Chapter Three: (Nells and QSes and Cannibals, Oh My!)

"And the next chapter is called The Knight Bus," Draco announced, sounding half-horrified, and half-amused. "And, Harry, why in bloody hell would you go on that thing?"

"Er...for fun?" Harry asked uncertainly.

Draco stared at him.

"Oh, just read," Harry sulked.

Snickering softly, Draco turned his face back to the book in his hands and started reading.

Harry was several streets away before he collapsed

Sirius- Dead, to the ground.

Others- ::glare at Sirius::

Sirius- Kidding, kidding! Sheesh, you'd think I was serious or something.

Harry- Well, you are Sirius.

Sirius- ::grins:: Siriously Sirius!

Others- ::groan::

onto a low wall in Magnolia Crescent, panting from the effort of dragging his trunk. He sat quite still, anger still surging through him, listening to the frantic thumping of his heart.

Destiny- Which was somewhere in the region of his feet.

James- ...Why would it be down by his feet?

Destiny- ::raises an eyebrow:: Do you really wanna know?

James- ...Point.

But after ten minutes alone in the dark street, a new emotion overtook him: panic.

Peter- Why panic? You're free!

Sirius- ...As a bird!

James- Fly away, Harry, fly away!

Others- ....

Whichever way he looked at it, he had never been in a worse fix.

All- o.O

Harry- I hadn't? What did I call nearly dying three times?

Peter- A piece of cake.

Remus- Still thinking about food, Pete?

Peter- ::flushes:: NO.

Others- ::snicker::

He was stranded, quite alone, in the dark Muggle world, with absolutely nowhere to go.

Harry- Better than being at the Dursleys.

And the worst of it was, he had just done serious magic, which meant that he was almost certainly expelled from Hogwarts. He had broken the Decree for the Restriction of Underage Wizardry so badly, he was surprised Ministry of Magic representatives weren't swooping down on him where he sat.

Lily- Actually, that is rather surprising. It shouldn't be that hard to find him, should it? At least, not when he's only a few streets away.

James- Yeah, well, Ministry wizards aren't exactly the brightest candles on the birthday cake.

Others- ....

James- Let's get back to the book, shall we? ::glares pointedly at Draco::

Draco- ::smirks::

Harry shivered and looked up and down Magnolia Crescent. What, was going to happen to him? Would he be arrested, or would he simply be outlawed from the wizarding world? He thought of Ron and Hermione, and his heart sank even lower. Harry was sure that, criminal or not, Ron and Hermione would want to help him now, but they were both abroad, and with Hedwig gone, he had no means of contacting them.

Destiny- How very convenient.

He didn't have any Muggle money, either.

Lily- Stupid bloody Petunia and Vernon.

James- Death to the Dursleys!

Sirius- Off with their heads!

Remus- Out with Sirius' and James' tongues!

James/Sirius- ::smack Remus::

There was a little wizard gold in the money bag at the bottom of his trunk, but the rest of the fortune his parents had left him was stored in a vault at Gringotts Wizarding Bank in London. He'd never be able to drag his trunk all the way to London. Unless...

Sirius- Unless I suddenly appeared and magicked it away for him?

Remus- Siri, shut up.

Sirius- ::pouts::

He looked down at his wand, which he was still clutching in his hand.

Lily- Well, what else was he going to do with it? Drop it in the middle of the street?

Harry- Just like my great idol, Gilderoy Lockhart. I want to be just like him! ::sighs wistfully::

Others- ::shudder::

James- Don't even joke like that, Harry! I'm going to be scarred for life now! I can just see it...

Sirius- Harry dying his hair blond in the mirror and attempting to style it...

James- Wandering around casting Memory Charms on totally random people...

Sirius- Getting his arse kicked by Snape and liking it....

(My apologies for the following interruption. I had to leave it in here.)

Nell- :pops in:: Kinky... just do it....

QS- ::pops in after Nell:: Damnit, Nell, get outta my harddrive!

Nell- NO, that means me can't search it.

QS- You're not getting into anything but my personal folder, and all that has is my fics that you've already seen!

Nell- Not all of them ::hasneveractuallyreadallofblurryandthinkssheoncesawamean-spiritedMSTofitonff.net::

QS- ...WHAT!? SOMEBODY MSTED MY POOR BABY!?

Nell- yea, they made me maddddddd, they said you were a crappy writer, and and they were mean.

QS- ... ::sniffles: Where's the fic? I know it's not exactly my best work ever, but it's not that bad!

Nell- I dunno, I kinda sorta maybe flamed them and then reported it.

QS- ...D'you remember who wrote it at least? ::wants to whine::

Nell- I kinda meant to mention it to you while you were still writing the first MST...

QS- Why didn't you?

Nell- My first comp crash, and lost the bookmark to it.

QS- Damnit. It's not fair.

Nell- ::pets QS:: me sowwie.... you write good thoughs....

QS- ^-^ ...And speaking of writing...Nell, why in hell are we doing this in the middle of my MST!?

Nell- Cuz me normal? //_-;

QS- ...Define normal.

Nell- Normal - what you except to be average and/or the mean of your actions as compared to others....

QS- ...Right. Can we just get on with the fic, please? I think we might be annoying my readers. (And someone remind me to never let this girl in my files again? I'm gonna hafta protect them with passwords now....)

Nell- you mean the same password for your e-mail and Lj and yahoo e-mail and everything else that I already know?

QS- I'm not that dense, damnit!

Nell- Wanna bet?

QS- NELL!!!! OUTTA MY DAMNED FILES!!!!!!!!!!

Nell- But they are so pwetty.... ::steals the files:: MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

QS- ::snatches the files back:: Out. Now. I mean it!

Nell- Fine. ::sends the files to her via e-mail:: ::gets out of the hard drive, sorta::

QS- Finally. Sorry about that everyone! You can just...get back to the actual fic now. ^^;

(Um...please forgive me?)

All- o.O

Remus- Um...who were they?

Sirius- Dunno. But that was really weird.

Draco- Can we just get back t--

QS- ::pops back in:: Forget what happened, or I'll make you all out of character!

All- ...Huh?

QS- ^^; There was no interruption. I was never here. I'm not here now. Nope, not at all. Respond to Sirius' last comment now, James. ::pops back out::

James- ...Okay, that last part just sounded wrong.

Sirius- ::grins:: Exactly.

Remus- ::smacks Sirius::

Sirius- Ow! Hey!

Remus- (aside, to Lily) D'you get the feeling we're forgetting something?

Lily- ::looks bewildered:: Like what?

Remus- Ah...never mind.

Harry- ::looks slightly green:: Draco, read please.

If he was already expelled

Destiny- Wouldn't he have received a note if he was, though?

James- What, like we know?

Destiny- Well you do live in this country and go to Hogwarts and all.

