Hmmm… good friend, what is a good friend? Is it someone who would do something good in your life or someone would just destitute to help him or her to get his or her way. The things I could say about a good friend, would able to be cared for as being kind, someone who doesn't judge other people, wouldn’t try to over power someone, honest, trustworthy, giving, willing to work with them, loyal, wonderful and important part of life, and to use your heart besides using good words of using stupid minded ways to get things by. Apparently things have not been going right with the words “Good Friend” like someone that I know seems not to like that word, seem to act the opposite of those words. A person who wouldn’t care about anybody besides but himself, only to use and mutilate their minds, to make them think that he is a good person or good friend and very cool about things. Its funny that he succeeds in his ways of doing that to people, as he lies so much about things, and to make them believe him. He seems to know that if he was to change to a good person with out lying or trying to get a attention by saying stupid things or acting depressed which its an act, he would know that he would be nothing and plus he would be nothing with out me. It’s a tough choice but also stupid if he was picking the wrong way to do things. Well he’s a really good friend and cool to talk to in some ways, but seems to push it to far and end up being the worse bad influence. Well of course no one would see what he really is, as he is a really tricky person, sort of a spy with stupidly minded jokes all over is mind to get what he wants with people, just as to be hypnotize by his good words and his lies. Sometimes he wouldn’t know what he would be doing when it comes to situations of his own problems (but he always has a tricky plan to fuck things up and make it better for himself, and make it seem like he is the good one), in ways I would always have to help him with everything that he had messed up, and then he would take all the credit, but nobody ever sees that. Plus things I would have to help him that is really bad, things that would hurt other people, I felt so dumb helping him get away with a lot of things that would hurt people; and always, somehow, he flips things around to make people think that what he did was good or lie about it and try to get people to like him, and for some reason they always do. Without me he wouldn’t able to get away with anything, very dumb minded. I wished I could have taking all back for all the people that I have involved hurting them to get him to get away with it. So to this period of the year have been the worst for me, and the sinfulness successes he has made with himself. There were so many things that I wanted to have and do, but came down when he came in front of me (which he always tries to do to ANYBODY, get in front and try to act like the cool one), messing it up and taking the credit for it, where I would hate the most. It started out where we found two others that we have became friends with and one with a brother that he’s cool with us. Well one of them, I have liked and wanted to go out with her very long ago. But then I have been told by him that she was the ugliest girl that he have ever seen in the world, that she was nothing and there was no reason for me to be with her when she was ugly nasty girl, WHAT AN ASSHOLE. I totally disagreed with him, I was so mad, but I guess I let her go since he told me about her like that, I think that point I made a wrong choice buts its too late. I wouldn’t forget what he said about her. Well he started to like the other girl, well not really like her, he just wanted to get some from her, he had bet me that he would get some ass from her. That’s all he was going for. We started out to hang out and stuff, we sort of hung out for a couple of weeks, him still trying to get with her. Well some reason there was a little fight and he was afraid that he was to lose her a friend or something because he told he wanted to hit it (as in getting some), and he thought that girl that I liked would tell her friend that he was a bad guy and stuff. So he decided to go out with the girl that I liked, because he didn’t want her to say anything bad to her friend about him. So basically what I viewed and what he mention, he used her of going out to get the other girl that he wanted. To me, that was pretty fucked up. Even though he told not to go out with her because she ugly and stupid and he knew that I liked her first. Well he does it all the time to girls, as cheating, lying and all sorts of things to get what he wants. But at the time, I sort of stood quite, it seemed but I wasn’t sure, that the girls didn’t like me (even as a friend), and he was the one getting all the attention, because that is what he always wants. It was just him and his good words that got to their minds crazy about him, and me just sitting off to the side and wondering WTF; and him saying that I was such a good friend to him and he was good friends to me when all he did was screw me over and treat me like shit and didn’t think that I would think of all the things that he had done that made me mad. Later on they broke up, and him still trying to get with the other girl. Well while he was trying to get with her, for the heck of it, even though I knew that she didn’t like me and would just say no, because of the way I was treated before and not be present at where they were or its something about me, I have just asked her out because I still liked her. Just know her to say no. As then being friends I still cared about her a lot. It seem that she started to like him again and wanted to go out again. But there were reasons that he didn’t want to go back with her, some of the reason because he said that she was stupid and was nothing to him and another reason that of because of me, I’m not sure but I think that was bull. He knew that I like her and stuff that way, but come to realize after, I didn’t really care that much about letting him go out with her because I consider myself as a nobody to them and was the last with everything, and all I wanted to do is make her happy. I promised myself that would try my best to keep her in mind of happiness when the crowd is together. I sort of wanted him to go back out with her and he still refuse and still I get blamed by her, but she doesn’t know, doesn’t realize what I’m actually trying to do for