XXXWF PRESENTS:
FRIDAY NIGHT V I C E
May 12, 2000

Live from the Westport Playhouse in St. Louis, MO.

[Fade into the Westport Playhouse. Fireworks go off... the camera pans around the cheering crowd. Rock music plays in the background as the camera then cuts to another camera that is ringside. You can see our two heroic and (some would say) drunken hosts...]

Tom Sedgewick: Welcome everyone to the beautiful Westport Playhouse in St. Louis, MO. I am Tom Sedgewick, and I am joined by, as always, my talented co-host and partner in crime: "Dangerous" Danny Price.

Danny: This is Friday Night Vice, and, as always, we have one hell of a show in the works for tonight.

Tom: I am getting word on something happening in the back. Lets cut to our camera backstage...

[The Bitch/Hazel forces emerge from a stretch limo into the underground parking facility of the XXXWF arena. Immediately, Sirkus and Mudd form a human shield around Hazel, who is barely visible. Jennifer doesn't appear to be present.]

Reid: Alright, lets take it slow! That stupid bastard could be anywhere.

Geek: Don't worry about it, Hazel. He ain't dumb enough to try anything with all of us here.

Reid: Don't tell me what the hell he is capable of!!!! Look, you two dropped the ball last week. Tonight you find that imbecile and his Captain Peg Leg and blasted their asses. Do you understand me!!!

[Geek swirls around and glares at Hazel. Mudd steps forward, silently indicating that it would be a good idea to drop it. Phreek remains noncommittally in the background. Seeing no other option, the greasy carny nods and turns around. The convoy moves on into the depth of the garage and out of sight.]

Tom: I assume the "stupid bastard" is Forrest Bump. It looks like BitchHazel Enterprises is trying to take the easy way out tonight.

Danny: Well, the easy way is always the best way.

Tom: Well, we can argue all night... let's head to the ring for our first contest.

Bill Carr: The following contest is the opening contest for Vice. It is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Ruby Ridge, weighing 245 pounds... ARYAN WHITE!

["Sick of You" by GWAR plays as White makes his way to the ring. He is given a massive heel pop by the fans. White brings a garbage can filled with
bricks wrapped with barbwire to the ring.]

Bill Carr: And his opponent, accompanied by fellow Reign of Terror member Rod Harden, from parts unknown, weighing in at 290 pounds... JUDAS LUSTRESS!

["Unforgiven" by Metallica plays as Judas makes his way to the ring.]

Tom: Well, this will be Judas' first real challenge in the XXXWF. He has gotten several victories against lesser, for lack of a better word, competition.

Danny: Well, it still doesn't change the fact that Judas is a beast.

Tom: Aryan can be an animal as well. I think both of these men are just going to beat the shit out of each other for our enjoyment.

Danny: Yeah, pretty much.

Tom: Lets get to the ring for the match.