James- Yeah, but none of us have been expelled before.

Lily- I'm still wondering how that managed to happen.

Remus/Peter- Hey!

Lily- I'm not talking about you two...I'm talking about the idiots.

James- We're not that bad!

Sirius- Yeah! We follow the rules!

James/Sirius- ...Mostly.

Lily- ::rolls her eyes::

(his heart was now thumping painfully fast), a bit more magic couldn't hurt. He had the Invisibility Cloak he had inherited from his father--

James- Yay for me!

Lily- ::glares at James::

James- ...What? I'm helpful.

Lily- Though not in a good way. It's just encouraging him to break more rules!

Harry- ...I'd hate to see what you'd be like if I was actually raised by him then.

Lily/James- ....

Lily- Things would have been so much simpler if I had just married Remus instead.

Sirius- No! He's mine!

Lily- We could switch.

Sirius- ::snarls::

Lily- ...Or not.

what if he bewitched the trunk to make it feather-light, tied it to his broomstick, covered himself in the cloak, and flew to London?

James- You'd be hard-pressed to keep the cloak on throughout the ride. Take the Knight Bus.

Peter- I hate the Knight Bus.

Sirius- Why? I think it's fun!

Peter- Yeah, you would.

Then he could get the rest of his money out of his vault and... begin his life as an outcast.

Sirius- Oooh, then you could be like Aragorn(1) and pretend you're not who you are until you have to kill Voldemort and all.

Peter- ::shivers::

James- ...Like who?

Sirius- Don't you ever read?

James- Muggle fantasy books? Of course not. That's your department, I'm afraid.

Sirius- Well you should read. At least The Lord of the Rings series, you...you...blasphemer!

James- ...Blasphemer?

Sirius- Yes. You broke the first commandment.

James- ::raises his eyebrows:: And that would be...?

Sirius- Thou shalt not be literate and not read The Lord of the Rings.

James- ...Right.

It was a horrible prospect, but he couldn't sit on this wall forever, or he'd find himself trying to explain to Muggle police why he was out in the dead of night with a trunkful of spellbooks and a broomstick.

Destiny- Well obviously you've just escaped from a mental hospital.

Harry- Oh, yes. Because I'm sure they would trust me with knives and poisonous plants. And there's always been one a couple streets from Privet Drive, which is why so many people live there and all.

Destiny- That is entirely besides the point.

Harry opened his trunk again and pushed the contents aside, looking for the Invisibility Cloak--but before he had found it, he straightened up suddenly, looking around him once more.

James- ::winces:: Oh, don't put it on now, Harry. You don't need anyone else knowing you have my cloak.

Harry- Thanks for the warning.

James- ::grins:: No problem.

Harry- ::rolls his eyes::

A funny prickling on the back of his neck had made Harry feel he was being watched, but the street appeared to be deserted, and no lights shone from any of the large square houses.

Sirius- ...Magic, stupid.

Harry- ::glares at Sirius::

Draco- ::whacks Sirius with the book::

Sirius- Ow, hey! Stop abusing me, damnit!

Draco- ...

He bent over his trunk again, but almost immediately stood up once more, his hand clenched on his wand. He had sensed rather than heard it:

Lily- ::frowns:: Do you always trust your instincts blindly?

Harry- ...Pretty much, yeah. They haven't steered me wrong yet.

someone or something was standing in the narrow gap between the garage and the fence behind him. Harry squinted at the black alleyway. If only it would move, then he'd know whether it was just a stray cat

Destiny- Mew.

or--something else.

"Lumos," Harry muttered, and a light appeared at the end of his wand, almost dazzling him. He held it high over his head, and the pebble-dashed walls of number two suddenly sparkled; the garage door gleamed, and between them Harry saw, quite distinctly, the hulking outline of something very big, with wide, gleaming eyes.

Sirius- Well, it was nice knowing you, Harry. Looks like you're about to die.

Harry- I'm always about to die. In case you haven't noticed, I haven't managed to yet.

Sirius- How do you know?

Harry- ...I think dying is something I just might notice, really.

Harry stepped backward. His legs hit his trunk and he tripped. His wand flew out of his hand as he flung out an arm to break his fall, and he landed, hard, in the gutter--

Sirius- Welcome to my world, Harry...but it's supposed to be your mind in the gutter, not your body.(2)

Harry- ::blushes:: Shut up, Sirius.

Sirius- ::snickers::

There was a deafening BANG, and Harry threw up his hands to shield his eyes against a sudden blinding light--

Sirius- Wow. You're awfully noisy whe--

Remus- ::snarls:: SIRIUS!

Sirius- Meep! Don't hurt me, please don't hurt me! ::hides behind James::

James- ::rolls eyes at Sirius::

Harry- ::is bright red::

With a yell, he rolled back onto the pavement, just in time. A second later, a gigantic pair of wheels and headlights screeched to a halt exactly where Harry had just been lying.

Sirius- Me! My motorcycle!

Remus- He would've only seen one wheel if it was your motorcycle.

Sirius- ... ::pouts:: Where am I?

They belonged, as Harry saw when he raised his head, to a triple-decker, violently purple bus, which had appeared out of thin air. Gold lettering over the windshield spelled The Knight Bus.

Sirius- Ooooh, I like the Knight Bus.

James- ::makes a face:: You would, wouldn't you?

Sirius- It's fun!

James- It's nauseating.

Remus- It's boring.

Sirius/James- o.O

Remus- Well it is. The only amusing thing about it is watching everything jump out of the way, and that excitement wore off after the first five minutes of my first ride.

Sirius/James- O.o

For a split second, Harry wondered if he had been knocked silly by his fall. Then a conductor in a purple uniform leapt out of the bus and began to speak loudly to the night.

Sirius- Isn't he supposed to speak to Harry?

James- He's expecting someone to be standing and waiting, not laying in the gutter.

Sirius- But he would've noticed, wouldn't he?

Harry- Don't bet on it.

"Welcome to the Knight Bus, emergency transport for the stranded witch or wizard. Just stick out your wand hand, step on board, and we can take you anywhere you want to go. My name is Stan Shunpike, and I will be your conductor this eve--"

The conductor stopped abruptly. He had just caught sight of Harry, who was still sitting on the ground.

Sirius- In the gutter.

Others- ::roll their eyes::

Harry snatched up his wand again and scrambled to his feet. Close up, he saw that Stan Shunpike was only a few years older than he was, eighteen or nineteen at most,

James- Nice job to get when you're fresh out of school, eh?

Remus- We all know it's your dream job, James.

James- ....

with large, protruding ears and quite a few pimples.

"What were you doin' down there?" said Stan, dropping his professional manner.

"Fell over," said Harry.

"'Choo fall over for?" sniggered Stan.

