Laura will break you!
Laura Will Break You!!

Laura

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won gold medals in Sydney Olympics and track star at her university and kicking your ass!!

Laura

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One/1

(We fade in and are faced with an OWF backdrop, black in color, and a wooden director's style chair seated in front of it. Keep in mind though, that this chair is not all by itself. Oh no, this chair is currently occupied. By whom? Put easily, this chair is being sat in by one of the OWF vixens--Laura. She is wearing a white top that stops at her shoulders but reveals nothing of her torso. She also has on a pair of black dress slacks and black high heeled shoes. She sits contently, both legs on the It seems that Laura's made an enemy of two of late and also has a tag match coming up on the next Insanity. Will these issues be addressed now? Let's find out.)

Laura: It looks like there some people around here that think it's pretty cool to try my patience. Well, it's not. I only get further pissed off and cause more people to get harmed in ways they thought was only possible in a Tom Clancy novel. First off I've got this tag team match against Tempest and Diamond. Then there's my tag partner. But first, there's Maylaha Lynn. Here's someone who's obviously forgotten to check the biographies and even a couple messages from the Lord himself. Why, she thinks she's "All That?" This is not Nickelodeon and you are from being anything close to "Somewhat That."

(Laura messes with her hair, then takes a hair tie from her left pocket, tilts her head back to allow for her hair to fall back as well, and then ties her hair back into ponytail before tucking the end of the ponytail into the hair tie making for a "flip.")

Laura: Maylaha---what are you thinking girl? Never EVER enter a battle of wits with someone smarter than you! You make these statements that have zero to about 90% of them---do you even KNOW what you're saying!? Let's try going over these errors:

(A clip now shows from Maylaha's latest interview)

Maylaha: She's never even been in a Wrestling Federation besides the OWF. So, What the hell is she talking about. She was in nothing! She sucks! See, obviuosly, bitch, during your time in training or whatever you weren't allowed to watch good, old-fashioned HARDCORE wrestling, huh?

(The clip ends and our view goes back to Laura)

Laura: You wanna know something? YOU'RE WRONG!! First off, read my biography in either an OWF piece of propoganda or go to the official OWF website. It's right there under my name, (whispers)it's Laura (back to her regular voice), for your big fat face to see. Speaking of which, you got enough forehead there honey? Geez, wear bangs or something--your forehead is so spacious the glare looks like a halogen bulb was turned on. As to real, HARDCORE wrestling, as you say? You're stupid. I've had my share of actualy hardcore matches little girl. I've been in a freakin' glass cell match for heaven's sakes! It's not like I can't fight. But if you actually meant, like, real wrestling, well, that's the 10% of your talk about me that holds true. I can't do a damn thing in the ring--I never could. I got in on this---ah, read about THAT in my bio. The point is, I've taught myself all I know about wrestling, but I CAN fight. I've fought my way to numerous wins and I've fought my way to championships in even my first ever year in wrestling. Wrestling is nice, but fighting gets you places. Maybe that's why you're still somewhere in the middle of Bolivia as far as fan recogintion is concerned. Not that I care about fans to start with, but hey, when they're not able to recognize you, Maylaha Lynn, from a bull's ass...there's a problem there.

(We get another clip of Maylaha shown)

Maylaha: You're older than eighteen too, you're what? Twenty-five now?

Laura (in voiceover): 22.

Maylaha: I've been here less then a week, and already I probably be fighting someone. I'm not a fake wrestler wannabe like you who prances around talking about my f*cking roommate. Hello you're in the OWF and you can't even provide for yourself you need a roomate? COME ON!

(The clip stops and we go back to looking at Laura)

Laura: Apparently your head is too stopped up with all the thought you have to use just to spell your own stupid name that you can't seem to put two-and-two together. Again, I advise you view my biography. There you will see why I have a roommate. It's because I am still in college. While I WILL have enough credits to graduate come the end of the semester, I will stay in school because I am only going to be a junior as far as being able to run for the school's track team. Yes, that's right, I balance wrestling with running and school. All the more reason to feel ashamed when I smash your head into the mat and make you feel like you were the Lusitania being hit by a German U-boat. Hey, it's not my fault you're a lunkhead so don't take it out on me, okay? So with that cleared up, I'll look to my tag match. I get to team up with a supposed rap star. How quaint. (Laura gives a look of "that's so petty.") While I'm trying to fight off a worthless no-good chest-inflating butthead in Diamond and some guy named Tempest who is like every other man out there in that he has no balls in wanting to take me, Laura, on, there'll be Stonny Cage sitting in my corner "bustin' a move," pulling on his groin and tripping over his too-large pants. (sarcastically) Oh, boy, lucky me to have such an awesome tag partner! (end sarcasm) Yeah, right. But as I said, it's a tag MATCH, so my partner isn't my worry.

(Laura readjusts herself in her seat in order to retain the comfort level she had at the beginning of this interview)

Laura: Diamond, you're worthless. You're a freakin' bit of "ice." "Ice" in that your "diamond" is stolen. You're supposed to be something to be afraid of? Come on. Then how did I beat you? Luck? You "had a bad night?" No, I don't think so. While you won't be gutsy enough to tell the truth, I'll give to everyone out there with a no-spin attitude: I won because I'm better than you. Diamond finally has come across another woman who actually can be a threat to her and ruin her career. Your days, Diamond, are up. I went through all that last week, maybe you better replay what I said since it's bearing fruition right now. Get some AARP funding, go to a window, pull up a wheelchair, take a seat in it and swill Geritol. You may not be old right now but you may as well start acting like it because I can move so fast in that ring that the years are just going to fly by you. While I'll still be in 2003, you'll feel like you're in 2053. Of course, you can't have all the fund "Di," after all, Tempest needs to play too. Now, give me a call if I'm wrong here, but don't most people say that they don't want to hit a lady or beat up a girl or stuff like that? So when Tempest says things like that, I'd be lying if I said I were surprised to hear them. However, on the other hand, I thought Tempest was a big enough boy to be able to handle himself for beating up me, Laura. See, there's been lots of initial resistance to wanting to take me on, and you know what I happened? I rose to the top like the cream in a soda. I took over feds, I became a feared competitor. Hey, you don't HAVE to take me on, "T," but I seriously recommend you do IF you want to keep yourself in the game. Because if you don't--not only do you lose----you ruin your career. People will see our match and realize that "Tempest, he just doesn't give it his all in every one of his matches. He doesn't try all the time. We can't have that in our federation." Not trying against even me, a female, has killed careers and rest assured, it will kill more of them. Just make sure yours isn't one of them. Don't say I didn't warn you, child. Opinions don't matter, facts prove themselves. I'm better than both Diamond and Tempest put together, the world shall see.

BITE MY CLIT!!

(Scene fades)
Laura
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