Well the biggest event in wrestling has come and gone and no, I don’t mean the opening of Ready to Rumble, I mean Wrestlemania. I am sure by now you have read your fill of commentary on Wrestlemania and are just about fit to gag if you hear anymore. Well like I always say you haven’t heard anything yet, if you haven’t heard it from The Robb. However, that will not be the only focus of my column this week. I will manage to sneak in some other things so sit back, relax, put on your glasses (if you wear them of course) and enjoy the only column that takes two sittings to read, Robb is WAR!!!
Now I assume that you are very used to my second paragraphs, you know the one that I tend to go on a tangent and b*tch and moan. Well knowing that you know that I know that you know about....wait now I am all confused. Anyways this will become a thing of the past. Maybe. However, I feel I need to get one last thing off my chest so to anyone who hates this part, please excuse me...The reason I started b*tching in my column in the first place was to have all of you (the fans) feel that I was being on the level with you. Yes, I do regret some of the nasty things I have said in the not-so-distant past, but at the time that is how I was feeling. I do feel like I do something that is valuable to some of you out there. Also, I do believe that anyone who takes the time out of their days to write a column deserves a measure of respect. Many of you know that this columnist job has been a tough one for me, I have been screwed out of jobs, trusted people I shouldn’t, almost retired a few times, and lost a close personal friend. In the last few weeks it has caught up to me. I have become a darker figure in my column and have begun alienating you, the fans. Now I did this whole “heel” columnist thing before but you seemed to know as well as I that it was all a big joke and I really wasn’t a jerk. In the last few weeks however, that line has blurred. So to all my “true” fans, the ones who take their time to visit my site, e-mail me, post messages on my message board, or just read my column week in and week out, Thank you all. I could never have been around for this long without your support.
One more thing, I need an opinion from all of you...do you think that me getting personal in my column and “telling it how it is” is dragging this column down?
Ok, make it one other thing, then we get on with the wrestling, The Robb’s Wrestling Website is now deceased. No, I didn’t sell out and stop because I didn’t get enough hits. We have just changed the name to...drumroll please...Raw Attitude. We have a new attitude, changing look, and a new URL, http://rawattitude.cjb.net. So please take some time to surf on down there and check out what 6 months of painstakingly hard work yields. Not that I am begging or anything...
Okay now before anyone accuses me of never talking about wrestling here goes...”This is what you come for, this is wahat you came to see, it ain’t K-A-N-E, it’s me, it’s me, tha R-O-Double B...” So on with that car wreck that I call Robb is WAR...
Wrestlemania Needs a Straight-Jacket
Okay I ordered Wrestlemania All-Day Long and I was very happy with the
programming they ahd to offer. However, when it came down to the $39.95 spectacular
called Wrestlemania I was totally disappointed. Now I am sure that many of you knew
that I was going to say that, because any other columnist who has the balls to speak the
truth and not kiss @$$ has been sayin it. Why was I disappointed? Wrestlemania is
supposed to be the signature PPV of the WWF, but it was one of the less spectacular
PPV’s in recent memory. No big turns, no debuts, no real shockers. Wrestlemania
All-Day Long hyped up my expectations a little more because I got to see all the greatest
matches and moments in Wrestlemania history. This partially lead to my disappointment
in the 2000 edition of the PPV. I will clarify all of this in my next section and talk at
length about the current angles in the WWF...
The Andromeda System (Get it? Andromeda is a sytem of stars, I am going
to uses a system of stars, oh forget it!!! Start LOSER chants here....)
- Hardcore Battle Royal - What a waste. I have said it before and I will say it
again, the hardcore title is a waste. Tazz looked like he was going to come out victorious
but then Hardcore ended all that with JR’s candy container and pinned Crash (who only
recieved a two-count when the match ended). Not only was this match a bust but the
following night’s sorta unscrewing of the screwjob on RAW sucked too. Dear Vince,
banish the Hardcore title. The only thing cool to come out of this was after
Wrestlemania during the Post-WM Extra feature Hardcore Holly called Michael Cole a
dumb sh*t. It wasn’t bleeped out either. Watching JR and Jerry Lawler back out of that
comment was also amusing.
