Next Event:
IWS Ides of March
Next Opponents:
Aidan Cash
Ryan Sharpe
A match...
A cage match...
A triple threat cage match...
A triple threat cage match with barbed wire ropes...
Holy fucking shit.

[The scene opens up in a large field in rural Georgia. Spring has just began and the weather is perfect. You don't see much in the field at first, a few trees here and there, a bale of hay in the middle, and a cooler of beer. A man appears, looking at his watch then looking all around him, like he's waiting on something. As the scene becomes clearer, it becomes apparent the man is Will Juarez, brother of famous pro wrestler Rich "Revelation" Juarez. He checks his watch again, sits down on the bale of hay and cracks open a beer. After what seems like an eternity, the man he's waiting for, the aforementioned Revelation, finally shows up.]

Will: What the hell? You said to meet you here at 2, it's 2:45! And what the hell are you wearing?

Rev: I tried to be here sooner, but this outfit is a bitch to put on, and it's hard as hell to drive with it on. It's the suit they wear when they're training police dogs!

Will: Ok...and why are you wearing a police dog training suit?

Rev: It's called strategy. I got a match coming up with barbed wire ropes. Do you have any idea what that's gonna do? It's gonna tear flesh from bone like it's cutting through butter. So you'll have those two assholes in wrestling tights getting flayed alive, and me...who's smart, wearing this and walking away unscathed and victorious.

Will: Not a bad idea except for one thing: it's bulky as hell, how are you going to be able to move in it, much less wrestle?

Rev: The survival of a species is not dependent on the strongest or most intelligent, but on adaptability. The one who is able to adapt to a change of environment stands the greatest chance of survival, victory in the evolutionary sense. All I have to do is get used to moving in this thing, I'll be just fine.

Will: So you're just going to run around in the field until you get used to it?

Rev: Sort of, but that'll just teach me how to move, I need to learn to do more than just that...so I kidnapped one of the dogs from the training academy.

Will: You know that's a felony right?

Rev: No it's not, he'll be safe and sound when you bring him back to the station later.

Will: Me?! You stole him!

Rev: Exactly, that's why you're returning him. You'll look like a hero.

Will: Or a criminal.

Rev: He's in the cage in my truck, I'll be right back.

[A few minutes later he returns with a vicious looking German Shepherd on a leash. It's taking all of Rev's strength to keep the dog under control.]

Rev: See, in order to defeat two capable competitors such as Cash and Sharpe in such a hostile environment, you'll need the maneuverability of a Sidewinder, the mental acumen of a Specialist, the cunning of a Supervillain, and um...something else about ol' Willie Billy Lilly.

Will: Run out of comparisons?

Rev: Yeah, just pretend I said something witty there.

Will: The dog looks pretty angry. Are you sure this is a good idea?

Rev: Yeah, I'm in the suit, he won't hurt me. Here, take the leash and when I say ready, let him loose and I'll let him chase me!

[As soon as Rev hands the leash over to Will, the dog turns his attention over to Will who is without adequate protection. The dog lunges in the air and attacks Will, sending him to the ground, cowering for his life.]

Will: Ow...my balls!

Rev: Killer, sit!

[The dog stops attacking and sits quietly in the grass, looking innocent and harmless.]

Will: Why didn't you say that sooner?!!

Rev: Had to make sure he was up to the task.

Will: You're an asshole!

Rev: Ok, it's my turn! Ready Killer? Attack me!

[Rev takes off running and in moments the dog has caught up to him.]

[Revelation runs up and down the field with the dog attacking every part of his body he can manage to grab a hold of. He shakes the dog off, but as within a matter of seconds the dog is attacking again. This goes on for about 20 minutes before he calms Killer down and they take a break, sitting on the bale of hay with Rev and Will drinking a beer, and a small bowl of water for the dog.]

Will: Well how's that working out for you?

Rev: I'm tired as shit, this suit weighs like 50 pounds and it hotter than shit.

Will: So are you not going to wear it to wrestle in?

Rev: Oh I still am, just got to get used to it. I'd rather be drenched in sweat than blood, with pieces of skin torn off.

Will: Wait, is it even legal to wrestle in that?

Rev: Fuck if I know, but it's a hardcore cage match, anything goes, what are they going to do, disqualify me?

Will: Good point.

[As they sit and finish their beers, two girls come rolling by on a four wheeler and stop right next to where Will and Rev are sitting.]

Rev: How's it going?

Girl 1: Fine. Is that your dog? He's so cute!

Will: Well, technically...

Rev: Yes, yes it is. We're currently training him, that's what the suit is for, I don't normally go out wearing this obviously.

Girl 2: Does he know any tricks?