"I didn't do it on purpose," said Harry, annoyed. One of the knees in his jeans was torn, and the hand he had thrown out to break his fall was bleeding.

Destiny- Ew, blood.

Others- o.O

Destiny- ::looks disgusted:: I've seen enough of it in my lifetime that the mere mention of it makes me queasy.

Lily- Hm. Actually, I can see where you're coming from...but I don't get queasy until I actually see it.

Boys- ::look slightly green::

Sirius- Can we not talk about this?

James- Please?

Remus- We're begging you.

Destiny/Lily- ::giggle::

James- Back to the book, back to the book!

He suddenly remembered why he had fallen over

Remus- How did you forget?

Harry- Carefully.

and turned around quickly to stare at the alleyway between the garage and fence. The Knight Bus's headlamps were flooding it with light, and it was empty.

James- And just what kind of drugs have you been taking, young man?

Harry- ....

"'Choo lookin' at?" said Stan.

"There was a big black thing," said Harry, pointing uncertainly into the gap. "Like a dog... but massive..."

Destiny- Ooooh, the Grim! You're gonna die! ::giggles::

James/Lily- ::look horrified::

James- What are you laughing for?

Destiny- The superstitions surrounding the Grim are funny.

James- ...What?

Destiny- The Grim isn't an omen of death. I mean, it certainly wouldn't be a dog if it was.

James- So what is a Grim then?

Destiny- It's a night spirit.

Others- ::blank looks::

Destiny- ::scowls:: What do they teach you in Hogwarts? Don't tell me you're actually told to believe in that rubbish!

Remus- It's what we're taught in Divinations.

Destiny- Ridiculous! There's normally nothing to fear from a Grim...though there are a few that are rather malevolent. But most are actually very nice and are more than happy to help you. It's the same with any type of spirit.

Others- ::blank looks::

Destiny- You don't know about the spirits or the Elements, do you?

Lily- I've never heard of anything like that.

Destiny- Hogwarts is in desperate need of proper teachers of your classes. There are spirits everywhere, and not even knowing about the Elements...!

Remus- Why don't you tell us about them then?

Destiny- I believe we were in the middle of something. The explanation could take hours, and we don't have the time--I would like to finish this book before we leave.

Remus- You'll tell us later, though, won't you?

Destiny- Better yet, I'll find a few books for you. It'll be a lot better than me attempting to explain anything. But, for now, let's get back to reading. Okay?

Siruis- But...

James- Reading!

Sirius- ::pouts::

He looked around at Stan, whose mouth was slightly open. With a feeling of unease, Harry saw Stan's eyes move to the scar on Harry's forehead.

Sirius- Not the scar! Anything but the scar!

"Woss that on your 'ead?" said Stan abruptly.

"Nothing," said Harry quickly, flattening his hair over his scar. If the Ministry of Magic was looking for him, he didn't want to make it too easy for them.

James- Smart move.

Draco- One of few.

Harry- Hey!

James- ::smacks Draco::

Draco- ::snickers::

"Woss your name?" Stan persisted.

"Neville Longbottom,"

Sirius- ::peers at Harry:: You don't look like a Longbottom. At all.

Harry- I was adopted, okay?

said Harry, saying the first name that came into his head. "So--so this bus," he went on quickly, hoping to distract Stan, "did you say it goes anywhere?"

"Yep," said Stan proudly, "anywhere you like, long's it's on land. Can't do nuffink underwater. 'Ere," he said, looking suspicious again, "you did flag us down, dincha? Stuck out your wand 'and, dincha?"

Sirius- By accident, yes.

"Yes," said Harry quickly. "Listen, how much would it be to get to London?"

"Eleven Sickles," said Stan, "but for firteen you get 'ot chocolate, and for fifteen you get an 'ot water bottle an' a toofbrush in the color of your choice."

James- Who, in their right mind, would brush their teeth while riding the Knight Bus?

Remus- Even if someone wanted to, they wouldn't be able to. They aren't sold toothpaste.

Others- ....

Harry rummaged once more in his trunk, extracted his money bag, and shoved some gold into Stan's hand. He and Stan then lifted his trunk, with Hedwig's cage balanced on top, up the steps of the bus.

There were no seats; instead, half a dozen brass bedsteads stood beside the curtained windows. Candles were burning in brackets beside each bed, illuminating the wood-paneled walls. A tiny wizard in a nightcap at the rear of the bus muttered, "Not now, thanks, I'm pickling some slugs" and rolled over in his sleep.

Sirius- That's a delicasy in some places, you know.

James- Mmm pickled slug.

Remus- I'll pass, thanks.

"You 'ave this one," Stan whispered, shoving Harry's trunk under the bed right behind the driver, who was sitting in an armchair in front of the steering wheel.

Sirius- Aw, look! Stan's got a crush on Harry!

Harry- Ugh! Sirius!

Sirius- ::grins::

"This is our driver, Ernie Prang. This is Neville Longbottom, Ern. "

Ernie Prang, an elderly wizard wearing very thick glasses, nodded to Harry, who nervously flattened his bangs again and sat down on his bed.

"Take 'er away, Ern," said Stan, sitting down in the armchair next to Ernie's.

There was another tremendous BANG, and the next moment Harry found himself flat on his bed, thrown backward by the speed of the Knight Bus. Pulling himself up, Harry stared out of the dark window and saw that they were now bowling along a completely different street. Stan was watching Harry's stunned face with great enjoyment.

"This is where we was before you flagged us down," he said. "Where are we, Ern? Somewhere in Wales?"

Destiny- ::giggles::

Others- ....

Sirius- What's so funny?

Destiny- Wales!

Others- ::blank looks::

Destiny- You know...whales...the mammals. In the ocean. Big not-quite-fishes, swim around and eat stuff?

James- We know!

Sirius- And you, Des, have problems.

Destiny- ::pouts::

"Ar," said Ernie.

Lily- What is he, a pirate?

Sirius- Argh matey!

Lily- ::rolls her eyes:: Shut up, Sirius.

"How come the Muggles don't hear the bus?" said Harry.

Draco- Because they're not supposed to.

"Them!" said Stan contemptuously.

Lily- ::scowls:: And just what has he got against Muggles?

"Don' listen properly, do they? Don' look properly either. Never notice nuffink, they don'."

Lily- That's because they can't! As in, not able to have anything to do with magic whatsoever!

Destiny- I wouldn't be so sure of that if I were you.

Lily- ...What do you mean?

Destiny- Some magical items can be used by Muggles, so long as they're properly made.

Lily- ...That's not what I meant. They just can't see or feel magic the way wizards and witches can.

Destiny- ::shrugs::

"Best go wake up Madam Marsh, Stan," said Ern. "We'll be in Abergavenny in a minute."

