It's true. Although some don't realize it, they have it. Hatred...everyone has a Hatred for something. Abortion, the Death Penalty, the kid at school taking your lunch money, teachers. You name it, someone in the world has a Hatred for it. In fact, in the DRWF, there are six big name people who have a Hatred...it's the Hatred of the fact that IcE is the Death Row Wrestling Federation World Heavyweight Champion...
So I was sitting there, enjoying my above average Chicken Strips, Fries, and Coke, when this bouncer comes in and taps me on the shoulder. Hell, I didn't know who the bum was. I mean, I knew he was a bouncer, because the shirt said so. Aside from that...no identification. The guy took me aside, away from my dinner...which made me a tad upset.
Bouncer: Dah, yah, some 13 year old punk isa here...says he won some contest and wanna talk you.
Contest? What Contest? I wasn't aware of any contest entitled "Meet your favorite DRWF Superstar"...
Seth Calvert: Thirteen? I didn't think we allowed minors in here...eh, whatever, tell him to go to the LNP Booth.
With that, the half-drunk, possibly mentally retarded Bouncer strolled off. I mosied on down to the LNP Booth, reserved for, naturally, Late Nite Production employees. Well, not all employees...you get the point. As I sat down with my dinner that I grabbed on the way over, I saw Big B dragging the kid by his collar to the booth. I don't exaggerate when I said kid. He actually did look 13, but I figured he was merely a desperate fan. B tossed the kid into the booth, sitting across from me.
Seth Calvert: Y'know, B, I said send him over. I did not say drag his ass over and toss him in.
Bouncer: Dah, sorry boss.
And again, he lumbered off. The kid across from me was rubbing his neck. I got a closer look at him. He was probably 18. I don't know, I don't look at guys' faces a lot if they're not in the ring.
Kid: Damned Bouncer. So yeah, I went on DRWF's webpage, entered a contest, and I got to pick which superstar I wanted to talk to! Of course, I had to choose the Prince of Old School, Seth Calvert.
Seth Calvert: Well, I'm honored. So what exactly was it you wanted to talk to me about?
I still didn't have a clue as to what contest this kid was talking about. But I had a clue as to what he wanted to talk about.
Kid: How do you feel about fighting your friend, tag partner, and part-time boss, Mr. Late Nite at IcE Games?
Bingo...I gotta be psychic
Seth Calvert: Well, take it from any two great tandems - X-Pac and Road Dogg, who had to fight at King of the Ring, Edge & Christian, and the Hardy Boyz who were facing each other at certain points. It ain't a easy thing to do. But the prize we're competing for goes above friendships. This is a chance to be at the top of this Federation. A chance to dominate the DRWF over the next month. And my pal over there, see him? There's no way I'm going to let him get in the way of that accomplishment.
Kid: Strong words, but if...or should I say when...
Smart kid, saying when. All that above statement stuff, it's all true. I ain't lettin' back at Hatred.
Kid: When you beat Mr. Late Nite, is there going to be any determent in your relationship? I mean, might he be jealous of you beating him, to the point of pure anger?
Seth Calvert: Hey man, these are great questions. You ever think of working for the DRWF as a cameraman?
Boy...did I hit a button when I said that. The kid said thanks, but not without some stuttering, mumbling, and falling over himself verbally. I looked at him kinda weird and then I answered.
Seth Calvert: I seriously doubt that there would be any difference in our friendship. If there were, I'd consider that totally childish. If he beats me, I go out with a handshake and wait till the next title shot arises. But chances of Mr. Late Nite beating me, pinning me, making me submit are about as slim as UMS' chances of getting laid. And I mean laid by a girl, not by each other.
Kid: Well um, thanks Mr. Calvert. Pleasure talking to you. I mean, I know it wasn't that much, but it's getting late isn't it?
I looked at my Timex. 9:00 P.M. That's late? When I looked up from my watch, the kid had left. I shrugged, and yawned. Damn I thought...I'm not tired at this time...ah, whatever. I decided to head to the arena just to see what was happening. There weren't any crowds there, due to everyone migrating to the Palace at Auburn Hills, Michigan. I remembered the pictures of Trey Hamlyn I saw scattered in the trash bin by an anonymous person. Since I felt the same way about him, I decided to see if my Zippo had any lighter fluid left in it. I told Late Nite I was on my way out and I left.
Seth Calvert: Sin...what a character. Triple H's lackey. I got all the respect in the world for Hunter...but I'm gonna call him a dumbass on this one. Bringing in some big fat ass to vie for the Championship. Ha.
At this point, I couldn't tell whether I was annoyed with Triple H for bringing us an inferior opponent, or happy...the former was probably the true one.