Rating: 1 of 5 stars. Tazz did get gold, but who cares about the Hardcore Title?
- T & A (Test and Albert) vs. Head Cheese - Test and Albert took a great stride in
this match but it was nothing special at all. My question was what was the point of
having Blackman and Snow turn on Chester and be booed, only to return on Smackdown
as a face team? The action was good but there was little pay-off for this match. This
match was subpar but set up T & A as a formidible tag team just like Head Cheese’s big
victories over established tag teams.
Rating: 3 of 5 stars. At least we got to see Trish “I would sell my soul to the Devil
for five minutes with her” Stratus
- Godfather and D'Lo vs. Bossman and Bull Buchanan - I do contiue to be impressed
by Bull (where’d this guy come from?) even when he missed that back elbow rebound
from the top rope on RAW. D’Lo and Godfather suck @$$. This match was terrible and
the people from Anaheim sure let us know with their unabashed silence during this
match. Bossman is another guy I could do without. I used to be a big Big Bossman fan
back in the old days. I just got the worst possible news I could, that Godfather and D-Lo
will be pushed into a feud with Edge and Christian in the near future and to look for them
getting the straps. Just another reason to give WCW a chance...
Rating: 1 of 5 stars. Bull and D-Lo were impressive but any match with Godfather
and Bossman is doomed to suckdom...(Yes, I do know that is not a word)
- Kat vs. Terri with Val Venis as the special referee - This is a little evidence for the
case of Too much @$$ vs. Not enough @$$. Rikishi needs to show less and Terri and
Kat needed to show more. This match well was never supposed to be a great wrestling
match, but it could have done a better job at doing what it was supposed to do.
Rating: PG 13, should have gone for an NC-17
- Too Cool and Chyna vs. The Radicalz - Now last edition I said that I really, really hate Too Cool. I have reconsidered and now I feel that I really, really, really hate Too Cool. Too Cool gets over and is getting this major push just because they dance. Wow, WWF marks are so friggin lame. I enjoy watching many other tag teams more than Too Cool, including The Radicalz. Speaking of The Radicalz and the WWF. Why is it that the WWF feels the need to make tag teams whose name is plural ends in a “Z”? Is it to try to make them hardcore or something? Edge and Christian were right on Heat when they said “They [Hardyz and Dudleys] are just boys. Hardy Boyz with a “Z”, is that supposed to scare us?” Okay, back to the match at hand. This match basically didn’t set up much besides the continued misuse of The Radicalz. Eddy G as Latino Heat is kinda amusing though. Brian “Grandmaster Sexay” Christopher will be out for approximately 3-4 weeks after succesful knee surgery. At least I won’t have to bear witness to the Hip-Hop Drop for awhile. Staying on the subject of stupid moves, why does Scottie use that dumb @$$ Worm? That has got to be the dumbest move ever.
Rating: 3 of 5. I hate the dancing fools, but the match was alright.
- Rikishi and Kane vs. X Pac and Road Dogg - Okay I admit, I looked way too far
into this match. I thought that maybe Kane would turn on Rikishi and there would be a
feud there. Would have been interesting right? Well this match went on without a turn
or anything significant except Kane beating X-Pac again. Anyways Kane may be out for
up to 8 weeks with a broken hand. Will this signal the return of Undertaker? One thing I
have to point out is that Glen Jacobs, the man under that Kane mask has been wrestling
with that broken hand for awhile now because he didn’t want to miss Wrestlemania.
Rating: 4 of 5. Just based on Jacob’s guts.
