[Damnit. Damnit damnit damnit.
Now I know how Seth
must have
felt during his last few matches in SCW. Loss after loss after
loss. Three total. Three in a row. Will I ever come out of
this? Actually, some of you at home are asking whether it's over between myself and J-Sin Knight.
And those that aren't are answering either "Yes, the little runt won't go
fight him again." or "Just watch...Muriel isn't through yet". Which answer is
right? Maybe
you should wait until Tuesday.]
>Bam boom, and here I am. Sittin on my ass
at home, contemplating our "loss" on Tuesday. Did we really lose? The records
will say yes, Chris Muriel and Matt Budai lost to J-Sin Knight and Ravnos. But
damn, did you see how he went through that table? That was fun to see. It's even
funnier to see him cut that last promo. But no matter. He's done with, and it would appear that my
little dance with Knight has been put on hiatus. But...appearances can
be deceiving. But, before I talk to you, why don't you watch
this little clip, brought to you by...datada! The Chris Muriel
Book Club!<
\\//Our scene opens up outside. What a beautiful scene it
is...a lush garden, a sprouting tree, flowers everywhere, and a bookshelf...a
bookshelf? Outside? That only means one thing folks...It's time for another
session with The Chris Muriel Book Club!!! And wouldn't ya know it? There is our
hero, sitting in the middle of the garden, bookshelf to his right. In his hand,
what else? A book: Wrestling Matches: Everything You Wanted to Know...and
Some Things You Didn't. Wonder if he'll say something...ah! He looks up!
\\//
{CHRIS MURIEL} -
Good evening
boys and girls, women and men, and...others. I'm sure that most of you here can
read...why else would you be in this Club? You see the title of this book don't
you? Well, it's just too long for me to say...so look at it. Now, as all of my
"Bookies" know, I've got a match this Tuesday against a certain Max Chambers in
a...*cheesy smile*...Leather Strap Match! Oh, hold on friends,
I've got to wet my whistle, to water my throat if you
will...
\\//Here, your friend and mine
pauses to take a nice long gulp of his glass of water. He finishes the gulp with
a smack of the lips and a satisfying "Ahhhhhhhhhh". He sets the glass down, and
holds the book up again.\\//
{CHRIS MURIEL} - Ahhhhhh...don't you just love
water? I do. It's important to maintain an "8 Glass a Day" routine with water to
help retain some of that water you lose when you sweat your arse off like
myself. Anyways, back to the book! Max Chambers, just in case you don't know, or
you can't read, you have me in a Leather Strap Match. The purpose of this book
is to explain matches like these. So, let's see here. Hmm...Leather Strap
Matches...page...79. Ahhh...here we are. Hold on...I need yet another quenching
drink of that H2O.
\\//Once
again, Muriel takes a gulp from his water glass, now half empty...or half full,
but since he'll be drinking the rest in a while, we'll say half empty. Back to
the talking.\\//
{CHRIS MURIEL} - Ahh...love water. Here, it says: "Leather Strap
Match, What you Want to Know: You and your opponent are bound together by a
10-15, maybe even 20 foot leather strap at the wrists. The strap may be used in
various ways (i.e. Strangling, pulling, whipping, tripping, etc.). Originally
called a Carribean Strap Match (see Carribean Strap Match)...you win by either
pin, submission, or knock out!" Did you catch all of that Max? That means that
when I face you, you're going to get to test your counting skills. Why? Well,
let's analyze. Do you know what that word means? It doesn't matter. If I knock
you out, somewhere in the back of your mind, you're going to be hearing a
referee count to 10! Let's practice that! *holding up fingers in
succession* One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten!
And then that's followed by three rings of the bell! Or...or, if you submit,
your hand may tap anywheres from three to...well, until I let go of whatever it
is that's going to make you submit! Of course though, you could just be out cold
on the wrestling mat, and then I'll pin you! For a three count that is...you can
count to three right? Let's try it in French! Une, deux, trois!!!! And
then, another three rings of the bell! And hey Chambers, if you don't understand
that, look to my right! I've got a whole collection of Doctor Seuss books to
help you count! But something you should look into is counting in fours! Because
it's a four/four time signature for my theme song! One...Two...Three...Four in
Spanish! Uno, Dos, Tres, Cuatro, in Japanese! Ichi, Ni, San, Shi!
You got it? Ah...the final words will need a lot of
water.
\\//Chris finishes the last of
the water. He puts the book up on the shelf and looks into the camera with a
smile that could melt the heart of any woman watching...yet make every guy
wonder what exactly is going through his mind...unfortunately (or fortunately)
only Chris knows...\\//
{CHRIS MURIEL} - Max, I don't know you, nor do I
know anything about you. But I do know that it takes a lot to be
successful...you don't have it! And don't let my last three matches say anything
about me. I took J-Sin to a limit...I took Ravnos to a limit...and I'll take you
to a limit higher
than you could ever imagine...
>Now back to
me. I'm here, you can see me. So all I have to say to Max Chambers
is...<
{CHRIS MURIEL} - Oh this'll be fun. Max Chambers,
you don't know me, I don't know you. But you should know that I'm ready. And
J-Sin? Oh, nevermind...you'll see what I was going to say. Max...hope to
hear from you soon...
>Go
on now...get on with your lives! Especially you Max! Live it up until Tuesday.
Relax about the match...I don't have anything against you, except that you're in
my way.<
Playing Right Now: "Totalimmortal" by AFI