Seth Calvert: Sin...a lumbering ox of a man, probably strong as one, but dumb as one as well. I am getting tired of all these "Darkness" promos if you will. *Imitating a dark voice*"I will kill you...you're here, so you'll die...I am darkness, darkness is me...I write in blood on my arm because it looks cool...I screw old ladies" Is there any originality to it? We've all taken notice of the Undertaker. We lived through 9 years of lights out, look at blood, arenas. The last year though was pretty awesome. Heh. Don't understand any of them.
I seriously am annoyed at these sorts of things. I mean, I bleed constantly, but seeing it on a promo to quote unquote "prove a point" is stupid. I mean, I probably sound like a moral ass, but I mean stupid to be "It's not effective so SHUT UP". Take SiN...His promo didn't do anything to me. It didn't scare me, it didn't make me piss my pants, it didn't make me think that he would beat me at Hatred. If anything, it showed me his stupidity. Granted, he's got the skills...he just needs a better gimmick. One or two of the Darkness Evil-being things in a federation is a good balance, but with all of U.M.S. doin' it, and Sin, and on occasion, Dracos and Scarab (which is more than likely their names that are gothically enhanced). At this point, I decided to see what was playing on the radio...and as I looked down almost crashed into a light pole. This is what I heard.
Anchorwoman: We've just been notified that Jackhammer has moved on from the Late Nite Bar & Grill, heading to the DRWF Arena, vandalizing it as well...
And I was off. I thought I might be able to catch up to Jackie and take him out. Damned Jackhammer. I knew who he was, and I knew what he was. I followed his Degenerate days, his world title reign, and was even happy when he married Diva. But hell...he flipped. I don't know if he even wanted to recapture the Title at Hatred...maybe he was just there to actually prove a point. I liked his interview style. The "I'm gonna get you...don't laugh, or you'll make it worse" style, but not to the extent of darkness. I felt like helping him at one point. But I decided against it...figured the guy needed time alone. Boy...was I wrong. I pulled in to the Arena parking lot, my reserved space (a miracle on how I found it that quick...I guess it was just habit), and I jumped out. Unfortunately I was too late. Written in neon green spraypaint across the wall was what I read out loud.
Seth Calvert: "Seth got blown by his mom last night. Hey Old School, I'll blow your ass up at Hatred." Damnit. What happened Jackie?
I walked slowly inside the building. As I reached the doors, I saw mad dashes being made. Jonathan Coachman running from one hall to another, frantic reporters trying to get to the hot spots first, even some of the rookie talent trying to see what was going on. I prayed they wouldn't think this was normal and leave. I saw Michael Cole (the ignorant guy that he is) looking at all the people in amazement. I decided to talk to him, and as I did, I figured out that he wasn't that ignorant tonight after all.
Seth Calvert: Mike, what's the buzz goin' on besides the obvious outside.
Michael Cole: Well, I actually was just talking with some of the other folks around here. Jackhammer just left. He was last heard saying that he was on his way to Michigan to win IcE Games. HEY CAMERA GUY! GET OVER HERE!
Seth Calvert: Hey Mikey, what's the rush? I got until Thursday to talk. After that, I gotta get myself prepped.
But the Backstreet Boy wanna-be wasn't listening. Before I knew it, I had the camera focused on me.
Michael Cole: Seth Calvert, what do you have to say about Jackhammer's, shall we say "friendly" message towards you?
Seth Calvert: Jackie, don't know how to break it to you. I did get blown last night...but Diva's not my mom. You say you're going to win IcE Games, but Jackie, you've lost all sense of yourself. There's no way you can win IcE Games. I'm not sayin' that because I think I'm better than you. Ever since DX broke, dropped, and you lost the title, you haven't been yourself. Y'know, on my way here, I was thinking that you were just psycho. I really must contradict myself. That message out there...it might have been you, it might not have been. It could have been some die hard fan. And so I'm sorry about that comment about Diva. I'm a little hot headed. Hope you accept. But still, IcE Games isn't going to be a fun ride for you. You've had the belt twice, and believe me, there will be other times, but Saturday, it's someone else's turn. I'm not saying mine, because quite frankly, I think IcE is a tad more talented than I am. As a matter of fact, I know it. But don't you think, that for a split second, I won't give it my all. Don't think, that I will not go out there, kick some ass and face IcE. But do think that I will have a shot at capturing the top prize in this company. Because, I know Jackhammer, you can recognize talent. And I know you think of me as some kind of talent...and I don't mean a waste of it. If I get the chance to step in the ring with you Jackhammer, I'll shake your hand, beat your ass, and move on with my match.
Michael Cole: And how about Sin's recent attack at the bar?
