The Highlight of a wet fart

(The scene opens inside DirdEY TV Studios to a makeshift press conference.  Wrestling media outlets have stationed reporters set to hear another prepared statement from the SSW Heavyweight Champion Jake Dirden and The Design.  Flash bulbs begin to pop as the champ's lackey Dave Eddy struts to the podium, statement in hand.)

[Dave Eddy]:: (overly proud he gets to read the statement) Listen to Dave Eddy stupids.  I got da beat on dis shiz.

(Reporters quickly glance to one another with raised eyebrows wondering just what they've gotten themselves into.)

[Dave Eddy]:: From the offices of . . . The Design.  'We regret to inform . . . scratch that . . . we don't regret it at all, but we're informing you that Jake Dirden's first dose for this week's promotional spot for the upcoming South Beach Sunday is . . . being . . . boycotted by me . . . Jake Dirden.  Instead, I have sent my trusted lackey Dave Eddy, bumbling bafoon that he is . . . 

(Dave pauses and suddenly drops the pompous tone realizing the words leaving his mouth.  Several reporters in the room snicker in response.) 

[Dave Eddy]:: (slightly hurt, but now in a more serious tone) . . . I'm still more sure of him than the idiots running that network.  Call Ted down himself if that's what it takes, but someone needs to shape up or ship out.'

(Dave stares ominously about the room -- only to be met by shaking heads and unimpressed eyerolling.)

[Dave Eddy]:: 'You want to play games with Jake Dirden . . . you want to play games with The Design?  That's fine, but just remember . . . we play for keeps.  Hartnell booked Dirden versus Morgan for the next South Beach Sunday knowing full well, it was his last opportunity to get a jab in on the SSW Heavyweight Champion before Halloween Hostility.  And TNT cuts the feed on The Design's big announcement in a juvenile delay of the inevitable.  The Design has taken over South Beach Sunday.  The Design has taken over Sunshine State Wrestling.

(Reporters nervously look about the room, understanding the magnitude and attitude of the new power structure in SSW.)

[Dave Eddy]:: Now, as far as the future goes, Mr. Dirden says the following . . . 'I have a new contract, and it's signed.  That contract stated that I would agree to a long term guarantee with SSW if The Design was given control of SSW and I would also defend my championship against 'The Enforcer' Brent Kersh at Halloween Hostility.  Currently, SSW is in breach of contract.  With Mr. Kersh suspended and out of action indefintely, my contractual obligations may end sooner than we had expected.'

DirdEY may have accused KRUNCH and Mayhem and Andy D and Sparrow about it for years, but . . . Kersh?

[Dave Eddy]:: 'However, do be aware that The Design is currently looking into temporarily banning the wellness policy in order to bring back your beloved Enforcer.  However, it seems at this point, legally are hands are tied.  It looks like we'll have to get a little more . . . creative.'

(Reporters in the room begin to take notice and jot down phrases from the statement as the lackey continues.)

[Dave Eddy]:: The statement further reads . . . 'Mr. Kersh is WELCOME to attend South Beach Sunday next weekend.  Though his status with the company may be . . . pending . . . we invite The Enforcer to Coral Gables.  We have something we'd like to . . . show you.'

an exclusive for the Texas family man brought to you by DirdEY TV

[Dave Eddy]:: In closing, . . . 'Please, Mr. Kersh, please . . . show up to South Beach Sunday . . . we'll be waiting.'

(Dave Eddy shoots the reporters a mischievous smile before quickly folding the paper, turning on his heel, and marching away from the podium and out of frame.  The room begins to buzz as members of the wrestling press compare notes on The Design's statement to not only SSW, but Brent Kersh also, as the scene fades to . . . black.)