- Kurt Angle vs. Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit for the European and IC title in 2/3 falls Triple Threat match - The matches were good but a bit surprising. I am glad to see Jericho drop the European Belt to Guerrero because Jericho should not be concerned with such a pathetic belt. I mean, any belt that both X-Pac and Shane McMahon held should be tossed into the water off of a bridge (Sound familiar? It should Rock v. Stone Cold on a bridge, belt and “Austin” go off). Benoit gets the IC belt and some repsect and well-deserved recognition. I used to hate Benoit in WCW because he would try to get on mic and have a conversation with the likes of Sid. That I think is why I didn’t like him, at least in the WWF they have guys that can make up for Mr. Roboto’s poor mic work. As for my favorite bad guy, Kurt Angle, he now has a reason to b*tch and moan more than ever. Angle has to be one of the best bad guys in the WWF in years, he has great in-ring ability, a great gimmick, sterling mic work, and a great catch phrase. “It’s true, it’s true.”
- Hardyz vs. Edge and Christian vs. Dudleys in Triangle Ladder Match for the WWF Tag titles - This was by far the match of the night. There were some big bumps but nothing like the first ladder match between The Hardyz and Edge and Christian. It was not a disappointment although I felt cheated because the Dudleys lost. In a side note, the WWF is so happy with the Dudleys fan reception that they have begun intensive searches of ECW talent for the next diamonds in the rough. I guess Vince was wrong when he said that no one like or cares about ECW. ECW is the shiznit, that is why WCW and WWF can’t keep their hands out of Paul R. Heyman’s cookie jar. Back to the match, Senton (I refuse to call it Swan-ton) Bomb off the ladder, Holy Crap!!! That was amazing. However it is not like a suplex from 25 feet in the air (EC-dub!!! EC-dub!!!). Despite my insistant comparisons to ECW this match was great and I applaud all the competitors for a great match. The guys in the WWF are crazy enough as it is. ECW is just friggin insane.
- No DQ Fatal Four Way The Rock vs. Triple H vs. Foley vs. Big Show for the WWF title -
I almost had tears in my eyes watching Foley hobble away after this match. Especially after he missed his old patented elbow from the apron. Good job by Triple H of just suplexing Rock through the table to get some of the eyes of the crowd off of Foley writhing in pain after missing that spot. I am going to miss Foley a lot but I hope he stays retired. As a fan I was pissed that Triple H won and Foley didn’t, even though I am a big fan of The Game, I am a huge mark for Mick Foley. It was hard for me to swallow the fact that he went out without the title like I really wanted. Big Show went out rather quickly, I expected he would get eliminated, but not that fast. At least it took 3 guys working together to do it. That way he saves some face. As for The Rock, I didn’t really care who won when it came down to Triple H and Rocky. They are both my favorites in the WWF and I just wanted to see a good match. However, Vince has to come in a screw that up. I can’t stand Vince, this man’s ego is so huge. He ahs to interject himself into the main event at Wrestlemania, fine! He wants to bring his family in there too, fine! He wants to be involved int he decision of the main event too, not fine!!! Why does he feel the need to always be the center of attention? Was he denied love as a kid? What is up with this dick? Now I hear that he is going after little websites for using WWF in the URL or the title, what the hell? The internet is one of the greatest ways to promote the WWF product. Just think about it Vince, we are doing all your dirty work online, for free. I am just glad that my site is named Raw Attitude (rawattitude.cjb.net) and is not infringing on any of their copyrights. I really wouldn’t want to have Vince on my back, he may have me remove my site and replace it with Vince-Is-God.com.
Linda McMahon Next Intercontinental Champ???
Okay now I am done with Wrestlemania, but I am not done with the McMahon’s.
Does anybody else find it sickening that every McMahon, with the exception of Linda,
has held a belt. Shane was the European Champ. Vince was the World Heavyweight
Champ. Stephanie is the reigning Women’s Champ. What is up with this? I saw an
interview with Vince on the Conan O’Brien before he fought Stone Cold at King of The
Ring with Shane. Conan asked why he didn’t just fire Stone Cold and proclain himself
champ. Vince’s response and I swaer to God this was it...”Well , here in the WWF we
have a little thing called credibility. [Crowd laughs] I don’t think the fans would find it
too realistic if I was champ.” Au contraire Vinnie Mac, you were champ, and people
cheered for you. That is why I have little faith in humanity. So if you were shakin your
head in disbelief at my headline, you shouldn’t be, because if all those McMahon’s have
won gold, how long will it be before we see Linda hoisting a belt above her silver locks.
