Ultra Tuesday!

Last Tuesday was Super Tuesday for politicians, Fat Tuesday for Martigrawians, and JQP TOOsday for all of the great JQP Today subscribers at LLHS. Did you hear about the politicans, ya, I guess that It’s either going to be Gore, or Bush. What a great race. I can Gore you to death, or throw you in a bush and light it on fire. Because I have way too much time on my hands, I held primaries myself. The race, Democratic Politician Hunts Ketchup, and Republican French’s Mustard. Just for fun I threw in Independant Lea and Perons Worchestershire sauce. (Who we’ll just call Fred!) Well it was a close squeez after the bun was put on, but after Hunts said Zesty and Tangey, I thought for sure it was over. Then Independant Fred popped his head in and got it bit off but Michael Jordan! Then the Republicans got their say. Right before the meat was plopped on good ol’ Frenchie popped in and make a big splatter! It was really a close race, but JQP has decided that the win goes to Frenchie for his determination and spicy-i-zation.

Cast Your Vote, Email me at schultjoshua@hotmail.com, tell me who you think should have won the race!

Jumpin over the fountains!

Everyone knows that Mr. Larson is a very Joyful and happy guy, but this week he was just wild. Some of us saw him Jumping on the piano bench and then pick up an extension cord and fling it around screaming! Besides that we also heard a very disturbing and frightining thing about Mr. Larson, psss... He wears Silver Slippers and White Robes with a golden Crown! What a scary thought! Anytheway, this word gets major attention, I had every single reader, well almost, ask or mention the word anytheway! WOW! Well you all get my point, Mr. Larson was wild.

Time for Tea

I am going to give you a few words and we’ll see if you can figure it out.

English, cookie, James, Tea, Queen. ERRRRR.... Oh gee I’m sorry you didn’t get it. James is an Anglophile! Yup, you heard that right. I found evidence of that in his locker. Neverthemind how. If you want more info on this subject, visit my homepage, www.webspawner.com/users/jqptoday

Language Arts 9 goes to the market

After reading the answers to some multiple choice questions, Mrs. Schomer started to act weird. She just started to mumble C,D,B? C,A,B? D,C,A! And that’s the way it happened. Ya, right. If you want more info on this subject (there isn’t much) try visiting my web page at

www.jqptoday.webjump.com

O’ Grouchy Day!

The top 10 Grouchy ways to do nothing.

10. Sit

9.Tweedle thumbs

8.Homework

7.Watch wrestling

6.read wrestling

5.write emails to josh

4.sit by his computer

3.wait for relpys from josh

2. correct all of the errors josh made in his emails (which isn’t many)

1. Wait for the phone to ring!

Tired of nothing

If you feel anything like benny does at nine, ten, eleven O’clock at night, then he hold to your sanity. After doing nothing in LA9, Benny for some reason just blurted out I like Judge Judy. Then he proceeded to tell me that he likes to watch cops after that. Even then, after all that, he had the guts, to come up to me and say, "But I like Judge Mills Lane better. This, is benny’s normal nightly routine. If you like this routine tell me. You can do so by visiting my webpage at http://www.321website.com/members/home/data/jqptoday/ and tell me what you think.

Be sure to email me and/or fill my guestbook and/or fill out my survey. I have had only ONE person fill my survey out and get all of the questions right. Y IST YAREK

Reading the Bible Backwards

I heard an Intresting thing this week, it doesn’t happen much. I was talking to Benny and he told me his favorite Bible passage, he said "Steingraber 3:16 ‘Hate thy Brother, eat cheese, and listen to..." What the weiodenconsinco does that mean?! HUH? What kind of a sick country do we live in? I have no clue!

Un-interpt my day

If you were wondering, the JQP Today is not misspelled. I changed it for one week to JPQ TODAY. Why? Cause I can.

Wearing a shell to school

In history we learned about artists. (Those of you not yet grown up people already know what I’m talking about.) Mr. Hahn, In the middle of our test, just blurted out the fact the Leonardo, Raphel and Michaelanglo are turles and artists. What a country we have! Then, to make matters worse, John Madson and Tabatha and Ben the Procrastinatic Sophomore and a whole bunch of other kids, just started talking about how they loved the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turles. What a world! Then John said "..." and a whole bunch of other stuff. And all this in the middle of a test! And I said to myself, what a wonderful world. There was desks of blue, Black chalk boards too, and I said to myself, I am going to fill up this last column! Da da! If you want to give me your thoughts email me at schultzjoshua@hotmail.com

Woops there goes my soda can!

In homeroom on Thursday, Lydsay whatever, took her can of Mt. Dew and jump dumped it all over Mr. Hahn. Besides getting it on the teacher and all over Peter Beck’s desk which was sticky afterwards, she proceeded to dump it in his Dr. Pepper. After all, she’s a pepper I’m a pepper lets all be a pepper too!

The old switch-a-roo!

Because of intense boredom and awhole bunch of other bad stuff in study hall, this article was written. This one day, benny was gone, and since grouch sits next to me we talk frequently about stupid little things. This week grouch turned over to me and said, "I think benny is with grouchetta somewhere!" This came to me as a complete shock and I was terrified. So I asked grouch what was up with that, and he said, "Didn’t you know? It happened three-and-a-half weeks ago!" What do you think. I think you should visit my brand new autobiography at www.angelfire.com/wi2/jqptoday/autobiogragphy

Watch OUT!!!!!!! HONK!

