cara
"you're a little bit shy / a little too quiet / you're the mixed up girl that everybody leaves behind / a little bit weird / a little too bright / but you just might be / the little bomb at their side..." from annie by our lady peace

cara's very hard to read. she's usually just pretty laid back and chill, but she's got this little explosive side that sometimes finds it's way to the surface. she's also got this little sensitive side that i don't think she knows what to do with. the only time i ever saw her cry was when our friend crystal died.

i'm very proud of the things she'd doing with her life. she's a mom, just bought a house, has a great job and an awesome jeep liberty. i'm pretty sure she makes boys cry, too, so that's cool.

we have this kind of unspoken bond that means a lot to me. she was the first person i came out to. she makes me feel very secure.

i don't like not being there to see jhonen grow up, and i worry that the more time goes by, cara and i grow apart. but she's doing her thing, and i'm doing mine and the reunions are great.

cheri
"take this pink ribbon off my eyes / i'm exposed / and it's no big surprise / don't you think i know exactly where i stand / this world is forcing me to hold your hand..." from just a girl by no doubt

cheri is one of the strongest people i know. looking at her, you'd think that she'd been handed everything. beauty, personality. she's had to work for everything. people love to knock you down when they think you have it all, and cheri's had to overcome a lot of stereotypes and adversity. she's been through a lot that's mader her better for it.

tuesday nights used to be pool and real world night for us. neither of us were very good at playing pool, but that never seemed to matter. she never tried to be anything but what she was.

she never cared what others thought of me. never judged. never cared. she's so much more than anyone ever thought or wanted her to be.

emily
"playing chicken with delivery boys and tag with the subways / searching the alleys for proper company / she's jumping in and out of cracks / and she's got everything that you lack / and though she entered unnoticed / you will feel it when she leaves..." from nowhere and everywhere by michelle lewis

i met emily when i moved to milwaukee. i'd never met anyone so much like me before. someone who's got so much going on in their head and never being able to get it all out.

through everything that emily's going through, she always puts everyone else first. i don't think i could have made the move alone if i didn't have her to help me through it.

it amazes me how she always settles for so much less than she deserves.

whenever either of us is down, we take a little ride in the car and listen to music and talk about nothing in particular and somehow it always makes things a little easier.

emily
"oh so while you're growing old / under the gun gun gun / and i believe them all / well, i'm just one poor baby / cause well i believe them all / i wish i could buy back / the woman you stole..." from y-control by yeah yeah yeahs

emily is punk-rock. i don't think i've met anyone with more convictions. i think the part i love most is that she could completely control a board room and then turn around and go to a show and stage-dive.

she's always so positive and is willing to listen to everyone and is able to be objective about things. but then we can sit and bitch about stupid shit for hours. then we can cheeze it out for another couple of hours.

she's one of the greatest people i know, and she's taught me so much since i met her. about life and people and myself, even. she's always totally supportive of me. she's my role model and best friend.

jenn
"so far away / doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore / it would be so fine to see your face at my door / doesn't help to know you're just time away / long ago i reached for you and there you stood / holding you would only do me good / how, how i wish i could / but you're so far away..." from so far away by carole king

my kidden. for a couple years we were really close. she even lived here in wisconsin with me and my mom when i first moved out here. but then she was gone.

i never had to be anyone else besides me with jenn. we never had to impress eachother. she was always so simple in her lifestyle. her car, her music, her love. she was there to listen, to bitch, to laugh. she helped me become for at ease with myself.

maybe that's what we were to eachother. why we met in the first place. just to help eachother become more comfortable. she had all these weird little quarks that you just had to appreciate as part of the package.

jenn never stays in one place very long, though, and i blinked and she was gone. but i have some great memories with her.

jennifer
"who are you now / and who were you then / that you thought somehow / you could just pretend / that you could figure it all out / the mathematics of regret / so it takes two beers to remember now / and five to forget / that i loved you so / yeah, i loved you, so what..." from so what by ani difranco

jen was my closest friend when i moved to wisconsin. we kinda just connected one day. i'm not sure if it was over music or experience or personality or what, but it just happened.