[Both men are in the ring, but White slides out of the ring, and quickly grabs the garbage can full of bricks wrapped in barbwire, and throws it at Judas' head. It connects, and Judas is knocked down to the mat. White then reenters the ring and grabs a brick, and slams it right into Judas' face, drawing blood. Rod Harden then enters the ring, but White nails him with a barbwire brick! Harden then runs from the ring, but by this time, Judas has gotten back to his feet. Judas nails White with several lefts and rights, then picks White up and slams him down to the mat. Judas then goes for the cover, 1.. 2.. kickout. Both men get to their feet, and they trade punches. Judas is able to whip White into the ropes, then nails him with a running clothesline that nearly takes White's head off. Judas then climbs to the second rope, and drops an elbow onto White. Judas then goes for the cover, 1.. 2.. kickout. Judas then looks around the ring, and grabs one of the barbwire bricks, and nails White with one! White is now also busted open. Judas then picks White up for a slam, but White counters it by nailing Judas with a lowblow. White then sends Judas to the mat with a DDT. White then grabs a brick a barbwire brick, and lays it on Judas' face. White then grabs the garbage can, and he smashes the can down onto the brick and therefore also Judas' face! Rod Harden then runs back out, but White throws a brick at him, and nails him in the arm. While White's back is turned, the Mad Bagger sneaks into the ring from behind, via the crowd. He grabs a chair from ringside on his way in, then nails White from behind with the chair! Bagger then tosses White out of the ring, where Bagger and Rod double team White, allowing Judas time to recover. Bagger and Rod then grab White and toss him back into the ring, and leave. Judas crawls over, and goes for the cover, 1.. 2.. kickout! Judas gets to his feet, and then picks White up, and slams him onto the garbage can. Judas then bounces off of the ropes, and drops an elbow onto White. Judas then goes for the cover, 1.. 2.. kickout. Both men get to their feet, and Judas whips White into the ropes, and White bumps into and knocks out the referee. White then rolls out of the ring. Judas then follows him out, but White nails him with an eyegouge as Judas drops to the floor. White then slams Judas onto the announce table, but it doesn't break. White starts yelling at Judas, and Tom Sedgewick gets up tells White to knock it off. White then goes over to the ring, and reaches in and grabs a barbwire brick. White then goes to hit Judas with it, but instead hits, and knocks out, Tom Sedgewick! Danny Price ducks under the table for protection. Judas, by this time, rolls off the table and nails White with several punches. White then makes a comeback, and he and Judas brawl their way around the ring, and back to the locker room! White then whips Judas into a door, which breaks open on impact. The two men are outside the arena near the loading dock. White and Judas exchange lefts and rights, till White nails Judas with a kick to the crotch. White then picks up Judas and slams him off the dock into a dumpster filled with fluorescent light bulbs as well as other dangerous trash! White then hops off of the loading dock and walks back toward the parking lot. The Mad Bagger and Rod Harden then appear in the loading dock area, and they try to help Judas get out of the dumpster. Then, they hear a honk of a car horn, which turns out to be Aryan White in a pickup truck heading full speed at the dumpster! Bagger and Rod are able to get the bloody Judas out of the dumpster a split second before White crashes into it. White, who hurt himself a bit when he crashed his truck, hops out of the truck, carrying a baseball bat. White then goes after the Reign of Terror, and knocks Bagger out with the bat, as Rod flees. White then drags Judas back to the ring. Then, White rolls Judas into the ring, and follows him in. White then walks over to the ref, and awakes the ref with several slaps. White then covers Judas for the pin, 1.. 2.. kickout! Judas then slowly gets to his feet, and White grabs a barbwire brick, and nails Judas right in the head with it. White then goes for a cover, 1.. 2.. kickout! White then slides Judas out of the ring, and sets him up on the announce table. White then climbs back up the ring to the top rope, and gives the Nazi salute. White then jumps off the ringpost and nails Judas with the White People's Elbow, breaking the table. White slides Judas into the ring and goes for the cover, 1.. 2.. 3! Aryan White is the winner of the match.]

Danny: I can't believe it, my partner is hurt, and the announce table is already broken. Oh my. White is one hell of a brawler. Um, Tom... wake up, I'm lost... I need you!

[Danny kneels down and tries to wake the unconscious and bleeding Tom Sedgewick. Tom wakes up, and slowly gets to his feet.]

Tom: Damn... I'm bleeding.

Danny: You got hit in the head with a barbwire brick, of course you are bleeding.

Tom: Heh, I don't feel to bad. Lets get to the next match.

Danny: You mean you are going to continue? Shouldn't you get medical help?

Tom: I am a man, I can take it.

Bill Carr: The following contest is a Island Scaffold Match. It is also Bojo's Retirement Match! Introducing first, accompanied by Mi Lang, from Kumamoto, Japan... weighing in at a combined weight of 482 pounds... Bojo and Kid Tsunami... RISING SUN!

["Shimmering Horizon" by Kintaro plays as Rising Sun are shown on the island. Bojo has a black duffel bag filled with weapons, Kid Tsunami has a chair with his fathers name on it and barbwire wrapped around his feet.]

Bill Carr: And their opponents, accompanied by Loviator, weighing in at a combined weight of 510 pounds... Loki and Euronymous, the ENEMIES OF CHRIST!

["Fine Day to Die" by Emperor plays as the Enemies of Christ and Loviator, with her wolf, are shown on the island.]

Danny: I have a question. What is the point of having a scaffold on the island?

Tom: Honestly, so someone can either hurt themselves or someone else really bad.

Danny: So its basically just one big weapon?

Tom: Yes. To win, one team must simply get on the boat and sail away. By the way, I have just been informed that shark food has been placed in the water, to attract sharks.

