Kevin Steele is going to watch DVD's of his opponents, so that will be thrilling television to watch for the next week. We're not cramming for finals in college during finals week here, guys. I'm sure the fans are waiting to see who wins the Royal Rumble like people were waiting to see who shot J.R. Ewing on Dallas all those years ago, that I AM serious about---but come on you guys--let's have fun with this! How about the new idea of showing us a workout and how you plan to WIN? Not just trashing your opponents, but tell us, tell ME, Laura, what you're going to do. I know, I know, new idea, so hard to grasp and comprehend, but you're all grown people, YOU CAN DO IT! I sure as Hell am NOT talking about every freaking competitor because that's wasting my time. Thirty people, all of whom will speak in the week, that's going to get too repetitive on my end. I'm just going to go out to that ring and outperform. I've been in higher stress situations before, getting through the NCAA in order to compete was Hell enough! This is a breeze. This is my type of sh*t. Such a huge prize on the line in an endurance-type matchup---what more could a girl like me want? (she shrugs) I'll bring what God gave to me and use it in that match. If I die in that ring, so be it---just as long as I win the match. I've been in higher stress situations in my life before. This is a matter of survival, it's not so much an individual effort on my part as it is picking my spots. This is a human war is what it is. I'll play the part of General MacArthur in his prime. Going on offensives and slashing through the enemy without doubt or hesitation. He had the best stuff just like I have the best stuff. Anyone out there who may happen to think they're like a Saddam Hussein and is a war genius may want to go back to the drawing board. This is the real world, a chance to make a name for yourself. I already have---and I'm ready to enlarge that name. Turn the five letters that make up "Laura" large enough to take up a whole building in the middle of Times Square. My strengths are everyone else's weaknesses and when that rumble ends, there will be one figure left standing tall and proud---me, Laura. These last two weeks, yeah, they happened. But don't use that against me. Be original, try something new. Bring up other events to get under me, not the tried and true "Oh you can't beat so-and-so, how do you expect to win?" You're all better than that---I HOPE!! The fact is, I don't have to beat ANYONE until there's one other person left---I can sit on my ass if I want to and wait while everyone else beats the crap out of everyone else. It'll be like watching dogs in a fight! I wonder who'll make it out alive to face myself only to be sunk to depths lower than that of a man thrown into the ocean with a concrete block attached to his feet. I could not possibly care less what you people have to say about me personally. Go ahead, let me have it. Just remember---if you DO get under my skin---you DIE on Sunday!

(Laura gives a lethal smile, showing she means what she says with that last line of hers. Scary! Scene fades)
Laura
..::Disclaimer::..
This layout is done by Dominique L. and Tiffany S. for the e-wrestler Laura. We are not affiliated with Jessica Alba or Fox networks, so please no lawsuits--LOL. Do not steal this layout because it is not yours so get your own. If you find the contents in this rp offensive then i suggest you take your mouse and point that little arrow to the "X" in the upper right hand corner and click it..then BITE MY CLIT!!
..::End Disclaimer::..
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