Janice: Hey kid, what's up?
Laura: (uninterestingly, still into her writing, not even lifting her head) How'd you guys do?
Janice: Managed to pull out a nice 10-point win.
Laura: And how many points did you score? (raises her head from her left hand but still doesn't bother looking at Janice as she places her left hand on the left edge of the sheet of paper.)
Janice: Um....I didn't play.
Laura: (with a still rather uncaring vocal inflection) How come?
Janice: Be-cause I have a medical redshirt....from when a certain someone caused me to break my ankle during October.
Laura: Oh.
Janice: Do you even CARE?
Laura: (FINALLY she stops writing and looks towards Janice) I MIGHT if I didn't have this paper to write for my physics class. If somebody here would quiet down I could finish it.
Janice: Say, know who was at the game?
Laura: No. (puts her head back down and goes back to her writing--after grabbing hold of a new, clean sheet of paper)
Janice: Here's a hint---Minnesota's most famous resident.
Laura: But I've been here all night.
Janice: Not YOU silly! (Gives Laura an innocent shove in the left shoulder causing Laura to slightly scribble on her paper thus causing her to stop writing and get upset, but she lets it pass harmlessly) I meant Rachael Leigh Cook! You know, the actress?
Laura: WHAT!? (Looks upward and at Janice again)
Janice: You didn't know she was born in Minneapolis? Yeah! She's a gopher alright, and THE most famous Minnesotan--at least until I get into the WNBA, then it'll be me...but for now it's Rachael.
Laura: (drops her pen in shock) That's gotta be the biggest bunch of bull I've EVER heard. Let me ask you this---who's the person that's been on TV week after week after week and seen by millions of people nationwide each week?
Janice: (Her face shows that she knows Laura's got her) You.
Laura: And who HASN'T had a big film released in like two years?
Janice: Her.
Laura: So how is RACHAEL more famous than ME!?
Janice: (Realizing she can play this game as well) Who's always on talk shows each month? Who's seen by EVERYONE on video week in and week out? Her! That's why! When did you even HAVE a match last??
Laura: (Knowing SHE'S been had, but not wanting to admit it) WHO CARES!? I'm still more widely known than (sarcastically) Rachael Leigh Cook.
Janice: I don't know what kind of logic you're using....
Laura: Get bent.
Janice: YOU get bent! You're out in outer space or something because there is no freakin' way that YOU are more known than Rachael Leigh Cook. Your ego is really messing up your mind or something----
Laura: (eyes intent with rage) BITE....MY....CLIT!! I think it's pretty obvious that when you're me, an upstanding citizen of this world, a numerous time athletic champion, a person who can bring PRO WRESTLING into the national spotlight, someone who is a gold medalist, a person spotted on almost every channel on television...how can I NOT be as famous? Quit being so damn biased just because she's from the same state as you are. Just because I hail from Wisconsin originally doesn't mean I'm not as good as her. I don't know how much weed you've been smoking this week but it's obviously too much.
Janice: (brushes her bangs away from her face) I've had just five joints this week....but that's not the point. Maybe I AM biased but gosh, take it easy!
Laura: SHE'S A LEMONBAR!
Janice: What are you gonna do? Fight her?
Laura: You know....(she rolls her eyes upwards in her head, thinking this over, then smiles)....you know, I think I will. I'll fight her this Monday.
Janice: WHAT!? And how are you gonna fight Josie on Monday?
Laura: (in a high-pitched confused voice) Who the Hell is JOSIE!?
Janice: Josie and The Pussycats? She played Josie? Fine, RACHAEL! What, you got connections?
Laura: Oh, I've got connections! And since we're on the subject of movies, heck, bring on her co-star Tara Reid or even Rosario Dawson. How about that?
Janice: Girl you are so out of this world. I'm outta here. (Janice gets up and limps out of the room)
Laura: What a moron. Thinks I can't take out Rachael Leigh Cook. Thinks Rachael is more well known than me, Laura. Come on. Talk about a clown. Too much junk thrown into her head, that's what the problem here is. I'll face her on Monday. I got ways to do this. Besides, I always get what I want, and this time I want to beat on Rachael Leigh Cook. So she's had a couple of big-time movies---what's the big deal? Did the presses stop running? Did someone come around and have time stop just because this one little girl has made some successful movies? No. While I don't plan on KILLING this child I DO plan on letting her know just who else there is in this state who IS famous. What I WILL do is give RLC a true RLC: Running Little Coward, that is. And if she still wants to walk around like a peacock, if people here are still going to fawn over her like a bunch of over-sized babies, then maybe it's a good thing I'm not a true resident of this state. Maybe I'd be better off spending my life in Wisconsin. But wait, that state is a big waste of space as well. I should know, that's why I left there. So what am I to do? How about Ohio? No, because then I'd have to whup up on Katie Holmes's butt and there's no need to do that---she's not worth it. I know...I could go to Kansas! Heck, just walking into the state I'd become THE ALL-TIME most successful person to pace around that state. Beating up on Rachael Leigh Cook though, that's the ticket. Of course, I do warn Minnesota natives, this could be too much for the senses. After all, watching one of your "family" going down at the feet of a person from a supreme rival state---that's not cool. So what to do? Deal with it. Minnesota needs a new role model, and in fact so does all of America, so it's time that I, Laura, begin the journey to become this country's most beloved citizen ever. I start Monday---I continue all throughout the year. Of course, becoming a top role model is NOTHING without good grades, so it's back to my homework. After all, being a hypocrite sure sucks rocks.
Laura: Actually now that I think of it, we can bring some of Rachael's performances to life. I remember she was in some anti-drug commercial when her career was in it's (snickers) prime. She went ballistic in a kitchen beating things up with a frying pan. I can do that too, you know. I just choose not to because I can make my points without turning into an immature little brat. BUT if Ms. Cook would like, I can bonk her in the head with a frying pan---see how she likes it. Maybe then she can be set straight, told that she sucks as an actress, that she is NOT the most famous person out of Minnesota-- I AM!