Kelly and Zardi were walking back from detention that night.

"Really bites that Snape made us do detention with Filch," Kelly said, rubbing her aching muscles.

"Yeah. He must have made us oil those chains twenty times!" Zardi replied. They both began walking down to the Slytherin common room. Now, you must be wondering who Kelly and Zardi are. Well, I'll tell you. Zardi had just turned eighteen, had long, golden hair, bright sapphire eyes, and was in her seventh year at Hogwarts. Kelly was a very perverted thirteen year old with short, roan red hair, ocean blue eyes and was in her third year. Now you may ask why would a seventh year hang out with a third year Slytherin. Good question. Kelly and Zardi happened to have alot in common. They both LOVED Professor Snape, were both severley perverted and always loved playing tricks on people. Zardi said the password to the painting and they walked into the eerie green room. Kelly then noticed the rather large bulge in Zardi's left pocket.

"What's that?" Kelly asked, nodding her head to Zardi's cloak pocket.

"This?" Zardi asked while pulling out a large, battered brown book. Gleaming crimson letters were on the cover that read 'Potions for the Common Trouble Maker'. Kelly and Zardi exchanged misgevious grins. They opened the book and skimmed through the index. There were things like 'Boil Potion' and 'Confusion Concoction'. But what really caught thier eye happened to be 'Stupidity Potion'. Kelly and Zardi began thinking of what person they should trick into drinking.

"Dumbledore?" Kelly suggested.

"Naw, he's already crazy," Zardi began rubbing her chin. "We should get a person that is serious, that would never, ever do something silly," Zardi suddenly noticed a mad gleam in Kelly's eye and read her mind.

"Professor Snape!" They both said in unison.

Fairy Wings

Garter Snake Skin

Newt Tail

These were the ingrediants they needed to make the potion.

"We can just help ourselves to the student store cupboard," Zardi muttered as two boys came into the common room. Kelly nodded. It wouldn't take long for the potion to be made. So they began right away. After they finished, the potion was a murky green in color. And it gave off a foul smell. They both wrinkled their noses.

"We're supposed to report to the professor after detention. We can slip this in his evening...um...drink...thing," Kelly said, trying to think of what Snape drank before he went to bed. They left the common room and began walking to Professor Snape's office with a small vile of the potion in Zardi's cloak pocket. Kelly rapped her fist against the oak door gently.

"Come in," said Professor Snape in an annoyed voice. The girls entered to find themselves under the cold gaze of Head of Slytherin house.

"We're done detention, sir," Kelly said almost inaudiblely. Snape just waved his hand, expecting them to leave. Zardi raised her eyebrows at Kelly. Kelly had no idea what Zardi meant, so she just picked up Snape's goblet and dumped the potion into it.

"Miss Lynch, what the hell did you just do?" Snape growled at her. Kelly just gave him an innocent smile and ran out of the room with Zardi running closely behind. Snape just looked at the steel goblet. 'She could have put posion in it.....NAH! She loves me,' He quickly gulped down his evening tea and headed off to the common room for some announcements. Kelly and Zardi were already there, playing Wizard Chess. The sinister professor strided in and cleared his throat.

"Remember that tomorrow is a Hogsmead weekend," he began.

"This fuckin' sucks! He didn't drink it!" Zardi whispered over Snape's droning. Snape suddenly turned to Marcus Flint.

"Mr. Mothafucka, where the fuck are your fucking fuck fucks?" Snape said quickly. Marcus just turned pale.

"P-p-p-p-pardon?"

"Where the fucking shit were you? Were you fucking Miss Fucking Slut up her ass again?" Snape said as though this was normal conversation.

"No, sir," Marcus said while giving Snape the 'oddball eye'. Kelly and Zardi suddenly exchanged maniac smiles. A huge grin appeared on Snape's face and he ran out of the room, flailing his arms and screaming 'I'M NOT CRAZY!'.

"Uh ooooooooh!" Zardi said and they both sped out of the common room after Professor Snape.

Professor Snape was literally skipping to the kitchens. He tapped his wand on the bowl of fruit painting and said 'mother fucker'. Since he did tap his wand, it let him in.

"MUNCHIES!" He shouted and pushed down the poor little elves to get to the pudding.

"Sir, what are you doings, sir?" asked a nearby elf. Snape just looked at him, pudding dripping from his lower lip.

"I'M GOT THE FUCKIN' MUNCHIES, MAAAAAAAAAAN!" He screamed at the poor little creature. Snape grabbed the whole bowl of pudding and skipped out of the kitchens, shoving chocolate mousse into his greedy face. Luckily, Professor McGonagall was walking past.

"Good evening, Severus," she said while looking at the crystal bowl Snape was holding. Snape just began hugging the bowl and said,

"GET YOUR OWN MUNCHIES, BITCH!"

"Excuse me, Severus?" Minerva glared icily at him.

"YOU HEARD ME, CATBREATH!" He then began running away, giggling to himself and throwing pudding over his shoulder.

***

Zardi and Kelly ran all over the castle, trying to find the crazy professor.

"We'll never find him!" said a puffy eyed Kelly.

"We will! C'mon, I'm hungry. Let's go have breakfast," the duo began walking towards the Great Hall. Professor Snape wasn't there.

"Shit," Kelly said quietly while looking at Snape's empty chair. They both sat down and began spreading marmalade on their toast when they heard a disturbing sound. Some one was banging on the hall doors. Now Zardi and Kelly both heard of Sirius Black and froze in terror. The doors suddenly burst open to have Professor Snape, running down the hall, throwing rose petals, wearing ONLY a black tube sock on his dick, screaming 'I'M FUCKING COLD HERE!'

Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster, quickly stood up at this odd site.

"Found him," said Zardi, not sure if she wanted to ram blunt pencils into her eyes, or savour the moment. Snape just stood there in front of the head table, twitching like mad.

"SET THE GODDAM MITTENS FREE, FUCKING DAAAAAAMMIT!" Snape screamed at Flitwick, who just cowered behind a dinner plate. However, the headmaster motioned for Sevvie to sit down. In which he did, but first threw the rest of the rose petals at a nearby student.

"EAT THE FUCKING PETALS, YOU FUCK NUT!" he yelled at her. He began skipping again to his seat and sat down on Dumbledore's lap. "I WANT A FUCKING PONY FOR CHRISTMAS, DADDA!" the headmaster acted though this was perfectly normal. Snape looked down at his plate and said "FUCKING POUND CAKE, MOTHAFUCKER!" a large piece of vanilla cake appeared on the plate. Snape shoved half of it into his own mouth, and the rest in Dumbledore's. "EAT SOME FUCKING POUND CAKE, ANAL FUCK!" He shouted at him. Every single student and teacher glared at the potion master as though he had leeks growing out of his ears. Snape suddenly leapt out of Dumbledore's lap and waddled to the Slytherin Table like a retarded duck. He grabbed Kelly and Zardi's hands and took them into his newly improved office.

There were pictures from the porno magazine 'PlayGirl' hanging every where. Instead of rat guts in icky jars on his desk, pink, purple and red frilly bras were on it. What was he gonna teach them in here????