She Sho’ Can Take a Knockout
Damn, Steph took the Rock Bottom at Wrestlemania much better than her father
did. I was actually impressed at her sell of that move. Now all we needed to see is a few
more WWF Superstars come out and see if she could sell some other moves. How about
a Pedigree? I know, how about the Clothesline From Hell. Oooh Oooh, how about the
Show Stopper. The Dominator? Impaler? How about a Powerbomb from the top of a
csge through a table onto a bed of thumbtacks? That I would pay to see....
April 10, 2000...A Day That Will Live in Infamy
Now I know that many of you hate when I talk about WCW, but I don’t care...Bischoff and Russo have me really excited about the future of WCW. Russo I believe is the best mind in wrestling today. Shane McMahon said that Russo was just one of about 40 individulas tho had input in the revamping of WWF programming. My response, ummm bullsh*t!!! Shane is just trying to help Daddy save face for losing Russo to WCW. Russo is the mind behind WWF Attitude. It is true what has been reported, Russo accoplished all he could in WWF and he went out on top, he pulled a Jordan. In his time Russo guided WWF from the second best program to the perennial number one they are now. Now it is his turn to help guide WCW back to the promised land. Morale is back up in the WCW camp as many of the wrestlers are hopeful that Bischoff and Russo will help elevate their struggling company. The only problems I see is that they are very short on talent as a lot of their big names are on the shelf or gone. Goldberg will be on hand on Monday but will most likely be unable to wrestle for awhile. Shane Douglas will also be returning soon. In big news ECW’s Mike Awesome may be going to WCW. This will be great. Every reporter in the Net is trying to speculate on whether Awesome has an out clause in his contract. Just today I have heard that he does or he doesn’t about 8 times. No one knows but Heyman and Awesome. We will have to wait and see what happens. If WCW does get Awesome look for him to win the belt in no time. That would be great to see Hogan take a Awesome Bomb through a table. For those who don’t know what an Awesome Bomb is, please just watch ECW on TNN and see. Back to WCW, if you still don’t want to watch WCW on Monday because of their lackluster performance over the last few months, check this out..."If it was a horse, I would just shoot it," Bischoff said of the old WCW programming. "That's what we're going to do on April 10 in Denver." (Source: New York Daily News).
Finish Him!!!!
- These are what I think are the best five finishers in wrestling:
5) Dominator - This move gets no respect. Especially since Farooq barely uses it
anymore.
4) Sharpshooter - Going Old School here. This hold is actually really painful as
most submissions go. I would tap to this but not to the Ankle Lock. Trust me, I know.
3) 3D - A really nasty move. The best double team move in history.
2) The Rock Bottom - Should always be used instead of The People’s Elbow.
1) Triple H’s Pedigree - Not to be confused with Stevie Ray’s Slap Jack.
Honorable Mentions : Awesome Bomb, Fameasser, Outsider Edge, Walls of Jericho,
Senton Bomb, Whatever Mike Modest’s move is, Diamond Cutter, Jackhammer, 5 Star
Frog Splash, Tazzplex (ECW Style), Diamond Dust, Evenflow DDT, Paizan Plant, Sky
High, Shooting Star Press, The Stroke
The following is the top five worst finishers...
5) The Olympic Slam - Couldn’t they come up with anything better than this for
Angle. Well I guess it is better than than the Norman Conquest or Crossface
Chickenwing.
4) Bossman Side Slam - Wow, what a great move? Not!!!
3) H-Bomb - As opposed to 3D, this is the worst double team move in wrestling
ever.
