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Record |
Achievments |
People Used |
People Mentioned |
RP # |
4-1-0 | Won gold medals in Sydney Olympics, track star at her university | Laura |
Jimmy Nash |
One/1 |
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Laura: I rule. It's not like no one here didn't know that. Yet people try to outdo me. Doesn't anyone understand that I am Laura, the "Psycho B*tch from Hell?" I do WHAT I want WHEN I want because I CAN! That's why I beat Reverend Snow. That's why I am the fastest rising star in NEW today. That's why I am revered to as NEW's saving grace! I feel like such an awesome being--that's why I get to face Jimmy Nash. Nothing says "moving up" like having to face a 7-foot piece of poop. You know, I was watching Animal Planet the other night, just surfing through the channels and came across it, and you know what was on? There was this zoo documentary, and it was at a part where a guy was dealing with elephants. Now, elephants are cool, so I watched. What happened? This elephant was constipated--and this guy puts on a glove and sticks his hand RIGHT UP THE ELEPHANT'S SHOOT! (she starts busting out laughing) It was a true Jimmy Nash moment! What gets worse is that this guy--he takes stuff RIGHT OUT of the elephant, like HUGE CHUNKS from the elephant's butt, I couldn't help but think I was watching the birth of Jimmy Nash. That's what Jimmy Nash is, right? A big ol' piece-a sh*t. (she laughs a bit longer before managing to settle down) I watched that and could only think of how sorry this Nash guy is. First off, that name. JIMMY!? Are you in first grade here? You go by either "Jim" or "James" but not "Jimmy." Only a retard goes under the guise of "Jimmy" when he's older than age seven. I swear it sounds like I'm facing a member of the first-grade nerd herd. I don't care if what I'm saying pisses this guy off. What's he going to do, bring a slide-ruler down and calculate for me? I already get a 4.0--he's not going to teach me anything new. Maybe he'll shed some of that anger on me. Gee, Jimmy Nash, a 7-foot tall angry man. THERE'S a new idea! THAT'S never been seen before! I've NEVER faced that kind of an opponent before! (Laura goes through various scared and sarcastic facial expressions before settling into her regular determined glare) Jimmy Nash, just another stereotype. This guy better not think he can just whip me from pillar to post because if that's his mindset, he's going to be in for a bad surprise. So what if he's a monster and a half? That's what everyone else here says about themselves, what makes this guy any different? The fact that he has a mustache? Maybe that he wears a backwards baseball cap all the time? I'll say this, there's more in that mustache of his than there is in his head. When someone who has pizza cheese, bread crumbs, french fry grease, bits of chicken and gravy in his mustache---you HAVE to listen! This guy is like everyone else. A big slob thinking he gets the free week against me, looking ahead to bigger and better things, in this case Urge. Hey there Jimmy, here's a question for you: Who is guaranteed a shot at Urge? Is it you or me? (pointing to herself) ME, B*TCH, ME!! For all you know, you'll trashing Urge, and you may have to wind up facing me a second time if you want to get that Ego Title into your possession. Wouldn't that just be a kick in the ol' crotch? Already get to face me once, then (sarcastically) OH NO!! (end sarcasm) I steal your dream match from under that Brooklyn Bridge on your face you call a nose! Why facing Urge is such a big deal for you, I don't know. Although you do have only a mustache, maybe that's a clue right there. Anyways---get off of Urge. Now, not get off TO Urge...get off OF Urge, and focus in on me, Laura. So you're a big guy. Big whoopee-doo. I've beaten guys your size before. How? Becaue you tall people move at like one mile per hour. Are you people snails for heaven's sake!? Laura: You guys all have the same strategy. Pick your ass the whole match and wait for the small being to come within arm's reach of you and then grab them and beat them up until the scamper away. I'm not stupid, I know what you're going to be doing there. So I'm just going to make you look stupid. I'll dive under your legs. I'll take out the backs of your knees. I'll laugh as you stumble around trying to find me as I go warp speed around you. The simple stupidity of a Jimmy Nash, that's where I get the edge and take advantage in order to win. It's people like Jimmy Nash that make companies put labels on rat poison that read "Do not ingest," and others on electrical equipment reading "Do not use near or in water." A person like Nash is one who will touch a metal surface to see what it feels like and, if he feels it's hot and gets burned, he'll touch it again anyways! He doesn't learn from past mistakes. If he gets ticketed for speeding, he'll try it again, thinking it was a once in a lifetime event, then get caught again and have worse consequences! He thinks Urge is his biggest priority? How about me, Laura? He wants this Ego Title so badly, which is pathetic, but won't worry about others in his path. He's so steadfast on one thing, his gazed is so fixed, that it'd be like him walking towards an opponent 50 feet away from him, and he wouldn't see the tree in front of him and SCHMACK! A new bump and bruise, courtesy of Mother Nature. Take the hints that everyone is trying to drop and throw at you to help you out Jimmy. You're a kid playing with the adults. We only give you these chances so that you'll get some confidence and stay around to play longer, but in the end, we'll let it all loose and make you look like someone who doesn't know how to play "Tag." This is like where daddy plays basketball with his 6-year-old son and the son wins. Is the son really that good? HELL NO! Daddy let him win so he will continue to play, but if daddy really wanted to, he'd blow the kid out. That's the scoop here. Four people have let you win Jimmy, one actually tried. I'm trying. Jimmy, I appreciate the effort you'll give, but it's not gonna work. |
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