Danny: Hmmm, why? Like this match couldn't be more dangerous.

Tom: I think that Bojo just wants to go all out in his last match. Well, lets take you, via a remote camera, to some island somewhere for the match.

[The two team glare at each other intensely, till they all just rush at each other. All four men brawl at the base of the scaffold on the island. Bojo is brawling with Euronymous and Kid Tsunami is fighting with Loki. Tsunami nails Loki with his chair, then kicks him in the groin. Tsunami then nails Loki on the back with the chair. Bojo slams Euronymous down to the ground, then goes looking into his bag. Bojo then takes an Ice pick out! Bojo then stabs Euronymous with it, in the arm, drawing blood. Loki sees this, and he clotheslines Tsunami down, then goes after Bojo. Loki nails Bojo with several rights and lefts, till Tsunami sneaks up from behind and nails Loki with a
lowblow. Bojo then goes back into his bag, and pulls out a screwdriver, and tries to ram the screwdriver into Euronymous. Loki and Tsunami trade lefts and rights, and Loki slams Tsunami down to the ground. Loki then grabs Tsunami's chair and nails Tsunami in the face with it. Meanwhile, Euronymous is slowly getting to his feet, and Bojo then justs kicks him back to the ground with a superkick. Bojo then goes back to his bag, and grabs a pizza cutter. Bojo runs the pizza cutter over Euronymous' face, drawing blood. At the same time, Loki smashes Tsunami's face into the base of the scaffold. Tsunami then blocks a right from Loki, then kicks him in the crotch. Tsunami then whips him into the base of the scaffold, then sends him down to the ground with an inverted DDT. Bojo, at this time, is looking in his bag again, and pulls out a fork. Bojo then goes to stab Euronymous with the fork, but Euronymous gets to his feet, and grabs a handful of sand and tosses it into Bojo's face, blinding him. Euronymous then goes for a slam, but Bojo blocks it with several elbows. Bojo then takes Euronymous to the ground with a suplex. Bojo then looks back into the bag, and whips out a cheese grater! Bojo rams this into Euronymous' head, which cuts up his face even more. Over by the scaffold, Tsunami grabs his chair, and goes to nail Loki with it, but Loki blocks it. Tsunami then goes to kick Loki in the groin, but Loki jumps backward and avoids the kick to the nuts, so Tsunami then just nails Loki in the face with a superkick. Tsunami then places the chair onto Loki, then he begins to climb the scaffold. Elsewhere, Bojo picks the bloody Euronymous up, and goes for a side suplex, but Euronymous blocks it. Euronymous then sends Bojo to the ground with a front-layout suplex. Euronymous then drops a knee onto Bojo. Euronymous looks around, and finds the screwdriver on the ground, and he rams it into Bojo's face, drawing blood. In the meantime, Tsunami has reached the top of the scaffold, and looks down onto Loki. Tsunami then leaps off of the scaffold and crashes into Loki with the Tsunami Splash! Both men lay unconscious on the ground. Elsewhere, Euronymous is nailing Bojo with several stiff stomps, and preventing Bojo from getting back to his feet. Euronymous then picks Bojo up, and goes for a slam, but Bojo blocks it, and knees Euronymous in the midsection with a kneelift. Bojo then slams Euronymous to the ground. Bojo then goes back to his bag, and takes out the last item in it, a saw. Bojo then wraps the empty duffel bag around the saw, and then whips out a lighter and a small container of lighter fluid from his tights, and sets the saw on fire! Bojo then slices Euronymous with the fiery saw! In the mean time, Tsunami has gotten back to his feet, and walks over to the ocean, to the row boat. Tsunami is then attacked from behind by Loki. Loki then DDTs Tsunami down to the beach. Loki then pounds on Tsunami with several lefts and rights, then drops a knee onto him. Bojo sees this, and leaves the bloody and burnt Euronymous, and the saw, behind. Bojo nails Loki from behind with a forearm, but it doesn't take Loki down. Loki nails Bojo with several rights and lefts, and the two men brawl over away from Tsunami, who is lying on the beach. Loki smashes Bojo into a tree, then sends him to the ground with a suplex. Loki then climbs up the tree, and drops an elbow onto Bojo. Loki then stomps onto Bojo, but Bojo recovers, and nails Loki with a lowblow. Bojo then slams Loki on top of Euronymous. Bojo then grabs Tsunami's chair, and nails Loki with it. Bojo then drops the chair, and climbs the scaffold. When he reaches the top, he whips out the lighter and the small container of lighter fluid from his tights. Bojo then begins to spray the fluid onto himself! Bojo then takes the lighter, and sets himself on fire! The fiery Bojo then moonsaults off of the scaffold onto the Enemies of Christ!!! Bojo then crawls into the ocean, near the boat, and the water puts the flames out. Bojo then gets up, and grabs the unconscious Tsunami, and throws him into the boat. Bojo then gets into the boat himself, and begins to row the boat off of the island. Rising Sun are, therefore, the winners of the match!]

