don't know when ill be back again...
yep..i've moved on from this site...it makes me sad..it has things up here, that i don't want to remember or take responsibility for....i don't regret what i wrote...i just to want to dwell on it anymore...

so anyways..my new journal is www.greatestjournal.com/~tarnishedbeauty.. and my new sn is atarnishedbeauty....

see ya there...

Do you have to make this so hard?
just got back from elf..it was great...steph is here with me..its great

earlier i was talking to bubba on the internet..and rodney was over there and i told rodney hi..and rodney said "man don't tell her i'm here". the explanation? rodney is a fuckass and is mean to girls that like him...here's a clue buddy..i haven't talked to you in a long as time..take a hint..i don't like you..

my hit list (sorry amber i'm stealing this from you)
1. david campbell
2. rodney wood

well thats all for now..people are mean...untill next time..

are we playing for keeps?
yes..i haven't wrote in a long time...
i haven't really felt the need to..
nothing has really pissed me off enough for me to whine about it up here lately..so i guess thats a good thing..

haha..david asked amber to take him off the hit list..
my hit list
1. David Campbell

you're still on mine....bitch

umm...david miller came back to school... thats good..im glad he's ok...hes so adorable..anyways..

tonight im going to go see elf..its gonna be great

amber burned me the coheed and cambria cd..its surprisingly (is that a word? if so did i misspell it?) great..i like um..

well im done now...untill next time..

'i set myself up for..the greatest fall of all time...'
Matchbook Romance is the shit.......

David Campbell likes Fall Out Boy now..haha..fucking loser.. I'm the one who liked them..but oooooo i wasn't punk enough...Listening to them made me a poser..i guess they're good enough to listen to now..fucker..

Today...is exams...i'm gonna pass them..with a's..its so fucking easy. I have to go home though, and study my ass off for APUSH. Beth Steph And Amber will be there to help.

I was supposed to go watch finding nemo at ryan's house today..but i think he wants me to come over saturday and watch it. He wants to invite kristin. I have no problem with her. even though i heard she didn't like me because i was "stealing beth away from her" last year. What the fuck ever that is childish..yeh she likes him..and i think, well pretty sure he likes her..even though i heard otherwise.. Well im not gonna show up if im invited saturday.. i refuse to sit there and watch a damn movie and see them flirt..sorry..i don't wnat to subject my self to that...too much pain..just too much...

i have more poems..who ever reads this....prolly won't think they are good..but they help me vent..so here i go...

-Close-
So close but so far
my status since the nineth grade
my feelings true & deep
Trust me, i wanted to tell you
But I've been so afraid
now I'm afraid it's
too late to fill you in
My feelings have been given
but won't be recieved beack
My tears & time
have just been useless
I give u this power
But are you truly worth it?
SO in silence I'll Cry
In silence I'll somehomw
make these feelings destruct
why did i let myself go this far
always knowing, you'll never care

-One Last Single Thread-
One last single thread
I'm holding on to you
Maybe one day you'll need me
Instead
of wanting her
one last single thread
of hope, caring for you
i can't let go
would i be better off dead?
but the tables are slowly turning
i see you for who you truly are
there is no more yurning
i need and want to break away
but the sissoers, my feelings
aren't strong enough yet
to cut
that one last single thread.

-my life support-
the wall that holds the house
the wheel that moves the car
you catch me when i fall
you know exactly who you are
No words can explain
what our friendship means to me
when i'm lost and blinded
you can always make me
find the right way
you can always help me see
sometimes i wonder, with out you
would i still be breathing?
I don't want to scare you
but you are
and always will be my life support.

well thats all for today kids..good luck on the exams..tara..fucking call me ok?..lol..untill next time.............

I feel better.....
The Conclusion
Fifty pounds lifted off my chest
I expected the worse
and i didn't get the best
But i'm still happy
Yes, there is a smile upon my face
He didn't run screaming
and now i feel i know my place.
I feel as though I am beaming
we won't let it "get wierd"
him not wanting to be my friend,
was the biggest thing feared.

last night he read it...i feel better...as forest gump would say..."and thats all i have to say about that"..lol

tonight is hatebreed and slayer...i think it would be an interesting concert to go to....get some of that aggression out...lol

yup...this friday i call tara...we're gonna go see a movie i think...yes i know there is a million poems and none are about you...i write my sadness..but im gonna try to be happier and write happy things..and im in the process of creating one for you...

beth..is prolly going to the movies with me....just this time..no shawn...lol..he gets you in trouble...

amber..man u helped me out last night..you're awesome...such a great friend...

well lets see what else can i write..im bored.......man i need a job...i can't wait untill i turn 18 so i can move out..leave my parents behind..its gonna be great...

u know what....i woke up this morning...and i was smiling..wierd..but nice...wierd..though..im happy today..today is great...

this weekend i have to go and buy this magazine so i can make darron his b-day card..he's turning 18...my friends are just growing up..tear..tear..lol..

ok mrs. george is hawking me so im gonna go..untill next time...........

pour my heart out to you in silence
Enigma

Do we know how to get the message across
We turn the lights off to find a way out
It's hard to get through to grasp what was lost
Don't turn the light off and leave me in the dark
Hey, I'm pleading, my soul is bleeding
I don't want to be left alone, not when I'm right next to you
What are you thinking, it's so misleading
Is it not for me to know, I think it's just hard for you to show

