Dear Everyone,

Well, life goes on here in Killarmon. I swear sometimes I have no idea why I stay in this place, the weather has been complete shite and the people are driving me mad at work. Well, I guess I may have finally lost my mind for good, that's all I can say.
Beavis is fine, the little cow, although she nearly got eaten by that Dyke Duffy the other day, that ugly little bastard. I don't know why they won't keep him locked up and someday I'm going to kick the crap out of him and I don't care if Georgie Duffy gets pissed off at me or not. He's a menace to society. Dyke that is, not Georgie. He got in Jimmy and Mel's sitting room again last week. I know I shouldn't laugh but it's funny when it happens to someone else.
Robbie is engaged, can you believe it? God knows whether he'll go through with this one. I'm still not speaking to him either. Since he hasn't been near me for six months this is proving to be fairly easy. Oh, shut up- I know what you're all thinking. But this time I mean it. I'm done with him for good even if he comes begging me on his bony old knees.
Phil and Tommyand the kids are fine. She and Mel dragged me out to Bogart's, the stupid disco that you all know I just LOVE. Yuck. It was a bit better this time though, except that the Wicked Witch of Killarmonwas out there too and tried to start some shite. I wonder if she'll ever get tired of this silly row.
Do you remember me telling you about my next door neighbor, Danny? The really cute one who is on the Lifeboat? Oh God don't laugh now, although I know you will, I sure did when I thought about it. Anyway, after the disco he was really pissed drunk and he made me go sit out on the beach with him so he could sober up a bit before he went to bed. Well, he started acting really weird, and then he KISSED me! Bloody hell, I almost died. I know he can't even remember doing it, and he'd never go near me if he wasn't ossified, but it sure was interesting. I wonder if I can get him drunk again next weekend? HA HA! I'm just joking.
Well, that's all the news that's fit to print for now. I hope everyone back in the States is doing fine, and no- I am not coming home for Christmas this year either. Besides the fact that I'm flat broke, I wouldn't miss Christmas here for the world. You all should come here anyway, because I'm sure you think I'm making all this up. And in case you do, I'm sending along a copy of a letter that Jess got hold of (you know, she's Leanne's sister) from one of our local politicians. Don't ask me how she got it, because I don't know. It's funnier than hell though. I will keep you up to date and let you know if I get desperate enough to accept Paddy the Pooch's offer of marriage. Although I think I might have better luck with old Billy. ICK! Hey, maybe Danny Murphy is really madly in love with me and we'll live happily ever after. Hmm, was that a pig I just saw fly over? Haa. Take care of yourselves,


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