Rev: Several...this one's my favorite though: Killer Attack!

[Without hesitation, Killer goes after Will yet again, grabbing him by the groin and driving him to the ground.]

Will: Ow...my balls!

Rev: Killer, sit!

[The dog sits, again looking harmless.]

Girl 2: That's mean! But funny, does he know any others?

Rev: Sure does. Sit! Lay down! Roll Over! Play Dead! Speak! Shake! Stand!

[The dog nods and complies with every command as ordered, the girls look on, impressed.]

Girl 1: That's awesome! We're in the cabin-looking house just down the street, feel free to drop by when you're done here. We're cooking out, got a few friends coming over. Bring your beer.

Rev: If my brother can walk, we'll be there.

[The girls drive off on their four wheeler and head down the hill.]

Girl 2: The one in the suit was kinda cute.

Girl 1: Yeah, but he kinda looks like the guy who lost to Riot back in December.

Girl 2: Oh my God, he does!

[Meanwhile back at the field.]

Will: Why the fuck would you tell him to attack if you knew that the dog could do those other tricks?

Rev: I had no idea he could do those tricks, got lucky there!

Will: Are we going down there?

Rev: In a bit. There's just one more thing I've gotta work on. Whether or not I can wrestle in this damn thing.

Will: How are you going to do that?

[Before he could finish his thought, Revelation picks Will high up in the air and slams him down on the bale, causing hay to fly everywhere.]

Rev: Yep, I'm good, let's go!

Will: I don't feel so good, dude. Maybe we shouldn't go now.

Rev: You look like you need to go to the bathroom, I'm willing to bet they got one there.

Will: I can't use a stranger's bathroom! Especially when the bathroom belongs to two cute girls.

Rev: They're adults Will, they will understand.

[Rev puts the dog back in its cage and drives down the street to the cabin the girls had told him about. He knocks on the door, Girl 1 (also named Jess) opens the door but before she can even invite them in, Will burst past her and down the hallway.]

Will: Outta my way, gotta poop! (Copyright Taft circa 2004)

Jess: What the fuck? Seriously?

Rev: One too many dog-groin attacks methinks.

Jess: Come on in, you don't want to take off that suit? It's gotta be burning up.

Rev: Yeah, good idea.

[As he takes off the suit and sets it outside the door, she sees the tattoos and notices that the guy he "kinda looks like" is, in fact the guy he is. Just ignore that part about losing to Riot, because seriously...fuck that guy.]

Jess: I thought you looked familiar! Revelation, I heard you had lived around here. So did you give up wrestling and become a dog trainer?

Rev: Haha no, I'll confess, the suit is part of my next match. Barbed wire ropes...I can't damage this immaculate piece of work by having it shredded by cold metal, so I'm gonna wear the suit.

Jess: Can you do that? Won't your opponents just laugh at you?

Rev: They'll just be jealous they didn't think of it first. I believe it working smarter, not harder.

Jess: Who's it against?

Rev: Ryan Sharpe and Aidan Cash. Two people I'm not too familiar with in the ring, but oddly enough, feel like I've known them for years.

Jess: I can't believe I've got a real pro wrestler here in my house. That's awesome! So you're gonna win, right?

Rev: I usually do.

Jess: So that match against Riot?

Rev: Shut it!

Jess: I just thought of something, Monica is in the shower. Wasn't your brother headed to the bathroom?

Rev: This ought to be good.

[Rev follows Jess down the hall towards the bathroom. She knocks on the door.]

Monica: What do you want?

Jess: Are you enjoying your company in there?

Monica: What company? Are those guys here?

Jess: Yeah, isn't one of them in there?

Monica: No, is he supposed to be?

Rev: Where the fuck did he go?

[They here a sound in the room directly across the hall. Rev turns and leans against the door.]

Rev: What the hell are you doing in there?

Will: Umm...exactly what it seems like.

Jess: In my closet?!

Will: Bathroom door was locked. I panicked, that just made things worse.

Rev: Well, we had a wonderful time, I guess we'd better get going...

[Will comes out a few minutes later, refusing to make eye contact with anyone, the brothers make their way out the door.]

Will: Sorry man, couldn't help it.

Rev: It's ok, had a bad feeling anyways...a grown woman who still watches wrestling.

Will: Dude, you're a wrestler, why the hell would that be a bad thing.

Rev: Trust me on this.

Will: Alright dude...hey, where's the dog?

Rev: Shit, did I forget to lock the cage?

Will: We gotta find him.

Rev: That shouldn't be too hard. Killer? ATTACK!

[Like a ninja, Killer runs around the corner and attacks Will yet again.]

Will: Ow...my balls!

[The Scene Fades.]