Funny Harry Potter Quotes

Here are some funny Harry Potter quotes that the characters wouldn't say. Harry:
"I'm joining in Lord Voldermort's Fan Club!"
"Oh Hermione, won't you give me a massage? I'm so sore from Quidditch!"
Hermione:
"Here Harry (handing Harry her chart), use MY chart, it's way better than his (sticks tongue at Ron)."
"Harry, don't you think you should get new robes? They're are sooo last year!"
"Severus Snape! Is that a Love Potion in your hand? 50 points from Slytherin for being a Love Potion-making pervert!"
"Malfoy is the best boyfriend I've ever had!"
Draco Malfoy:
"Pity Dumbledore was sacked! He was the best headmaster we ever could have. Oh well, looks like I'll have to write my father, in recommendation of you, Hagrid."
"I think im going to go over to Harry's house and hang around with him, eat some food and play chess. LOL"
"Here Ron take some of my money and you and your family buy some things you need. I don't need all this money."
"Hermione and Ron I like you a lot. Wanna come hang out at Malfoy Manner for the summer? Oh yeah and Harry can come too."
"But...but...I wanna have a scar just like Harry's, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna!" *cries*
Snape:
"Harry, did you know that I hated James because he stole my love Lilly?"
"I want a signed photo of Sirius Black to keep at my bedside!"
"Quirrel my darling, you must never tell anyone of the secret relationship we've developed."
"I am a loyal supporter of The Dark Lord!"
"Won't you have a cup of tea with me, Harry?"
"Harry, I'm gay and I'm madly in love with you and Prof. Lockhart!"
"Hermione, your front teeth look really cute!"
"*sobs*...all I ever wanted was to be friends with Sirius, Remus and James...*sobs*"
"Very good Prefect Longbottom! 50 points for Gryffindor!"
"Pro. McGonagal likes my hair! Perhaps I shall put more Hair Grease Potion in it! *hums merrily and squeezes*"
"Not now Malfoy, I'm trying to finish this love letter to Voldemort. But you're welcome to deliver it once I finish!"
"50 points from Slytherin!"
"What? Voldemort tried to kill you again, Potter? That evil son of a b****!"
"Potion class is cancelled today - surely you don't mind. I'm planning to run 30 laps today, ate too much on Christmas!"
"Come one Gryffindors - group hug!"
Prof. Trelawny:
"I predict, Harry, that on Wednesday you'll win a bet with Prof. Snape, on Thursday you beat Malfoy, and on Friday you get asked out by Cho!"
Dumbledore:
"(To all the teachers) You're all fired!"
Krum - "Hermy-own I hate your guts."
McGonagal - "*to flitwick* "Do you think I should wear the black robes with Gryffindor on them or Slytherin for my date with Snape?"
Flitwick - "Personally I think you and Sprout would be perfect."
Snape - "I think that you're wonderful Minerva, but I'm gay so this relationship wouldn't work out."
Ron - "Of course I'll go to Hogsmeade with you, Draco, and can I bring my girlfriend Pansy."
Draco - "Good because I'm bringing my girlfriend Hermione and we're going to do it in the Shrieking Shack."
Submissions (Unknown Authors): Snape -
"(To Remus) Do you think Jack ( from Will and Grace ) will go out with me?"
"Harry, do you think you can make me a batch of that hair grease potion? I'm REALLY bad at potions!"
"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs were right! I do have an abnormally large nose don't I?"
"Ohh....That Hermione Granger! She is something! God! Her tight robes, make her butt look sexy! I just want to squeeze it!"
"(Walking downtown Bellingham) Jesus loves the little children! I am a moron, and nobody can deny!"
"*sigh* How do i declare my love for Ron?? Should I just come out and say it?"
Harry -
"Draco is SO hot!!"
"DUMBLEDORE AND HAGRID ARE STUPID AND GAY!"
"Snape? I must confess, I sent you those flowers and chocolates on Valentine's day!"
Ron -
"Harry, do you think Voldie would marry someone as old as well... me?"
"Harry, do you think I should ask out Professor Trelawny, or Pansy?"
"Snape is my favorite teacher!"
"Hermione is hot stuff!"
"Percy is the bestest brother ever!"
Draco -
"How will I tell Harry I love him. His nice butt, and sexy hair......* sigh * Maybe I should get him a rose. (Turns around and Harry is right there) Oh, god! Hi Harry!"
"So, Harry, do you think Hermione will think I'm hotter in this shirt, or the pink one?"
"I love Muggle-borns!! Even better are the Muggles themselves!!"
Dumbledore -
"Man. I love Eminem! He is such a good rapper! Maybe I could get Eminem, Nelly, Mary J. Blige, Fat Joe, Ashanti, and Brandy to do a concert at HogWarts! Alright!"
Voldemort -
"(He is in front of Harry) I don't know how to tell you this but, I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABY!"
Flitwick -
"I should ask Mrs. Norris out! She is as tall as me!"
Hermione -
"Harry, you NEED to do something with your hair, it's sooo out of fashion!"
Hermione: "You should dye your hair Ron, you'd be a total HOTTIE!"
"Professor Snape, can you see my bra through this shirt?"