Laura will break you!
Laura Will Break You!!

Laura

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won gold medals in Sydney Olympics and track star at her university and kicking your ass!!

Laura

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(Welcome all to another exciting edition of....well, a Laura RP. Hey, what were you expecting, something dealing with Christina Aguilera's upcoming concert tour? Okay, so back to this---just where in the heck are we? That can be answered rather easily by saying "Minnesota," but just where abouts? Probably not a big suprise if I were to say that she is in her apartment room in Winona, huh? Surprise or not, that's too bad 'cuz that's where she's at!! Only she's not in the main room of the place, rather she's in a bedroom. The thing is, it's not her bedroom but rather the bedroom of her friend Janice. On the walls surrounding the room are various posters of stars such as Kevin Garnett, Randy Moss, Daunte Culpepper and Cristian Guzman. In the room to the right is a computer desk with, you got it--a computer! Around the monitor and the speakers are a desk calender and autographed photos of other Minnesota sports stars, most of whom haven't done "jack" yet. On Janice's bed, covered in a brown blanket, is Laura herself, clad in a blue shirt, red shorts and white track shoes with no socks on with her dark hair tied into two thick pigtails. She looks at the posters in the room and gives a rather egotistical look on her face---obviously she doesn't think much of these players. She drags her right foot over the side of the bed and opens her mouth to speak, then closes it, possibly thinking better of it. Yet after thinking it over, she opens her mouth again and this time words emerge.)

Laura: Folks, this is the room of a complete and total loser. My roommate Janice. Look at this; she's got these posters of all these naive, incomplete athletes, she acts like a little kid whenever she sees them on TV. She's supposed to be 21 years old? Yeah right. Sadly to say, it's her sort of mind that has been implanted into the head of wrestling fans. They see a superstar and go ga-ga, totally losing control of themselves and all touch of reality. They become starstruck and venture away from their jobs just to get a mere glimpse, maybe even be lucky enough to say "Hello" to one of us. Where exactly then does this play into what I'm supposed to be doing, preparing for my first match the OWF. A new federation, a new beginning, blah, blah, blah. It's all been said, it's all been done. What puts a new spin on the new federation cliche is that I am Laura. I am the "Psycho B*tch from Hell," the "Queen of Wrestling." I do things and go to places that no one else has even THOUGHT to. This opening week I get Diamond. Apparently she's done something with her life short of throwing it into a dumpster. Well, when this little kitty-cat gets in the ring with me--any success she has had in the past is going to look like it occurred about 50 years ago. Her style is not my style. Her anger is not my anger. Her stupidity is too much too even laugh at. That's I suggest to her a favorite saying of mine for when she ends up losing to me: Don't go away and get mad, just go away. Losing to me, see, that's a GOOD thing! It means that you've lost to one of the best, the greatest and that there's nothing to be ashamed of. You can say, Diamond, that you were able to be in the same spot as me, Laura for more than 10 seconds! You'll be able to say that you punched and kicked the greatest human being to ever walk the face of the earth. Most importantly, the fact that you will be losing to myself, that's the excuse itself for why you lost. YOU LOST TO LAURA! To lose to me is not a "dis" but rather a "prop." It means you were good enough to get me in a match in the first place. Alas, you just didn't have enough to pull out a the "W" over myself. That's fine, that's good, trust me Diamond, after facing me, Laura, everything will still be okay.

(Laura drags her other foot over the side of the bed and hops off it. But instead of leaving the room, she stands in the middle of it, her hands on her hips. She scans over the room and her sight comes across a picture of motorcycle, on a wall just underneath the Cristian Guzman poster. She looks at it and smiles.)

Laura: It's funny. This first match...it's going to be a lot like a dummy on a motorcycle. You see, Diamond is a braindead nincompoops. She is like a person riding a motorcycle at 100 miles per hour with no shirt on, shorts and a pair of flip-flops on her feet with a car changing lanes right in front of her. That means wipeout---like BAD wipeout. Like severe case of road rash--where the rocks and stones and gravel not only redden your skin, but actually go right into it. The pieces embed in your skin and it takes lots of surgery to get the gravel and et. cetera out of you and rehab like Hell to get back to normal. Sounds like a whole bowl of cherries doesn't it gal? Let me detour for a moment to 1989 and the Berlin Wall. If there ever would be a way for her to be compared to such a monumental, unbeatable structure---hey, let's just pretend here okay? So here is this woman that supposedly can't be broken. Myself? I'm sick of being taken advantage of, sick of being spat on, sick of being shrugged at. I'm going to pick up my hammer, our--whatever the Hell was used to bust that thing down and we are going to, to quote then President Reagan from 1987, "Tear down this wall!" Back to now, 2003, the time of problems larger than that wall. This isn't like George Bush trying to make an intelligent quote. This is a simple task and can be done--I will so LAUGH in your face after I've gotten the routine victory. Look at this, Diamond. You're no braver than a someone repeatedly crossing themeselves, sweating like a pig and praying like a blind man before going into a field of machine gun fire. You have this "rich" name and possibly if you did something around here and show you're "all that" then it would be okay. But it's not okay. You haven't accomplished anything, in mine eyes so pretty, more than M.C. Hammer has since he sang "Feelings" on a Pepsi commercial in the early '90's. Don't try telling me your life story, you're no biographer and I really don't want to be bored out of my mind okay? I'd have more fun watching Al Gore b*tch about being screwed out of the 2000 election. Take off your shell and look into the real world. I am going to rip out the cords that allowed for everything in you to run along smoothly and in the end you will be lying, your internal remainders spread out all over the mat just waiting for someone else to come along and scoop your remains into the trash where you will remain for the rest of time. No eBay auctions here, I, Laura, am going to put you aside for good myself. If you got problems, open your mouth, sharpen your teeth and take a good, fat bite out of my clit---okay!!??

(Yeesh! Nasty stuff there from the lady herself and as Laura takes a few small steps out of Janice's room, we fade away. After all, would YOU follow around anyone who just gave a last line like that? You WOULD!? You sick ffffffffffreak!)
Laura
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