If this was on a webpage I would have a little trumpet fanfare now, but I can’t. This is this weeks driving tip of the week. Brought to you by General Mills Box Tops for education. They’re a pain in the butt to take of the box!

Anytheway, (D) is for Drive. (R) is for reverse. This drivers safety note was also brought to you by American Family Insurance. Sure, we’ll be glad to take your money!

Who wants a Kit-Kat Bar

"Give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of that kit-kat bar!" Most students around LLHS have been singing that song lately. Why? DA! Isn’t it obvious! SPRING BREAK! Yipee! Wahoo! Spring break is next week and boy is it a dosey. And to answer your questions, this extra, extra long issue is to cover for the Tuesday next week that everyone won’t be getting their newsletter on. I know it’s going to be hard to go a week without your paper, but you’ll have to live. Until that time "Give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of that kit-kat bar!"

Ouuuuuuu, ahhhhh!

LLHS (Monday)- It was a terrific site. JQP Today’s newest book, A Book Called It, was released last week. The JQP Today subscribers were in awe. It was too much for them. As most of you have read JQP’s Chciken Pox for the Teenage Soul and JQP’s Chicken Pox for the Teenage Soul part Two, then you could understand the significance of another JQP Today book. Tens and thousands of student nation wide rejoiced on Wednesday when they recieved their little Thirteen Page Booklet. Each student had their eyes wide open as they flipped through each page of their book.

Wow, was the words on the tips of each students mouth as they glared and sped through their books and as laughter came resounding through the halls, Leafy felt happy.

Where’d ya go?!

In study hall on Wednesday students looked around in awe and suprizedment, Benny, everyone’s favorite Traitor was gone!!!!!!!! (This is where the music from pysco comes in handy) Mrs. Johnson looked and looked and kept repeating Ryan Steingraber, Is Ryan here? Andy Zimdars, Emily ...etc. Grouch turned around from his little vantage point in the chair next to me and said "Benny died and went to heaven." Then right there, in the middle of QUIET study hall, Me and Grouch held a little service. It turns out that Benny was actually in consuling, but me and grouch both believe. Join me now, Benny Got run over by a school bus, coming home from school that night, people say no way he oculd have been runover by a school bus, but as for me and Degner we believe. Rest in Peace Steingraber.

The Ice behind Captin Freezerburns Ears

We all are familiar with his liveable antics, his weird laugh, and most of all his great commitment and glakenspelich in choir. But I found the story behind freezerburn to be disturnbing. One day he was walking, walking where I don’t know, when he looked up and saw an eagle overhead. So he stoped, jumped up and down claping his hands. Sure enough the eagle just took a poop right over his head. So in retailiation, Captian Passes gas and the eagle falls to the ground. LIKE A BOMB! The bird dies. Well, feeling guilty about his whole thing, Captin grabs a fish of the local venders cart and throws it in the eagles mouth. So here we are, a dead eagle with a fish in his mouth and a kid with bird poo all over his head. What a sight. The cops show up, after all he killed a bird, and arrest Captin Freezerburn. After hiring JQP Lawyers he won his case and was set free.

Born Free, as free as the wind blows, (or duwe) as free as the grass grows, born free, to follow your heart.

Talking to a bungelo!

The following is a conversation me, and some other person in front of me in study hall had.

Other-"I got kicked out of commons, so I can’t go and do my..."

Me- "I know how you feel, I can’t get into commons either."

Other- "You have to have really good grades to get..."

Me- "It was a joke."

Other- "You know, freshman are so disrespectful this year. They think that they can go and just talk to anybody!"

What is up with that! What did I say good? Just becuase I butted into her conversation with herself doesn’t mean that freshman are trash! Sure we’re new, and I bet that seniors or Juniors picking on New comers makes them feel special, but this is rediculous. Wee Plup. If you feel strongly about his subject or you have a testimonial of your own, email me at schultzjoshua@hotmail.com

Up to the top of the day

In science 9 we all have heard Mr. Bauer saying, "Top of the morning to ya all." How happy are we? Is it a pleasure to sit down on tables and take notes?! NO! Anytheway, I understand that he is trying to be polite, but I did an investigation on where the top of the moring is. Where can we find it. I have no clue. But I drew this really cool picture! I am too good. If you have a picture of yourself give it to me and I’ll scan then mutilate and put in paper in two weeks. No lie! I actually want your weird picture. You guys just aren’t appreciating this.

Pulling out the lip stick?

Admiral was found with a lipstick contatiner in choir. He had this tube like thing with a colored substance in the middle that popped out. LIP STICK! He crossed over. That is just sick.

The ice is out of Ice Fishing

Incase you are so thick that you haven’t figured out that this is the poll section! Here are Great quotes that stink.

"I got your email..."-Chris

"...meow..."-Benny

"Was I the only one laughing at the..."-Grouch

"...I really hate...Juniors...but I have to do it..."-Hahn

"...for what..."-Captin Freezerburn

"I plead, on my hands and knees, the 5th!"-Rachel

"Betray everone you know!"-Benny

"...huh?"-Daniel

"I know your smart Josh, and maybe if I’m lucky, someday I can be as smart as you."-Heyniswanigans

"I’m not going to your webpage."-Grandpa Oats