Stan passed Harry's bed and disappeared up a narrow wooden staircase. Harry was still looking out of the window, feeling increasingly nervous. Ernie didn't seem to have mastered the use of a steering wheel. The Knight Bus kept mounting the pavement, but it didn't hit anything; lines of lampposts, mailboxes, and trash cans jumped out of its way as it approached and back into position once it had passed.

Destiny- I want a bus like this in the States!

Stan came back downstairs, followed by a faintly green witch wrapped in a traveling cloak.

James- Told you it was nauseating.

Sirius- I still say it's fun.

Remus- I still say it's boring.

Destiny- I still say I want one.

"'Ere you go, Madam Marsh," said Stan happily as Ern stamped on the brake and the beds slid a foot or so toward the front of the bus. Madam Marsh clamped a handkerchief to her mouth and tottered down the steps. Stan threw her bag out after her and rammed the doors shut; there was another loud BANG, and they were thundering down a narrow country lane, trees leaping out of the way.

Harry wouldn't have been able to sleep even if he had been traveling on a bus that didn't keep banging loudly and jumping a hundred miles at a time. His stomach churned as he fell back to wondering what was going to happen to him, and whether the Dursleys had managed to get Aunt Marge off the ceiling yet.

Stan had unfurled a copy of the Daily Prophet and was now reading with his tongue between his teeth. A large photograph of a sunken-faced man with long, matted hair blinked slowly at Harry from the front page. He looked strangely familiar.

Sirius- It's meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Harry- (muttering) And he's actually right this time.

"That man!" Harry said, forgetting his troubles for a moment. "He was on the Muggle news!"

Stanley turned to the front page and chuckled.

"Sirius Black,"

Sirius- ::bounces:: See? It is me! Yay!

Destiny- You're happy that you look like shit?

Sirius- No, I'm happy that I exist.

he said, nodding. "'Course 'e was on the Muggle news, Neville, where you been?"

Harry- Living with Muggles, obviously.

He gave a superior sort of chuckle at the blank look on Harry's face, removed the front page, and handed it to Harry.

James- I don't like him.

Remus- Of course you don't. He thinks he's better than your son.

James- It's not that! It's just...he's a prat!

Harry- You're telling us.

"You oughta read the papers more, Neville."

Harry- I might want to start by getting a subscription.

Harry held the paper up to the candlelight and read:

 

BLACK STILL AT LARGE

Sirius Black, possibly the most infamous prisoner ever to be held in Azkaban

Sirius- Wait. I actually am in Azkaban?

James- ...Okay, that's just creepy. I can't believe we got that part right!

Remus- It's only part of it, though. I'm sure the rest isn't true.

Sirius- I think I'll faint if it is.

Remus- It can't be. Er...can it?

Destiny- ::grins:: Sure it can!

Sirius- You're not helping any!

Destiny- I know.

Sirius- ::glares::

fortress, is still eluding capture, the Ministry of Magic confirmed today.

"We are doing all we can to recapture Black," said the Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, this morning, "and we beg the magical community to remain calm."

Sirius- ::pouts:: S'not like I'm gonna hurt anyone.

Remus- Are you sure about that?

Sirius- On purpose, I meant.

Fudge has been criticized by some members of the International Federation of Warlocks for informing the Muggle Prime Minister of the crisis.

"Well, really, I had to, don't you know," said an irritable Fudge. "Black is mad.

James- And it took you guys how long to figure that one out?

Sirius- They're dumber than I thought.

He's a danger to anyone who crosses him, magic or Muggle. I have the Prime Minister's assurance that he will not breathe a word of Black's true identity to anyone. And let's face it--who'd believe him if he did?"

Destiny- There are some that would.

While Muggles have been told that Black is carrying a gun (a kind of metal wand that Muggles use to kill each other), the magical community lives in fear of a massacre like that of twelve years ago, when Black murdered thirteen people with a single curse.

All but Harry/Draco- O_O

James- Thirteen people with one curse?

Sirius- I...I couldn't have done that. I mean.... Why would I?

Remus- It definitely couldn't have been you. Even when you're mad beyond reason, you only attack the one person you're mad at. I can't imagine you loosing control like that.

Sirius- So you think I was framed then.

Remus- It's the only logical explanation.

Sirius- But who would?

Remus- ...How many wouldn't?

Sirius- ...

Harry- Look, let's just get back to the book. Everything will be explained eventually.

Sirius- Is Remus right, then?

Harry- I'm not saying anything! Just read.

Sirius- ...Fine.

 

Harry looked into the shadowed eyes of Sirius Black, the only part of the sunken face that seemed alive. Harry had never met a vampire, but he had seen pictures of them in his Defense Against the Dark Arts classes, and Black, with his waxy white skin, looked just like one.

Sirius- ::looks insulted:: I'm not the vampire look-alike! Snape is!

"Scary-lookin' fing, inee?"

Sirius- ::pouts:: I've obviously been in Azkaban for years. What did you expect?

said Stan, who had been watching Harry read.

"He murdered thirteen people?" said Harry, handing the page back to Stan, "with one curse?"

Sirius- ::scowls:: No I didn't.

"Yep," said Stan, "in front of witnesses an' all. Broad daylight. Big trouble it caused, dinnit, Ern?"

"Ar," said Ern darkly.

Sirius- Matey.

Stan swiveled in his armchair, his hands on the back, the better to look at Harry.

"Black woz a big supporter of You-Know-'Oo," he said.

All but Harry/Draco- WHAT!?

Sirius- I most certainly was not! I would never serve that hypocritical piece of shit! How fucking dare they!

Remus- Calm down, Siri. See, there's proof right there that you had to have been framed. Nobody who knew you would think that you would support that...thing.

Sirius- ::snarls::

Remus- ::pulls Sirius into a hug:: It's all a big misunderstanding, I'm sure. Don't let it bother you.

James- ::pats Sirius on the back:: Really, mate. Nothing to worry about. It'll all get cleared up eventually, I'm sure.

Destiny- Sirius, stop overreacting. I can see your aura, remember, and it would certainly tell me if you would do something so cold-blooded as to serve him. You're simply not capable of that kind of evil.

Sirius- But what if, later in life, I am?

Peter- You won't be. Just forget about it, Sirius. The day you join You-Know-Who is the day that...that...that Snape stops being an evil git and gives up his Potions. Meaning never.

Remus- You're not a monster, Sirius, no matter what anyone wants you to believe.

Sirius- ...Thanks, guys.

James- See? All better now. And the faster we get done with this part, the sooner we can pretend it never happened, eh?

Sirius- ::sighs and leans against Remus:: Right. Just get done with it already.

Remus- ::frowns and tightens his grip on Sirius::

"What, Voldemort?" said Harry, without thinking.

Even Stan's pimples went white;

James- Ha! Not much better than Harry now, are you?

