One month until Christmas! And I already got my present!
Ok so do you want to hear good news or bad news first? Fine we'll start with bad.

Bad: Only one month left until Christmas. You're probably like "and this is under the 'bad' section because...?". Well beacuse we aren't having a Christmas this year. Seriously, things are so bad money wise that we can't afford to. I mean, like the only presents that'll be under the tree are going to be what's from our out-of-state relatives. Somehow, though, I'm going to think of something nice to make or somehow buy Dad and Roseann.

Good: Ok, here's the good news that counteracts the bad. I'm going out with Kyle again. The wedding is on! :D Is that not fabulous or what? That's the only present I wanted this year, was to have Kyle back. The thing is, he was in an accident on Friday night and he told me all this when he called me Sunday and I was like freaking even though he said he, Jeremy, and Danielle were ok. So yea, that's the great news.

Sunday night I was sooooo surprised that Kyle called me. It was like 11:30pm and my cell phone started ringing and I was like "wtf" I figured it was like Heather or Dan or something and that they wanted me to come over to Sandy's. So I was just gonna ignore it but I checked it out to see who was calling and it said "Kyle Cell" so I was like WIDE awake after that. Anyway we talked until about 1:30am and then I just had to go to sleep because unlike him I had school in the morning. Anyway, we worked things out and you know what he said after I said I was sorry. He was like "that's ok, just don't do it again" I was like "omg I just love this boy".

Anyway, I'm in such a great mood right now that I don't feel like talking about Christmas, or lack of. But I'm going to say that luckily with my money we were able to get a really awesome turkey for Thanksgiving and all the good junk that goes with it. I mean, don't think that this is normal for us. It's just been a really bad year and all that.

Anyway I gotta go do homework. I haven't done my AP History notes in like 2 nights so I have to do 3 nights worth of notes. Fun fun fun. Actually it's not to bad. But anyway, much love.

~*~B~*~

I miss Kyle so much
Why bother making a "this is my first post on my new blog" message when nobody really cares? I mean, not saying that anybody totaly cares what the hell I'm saying right now but that makes no major difference I just need to vent about my totaly crappy week.

Let's start with Thursday night. I broke up with Kyle, the only guy in the world I really love. So you're all like "why the (beep) did you break up with him?" Cause I love him and I think he deserves somebody who's not gonna cheat on him (like I did) and somebody who's beautiful inside and outside (of which I'm clearly not) and just generally somebody who's wonderful. I'm none of the above if you haven't caught on. And I felt so bad because I made him cry and in turn his crying made me cry and it just generally sucked and I didn't get any sleep at all Thursday night.

Friday Morning "The Day After": I was ridding the bus to school and I had my cell on and I was debating for like ten minutes whether or not I should call Kyle. (Trust me I ride the bus for about an hour so I had plenty of time to call him and all that) Anyway finally I got up the guts to call him and I didn't know what to say and I was like "I'm sorry for calling you" and he's like "I was gonna call you anyway" and he sounded so sad and depressed and I just...anyway he was like "why can't we just be together? I don't want anybody else, I only want you" and I told him again for like the millionth time and he was crying and then I was crying. Then I had to get off the bus cause we were like at school and we aren't allowed to be on the phone once we're in school. Anyway I just had to basically hang up cause he kept saying like "please Bonnie don't go" and as soon as I hung up I just burst into tears and I couldn't stop crying so I was like going into school with tears running down my cheeks and it was terrible. So then all day I was so sad and like crying every five minutes and it sucked and I kept checking my cell for voicemail to see if maybe he had. By lunch I'd given up and then right before I went to my 8th hour class I checked again and I had two messages. So I quick said I had to go to the bathroom and listened to them and one was at 10:04 and it was Kyle just basically saying "um" and all this and then he hung up. Then the next was at 10:06 and it was just him saying "I love you" and I cried. Again.

Friday Afternoon: I went to work to pick up my check and Kyle called me and it was terrible cause I didn't know what to say. He kept asking me if we could be together and I wanted to say yes but I didn't know how, and I didn't know how to get things back to normal so I kept trying to think of something to say but he took it as if I didn't want too. Anyway we hung up without even saying I love you and I feel terrible now. See, Kyle left Friday night to go hunting for like ten days. And I'm so afraid that something's gonna happen to him and he's not gonna no that I love him and that I wanna be with him.

Anyway, it's Sunday and nothing major has happened. I feel like shit and I miss him so much (obviously if you couldn't tell from my title). I called Michelle yesterday and we were talking and she asked me something, I don't remember what, but then I started thinking about Kyle. And now it's like I can't do anything without thinking of him. Like I was at Shop-Ko and I found "NFL Gameday: 2003" for 9.99 so I just had to buy it I mean it was so cheap. And then I thought, "Kyle would hate this game because Tom Brady is on the cover". And then today when I heard the Bears won I thought "Kyle loves the Bears" and it's like everything I do I think of him. Like as all the hunters came into the gas station to register their deer I kept thinking "Kyle's hunting now, I wonder if he got the thirty-pointer yet".

If anybody has any ideas on what I can say to Kyle along the lines of "I wanna be with you" (cause I said that but he took it as an "I wanna be with you, but...") please please let me know. I'm so miserable right now.

~*~B~*~