In order to understand the world today American politics why the Brewers never get to the Series how Windows95 works why its 2000 Flushes and not 1999 or 2001 flushes you need to realize that everything is controlled by a conspiracy coven bunch of people gaggle herd made up of the Illuminati Jews Bankers Jewish Bankers Bankers who belong to the Illuminati Jews who bank Illuminati members who marry bankers Banks located near grocery stores Illuminati members with VISA cards JQP Today Subscribers with help from Pointy-Headed Intellectuals Ivy-League Intellectuals Pointy-Headed Ivy League Intellectuals Gays Secular Humanists Pointy-Headed Secular Humanists Gay Intellectuals who have Pointy Heads people wearing glasses the Bears offensive line .

The conspiracy first started in ancient times way back when when leafy grew his first leaf back when men were men and sheep were nervous July 12, 1546 at 3:23:20 PM in Europe, during the Crusades America, during the Civil War California, during Michael Jackson's 2nd nose job Rome under the reign of Emperor Spatula Athens, during Synchronized Swimming in the first Olympics Lincoln, during a Nebraska game a Ramada after a Bee-Gees concert . They have been responsible for many evensts throughout history, including The French Revolution The Russian Revolution The Disco Revolution The 1984 National League playoffs The invention of the zipper really bad jokes Police Academy sequels 2 through 7 .

Today, members of the conspiracy are everywhere. They can be identified by secret handshakes the way they watch too much Star Trek T-Shirts saying "I'm with the Conspiracy" Honk if you love OS/2 bumper stickers watching the Weather Channel 24 hours straight behaving like you were in a Burger King commercial tattoos of Elvis on their butts going to Orioles games the way they never put the toilet seat down really annoying emails .

They want to kill maim put the big hurt on give hangnails to cause frostbite force to attend Bears games all True Patriots Your Family KOW Rush Limbaugh George Brett The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Hootie and the Blowfish and imprison resisters in secret concentration camps front of PBS telethons North Dakota during the winter on UFOs in the Bermuda Triangle room 624 using black helicopters brightly-painted neon organge helicopters grey Chevy station wagons super-enhanced golf carts zeppelins black surplus Disneyland monorail cars 3-speed Schwinns Mag-Levs .

In order to prepare for this, we all must stockpile lotsa weapons corner the market on Super-Soakers buy SPAM by the gross blow up as many large buildings as possible send death threats to schools watch re-runs of the Brady Bunch join the militia and play paintball all day . Since the media is controlled by liberals secular humanists Philip Morris Dick Clark dogs Ed the talking Mule Regis Philbin Joshua Schultz we should get our information from American Spectator Guns and Ammo magazine Leafy the red maple tree Rush Crazy!, the magazine for the Lunatic urge Assault Rifles Illustrated the secret messages only I can hear

But what if our information was corrupted by Mike Eric Nathan Matt D. Matt S. Matt M. Joshua Chris Daniel Rachel Benjamin Ryan , then we would all have to panic run around like a mad dog eat cheese die give Josh money shot the tv .

If you liked this and you would like to see more, email me at schultzjoshua@hotmail.com

HOME