Remus- And you said it wasn't because he thought he was better than Harry.

James- ::sticks his tongue out at Remus:: But I also said it was part of the reason.

Ern jerked the steering wheel so hard that a whole farmhouse had to jump aside to avoid the bus.

Remus- Ooh, nice.

"You outta your tree?" yelped Stan. "'Choo say 'is name for?"

"Sorry," said Harry hastily. "Sorry, I--I forgot--"

"Forgot!" said Stan weakly. "Blimey, my 'eart's goin' that fast..."

"So--so Black was a supporter of You-Know-Who?"

Sirius- ::flinches and clings to Remus::

Remus- ::rubs Sirius' back:: It's not true.

James- ::looks worried:: Siri...

Sirius- It's okay. Just keep going.

Harry prompted apologetically.

"Yeah," said Stan, still rubbing his chest. "Yeah, that's right. Very close to You-Know-'Oo, they say. Anyway, when little 'Arry Potter got the better of You-Know-'Oo--"

Harry nervously flattened his bangs down again.

"--all You-Know-'Oo's supporters was tracked down, wasn't they, Ern? Most of 'em knew it was all over, wiv You-Know-'Oo gone, and they came quiet. But not Sirius Black. I 'eard he thought 'e'd be second-in-command once You-Know-'Oo 'ad taken over.

Destiny- Bullshit.

"Anyway, they cornered Black in the middle of a street full of Muggles an' Black took out 'is wand and 'e blasted 'alf the street apart, an' a wizard got it,

James- (under his breath) Wonder who that could have been?

Remus- ::glares at James::

an' so did a dozen Muggles what got in the way. 'Orrible, eh? An' you know what Black did then?" Stan continued in a dramatic whisper.

Peter- Do we even want to know?

Harry- No.

"What?" said Harry.

"Laughed,"

All but Harry/Draco- o.O

James- Laughed?

Destiny- That's wrong on so many levels.

Sirius- ::looks sick:: Why would I...laugh? I...

Remus- Didn't do it.

Sirius- But I still laughed! After all those people died!

Remus- We'll find out why eventually. I'm sure there's a reason that would fit your logic.

Sirius- Oh yes, so very amusing that I killed over a dozen people. What a riot, eh?

Harry- You didn't do it.

Sirius- ::looks surprised:: What?

Harry- You didn't do it. Kill them, I mean. And you weren't a supporter of Voldemort and you didn't...didn't do anything else you'll get accused of doing. Remus is right, you were framed.

Sirius- By who?

Harry- ....

Sirius- You do know, don't you?

Harry- Yes. I know. But you'll find out. I don't want you to do anything...stupid. Not right now. Please, Sirius, I can't... ::looks about ready to cry::

Draco- ::scowls and pulls Harry against him:: That's enough of this for now. Black, drop it. You'll find out when you find out. A little bit of waiting isn't going to fucking kill you.

Sirius- Okay, fine. Just hurry up and read then.

said Stan. "Jus' stood there an' laughed. An' when reinforcements from the Ministry of Magic got there, I 'e went wiv em quiet as anyfink, still laughing 'is 'ead off. 'Cos 'e's mad, inee, Ern? Inee mad?"

"If he weren't when he went to Azkaban, he will be now," said Ern in his slow voice. "I'd blow meself up before I set foot in that place. Serves him right, mind you ... after what he did...."

Remus- ::snarls:: Didn't do.

"They 'ad a job coverin' it up, din' they, Ern?" Stan said. "'Ole street blown up an' all them Muggles dead. What was it they said ad 'appened, Ern?"

"Gas explosion," grunted Ernie.

"An' now 'e's out," said Stan, examining the newspaper picture of Black's gaunt face again. "Never been a breakout from Azkaban before, 'as there, Ern? Beats me 'ow 'e did it. Frightenin', eh? Mind, I don't fancy 'is chances against them Azkaban guards, eh, Ern?"

Sirius- At least something good has come out of this. Be nice to be famous for something like that.

Ernie suddenly shivered.

"Talk about summat else, Stan, there's a good lad. Them Azkaban guards give me the collywobbles."

Lily- Can't blame you, really.

Stan put the paper away reluctantly, and Harry leaned against the window of the Knight Bus, feeling worse than ever. He couldn't help imagining what Stan might be telling his passengers in a few nights' time.

"'Ear about that 'Arry Potter? Blew up 'is aunt!

Harry- Though it wasn't blowing up of the exploding type, which was a relief.

We 'ad 'im 'ere on the Knight Bus, di'n't we, Ern? 'E was tryin' to run for it...."

He, Harry, had broken wizard law just like Sirius Black. Was inflating Aunt Marge bad enough to land him in Azkaban?

James- Where d'you get the melodrama from?

Harry- ...Experience?

Harry didn't know anything about the wizard prison, though everyone he'd ever heard speak of it did so in the same fearful tone. Hagrid, the Hogwarts gamekeeper, had spent two months there only last year. Harry wouldn't soon forget the look of terror on Hagrid's face when he had been told where he was going, and Hagrid was one of the bravest people Harry knew.

Remus- Mostly Hagrid's brave because he doesn't realize that things are as horrible as people say they are.

The Knight Bus rolled through the darkness, scattering bushes and wastebaskets, telephone booths and trees, and Harry lay, restless and miserable, on his feather bed. After a while, Stan remembered that Harry had paid for hot chocolate, but poured it all over Harry's pillow when the bus moved abruptly from Anglesea to Aberdeen.

James- That's always pleasant. You'd think he'd be able to get something right, considering that he works on the stupid thing.

One by one, wizards and witches in dressing gowns and slippers descended from the upper floors to leave the bus. They all looked very pleased to go.

Sirius- ::pouts:: Am I the only one that likes this thing?

Harry- I thought it was rather amusing.

Sirius- Yay!

Finally, Harry was the only passenger left.

"Right then, Neville," said Stan, clapping his hands, "whereabouts in London?"

"Diagon Alley," said Harry.

"Righto," said Stan. "'Old tight, then."

BANG.

James- Wish they'd stop with all these stupid noises.

Sirius- But those are the noises the Knight Bus makes!

James- I don't care, they're still annoying.

They were thundering along Charing Cross Road. Harry sat up and watched buildings and benches squeezing themselves out of the Knight Bus's way.

The sky was getting a little lighter. He would lie low for a couple of hours, go to Gringotts the moment it opened, then set off--where, he didn't know.

Sirius- To meet me, the escapee of Azkaban! Then I could explain everything to him and we could fly away! Wee!

Remus- ...Sirius. Shut up.

Sirius- ::pouts::

Ern slammed on the brakes and the Knight Bus skidded to a halt in front of a small and shabby-looking pub, the Leaky Cauldron, behind which lay the magical entrance to Diagon Alley.