Seth Calvert: First, it wasn't an attack. It was a mind game being played by a *ahem* dark and evil being. I'd like to state now that it's not my bar. I could actually care less about what you do to it, because we do have crews that can clean up. And they ain't Los Boriquas either. Sin, I had other thoughts while I was driving along in my Nissan. Dark promos are old. Your style of being a gothic warrior is old, and your lifestyle is old. You may not be, but seriously, how many more times must we listen to the same old boring crap again? I see you came out here all of once, talking your B.S. on how you'll make the sinners suffer. The only person I've seen Sin here is you. You've sinned by entering your name into this Match. You sinned by having me waste my valuable breath by talking about you. You sinned by trying in futile attempts to play your games. I don't take my partner's view on this match. I don't think all of my opponents suck. But I will say they all underestimate me.
I was on fire. I left that announce position and asked Cole to follow me to the stage area. I got there a good 3 minutes ahead of him, with him being out of shape and all, and I sat my ass down near the edge of the stage. Of course, towards the corner, a la Raven, but looking a lot better. When Cole finally arrived, looking for me, I chuckled.
Seth Calvert: I would take note of this all of you internet junkies who predict the matches. I am severely underestimated in this matchup. I remember taking looks at the poll on DRWF.net...I remember looking at how many votes were next to the name 'Seth Calvert'. One...one lowly fan, who thinks I'm going to pull this victory out of my ass. If I pull it out of my backside, so be it, but the point will be that I got the victory. People leaving comments. One person leaving undecipherable lettering, one person commenting on my partner, Mr. Late Nite, with the oh so original Sucks line. And then the person, probably that same fan..."You'll all be surprised by Seth Calvert". It almost put me in tears. There I was amongst the Twenty-Eight Percent thinking the current World Champ will retain...the Fifteen percent thinking Razor Blade will walk away the champ...Eleven percent believing Jackhammer will reign once again...the Nineteen percent thinking my partner will become a double Champ...the Fifteen for Myzery's cause...and Eleven for the Gothic warrior Sin. And then...there's me. The Two Percent Man. The one who no one thinks has a snowball's chance in Kane's home of winning. But like the kid said, you'll all be surprised.
I knew that promises would have to be made...actually...not to win, but promises of what I wouldn't do. I sat there for a second (which will probably come off on TV with me looking depressed...don't believe it)
Seth Calvert: I don't promise to injure someone out of revenge, or to personalize anyone with the name "My Bitch". I don't promise to win and go home to a wife who cares more about my health than my career. I don't promise to win this match for a dead hag that Terry Funk killed, or to prove something to Bobby Heenan. I don't promise to cut anyone's throat to acquire some piece of leather with tin strapped to it. I plan on kicking ass to get that piece of leather, but not to cut someone's throat. I don't promise to win. But Damnit...I am going out there, impressing the front office with the fact that I will get to face IcE. I will battle past Jackhammer...I will battle past Myzery...past Razor Blade, Sin, and Mr. Late Nite. It's times like these I wish I were in that number one spot in a long match. It would do my reputation good. It would make me feel better about myself...and it would make me more thankful of that title.
I figured that now would have been a good time to be leaving. It actually was late now, around 11:00, and I needed my sleep. Tomorrow afternoon, I'd be leaving for Motor City. I got up, shook my head at Michael Cole and walked out of the stage area. I stopped by my locker room on my way out. I was looking to get my bags. I found the room trashed, with pictures of the Late Nite Show on magazine covers X'ed out and the furniture slung all over the place. My bag was tossed in the closet somewhere. I opened it and to my surprise everything was there. Fortunately, my ticket was too. I walked out, disgusted and closed the door. Afterwards, I got in my truck, left, went to the hotel, and slept my ass off.
Big Willie-Isms: Prez: Hey Seth, what's goin' down dawg?
Seth Calvert: Hey Isms, Happy Birthday to ya. Whatcha' callin' for? I'm about on my way to good old Auburn Hills!
Big Willie-Isms: Prez: Just wanted to check and see if you were coming. I mean, our fan Axxess is tomorrow, and we need you there from three to six alternating between the autograph table, the merchandise sales, and the play-by-play booth.
Seth Calvert: Well...thanks a lot. Hey, gotta go, I'm about to board. Okay...Peace. *beep*
Seth hung up and boarded. Some fans caught up to him in the airway. They both had some sort of Steve Corino merchandise on. The one kid with the blond hair had an Old School jersey on, and the other, dark haired girl had a Corino necklace, and SC earrings.
Girl: HEY SETH! Wow...this is great. So, what seat you in?
Seth Calvert: Hmm...A29. Why guys? What about you two?
Guy: Skweet! A28 and A27! By the way, I'm Jimmy, and this is my girfriend Nera. We're headed to Hatred, and if you couldn't tell, we're Old School fans.
Nera: Oh, I voted for you on DRWF.net! I mean, being an Old School mark and all, I figure I support my Prince!