Tom: Good god, Bojo set himself on fire! What a way to go out in your last match.

Danny: That's insane. I mean... words cannot describe what we just saw.

Tom: Danny, remind me not to ever piss someone like Bojo off.

Danny: Sure. That's the smartest thing I have ever heard.

Tom: Well, wait a second, let's take you backstage, something is going on.

(The Sirkus of Paine is seen lying amongst a pile of folding chairs in the locker room area. Phreek is beginning to stir but Geek is apparently out cold. Blood is running down the giant albino's face.)

Tom: I wonder what happened to the Sirkus?

Danny: Well, Tom, they got beat up. That's pretty simple if you ask me.

Tom: I know they got beat up, but by who?

Danny: I don't know, don't ask me.

Tom: Well, you don't know anything anyways. Lets send it to Bill Carr for our next contest.

Bill Carr: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, being led to the ring by Hazel Reid , from Church Hill, Alabama, weighing in at a colossal 430 pounds... MUDD!

["My Name Is Mud" by Primus begins to play as the crowd starts booing, as Mudd makes his way to the ring.]

Bill Carr: And his opponent, being led to the ring by Lt. Dan, from Mama's House, weighing in at a slim 141 pounds... FORREST BUMP!

[Crowd cheers for Forrest and Lt. Dan as they make their way to the ring.]

Tom: Forrest and Mudd have had, as well all know, a long and complex feud.

Danny: Yeah, a feud that Mudd is winning. And, if Forrest thinks Lt. Dan is any replacement for Jenny, boy is he wrong.

Tom: Well, I think Lt. Dan is a good improvement for Forrest, I mean, Lt. Dan is not a little bitch...

Danny: Watch your mouth, don't talk about Jennifer like that!

Tom: I was talking about Hazel. Anyways, let's get to the match.