"Thanks," Harry said to Ern.

He jumped down the steps and helped Stan lower his trunk and Hedwig's cage onto the pavement.

"Well," said Harry. "'Bye then!"

But Stan wasn't paying attention. Still standing in the doorway to the bus, he was goggling at the shadowy entrance to the Leaky Cauldron.

Destiny- It's another Grim! Ah!

"There you are, Harry," said a voice.

Before Harry could turn, he felt a hand on his shoulder. At the same time, Stan shouted, "Blimey! Ern, come 'ere! Come 'ere!"

Sirius- ...You know, I don't really like the sound of this.

James- Me neither.

Harry looked up at the owner of the hand on his shoulder and felt a bucketful of ice cascade into his stomach--he had walked right into Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic himself.

Sirius- Insert dramatic music here.

Stan leapt onto the pavement beside them.

"What didja call Neville, Minister?" he said excitedly.

Fudge, a portly little man in a long, pinstriped cloak, looked cold and exhausted.

"Neville?" he repeated, frowning. "This is Harry Potter."

"I knew it!"

James- Funny, you didn't seem like you did when you were talking to him.

Stan shouted gleefully. "Ern! Ern! Guess 'oo Neville is, Ern! 'E's 'Arry Potter! I can see 'is scar!"

Draco- Knew all that business with your pushing your hair down wouldn't work.

Harry- ::pouts:: It's not my fault.

James- It's the damned genes!

"Yes," said Fudge testily, "well, I'm very glad the Knight Bus picked Harry up, but he and I need to step inside the Leaky Cauldron now..."

Sirius- Run, Harry, run while you have the chance! He can't do anything to you if you run!

James- ...You seem to have recovered nicely, Sirius.

Remus- ::smacks James:: Can't you be a little more bloody considerate?

James- ::rubs his head:: What?

Remus- ::rolls his eyes:: I give up on you.

Sirius- ::sulks at James::

James- ::looks confused::

Sirius- You're so mean!

James- ::looks really confused:: What'd I say?

Remus- Never mind. Read, Draco.

Fudge increased the pressure on Harry's shoulder, and Harry found himself being steered inside the pub. A stooping figure bearing a lantern appeared through the door behind the bar. It was Tom, the wizened, toothless

Sirius- Walnut.

landlord.

"You've got him, Minister!" said Tom. "Will you be wanting anything? Beer? Brandy?"

Lily- ::scowls:: If you even think of serving either to a thirteen year old....

James- He was offering it to Fudge, not Harry.

"Perhaps a pot of tea," said Fudge, who still hadn't let go of Harry.

Peter- Why does everyone like you so much?

Harry- Boy-Who-Lived ring a bell?

Peter- But Stan didn't know who you were....

Harry- Yes he did. He just didn't say anything in case he was wrong.

Peter- ::frowns::

There was a loud scraping and puffing from behind them, and Stan and Ern appeared, carrying Harry's trunk and Hedwig's cage and looking around excitedly.

"'Ow come you di'n't tell us 'oo you are, eh, Neville?"

James- Gee, I wonder. He's not stupid!

said Stan, beaming at Harry, while Ernie's owlish face peered interestedly over Stan's shoulder.

"And a private parlor, please, Tom," said Fudge pointedly.

`Bye," Harry said miserably to Stan and Ern as Tom beckoned Fudge toward the passage that led from the bar.

"'Bye, Neville!" called Stan.

James- Why does he keep calling him Neville? He knows your name is Harry!

Harry- Because that's what I told him my name was. It's what he knows me by.

James- You've talked to him again, have you?

Harry- ...Er, no.

James- Then how d'you know he'd still call you Neville if he saw you again?

Harry- He just seems that type of person.

James- But--

Remus- Can we get off this pointless topic, please? I'd like to finish the chapter sometime in the next decade.

Fudge marched Harry along the narrow passage after Tom's lantern, and then into a small parlor. Tom clicked his fingers, a fire burst into life in the grate,

Harry- Snap on. ::snaps twice:: Snap off. ::snaps three times::

Others- ...What?

Harry- ::grins:: It's a dumb Muggle thing. They have this invention that turns lights on and off when you clap. I just changed it to suit the scene.

James- Riiiiiiiiight.

Remus- I'm seriously beginning to think your Sirius' son now, you know.

Harry- But then I'd also be your son, and where did I get these eyes?

Remus- ...I'm Lily's long-lost twin brother and didn't know it?

Sirius- You keep that up, and you might make me believe it too.

Harry- Okay. Then why do I look like him ::points to James:: instead of Sirius or you?

Remus- Sirius cheated on me. I was distraught for years.

Harry- ...He cheated on you.

Remus- Yes. And, yes, with James

James/Sirius- EWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Sirius- Remus, that's gross!

James- Really! We're practically brothers, for Merlin's sake!

Remus- Well, you were both drunk, you know. It was at James' bachelor party.

James- And I still got married to Lily?

Remus- You didn't realize Sirius was pregnant until after the wedding. It was too late by then, so Sirius and I gave baby Harry to you two to take care of.

Lily- Okay, are you done yet, Remus?

Remus- ...If you want me to be, yes.

Lily- Good. Read, Draco.

James/Sirius/Remus- ::pout::

and he bowed himself out of the room.

"Sit down, Harry," said Fudge, indicating a chair by the fire.

Sirius- The better to throw him into the flames.

Remus- You're making jokes about the death of your own son, now?

Lily- Remus!

Remus- ::grins::

Harry sat down, feeling goose bumps rising up his arms despite the glow of the fire. Fudge took off his pinstriped cloak and tossed it aside, then hitched up the trousers of his bottle-green suit and sat down opposite Harry.

"I am Cornelius Fudge, Harry. The Minister of Magic."

Destiny- No shit, sherlock.

Harry already knew this, of course; he had seen Fudge once before, but as he had been wearing his father's Invisibility Cloak at the time, Fudge wasn't to know that.

James- Definitely not.

Tom the innkeeper reappeared, wearing an apron over his nightshirt and bearing a tray of tea and crumpets. He placed the tray on a table between Fudge and Harry and left the parlor, closing the door behind him.

Sirius- He's like Igor or something.

James- Igor?

Sirius- Yeah, you know. From Frankenstein. He's Dr. Frankenstein's hunchbacked servant.

James- ...Riiiiight.

Sirius- ::sulks:: You need to read more.

"Well, Harry," said Fudge, pouring out tea, "you've had us all in a right flap, I don't mind telling you. Running away from your aunt and uncle's house like that! I'd started to think...

Sirius- Wait, wait, don't tell me. I'm out to kill Harry now, right?

Harry- ::makes a face::

Sirius- ::pouts:: Why're they so mean to me?

Remus- ::pats Sirius:: It's okay. You didn't do it. Er...won't do it.

