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Record |
Achievments |
People Used |
People Mentioned |
RP # |
4-3-0 | Won gold medals in Sydney Olympics, track star at her university | Laura |
Matt Michaels, Larry Snow |
Two/2 |
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Timmy Cornette: Laura, I appreciate your being able to take time out for an interview with myself. Laura: I do what I can in order to keep the spotlight on me and keep attention flowing my way. Cornette: (grimacing after Laura finishes speaking) Before we start---I know it's none of my business--but your breath is TERRIBLE! What have you had? Laura: Can't a girl drink and smoke these days? Is that a crime? God, I just came from a bar where I had a beer and I polished off a couple cigarettes before coming in here. Cornette: Why do you smoke? Laura: (getting upset with the questioning of her habits) Why do you dress like a dork? Cornette: Okay, never mind...(taking second to regain his thoughts)..so you spent time before covering your upcoming NEW Ego Title match at FreshBlood from Little Rock, AR, why have you requested more? Laura: You see Timmy, what I have to face on Sunday are not normal people. Matt Michaels and Reverend Snow are as thickheaded as a badly pourn domestic beer. I just want to stay on TV, continue letting them know that I am not one to be had. I want them to know that I am here and I am taking this match very, very seriously. I will be skipping around the country this week but I'll find time to hit a gym everywhere I go. I'll make sure to get into their heads from whereever it is that I'm at. I'm Laura and I don't quit. I don't give up and I don't give in. Cornette: So what's the strategy going to be? You already lost a match like this before. Laura: First off, f*ck you for that comment. Secondly, this match is different. I don't have to deal with regurgitated sh*t like T. Jay in this match. There are two other people in the ring with me come Sunday that actually have at least TRIED to do something around here. They won't be pinned while I'm just warming up, although ironically that serves to harm them more than it does to help them. I will do what I have to in order to burst out to a quick start in this match, whether it be kicks to their nuts, shots in their faces or sucking their women's ripe, juicy clits dry as a bone---(as Timmy's eyes bulge out at that remark in surprise, Laura realizes what she has just said)--I mean NOOOOO. Bottom line is that I will make sure my full throttle offense will never be allowed to go underneath whatever sluggish French-type war effort these two plebes want to show off. Cornette: Talk about the threat Matt Michaels poses to you. Laura: None. Cornette: N-none? I'm surprised by that. Laura: Why? You don't know how to react to someone giving you a truthful statement for once? Cornette: It's just that he may want revenge after you beat him a few weeks ago. Don't you think he's going to pick his spots with better precision? Laura: What the Hell is this, HUNTING!? The Hardcore Rumble---THAT'S a hunt. This title match is just scavenging. There's no spots to pick. It's just offense on one person and being able to know when to let up and let the other guy in the match start getting some shots in before going at it with HIM. It's not college calculus Timmy, it's wrestling. IT'S SPORT! The best person wins 90% of the time and this is certainly not the one time out of ten where the underdog wins. Cornette: So you think you're the favorite. Laura: (starting to glance around her seat for a quick couple seconds) Do I look fat or have a broken bone? OF COURSE I'M THE FAVORITE, DUMMY!! Cornette: But about Michaels, what are you planning on doing? Laura: If there was ever a choad, it was him. Cornette: Did you just call him a choad? Laura: Well, ya! You've seen him talk towards me. He keeps bringing up the whole Title IX crap and other initiations by the U.S. that give women as many rights as men. He's obviously got his d*ck in his head somewhere, blocking his brain. What a sports equalization law has to do with me being talented I don't know. Is it because it gave me more of a chance to get involved in a sport in college, when I ALREADY had my talent found out and was excelling anyways? That makes no sense. I am what I am because God gave to me the ability to be an athlete and I took advantage of the tools given to me and I was able to turn my raw talents into a gold mine. That's why I'm here. I'm not here because America let me be here. I'm