Funny Python CV....And it's all true... - by Mark Ryan Born in Yorkshire, Mark Ryan was expelled from school at the age of 15 for making 2 shilling pieces in the metal work room. Having no trade, he shunned a career in mining and began working as a cabaret singer, headlining at such venues as Batley Variety Club, the Two Bees in Scarborough and the Macumbi Room, Kitwe, Zambia. Theater followed, playing The Rear End of the pantomime horse and understudying Billy Dainty as Buttons. During this time he blatantly stole other people’s acts and when casting for the premier of the musical EVITA, director Hal Prince gave Mark the part of Magaldi because Tony Christi wanted too much money. Later, Mark had to pretend to be someone else to get an audition for the role of Che and got the job because he owned his own false beard and combat jacket. Following EVITA, Mark was cast as Edmund The Archer in the cult TV show ROBIN OF SHERWOOD but was told on the first day of filming that the character had been renamed Nasir The Saracen and he was to be killed off in episode two. However, an unfortunate kidnapping proved decisive and he was hired for three consecutive years. He still proudly holds the UK record for killing most people in one hour of children’s daytime television. Mark has managed questionable American accents in such shows as: ELMER GANTRY and GUYS & DOLLS, attempted a rather tasteless Indian accent in THE MYSTERY OF EDWIN DROOD and the same year recorded a duet with TOM JONES for the Album MATADOR with a dubious Spanish lisp. More bad accents followed. A really crap French one in THE CORSICAN BROTHERS, a smattering of Swiss in WILLIAM TELL and an indistinguishable eastern European one in THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA. He topped this by insulted the entire German nation, playing FIGARO in THE MARRIAGE OF FIGARO and LEPORELLO in DON GIOVANNI which outraged Mozart lovers throughout Europe. Other embarrassments include: An Argentinean essence in the film version of EVITA, a South London twang in NIL BY MOUTH and an Irish lilt in FRASIER. He finally got to play a Yorkshire man as GORDON in NEVILLE’S ISLAND at The Globe Theater in San Diego but nobody went to see it. After touring the US with Eric Idle in ERIC IDLE EXPLOITS MONTY PYTHON and performing at Carnegie Hall and the Hollywood Bowl, Mark was pleased to be given “time off for good behavior” and was granted a California license as a Private Investigator and Security Consultant. Mark is a pagan and wrote THE GREENWOOD TAROT but swears he’s never worn women’s clothes in public before....Your honor.....   Please note; Mark wrote the above, an abridged version of which was used in the Eric Idle Exploits Monty Python tour programme. AGENTS; McCABE-JUSTICE L.A.  (+1) 323 650 3738 C.A.M. LONDON  (+44) 0207 4970448