Sirius- ^-^

but you're safe, and that's what matters."

Fudge buttered himself a crumpet and pushed the plate toward Harry.

"Eat, Harry, you look dead on your feet.

Harry- At that point, I think it was a bit of an understatement. I was a zombie.

Sirius- So you mean you were brainless and unkillable?

Remus- Don't be ridiculous, Siri. Harry's always brainless and unkillable.

Harry- ::pouts::

Draco- ::snickers:: He's right you know.

Harry- ::glares at Draco::

Now then... You will be pleased to hear that we have dealt with the unfortunate blowing-up of Miss Marjorie Dursley.

James- Awwww!

Sirius- We liked her better as a balloon!

Harry- Can't argue with that.

Two members of the Accidental Magic Reversal Department were dispatched to Privet Drive a few hours ago. Miss Dursley has been punctured and her memory has been modified. She has no recollection of the incident at all. So that's that, and no harm done."

Remus- Until next summer, when Harry returns to the Dursleys and they're still angry at him for blowing her up.

Fudge smiled at Harry over the rim of his teacup, rather like an uncle surveying a favorite nephew.

Marauders- Ewwwwwwwww!

James- ::looks sick:: That's wrong on so many levels.

Sirius- Down with Fudge!

Harry, who couldn't believe his ears, opened his mouth to speak, couldn't think of anything to say, and closed it again.

Draco- ::snickers:: You're so cute when you do that.

Others- o.O

Remus- Did he just say cute?

Draco- ::smirks::

"Ah, you're worrying about the reaction of your aunt and uncle?"

Harry- No, not really.

said Fudge. "Well, I won't deny that they are extremely angry,

Lily- Though I don't suppose you could blame them for it this time.

Harry, but they are prepared to take you back next summer as long as you stay at Hogwarts for the Christmas and Easter holidays."

Harry unstuck his throat.

"I always stay at Hogwarts for the Christmas and Easter holidays," he said, "and I don't ever want to go back to Privet Drive."

Lily- ...Well, at least he's honest.

Sirius- ::scowls:: Why can't anyone else take care of you? Doesn't Dumbledore know how you're treated?

Harry- ::shrugs:: Dunno. But he says it's the safest place for me, so do you think I'm gonna leave?

"Now, now, I'm sure you'll feel differently once you've calmed down," said Fudge in a worried tone. "They are your family, after all, and I'm sure you are fond of each other--er--very deep down."

James- Don't bet on it.

It didn't occur to Harry to put Fudge right.

Harry- Doubt he would've listened to me anyway.

He was still waiting to hear what was going to happen to him now.

"So all that remains," said Fudge, now buttering himself a second crumpet,

Lily- How can he eat at a time like this?

Peter- Easily.

"is to decide where you're going to spend the last two weeks of your vacation. I suggest you take a room here at the Leaky Cauldron and--"

"Hang on," blurted Harry. "What about my punishment?"

Marauders- ::smack their foreheads::

James- The idea is to keep from being punished, Harry. Not to make sure you are.

Harry- What part of "zombie" didn't you understand?

Fudge blinked. "Punishment?"

"I broke the law!" Harry said. "The Decree for the Restriction of Underage Wizardry!"

"Oh, my dear boy, we're not going to punish you for a little thing like that!" cried Fudge, waving his crumpet impatiently.

Sirius- A small glob of butter flew off and went straight up Fudge's nose. The Minister didn't notice.

Others- ::snicker::

"It was an accident! We don't send people to Azkaban just for blowing up their aunts!"

But this didn't tally at all with Harry's past dealings with the Ministry of Magic.

Sirius- He's got a point there. Usually they would just expel him without warning.

James- But he's Harry, Sirius. They're not going to.

Harry- Exactly.

"Last year, I got an official warning just because a house-elf smashed a pudding in my uncle's house!" he told Fudge, frowning. "The Ministry of Magic said I'd be expelled from Hogwarts if there was any more magic there!"

Sirius- But you didn't do it on purpose.

Remus- It was quite a strong bit of magic, though. Purposeful or not, they should be expelling him.

Unless Harry's eyes were deceiving him, Fudge was suddenly looking awkward.

"Circumstances change, Harry... We have to take into account... in the present climate... Surely you don't want to be expelled?"

Sirius- Who the hell would?

Draco- My father would have liked it if I was expelled.

Sirius- Yeah, well, he doesn't count. Did you want to be expelled.

Draco- ...What d'you think?

Sirius- Exactly. And that's what counts.

"Of course I don't," said Harry.

"Well then, what's all the fuss about?" laughed Fudge. "Now, have a crumpet, Harry, while I go and see if Tom's got a room for you."

Fudge strode out of the parlor and Harry stared after him. There was something extremely odd going on. Why had Fudge been waiting for him at the Leaky Cauldron, if not to punish him for what he'd done? And now Harry came to think of it,

Remus- And it's about time he's come to think of anything....

Harry- ::pouts::

surely it wasn't usual for the Minister of Magic himself to get involved in matters of underage magic?

Remus- ::blinks:: I didn't even think of that!

Harry- I guess I'm not the only zombie, huh?

Remus- ::glares at Harry::

Fudge came back, accompanied by Tom the innkeeper.

Sirius- His codename was Igor.

"Room eleven's free, Harry," said Fudge. "I think you'll be very comfortable. Just one thing, and I'm sure you'll understand... I don't want you wandering off into Muggle London, all right?

Sirius- Yes, keep out of Muggle London. I might find you and try to eat you or something.

Lily- Ew. You're a cannibal?

Sirius- Hey, after Azkaban, you don't know what I am.

Keep to Diagon Alley. And you're to be back here before dark each night. Sure you'll understand. Tom will be keeping an eye on you for me."

"Okay," said Harry slowly, "but why?"

Sirius- Because I'm going to eat you!

Remus- What's with your sudden obsession of eating Harry?

Sirius- ...I'm like a praying mantis?

Remus- They eat their mates, not their young.(3)

Sirius- ::grins:: So I get to eat you instead? Yummy.

Remus- Are you the female in this relationship?

Sirius- ...No, I thought you were.

Remus- Then I'll be eating you.

Sirius- I think I can live with that.

James- ::suddenly realizes what Sirius and Remus are really talking about:: Ugh! Guys! No pillow talk on my bed!

Peter- ::blushes and inches away from Sirius and Remus:: Ew....

Harry- Gah! Bad images, bad images! Ugh, I didn't need to hear that! ::shudders:: I need to bleach my mind now.

Sirius/Remus- ::pout::

"Don't want to lose you again, do we?" said Fudge with a hearty laugh. "No, no... best we know where you are.... I mean..."

Fudge cleared his throat loudly and picked up his pinstriped cloak.