for a while we were really close. it was just so easy to talk to her. she has this wild streak that made it easy to tell her things. she wouldn't judge or be shocked because she'd prolly done them, too.

she's been screwed over by her past quite a bit, so it's good that she's married now and has a little bit of stability.

i miss that wild streak, though.

jesica
"you were lying wide awake in the garden / trying to get over your stardom / and i could never see you depart us / and you're my baby / you're just another girl..." from just another by pete yorn

my moto.

jesica and i used to live together. it's kinda funny that almost the whole time we always just blew past eachother during the week. we worked opposing schedules and almost had opposing lives. i was always really guarded and i never really felt like she was being herself. it wasn't until we moved out and didn't speak for a while that i figured out that she and i are a lot more alike that i thought. we're both just trying to figure out what we're supposed to be doing.

she's very giving to those she loves. she'd pretty much do anything for me. even though she sometimes has this type of "fuck off" attitude, i really just think she wants people to like her and think she's cool.

we used to sit out on the balcony at dusk and listen to music and drink snapple and watch the sun set. those are some of my favorite memories. when it was just the two of us. i used to feel invincible with her.

jessica
"you i see / sitting waiting for me / by the station near the blue vines / where we met for the first time / you are free / but yet you choose to be waiting / while i’ll be playing with the stars tonight / tonight..." from tonight by basement jaxx featuring phoebe

i met jessica through public allies. i really believe that she and i are kindred spirits. i can really relate to a lot of things she says. we share a lot of the same views. stuff like not sweating the small stuff.

jessica is very worldly. she's experienced a lot and is open to a lot of different things. and she's got this great way of stating, "this is who i am...take it or leave it."

she's also a great mom and a dj, to boot.

joe
"i'm about metaphysical / not practical / not plan ahead baby / if you open pandora's box, prepare yourself / 'cause the world will be changing / i'm a freak of nature / you better be aware, danger / i'm your midnight angel / i'm a freak / come on yeah / i'm a freak of nature..." from freak of nature by anastacia

i met joe through bag boyz. he's got this magnetism to him. it kinda pulls your into his orbit and keeps you there. he's so fun and crazy and cynical. even the most mundane things become an adventure with him. he's always got some kind of commentary on whatever situation we're in.

but joe has this other side that's more relaxed and chill that he doesn't really let other people see too often. his flashy side is usually just a front to hide what he's really feeling or thinking. i've seen it a couple of times.

the cool thing about joe is that he's willing to try anything. he's always up to help out and do whatever. i really think it's because he's looking for the place that he really feels passionate about.

josh
"but i opened my eyes and walked out the door / and the clouds came tumbling down / and it's "bye-bye. goodbye. i tried." / and i twisted it wrong just to make it right / aad to leave myself behind / and i've been flying high all night / so come pick me up / i've landed..." from landed by ben folds

josh is one of my chicago friends. he works as an accountant for a university down there. i think it's kinda funny that's he's an accountant because he totally doesn't shout "accountant" when you look at him.

i can always be a little silly with josh when i'm down there. we can repeat jokes over and over and still laugh at them.

josh is pretty go-with-the-flow most of the time. i think it's because he's really indecisive about things, and would rather just let other people make the decisions. sometimes i don't even think he wants to take the time to think about what he's feeling, so he'll avoid it all together.

kari
"where does the money go that i send to those in need? / if we have so much why do some people have nothing still? / why do i feel frantic when i first wake up in the morning? / why do you say you are spiritual yet you treat people like shit?..." from these r the thoughts by alanis morissette

kari is my kindred spirit. the person that i can just look at and we know what the other is thinking and that some feelings can just be overwhelming.

she's got a huge heart that she sometimes wears on her sleeve without even thinking about removing it. and i love that about her. a bleeding heart is good sometimes.

at the same time, she's got very strong convictions that she sticks to. she'd rather be broke than go against her morals and i really admire that. she's willing to stand up for what she believes in when not many other people would do the same, even if she's standing alone.

katie
"she might be new, she might be old / she might be scared as hell / she might not be so bold / she might not be so bold / well, i got ladyfingers, baby / i got kidgloves / baby, i got heart..." from ladyfingers by luscious jackson

katie's a firecracker. she's the girl that everyone wants to know, and she's got all the stuff to back it up.