We never spoke in the words that we want
We turn the lights off to find a way out
We've never chosen to keep what we've got
Don't turn the light off and leave me in the dark

I thought it would be nice to lie down and close my eyes
It never occurred to me that I am already asleep

Don't be the one to be let go
Don't be the one to be alone
-trapt

finally..i just can't take it anymore...sitting in silence for two years feeling this way...and either you know..and don't care..or you are just oblivious to the whole situation...i care for you..more than just a friend..and im tired of watching you go after these girls and seeing you get rejected....it hurts that yeh..you prolly don't like me..and yeh..if you ever read this...you'll prolly stop talking to me..ill prolly screw up our friendship...but i've "been sitting in silence since he 9th grade..wanting to pour my heart out to you..but i've been so afraid"...that night at jasons..my sadness...my tears...were because of you....i wanted to tell you..but i didn't...and now..i can't hold it in...if you are reading this and don't realize its for you..i guess its not ment to be........if you do realize..i hope i didn't freak you out....i hope we can still be friends..

so untill next time.....

crushed my heart once again
its funny how one little thing can change your mood and how you feel. its also how funny that one little thing changes you so fast. this morning was just like a slap in the face, really it was. i tried to be rodney's friend..and he never would come up and talk to me...but he came up and talked to shannon...i guess thats just how my life is...boys hate me....

tonight is shawn's party. im not dressing up. i don't want to. its a waste of time. i wonder who is gonna be there.........

saturday i get my hair cut finally. and i might go to a concert...if i can find a ride....so yeh..i don't think ill be going..

my stomach hurts..its like im so hungry..im gonna puke...thats not good....

yesterday me and amber were talking...and she said beth was the mentally ill one in the group, i was the lonely one..and she, the intellectual(misspelt?). its true..im lonely...chronicly lonely...its pathetic..i know..

me and amber had some deep conversation yesterday....i think she feels the same way i feel about religion right now....which is cool..because i have someone to relate to...

"it could be worse..you could be black"
"or you could be chinese and have no eyes"
---that ladies and gentle man is the comic relief of mrs. beth. she is truly a one-of-a-kind...lmao

yesterday eric passed away. i didn't even know him, but its so tragic...he was so young..and had a full life a head of someone...i send my condolences to his friends and family....

well its time to go..and uh..happy halloween...untill next time.............

I hate being here
i really hate being in school. it sucks....i feel sick...and i want to go home

yes i am whining....and i don't care. Half of my portfolio for Mr. Dean's class is in stephanie's locker..and may i remind you that it is due today.....i have medicine to take..but mr. deans left us in the computer lab...and i don't have any way of getting some water! ugh! and on top of that...it's raining so there for i prolly won't be able to clean out my car. oh and i forgot..i have a quiz today in statistics...and i have NO FUCKING CLUE HOW TO DO ANYTHING IN THERE! i tried last night to figure it out..but i just couldn't understand. i feel like crying......

white oleander came on last night...i love that movie...patrick fugit is sexy...

well i'm gonna go now...i have nothing else to write..so untill next time............................................................

anesthesize me........make me feel beautiful
holy shit im tired.....

wow people do read my journal..

right now mrs. george is going over dumb stuff for spreadsheets. this class is boring.

saturday...yeh i get my hair cut...cool

just finished my work..this is so dumb

im going on the field trip tomarrow..how about you?

haha..bubba told me rodney got caught stealing at walmart..haha..

saw scary movie yesterday....pretty funny..check it out

yeh..im still lonely..in desire of someone to want me..but i don't think its gonna happen

i don't really know what else to write..but oh..i might be kicking amber canady's ass..that ought to be fun..

oh and my new sn is not poetic tragedy yet...when i get it..ill tell any one..but really..i don't think anyone cares...

ohh and yeh..im a yellowcard fan now...

so untill next time...................

Drain out my lungs before the fluid brings a choke, i cannot inhale the sparkle of your eyes
dont ask where the title came from...its a song from A STATIC LULLABY. i love them guys.

anyways.....i just finished doing this dumb ass shit in Computer Information Systems...its retarded and useless...

I got my computer back at home...my new aim sn is "PoeticTragedy". Aol..yeh..pretty much sucks now..and my computer...is in a conspiracy with my parents..to make me hate all of them..and move out..yeh..im pretty convinced..

tonight..im prolly gonna go spend the night with my omie..i miss her. i think craddock high school is having some haunted house thing...i'll prolly take my little sister...she says she looks up to me..and wants to be just like me..its scary....she doesn't know the depths of this mind. She's a little skater chick..she's ok...still learning....she has no idea what the concept of punk is...not saying that i do..but..she thinks...just because she's a skater and so is all of her friends..they're punks...poor little children..they don't know how labeling can restrict you.

saturday im getting a hair cut..i have to cut off all this faded gray/black/blue....so its gonna be pretty short..yay. im prolly gonna dye it back black again..but i'm gonna talk to my stylist and see why it faded so badly..

what are you doing for halloween? im supposed to go to a party..but..i dunno..i don't feel like dressing up..and the people there are cool..but i don't really know them.
so untill next time............

p.s. does anyone read this?