here because God is letting me be here. American history is nothing on me, Laura. I create history, not learn it. I KNOW history and what makes it up. Michaels doesn't. He preaches it like it's the main survival tool of life. History is in the past, it's forgotten and no one cares. That's why it's a boring class in school. No one even wants to TEACH it, much less learn about it. So someone walked the face of the earth in 1776, big deal. On the timeline of the Earth itself, that's not even equal to one second's worth of anything. When aliens come down to Earth after we're all dead and it's about in the year 15,000, they aren't going to care either. Those people were just in the right place at the right time. I'm not. I worked to get here, I put myself here, and I'm going further than anyone wants me to. Cornette: For the record, Sean Cole put you here. Laura: Sean Cole's a no good son of a b*tch. If he died tomorrow I would put on a cheerleader uniform and dance on his casket. He hired me, that's great. Let's see him earn his own paycheck for once instead of being a boob. He's an idiot who needs some loving. Cornette: Moving along, Reverend Snow. You faced his---well, whatever it was of his---you faced him. The reverend obviously has the same style--- Laura: (Laura interrupts) Oh shut up. Reverend Snow can have whatever style he wants. All that matters to me is how painful it is to watch. I saw that atrocity last week when he faced his "twin." If he starts doing that sort of sh*t in MY match on MY time, I will pull out a piece of Scotch tape, put it on his groin and yank it right off! Tell me, is he dead yet? Cornette: No, that's a horrible question to ask! Laura: Bite my clit! Not dead? Damn! I was hoping for a high buyrate for FreshBlood. Oh well, better luck next time I guess. Ah, I'll be Ego champion and gunning for an Ultimate Title shot next time, so all will be good then. I just plan on ripping into this poor man's Jerry Falwell and tear apart his flesh like a starving hyena in heat in the middle of Africa. When he's down to skin and bones, the climax for me in that match will occur, as I raise the Ego Title high above my head, for angels everywhere to see. Snow better be praying and doing his supposed "job" because God is going to be his only saving grace on the Lord's day, Sunday. One of those stupid bobblehead dolls gets more exercise daily than Snow, you ever notice? All those dumb things do is nod their heads up and down, about half don't even work, and yet they are more active than him! Ever get a good look at the guy? His gut screams potato chips and ranch dip with double-stacked cheeseburgers as the main course---FIVE TIMES A WEEK! I'm not saying he's the fattest man alive, but sure ranks up there in this federation. I can't believe a person would treat their own body like that! Cornette: You drink and smoke daily, that's not any better. Laura: Shut the f*ck up! The only person who can badmouth me is my daddy. So unless you did something neither of us know about--keep the trap shut. (Timmy nods to do so---probably to save his own life) Larry Snow is a bigmouth with a big butt and has a wife with a big "sex-hole." Their kids will probably have elephantiasis. You know, Larry is like a fat fly. He buzzes and buzzes around, rarely stopping. You wait and wait for him to stop because he's an annoyance that needs to done away with, yet he goes in circles, not knowing what he's doing. Eventually though, he stops. That's when you take pleasure in crushing him beneath your thumb, watching his guts come pouring out, seeing his carcass get eaten by smaller maggots. Larry may not be small enough for me to crush with a thumb, but he is stupid enough to let my feet take him out. If I have to step on him and leave a footprint embedded in his torso then that's what I'll do in order to win. I have no care or concern for what may happen to my opponents, but I'm sure you already figured that out, huh, Timmy? We're not kids, we're not blowing bubbles on the porch in mid-afternoon with our soap mixture and bubble blowing utensils. This is work. The Ego Title is the prize and it's no child's play. Snow and Michaels can act like kids or pretend to rule over kids or crap like that, but I'm going to ready myself for a new life as Ego champion. If they want to stop me---they know where I'll be at. As for you Timmy, watch the mouth in my presence. I was patient with you today, but come next time, you're going to get popped! |
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