every once in a while, someone will come along and touch your heart so deeply that you can't even explain it. and more often than not, life will continue to change for you both and you won't see eachother as often as you'd like. but you know that there will always be a place for that person in your life.

katie and i just click together. our friendship is one of those that's not touched by stress or the rest of the world's problems. we just have fun together. we never have to worry about the other thinking we're too crazy or weird. mostly because we're both too crazy and weird.

sometimes i'll make a joke and no one will laugh, and all i can think of is how katie and i would be able to laugh about it weeks, months, years later. we used to call each other and just scream and hang up. katie was one of the first people i came out to and our friendship never changed.

and then we'd share a frothy beverage.

laura
"drivin' on nine / looking out my window sill / wondering if i want you still / wonderin' what's mine..." from drivin' on 9 by the breeders

i met laura through public allies. her and her girlfriend, susie, are prolly some of my closest friends to come out of the program. many nights have been spent at their house just talking about random things and watching movies and having bar-b-ques. lesbians sure can cook.

laura has this child-like aspect about her. the way she approaches things is very innocent and endearing. she's one of the most thoughtful people that i know. always taking the time to really think about things and adding a little bit of laura humor to situations. she gives really great homemade cards and games, too.

mark
"if i go crazy then will you still call me superman / if i'm alive and well / will you be there holding my hand / i'll keep you by my side / with my superhuman might / kryptonite..." from kryptonite by three doors down

i never really had any "guy friends" before mark. we met through student government in college and got pretty close. it was just really fun hanging out and joking around all the time. he drove a white camero that we used to do donuts in the parking lots in the winter in. that always scared the shit out of me.

saying goodbye to him was one of the hardest parts of leaving college.

mark's in the army now and he's overseas. he told me that they get rockets fired at them about once or twice a week almost like it was nothing. i'd do a hundred donuts a day in the passenger seat of that camero for him to not be where he is right now.

matthew
"i got what you need boy (baby i do) / but i will only cause you pain / yeah (i promise that) / i got what you need boy (baby i do) / but i will only bring on the rain..." from i will make u cry by nelly furtado

first loves are always hard to get over, and i don't think i'll ever be completely over matthew. i don't think i'll ever really understand him, either. maybe i never truely knew him at all. he was always so many different people whenever i was with him.

i guess i wouldn't be who i am now if not for him. maybe that's bad or maybe that's good. maybe it's neither - just a fact. like the color hair he has, or the color eyes, or how tall he is. and that he broke my heart before i knew i had one.

meghan
"your voice is small and fading / and you hide in here unknown / and your mother loves your father / 'cause she's got nowhere to go / and she wonders where these dreams go / 'cause the world got in her way / what's the point in ever trying / nothings changing anyway..." from acoustic #3 by the goo goo dolls

meghan has this poetic way of life. she pours her soul into everything she does and almost never gets back what she's sacrificed in the first place. we met and bonded with eachother during a very tough period in both our lives. i remember walking to denny's with her in the middle of the night once and just talking for hours. love, music, everything.

she's a very talented writer and puts herself into the things she writes.

a couple years ago she picked up and drove out to california to live for a while. i remember pleading with her to just stop in wisconsin and stay with my mom, but it was something she just had to do. i envy her independance.

after she moved back to ohio, she had a baby named moira and even though we don't talk often, i still think about her a lot and all those nights we stayed up until all hours of the morning talking and trading music.

mikey
"buildings with a hundred floors / swinging 'round revolving doors / maybe i don't know where they'll take me but / gotta keep moving on, moving on / fly away, breakaway..." from breakaway by kelly clarkson

i think mikey is my inspiration for a lot of things. the place he's at in his life right now he's totally done all by himself. completely self-made. he's worked his ass off to get where he's at. school full-time, work full-time and still time for a martini-party on the weekends.

he's such a label-whore. gucci boots, prada bag, you name it. i think it's funny. always up on the latest trends and such. he takes care of the people he loves the best, though, and he's always willing to go out of his way to make sure the people he cares about are comfortable or are taken care of or whatever.