"Well, I'll be off, plenty to do, you know...."

"Have you had any luck with Black yet?" Harry asked.

Sirius- ::sniffles:: So mean! You don't want me to get caught again, d'you?

Harry- Not anymore.

Fudge's finger slipped on the silver fastenings of his cloak.

"What's that? Oh, you've heard--well, no, not yet, but it's only a matter of time.

Sirius- No it isn't. There's no way in hell I'm going back there.

The Azkaban guards have never yet failed... and they are angrier than I've ever seen them."

Destiny- Dementors can get angry?

Fudge shuddered slightly.

"So, I'll say good-bye."

He held out his hand and Harry, shaking it, had a sudden idea.

Draco- Ouch. That had to hurt.

Harry- ::pouts::

"Er--Minister? Can I ask you something?"

"Certainly," said Fudge with a smile.

"Well, third years at Hogwarts are allowed to visit Hogsmeade, but my aunt and uncle didn't sign the permission form. D'you think you could--?"

James- Can I come back from the dead and sign the damned thing?

Sirius- Can I sign it? Being his godfather and all and being out of Azkaban now, ya know....

Lily- Somehow I don't think it would work for a convict to give Harry permission to do anything.

Sirius- What if I give the permission to Dumbledore and he knows I'm innocent?

James- Hey, there's an idea. Dumbledore would accept it.

Remus- But what if he doesn't know you're innocent?

Sirius- How could anyone doubt my innocence?

Remus. ...Guess.

Sirius- ::pouts::

Fudge was looking uncomfortable.

"Ah," he said. "No, no, I'm very sorry, Harry, but as I'm not your parent or guardian--"

James- You're the bloody Minister. Just sign the damned thing and shut up.

"But you're the Minister of Magic," said Harry eagerly. "If you gave me permission--"

"No, I'm sorry, Harry, but rules are rules," said Fudge flatly.

Destiny- Funny, you didn't seem too concerned about the rules when you didn't expel Harry.

"Perhaps you'll be able to visit Hogsmeade next year. In fact, I think it's best if you don't...

Sirius- I'm beginning to think that they actually are afraid I'm going to eat him.

Harry- Or kill me, at least.

Remus- Does anyone not want to kill you?

Harry- ...My friends. And Dumbledore. And my teachers, even Snape.

Sirius- Will wonders never cease.

yes... well, I'll be off. Enjoy your stay, Harry."

And with a last smile and shake of Harry's hand, Fudge left the room.

James- Good riddance.

Tom now moved forward, beaming at Harry.

"If you'll follow me, Mr. Potter," he said, "I've already taken your things up..."

Harry followed Tom up a handsome wooden staircase to a door with a brass number eleven on it, which Tom unlocked and opened for him. Inside was a very comfortable-looking bed, some highly polished oak furniture, a cheerfully crackling fire and, perched on top of the wardrobe--

Sirius- Was me!

Remus- Why would you be on top of the wardrobe where anyone could see you?

Sirius- For fun.

Remus- ...I'm sorry I asked.

"Hedwig!" Harry gasped.

The snowy owl clicked her beak and fluttered down onto Harry's arm.

"Very smart owl you've got there," chuckled Tom. "Arrived about five minutes after you did.

Sirius- Go Hedwig.

If there's anything you need, Mr. Potter, don't hesitate to ask."

He gave another bow and left.

Harry sat on his bed for a long time, absentmindedly stroking Hedwig. The sky outside the window was changing rapidly from deep, velvety blue to cold, steely gray and then, slowly, to pink shot with gold.

Destiny- Wow. Already dawn?

Harry could hardly believe that he'd left Privet Drive only a few hours ago, that he wasn't expelled, and that he was now facing two completely Dursley-free weeks.

James/Sirius- ::cheer::

"It's been a very weird night, Hedwig," he yawned.

Remus- There's the understatement of the book.

And without even removing his glasses, he slumped back onto his pillows and fell asleep.

Destiny- Awww, how cute.

Harry- Yes, yes. I know. I'm cute and adorable and all that. Get on with the book, Draco.

Sirius- Well, somebody's in a hurry.

Harry- I want to get this one done with.

James- Not a very happy book, is it?

Harry- No. And neither's the next one. Can we just get going?

Sirius- Alright, alright. Read, Draco.

Draco- Reading.

 

(1) I really need to stop doing this, don't I? In case anyone doesn't know, Aragorn was a prince but was pretending he wasn't for one of those weird reasons heroic-like people do things. No, I don't really know what I'm talking about. I haven't read the books yet. And at this rate I doubt I ever will, which is a shame. I do own them, after all.

(2) ::grins:: I couldn't decide what to say, so I asked Ithica.... Blame her for the comment! Not that any of you know who she is.... ;)

(3) Er. I'm no expert on praying mantises, but I'm pretty sure the females eat the males while mating or something. And that they don't eat their young. I don't really know, actually, but I'm too lazy to look it up. If anyone wants to correct me, I'll be...er...amused.

(4) And now the part you've all been waiting for. My apology. I truly am sorry that it took me so bloody long to get this thing done, but I really haven't been in the mood for MSTing. I'm not sure why, but it might have something to do with the fact that this is my favorite of the series and I feel bad making fun of it. ^^; Either that, or it might just be that I've been annoyingly depressed/serious for a while now and can't put myself into the mood to write like the Marauders' and company as easily as I used to. In fact, I got incredibly frustrated while writing this and was thinking of asking someone for help--as in asking someone to write half of the chapter for me. However, my stupid moral-things (and pride) made me unable to do so, and I forged through it as quickly as possible. I meant to have this done and up yesterday, but several things came up that needed to be dealt with immediately late in the day and I didn't get to finish it. The sad thing is, there were only two pages left to MST. But I got that done this morning, so it's only about nine and a half hours late, eh? Anyway, I really am sorry it took me so long and I'll do my best to get the next chapter out much faster, but I will make no promises.

(5) Character submissions are closing on August 20, 2004. That gives anyone who still wants to submit a character ten days to finish their character guide and send it to me. I think I've got plenty of characters as it is, and I really do need to make an attempt to get some planning for the AU done--and that includes deciding which characters come in where and do what and all that annoying stuff. For anyone interested, I will start the actual writing of the AU after PoA is done, which means I'll be writing it while I'm writing the MST of GoF. Anyone who has yet to hear of this character thing can go find it on the main page for this series. I'm too lazy to put a bloody link. Deal. Also, if you have submitted a character, please go to the listing of characters to see if I've chosen your character and send me an e-mail telling me what you want me to credit you as.

(6) I'm not amused at the fact that people have forgotten who Vivi and Vlad are. ::pouts:: They're my two OCs, people, go reread the epilogue of book two and prologue of this book, damnit! Meanies. ::pouts more::

Chapter Four