Psychic, without tarot cards
Hi! This article was written by Mountain Duwe. A.k.a- Captain Freezerburn. This is my first article for JQP Today and I have decided to predict what your day will be like by the color of the shirt your wearing. I will name a color and if it is the color of your shirt then that’s how your day will be.
FIVE! Benny’s golf incident
Along time ago, in a galaxy far far away, there lived an alien named David. (Not even remotely related to heyn) He was a peaceful and harmless alien, except when he had a golf club in his hands. David decided to get into his little space craft and fly overhere and hit some golf balls. When he got to Lake Mills he was disappointed at the golf course so he walked across the street to Lakeside’s football field and hit some balls. For some dumb reason, Benny was outside and was walking around in the middle of the field just singing. "There’ll be silver slippers in the heavens I know! Ba-GAWK!" David didn’t see Benny until he started to cluck like a chicken and peck for food on the grass. But that, was too late. David had already hit a golf ball and it was obviously coming towards Benny. Benny stopped practicing for the chicken part and he popped his head up right as the ball came at him. And then BOOM! The field was covered in hair because the golf ball, had hit Benny’s head so hard, it just exploded.
A walk on Jabroni Drive (400 Hallway)
Do you guys remember the Garbage monster who lived in Jimmy’s Locker? It has absolutely everything to do with this. Admiral Tastywheat (Mike) was walking down the 400 hallway (which was renamed by Grouch to Jabroni Drive) and all of a sudden he saw this Banana peel. Since Mike doesn’t care about his school or his environment and is stupid enough to say things he shouldn’t have in choir, he decided to just step on the peel and keep going. MOST of us know that when you step on a banana peel, you’ll go flying like a kite. Not admiral. He just stepped on it and Woops! We had kids saying things like, "Look it’s a bird it’s a plane, NO! It’s Mike Ludeman!" Louie Came along and had to go back and get the mop after that one. Then Louie Mopped over Ludeman. He was stuck there to the floor. So the friendly garbage monster decided to take Admiral in. He care for Mike, he cooked Mike lunch and dinner, (We all know that monster don’t eat Breakfast). Soon the monster was unable to provide for Mike. So he ran out into the halls when no one was looking and he grabbed Nathan Stark from choir and divoured him whole. The monster went back home and regurgitated him for Mike.
LA9 is neat-o
As good old ripley would say, "Believe it or not!" I got a compliment. Actually I got several of them. Here’s a few I selected:
Quiet
Knows Big words
cool reader/speaking
Nice Guy
Smart Fello...(Intelligent)
You are very good at keyboarding
You are outgoing- That’s good!
Nice
He is very Wild
Very Intelligent
You pick good names for people
very smart and nice
Golfing with Venicen Sausage
On Thursday when we were golfing we saw several deer, three actually. They were about 30 yards from us and they were eating grass on the fairway. But you see, the problem was when we left there were only 2 deer. Therefore, one must come to the conclusion that either Jimmy tagged along, or degner hit a deer dead with his top flights. The deer only suffered death, but degner, he suffered severe head trauma. Nothing new or foreign to him. After seeing the damage he did to that poor deer’s head, he wept. Degner wept. But fortunately he had a big enough bag to put the deer into and he lugged the deer home. Home, home on the range, where the deer and scrambled eggs roam. Oh give me a home, where the degner’s don’t roam, and I can’t get hit in the head with a golf ball. Repeat x10. Throw, throw throw your ball, gently at a deer, Marilee Marilee Marilee Marilee life for him was but a dream.
Being an impostor
It’s hard to over hear people denying their own name that they made up for themselves. Kind of like Grandpa Oats, a.k.a. Nathan Stark. In the hallway he was talking to Brian, so I walked by and said, "Hi Brian!" like I always do. Nathan looked at me and said, "His name is Shane you brilliant piece of work!" And I just simply kept going. It wasn’t till later that I thought about it long and hard and decided that he is a terrible suck-up. But In choir, he really showed his colors. He too, was a traitor. He told Mike and Eric that he was no longer to be called Grandpa. What a Bungel-lo!
Odd taste buds to sprout
Sometimes you have to wonder how kids can eat some of the LLHS entries at lunch time. Nothing wrong with the cooks, just the food is bizarre. Anythewaynow, Benny confessed to me in LA9 that he in fact, eats cardboard! It’s hard for one to believe this but it was true. He walked right up to the front of the room and took a big bite out of Garfield! Y IST YAREK!
Degner Dumbs it up!
When we tee’d off on Thursday you should have seen Flame-O’s shot. It was hilarious. He walked up to the ball and then took a good swing and knocked the life out of the ball. Unfortunately, the ball hit a giant pine tree and bounced back up onto the tee off area. So degner actually lost yards! He did it again the second day. He got up there and right when Mr. Eaton was watching he hit the same tree again! His face turned bright pink.
Putting the White in Scared
After reading my newest book, The Nature Of Things, Benny is quite plainly terrified. After reading it he was appalled at the truth of his true feminism. He said to me, "My, my Miss America pie, took my sucky chevy to the levy but the levy was dry, that would be the day when my engine died! That would be the day when I died!" As you can tell from his quote he was messed up. The whole day he was blabbing about numerical nonsense and other garbage. And as the rest of the story would put it, "He was terrified." And that was without the angel of the LORD.
I’ve got clip art, I’ve got paper, I’ve got MS Word who could ask for anything more!
The answer, the Warrior Times. It’s a great paper, I just don’t like the way they always have the same pictures in it, like Melanie, and the ads. Should I put ads in my paper? What do you think! Email me at schultzjoshua@hotmail.com or visit my website at www.angelfire.com/wi2/jqptoday