he's such a miranda.

nada
"as around the sun the earth knows she's revolving / and the rosebuds know to bloom in early may / just as hate knows love's the cure / you can rest your mind assure / that i'll be loving you always / as now can't reveal the mystery of tomorrow / but in passing will grow older every day / just as all is born is new / do know what i say is true / that i'll be loving you always..." from as (always) by stevie wonder

nada was a program manager for public allies. now she lives in washington d.c. now.

there's this radiating glow that comes off of nada. you can't help but want to be around her. but that's just part of it. it's hard to explain.

it's almost like she forces you to know yourself. she's always challenging you to reflect, reflect, reflect. and she always is there to help you through the tough parts of evaluating decisions and figuring out life. she's that really cool aunt you have that you don't see enough. she's really good at helping you uncover things about yourself and the world and then asking the right questions to make you come up with the answers yourself.

nada's always so humble and is always willing to listen. i don't think she takes nearly enough time to listen to herself, though. i'm so glad to have met her. i can't imagine where or who i'd be right now if i'd never been givin the chance to spend our too-brief moments together.

stacy
"what i've seen you may find hard to believe / it left me feeling like no one ever made me / now i want something, unsurpassed in it's pleasures / 'cause even the truest love still can't last forever / i want something i've never seen through these eyes / i want to feel like i've never felt in this life / in this body of mine..." from afterlife by rosey

through every laugh, every tear, every up and down; through it all, stacy has always been there for me. in so many ways we've led parallel lives. going through all the shit that life has to offer an outcast, but keeping hope.

sometimes she wears her heart on her sleeve, but that's just to hide how strong she really is inside. actually, she's this weird mix of strength and vulnerability. sometimes she reacts to things the way she thinks she should react instead of the way she really would.

in a lot of ways, she's just starting to really live her life. it's difficult being so far away from her. she's finally gaining the confidence she's always needed.

susie
"our worlds collide but they don't change / they kind of slip n' slide / until we're close enough to see that, no, you can't change my world / there's a penalty for every claim you make on me / just wait and see / guilty as sin / up to my chin / i got arrested on a whim / don't touch that dial..." from don't touch that dial by bettie serveert

the remaining half of laura and susie. susie's truly and original. she's got this sort of enterprising mind that's always thinking about something or other.

she's also one of the most positive people i've ever met in my life. it seems like no matter what, she's always got this positive outlook on things and an uplifting word to try and change around bad moods.

she's really good to have conversations with. she stays really informed on a lot of issues, political and otherwise, but she never forces her opinions on anyone, even when she feels really strongly about things.

she's always open to being silly and crazy, too.

syreeta
"but my big secret / gonna hover over your life / gonna keep you reaching / when i'm gone like yesterday / when i'm high like heaven / when i'm strong like music / 'cuz i'm slow like honey / and heavy with mood..." from slow like honey by fiona apple

my soulmate.

syreeta is just beautiful inside and out. so soulful, so talented, so strong. it just always seems like she knows what to say and when to say it. she's always willing to try new things and do new stuff and go new places. i can't imagine my life without her.

for as strong as she is, she's also very empathic and takes things very deeply and personally. she thinks very deeply. very passionately. she can also bring out the best in others. the beauty of syreeta is that she has so many different layers, and she's very cautious with who she lets see all those layers and personalities.

she just glows.

tim
"make me a witness / take me out / out of darkness / out of doubt / i won't weigh you down / with good intention / won't make fire out of clay / or other inventions / will we burn in heaven / like we do down here / will the change come / while we're waiting / everyone is waiting..." from witness by sarah mclachlan

sometimes people come into your life to teach you that your feelings are still alive and that even after you've been hurt, you can still hurt someone else even though you didn't mean to.

tim and i used to talk for hours. his emotions were always so guarded, but still so raw at the same time. sometimes i didn't understand him at all, but other times it was like he was inside my head. he was always very tortured.

he drove nine hours to meet me once. i acted like an ass, and we rarely talk at all anymore, if ever. maybe it's better that way. i miss the cds he used to make me, though.