[Forrest and Mudd lock up. Forrest is shoved down to the mat by Mudd. Forrest then gets up, and nails Mudd with a stiff right. Mudd then goes for a right of his own, but Forrest ducks, and then Forrest nails Mudd with a lowblow. Forrest then whips Mudd into the corner. Forrest then runs at the corner, and nails Mudd with a spear, but Mudd is still on his feet. Forrest then knees Mudd in the midsection, then sends the big man to the mat with a bulldog. Forrest goes for the cover, 1.. 2.. kickout. Forrest then gets to his feet, and Mudd slowly gets back to his. Forrest bounces off the ropes, and goes for a clothesline, but it has no effect on Mudd. Mudd grabs Forrest and chokeslams him to the mat. Mudd goes for the cover, 1.. 2.. kickout. Forrest then gets to his feet and nails Mudd with a few lefts and rights. Forrest then charges into Mudd with a clothesline, but the big man stays on his feet. Forrest then goes for a slam, but he cannot lift Mudd up. Mudd then nails Forrest's back with a few forearm smashes. Mudd then goes to powerbomb Forrest, but Forrest counters and sends Mudd down with a hurricanrana. Forrest then punches the big guy in the face a few times, before getting him back to his feet. Forrest then nails Mudd with a few stiff shots. Forrest then nails Mudd with a few knife-edge chops, but Mudd shrugs them off and then goes to hip toss Forrest, but Forrest holds on and lands on his feet, and gets Mudd into a wristlock. Mudd breaks the wristlock with a short-arm clothesline, that sends Forrest to the mat. Mudd goes for the cover, 1.. 2.. kickout. Mudd gets up, and whips Forrest into the ropes, then takes him down with a sidewalk slam. Mudd then nails Forrest with a fist drop! Mudd then begins to climb up the ropes, but Forrest gets up and nails Mudd with a lowblow, which sends Mudd crashing down into the mat. Forrest then gets Mudd to his feet. Forrest bounces off the ropes, and goes for a dropkick, but it doesn't knock Mudd down. Forrest then bounces off the ropes again, but he is then nailed in the face by the big boot from Mudd. Mudd then grabs Forrest, and suplexes him down to the mat. Mudd then bounces off the ropes and goes for a splash, but Forrest rolls out of the way, and Mudd crashes into the mat. Forrest then drops an elbow, then hooks a leg and goes for the pin, 1.. 2.. kickout. Both men get to their feet, and Forrest goes for some punches, but Mudd shrugs them off, and nails Forrest with a headbutt. Mudd then sends Forrest crashing into the mat with a piledriver! Mudd goes for the cover, 1.. 2.. kickout. Mudd gets to his feet, and he picks Forrest up, and whips him into the ropes. Mudd goes for a clothesline, which Forrest ducks. Forrest then turns around and nails Mudd with a dropkick to the knee. Forrest goes for the cover, 1.. 2.. kickout. Mudd rolls out of the ring and the ref is beginning his count. Meanwhile, a dark haired woman in sunglasses appears out of the audience. She slides into the ring and sprays something in Bumps eyes. Ripping off her wig and glasses, she reveals herself to be the seductive Jennifer. Blinded he stumbles right into the arms of Mudd who delivers a devastating belly to back suplex. The big man follows it up with a big splash and goes for the cover. Bump kicks out. Jennifer runs to Hazel with Lt. Dan in hot pursuit. Suddenly the Sirkus, bandaged and bruised, come running from the back. Geek stops Dan with a boot to the face. Phreek grabs the former military man out of his chair with one hand and prepares to deliver the Phreek Out on the concrete floor. Jennifer screams her approval. Before he can slam the one legged war hero, Joel Irons and Jack Labowski attack the Sirkus. Hazel and Jennifer use this distraction to make their escape through the crowd. The bell is ringing, the referee is calling a halt to this one. Forrest dropkicks Mudd over the top rope just as the first ding sounds. Sirkus continues to brawl with Labowski and Irons all the way back to the dressing room area. Bump pursues Mudd who is following his managers through the crowd.]

Tom: Goodness, when is Bump going to get his revenge?

Danny: You don't sound too unbiased there Tom.

Tom: Don't call me unbiased, you are the one with the crush on the bitch.

Danny: I don't have a crush on Hazel.

Tom: I was talking about Jenny this time. Anyways, why are we arguing. The simple fact is that was one hell of a match, but someday, someway, Bump will get his revenge.

Danny: When hell freezes over.

Tom: Whatever. We got to get to our main event, so lets send it to Bill Carr.

Bill Carr: The following contest is the main event. It is for the XXXWF World Title. Introducing first, from Tehran, Iran, weighing 215 pounds... SIAD AHUJA!

["Allah Hoo" by Nasrat Fateh Ali Khan plays as Ahuja makes his way to the ring.]

Bill Carr: And his opponent, from Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, weighing 216 pounds... The XXXWF World Champion, "THE SAVIOUR" DAMIAN ROSE!

["Sad But True" by Metallica plays as Rose makes his way to the ring. He is given a massive heel pop by the fans.]

Danny: I don't mean to be an ass, but how has Siad earned a World Title shot?

Tom: Well, first off, Rose did agree to it. Second, the officials in the XXXWF feel that giving Siad a title shot would look good for international relations.

Danny: Whatever! I say they just want to take the belt off of Rose as soon as possible.

Tom: Honestly, I could see how one might think that. But we have no time to discus this, lets get to the match.