This brings a small smile to Calvert's face. He didn't think he'd be seeing the same people who voted for him. Suddenly, Jimmy spoke up about the match.
Jimmy: So, what do you have to say about your opponents Saturday?
Seth Calvert: All I got to say is this. Jackhammer - huge amount of respect for this guy. I mean, you do too right? Good. I do wish he wasn't competing, for his wife's sake. But hey, since he is, there's only one thing for me to do. Beat his ass and move on. Razor Blade - the little boy who can't make the cut. No pun intended. I can't respect this guy. Although we already won the Tag Titles...I still have a personal vendetta with him. Razor, I've got him in the palm of my hand. And although I don't favor the darkness in my promos, since I have him in the palm of my hand, I'll crush you. Sin...a big, dark, nasty, no one. His only saving grace might be his connection with Triple H. Aside from that, he can screw his dark spirits. My partner...Mr. Late Nite. Welcome. He'll get to feel the other side of my in ring fury. He'll feel the reason why we became the tag team champions. It's because I bring a spirit ready to win. An Old School spirit, waiting to be released to get that win. IcE...the World Champion. I say to him congratulations...he didn't win that title...it was handed down to him by the quote unquote 'retired' HBK. So he is undeserving of the strap. Which is why one of us six have to take it from him. As the chances go right now, it looks to be that he will lose that title. The people don't seem to think so...well, except you two of course. But it's going to happen. And then we come down to Myzery. Poor...insecure little boy. Myz stepped into this federation as a wanna-be, and he'll walk out of Hatred a wanna-be. He doesn't like Late Nite Productions, simply because we've got a life, a future, a better standing in this business than he'll ever have. He hates us because he is not us. Am I saying he's jealous? Maybe...but on a more reasonable scale, I'm saying that he's desperate. Desperate to be able to look down. Look down at the masses of people waiting in line. But sadly for Myz, it ain't his time. It never will be either. The way he talks, his demeanor does not fit that of a champion. It rather fits that of a whining sorry sonuvabitch who tries to act like a badass. Myz is doin' a bad bad job of it though. Hell...Eddie Guerrero can be a better badass than Myzery can. And Saturday, at Hatred, it will show. There's no way I'm going to let Myzery walk out of this match the World Champion, even if that means making IcE retain. But hey guys, c'mon, they're serving a light lunch on the plane! Let's get a move on!
Seth's eager fans follow him on board the plane and sit down. The scene closes out with Seth, Jimmy, and Nera making their selections for food. Saturday at Hatred! It's IcE defending his Death Row Wrestling Federation Title against SIX other competitors in the IcE Games: Jackhammer, Myzery, Razor Blade, Mr. Late Nite, Sin, and Seth Calvert. Looks like he has his hands full.
Okay...so I get in my truck, the one with the battery that's been in there for six years and running strong, and I turn the ignition. As I drive off, I notice something on the sign above the Late Nite Bar & Grill: SIN WILL RULE ICE GAMES but, Sin's name was crossed out and under that was written JACKHAMMER. But to my surprise, I chuckled. I thought I'd be stark-raving mad, but I wasn't. I laughed. I laughed and I drove on through the night. As I drove I began talking to myself. Well, not in the psycho sense, but as a "Thinking out Loud" session.
I'm waking up now. I still find it kind of odd that I'm relaying my thoughts to you over this. I just got out of the shower, and my bags are packed. I'm gonna go check how the weather's gonna be for Detroit(that's where my flight's landing) and I'm gonna head off. Am I nervous? Hell yeah. Who wouldn't be? Doesn't seem like my opponents are too concerned about this. Sin, who popped his face up once seems to think he's gonna accomplish what Triple H told him to do. Jackhammer, who's not 100% Healthy seems a little concerned, I guess for his wife's sake, which is good. A family man...although I know the other 5 wish he would stay that way. My partner, Mr. Late Nite, enjoying his sweet little old self at his bar, feeling like he's got the world in the palm of his hand. Razor Blade, who I've got a personal thing with, I don't remember the last time anyone heard from him. The champion himself, IcE. Obviously with his game on this Saturday. He's going to kick, scratch, swing, and go Hardcore ballistic on each and every one of us to keep that title which was handed down to him from HBK. Heh...how d'ya like that? The World Heavyweight Championship is a hand-me-down. And then there's Myzery. Ha...Myzery.....
*Hey...it's me...Seth's regular announcer. Since he's doing current day stuff, he can't narrate anymore. Sorry. So what's happening right now, is that they're just calling for Seth's section to board the plane. His cell phone is ringing. To his surprise...it's Big Willie-Isms...the President.
THE TWO TIME TAG TEAM CHAMPION TO BECOME WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMP? MAYBE...NO NO NO...PROBABLY...CLASS DISMISSED!!!