Funny Python CV....And it's
all true... - by Mark Ryan
Yorkshire, Mark Ryan was expelled from school at the age of 15 for
making 2 shilling pieces in the metal work room. Having no trade, he
shunned a career in mining and began working as a cabaret singer,
headlining at such venues as Batley Variety Club, the Two Bees in
Scarborough and the Macumbi Room, Kitwe, Zambia.
Theater followed, playing The Rear End of the
pantomime horse and understudying Billy Dainty as Buttons. During
this time he blatantly stole other people’s acts and when casting
for the premier of the musical EVITA, director Hal Prince gave Mark
the part of Magaldi because Tony Christi wanted too much money.
Later, Mark had to pretend to be someone else to get an audition for
the role of Che and got the job because he owned his own false beard
and combat jacket.
Following EVITA, Mark was cast as Edmund The Archer in the cult TV
show ROBIN OF SHERWOOD but was told on the first day of filming that
the character had been renamed Nasir The Saracen and he was to be
killed off in episode two. However, an unfortunate kidnapping proved
decisive and he was hired for three consecutive years. He still
proudly holds the UK record for killing most people in one hour of
children’s daytime television.
Mark has managed questionable American accents
in such shows as: ELMER GANTRY and GUYS & DOLLS, attempted a rather
tasteless Indian accent in THE MYSTERY OF EDWIN DROOD and the same
year recorded a duet with TOM JONES for the Album MATADOR with a
dubious Spanish lisp.
More bad accents followed. A really crap French one in THE CORSICAN
BROTHERS, a smattering of Swiss in WILLIAM TELL and an
indistinguishable eastern European one in THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.
He topped this by insulted the entire German nation, playing FIGARO
in THE MARRIAGE OF FIGARO and LEPORELLO in DON GIOVANNI which
outraged Mozart lovers throughout Europe. Other embarrassments
include: An Argentinean essence in the film version of EVITA, a
South London twang in NIL BY MOUTH and an Irish lilt in FRASIER.
He finally got to play a Yorkshire man as
GORDON in NEVILLE’S ISLAND at The Globe Theater in San Diego but
nobody went to see it.
After touring the US with Eric Idle in ERIC IDLE EXPLOITS MONTY
PYTHON and performing at Carnegie Hall and the Hollywood Bowl, Mark
was pleased to be given “time off for good behavior” and was granted
a California license as a Private Investigator and Security
Mark is a pagan and wrote THE GREENWOOD TAROT but swears he’s never
worn women’s clothes in public before....Your honor.....
Please note; Mark wrote the above, an abridged version of which was
used in the Eric Idle Exploits Monty Python tour programme.
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