Humor Depot

Blonde Jokes

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to economy because she doesn't have a first class ticket.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."

The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she says, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."

The stewardesses don't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the co-pilot. The co-pilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the economy section. The head stewardess asks the co-pilot what he said to get her to move.

The co-pilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica".

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job.

"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "What is 1 and 1?"

"Eleven," she replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but she's right." Then the sheriff asked, "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?".

"Today and tomorrow." replied the blonde.

He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

"Now, listen carefully, who killed Abraham Lincoln?", asked the sheriff.

The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."

The sheriff replied, "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"

So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview.

The blonde was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

Seems that 3 blonde party girls sat down at the bar in a tavern.

The first blonde tells the bartender, "I'll have a BM."

The bartender taken back asks, "A what?"

She says, "A Bloody Mary, Duh."

The second blonde tells the bar tender, "I'll have a JC."

Again, the bartender asks, "What is a JC?"

She responds, smacking her lips, "A Jack Daniels and Coke, Duh!"

The third blonde, asks the bartender for a "fifteen".

The bartender is really puzzled now and asks her what this means.

The third blonde shakes her head and says, "Of course, its a seven and seven, Duh!"

Two blonde carpenters were working on a house.

One blonde was on a ladder, nailing. She'd reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over her shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood.

The other blonde couldn't stand it any longer and yelled up, "Why are you throwing some of the nails away?"

The first blonde explained, "When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it!"

The second blonde got real mad and called her all kinds of names, explaining, "Don't throw away those nails that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house!!"