2) Rikishi’s @$$ - This is the worst excuse for the use of someone’s @$$ since my
friend Chris stunk up my car after eating tacos. Rikishi’s golf ball look-a-like @$$
makes me sick, especially when they zoom in on the crevices. I don’t think we have to
go search the caves of Mars to find life, just look in Rikishi’s craters.
1) Hogan Leg Drop - This move should have been lost in the 80’s much like most of
Hogan’s hair was. This move cannot legitimately keep the biggest, baddest stars down
today, can it? Well if recent actions prove anything, it has and it will, unless it comes to
The Wall.
Honorable Mentions: X-Factor, Road Dogg’s Pump Handle Slam, Clothesline From
Hell, Hip Hop Drop, Big Splash, Norman Conquest, Sweet Chin Music (glorified Super
Kick), Torture Rack, anything Tank Abbot does, Tongan Death Grip, Bionic Elbow
I know I have left our some of your favorite and least favorite moves, but that is all I thought that was worth mentioning. Yes, I left out the Stone Cold Stunner (aka The Apocalypse, Last Dance, Whipper Snapper), I did this on purpose, just because Austin is everyone’s fave doesn’t make him or his move mine...These are my opinions, think of them as you will, feel free to send me your opinions (JubeiViper@aol.com) and I may post them next time.
Yes, Regis This is My Final Answer Some random thoughts from the Robb
- Did anyone see Kurt Angel talking to Essa Rios. That was the best promo I seen in awhile
- He may be slow, but he has rhythm. The Big Show a dancin’ machine? I like it, especially since it mocks Too Cool. FYI, the “ho” that Show carried from teh ring is his actual fiancee, lucky man. This gimmick sort of reminds me of Stevie Richards impersonating all the superstars of the WWF. Speaking of Richards, where is the Meanie.
- I saw Ready to Rumble. This movie made Goldberg’s performance in Universal Soldier 2 look like it was Academy Award worthy.
- Stop ragging on WWF Aggression, it isn’t that bad if you are a fan of rap. Of course if you aren’t a rap fan you are not going to like it...Run DMC is the greatest rap group of all time.
- WWF Smackdown for Playstation. It has great graphics and the intro sequences and music are incredible. The only problem I see with it is in the limited moves that you can do and the horrible excuse for a Create A Player mode. Other than that I liked Smackdown a lot and I think that serious WWF gamers should rent this one before they buy.
- Is it just me or did it seem like Michael Cole and Ivory are hot for each other?
- I have not been to an arena event for the PPV since 1990’s Royal Rumble. I think it is time to start going again.
What’s That I Didn’t Hear You? Shut the #@$% Up!!!
Now it is time once again for everyone to read Drop The Mic, brought to you as
always by our wonderful friends at Preperation H, I mean Hooked On Phonics...
This week’s guys who are in depserate need of a tongue amputation....
1) Ice T - I am a huge rap fan, in my collection of about 500 CD’s I have about 400 rap CD’s. Not one of them is from Ice T. Now putting all this aside, when I got Aggression I didn’t care too much for the crappy Godfather song, but I didn’t pay it much mind, until... The live performance at Wrestlemania. What a piece of crap that was.
2) The McMahons - If they keep appearing here on Drop The Mic, I may just have to rename if for them. Like the McMahon family brings to you Drop the Mic. No that would placate Vince’s ego too much. Am I the only one that thinks that they all hog the spotlight and get a tad bit annoying. Vince is the only one with any credible mic work, Shane is mediocre, but Steph, Steph is the crown jewel in this family. She must have an easy time playing a bimbo.
3) Sid - As a heel, as a face, I don’t care which, the guy still can’t speak.
Well that is all for today my brethern. I will be back again next week with the best damned column on the Net, it’s true, it’s true!!! If you don’t believe me ask The Rock, okay I can’t back that up, but he is a fellow Miamian like myself so he must like me.
”Well that is all for this week’s sh*t, hope that is was a number one hit. I may rant, and I may rave, but I think I am some of yours’ fave. So just call me that Internet O.G. F that call me, call me that R-O-Double B.”