her, how much I cared, as she always felt depressed about not able to go with him of his refusal. I would have to beg him like crazy for him to go out with her, every time I see him and every time I see her depressed cause I knew that what she wanted and I wanted her to be happy. Even though he doesn’t like her he would only go out with her just to be used, I had no choice I wouldn’t know what to do about it, only is to make her happy or for her, and for everyone, to find out how bad he really is about the friendships and relationships, no matter how good they seem. I couldn’t hurt her that way, but the same time I felt stupid, doing the wrong thing. Later on, he almost got the other girl to start liking him, well of course his ways of doing it, he thought the only way he could see her a lot if he was to use the girl that I liked. Because she knows a lot more about her, and they live close by each other. All she was to him was still dumb and ugly and was to use her, and while she still thinks that he is so good and wonderful and one of the best things that happen to her, but she doesn’t realize, it just goes over her head, neither does anybody else. The thing that really hurt me was when he admitted that he was to use her to get the other girl that he wanted. Pretty fucked up. It’s so bad that they do not realize of how he really is. As they are just busy thinking how good he is and how much he could do, which they are lies, and many of the things he said he took from other people, especially me then into other bad influential things. His influence is immense on the people around him, anybody that comes close to him at all always ends up in his trap of deception. He always makes things seem good for him, and to do that, he would do anything, even put someone else in shit And when something goes wrong, he would do the stupidest things which for some reason no one sees except me, he would act sad, miserable, or depressed hoping that people would come up to him and ask what’s wrong and he continues his dumb ways, which OF COURSE he always denies; and he will deny this whole letter and everything that I mention what he did and would to say something completely different, but its true; and he never really is depressed or sad, he acts that way a lot, but he never really has a reason to be upset, he would probably just make something up, or if it is a reason, he doesn’t get sad, he just acts like it to get people into his trap, for example long ago, he has broke up with someone. He and his girlfriend had been going out for about a year, and he decides, "to see if he really loves her or to want to date other people". And I know that she was hurt, but if that’s his attitude she's better off without him. But one of these days, he asks her out again or claim that they should go back again, and says "if she changes he might take her back", which if you saw half the things he's done to her it would be enough to make you want to punch him, but she says ok. And she goes along with it, she says it's because she loves him. Even before all this he treated her badly. I know that he's cheated on her many times, and when she confronts him he says, "I'm a man I can do what I want". A lot of her friends told her so many times that she needs to leave him, that she deserves better, and that she doesn't need to put up with him, but she won't listen. She just gets more shit from him, always listening to him for some reason, all he does it make her feel like shit. Her friends are really worried about her, and I don't know what else to do. I just don't want to see a girl or I guess a friend getting hurt like this. Well for gods’ sakes, there’s nothing else I could do, only to let things go. I’m not taking this shit anymore, and I don’t want to get involve with things that I don’t even a get appreciated for, the things that I’ve have tried. And I’m sorry that anyone who reads this feels down or think that its not true which it is, go ahead be against me, and for her, I don’t know what to do, she probably still likes him a lot, and not let him go for any reason, and she wouldn’t have to go to me or anything, I already felt she thought that I was a nothing to her, I wasn’t sure if she really wanted be my friend or not, it was like going off and on. So then she can decide whether what she wants to do. I think it would be better if I were gone; maybe she would like that, and to look forward to be with him a lot more, the guy that she probably really loves, but if that’s the case, I guess I’m glad, but it would be much better if she was with someone else I would be much more contented for her. and I would like to be her friend, a lot at least, she very cool to be with, All I want is for her to be happy. And I don’t care what ever happens and it doesn’t matter to me what happens from here, because remember, (I was a nobody). Everyone in this world has that certain someone that torments him or her, but they feel sorry for them so they give in to it. I have that someone...only, the problem is, I'm too nice, or at least when it comes to this. There might be a second chance where I would be back to normal with the whole situation, only if he change of what I have suppose to accept. This really doesn’t sound like much to me of what I just said from this whole letter (essay), that's just some of it, there’s a lot more beyond this, just cant put into words, they're like feelings inside or I cant think that much what else to say, but there’s so much more.
Been thinking this from April 20, 2003 to May 1, 2003, took me two days to remmember all this and put it down, and there's much more beyond this.......
A good friend is always kind, Should always speak their mind, Their compassion should never end, That's what it takes to be a good friend. A good friend is there for you, They are real, they are true- blue,Their compassion should never end, That's what it takes to be a good friend. A good friend will be there when you marry, A heart full of memories, they will carry, Their compassion should never end, That's what it takes to be a good friend. They'll be there if your mother dies, They'll weep with you when you cry, Their compassion should never end, That's what it takes to be a good friend. If a good friend you do find,Make sure they treat you kind, Understanding they shouldn't lack, And they would NEVER BACK STAB YOU IN THE BACK, On top of everything always remember, A best friend is forever.