[Rose and Siad lock up. Rose whips Siad into the ropes, then goes for a clothesline, but Siad ducks. Siad is able to kick Rose in the midsection, then send him to the mat with a belly-to-belly suplex. Siad goes for the cover, 1.. 2.. kickout. Rose gets to his feet, and begins to hammer away at Siad, and whips him back into the ropes. Rose sends Siad down to the mat with a clothesline. Rose then drops an elbow onto Siad, and then goes for the cover, 1.. 2.. kickout. Rose then gets Siad to his feet, and goes for a powerslam, but Siad reverses it into a small package and goes for the cover, 1.. 2.. kickout. Both men then spring to their feet, but Siad sends Rose down to the mat with an armdrag. Siad then bounces off the ropes and drops an elbow onto Rose. Siad goes for the cover, 1.. 2.. kickout. Siad then gets Rose to his feet, and whips him into the ropes. Siad then nails Rose with a big boot, which sends Rose staggering towards and over the ropes, and Rose falls to the ground. Rose is slowly getting up, as Siad slides out of the ring. Rose then nails Siad with a stiff right, and whips him into the ringpost. Rose then grabs a chair, and plasters Siad with it, sending him down to the mat and busting him open. Rose then climbs up onto the ring apron, and goes for a splash onto Siad, but Siad rolls out of the way, and Rose crashes into the cold concrete floor! Siad then gets to his feet, and grabs the chair, and nails Rose with it right in the face, busting him open. Then Siad rolls Rose back into the ring. Siad follows him in, and then goes for the cover, 1.. 2.. kickout. Siad gets Rose to his feet, then whips him into the ropes. Siad then sends Rose down to the mat with a superkick. Siad then applies a half-Boston crab onto Rose! Rose is in pain, and he is reaching for the ropes. Rose reaches the ropes, and the ref is forced to break the ropes. Siad breaks the hold, and waits for Rose to get to his feet, then Siad sends Rose to the mat with an armdrag take down. Siad then stomps onto Rose, who slides out of the ring. Rose then grabs Siad's feet from outside the ring, and trips him and slides him out of the ring. Rose then nails Siad with several lefts and rights, then whips him into the cornerpost, but Siad reverses it, and Rose crashes into the post. Rose doesn't go down, though, and Siad picks up and slams Rose down to the cold concrete floor. Siad then stomps onto Rose. Siad then looks under the ring, and slides out a table. Siad then sets up the table outside the ring. Rose crawls up from behind, and nails Siad with a lowblow. Rose then places Siad onto the table. Rose then enters the ring, and prepares to slingshot over the ropes onto the table, but the Reign of Terror runs out. Bagger slides into the ring, and he and Rose begin to trade lefts and rights. Judas and Rod both pick Siad off of the table, and then toss him off to the side. Judas then enters the ring, and nails Rose from behind. Judas then picks Rose up, and powerbombs him over the ropes through the table! Bagger slides out of the ring, and gets one cheap stomp on Rose, before he and the rest of the Reign of Terror leave the ring area and head back to the locker room. Siad then gets to his feet, and walks over to Rose. Siad picks Rose up and slides him into the ring. Siad then follows him back in, and then Siad goes for the cover, 1.. 2.. kickout! Siad then gets Rose to his feet, and whips him into the ropes, but Rose ducks Siad's clothesline. Rose then turns around as Siad bounces off of the opposite ropes, and Rose goes for a backbody drop, but Siad lands on his feet. Rose turns around, and Siad kicks him in the gut, and goes for a piledriver. Rose reverses it into a backbody drop, but Siad lands on his feet again. Rose turns around, and Siad goes for a superkick, but Rose ducks it. Rose then nails Siad with a hard right, then a kneelift, then Rose nails Siad with the Last Rites! Rose goes for the cover, 1.. 2.. 3! Damian Rose is the winner of the match, and still XXXWF World Champion.]

Tom: What a match! I am so impressed with how close Siad came to winning the title. However, despite Reign of Terror interference, Damian Rose is still the champion.

Danny: He sure is, and he is a fine champion.

Tom: Boy, Danny, tonight was a hell of a night.

Danny: Yes it was, and you are still bleeding, I would like to point out.

Tom: Oh well. I am surprised it took this long before I got hurt. See, I expected that in a league like the XXXWF, even people like you and I, Danny, are not safe from the mayhem.

Danny: You have a point. We also saw four of the greatest and most insane matches I have ever seen.

Tom: Yes, tonight was sure a good night here in St. Louis. Well, everyone, we are out of time. I am Tom Sedgewick, and for my co-host, Danny Price, I wish you all a good night. See you all tomorrow for Shutdown, live from St. Louis.

[Rose celebrates in the ring with the XXXWF World Title. Fade to black...]

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All Matches and most of everything else written by: Mark P. Herman