John Strichman is the author of HOW NOT TO LOSE AT SPADES by JohnGalt Strichman - Valley Publishing - Richmond, Virginia
BE A SPADES PRO -- CRASTINATOR
WOW! IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.
YOU'VE JUST GOTTEN BACK FROM YOUR FIRST DATE WITH THE LADY THAT YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART IS THE ONE FOR YOU.
CATRINA IS EVERYTHING THAT YOU HAVE EVER DREAMED OF -- SMART, FUNNY, CONSIDERATE, CARING -- AND IS SHE EVER PRETTY! (YOU ESPECIALLY LOVE HER BEAUTIFUL STREAKED HAIR AND HER GORGEOUS LONG PONYTALE THAT SHE ALLURINGLY SWINGS THIS WAY AND THAT.)
YOU REALLY WANT TO PURRRRSUE A RELATIONSHIP WITH CAT, BUT YOU'RE AFRAID OF ONE THING. YOUR FAMILY IS NUTS! -- ESPECIALLY YOUR DAD, TONY, AND YOUR BROTHERS, MORRIS, FELIX, TIGG, AND ELDRICK.
THERE IS A CHANCE THAT ONCE CAT MEETS YOUR FAMILY, SHE MAY TURN TALE AND RUN.
BEING THAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS BELIEVED IN THE "BAD NEWS FIRST - GOOD NEWS SECOND" APPROACH TO INFORMATION PROCESSING, YOU DECIDE TO INVITE CAT TO A FAMILY DINNER TO SEE IF YOU CAN GET OVER THIS ONE HURDLE ON THE WAY TO WHAT COULD BE EVERLASTING LOVE.
YOU WARN CAT THAT YOUR DAD AND BROTHERS EXHIBIT WHAT MIGHT BE DESCRIBED AS "SOMEWHAT IDIOSYNCRATIC" BEHAVIOR. "EVERYBODY'S RELATIVES ARE A LITTLE WACKY" SHE SAYS. "DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT."
DING DONG!
CAT HAS ARRIVED FOR THE DINNER THAT YOU HAVE BEEN DREADING.
IN ORDER TO MAKE THIS OCCASION AS SPECIAL AS POSSIBLE, YOUR MOM HAS PREPARED HER SIGNATURE, BLUE RIBBON WINNING RECIPE FOR "CHICKEN FRICASSEE BUFFET," AND WILL BE SERVING THE MEAL IN HER BEST CRYSTAL DISHES.
YOU JUST HOPE THAT EVERYBODY ELSE WILL TRY TO CONTROL THEMSELVES, AND KEEP THE CRAZINESS TO A MINIMUM. IN PARTICULAR, YOU ARE CONCERNED ABOUT...
FELIX -- YOUR OLDEST BROTHER HAS SPENT HIS ENTIRE LIFE TRYING TO BECOME A MAGICIAN. LIKE MANY PERFORMERS, HE HAS AN OVER INFLATED EGO -- BELIEVING THAT HE IS JUST A WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL PRESTIDIGITATOR. IF HISTORY IS ANY INDICATOR, HE MAY RUIN THIS SPECIAL EVENING BY PERFORMING HIS IDIOTIC MAGIC TRICKS ALL THROUGH DINNER. THE THING TO LOOK OUT FOR IS HIS LITTLE BLACK BAG IN WHICH HE KEEPS HIS SEEMINGLY ENDLESS SUPPLY OF MAGIC PARAPHERNALIA. THIS BROTHER GIVES YOU EVERYTHING FROM BODY ACHES TO HEART PALPITATIONS.
MORRIS -- YOUR NEXT OLDEST BROTHER IS SIMPLY THE MOST FINICKY EATER THAT YOU HAVE EVER SEEN. CHANCES ARE THAT HE WILL BE WHINING ALL THROUGH DINNER BECAUSE MOM ISN'T SERVING THE ONLY MEAL THAT HE EVER WANTS TO EAT.
ELDRICK -- THE NATURAL BORN ATHLETE -- FROM THE TIME HE COULD WALK, YOUR DAD HAS BEEN TRYING TO TURN HIM INTO THE NEXT ARNOLD PALMER. ALL YOUR LITTLE BROTHER DOES ALL DAY LONG IS WHACK GOLF BALLS AROUND THE HOUSE. (ANOTHER STRANGE THING REGARDING ELDRICK IS THAT YOUR PARENTS HAVE NEVER CALLED HIM BY HIS GIVEN NAME -- CALLING HIM TIGER SINCE THE DAY HE WAS BORN -- LEADING HIM TO BE CONFUSED WHEN HE REACHED SCHOOL AGE AND TEACHERS STARTED REFERRING TO HIM BY A NAME THAT HE HAD NEVER HEARD BEFORE. YOU UNDERSTAND THAT SPADES AUTHORS ARE ALSO SOMETIMES SUBJECT TO THIS FATE.)
TIGG -- YOUR BABY BROTHER -- THE DOCTORS HAVE NO EXPLANATION WHY ALL TIGG DOES ALL DAY LONG IS HOP UP AND DOWN AND MUMBLE STUPID PHRASES. ALSO, JUST LIKE FELIX, TIGG BELIEVES HIMSELF TO BE JUST WONDERFUL.
FINALLY, THERE'S YOUR DAD, TONY. -- RATHER THAN TRYING TO TEACH THIS BUNCH SOME CIVILITY, HE ACTUALLY ENCOURAGES YOUR BROTHERS' ANTICS. HE SEEMS TO FIND THEIR BIZARRE AND SELF-ABSORBED BEHAVIOR TO BE A SOURCE OF GREAT PLEASURE. WHENEVER THEY ACT UP, ALL HE DOES IS GO AROUND THE HOUSE YELLING THEY'RRRRRRRE GREAT!
IT'S ENOUGH TO DRIVE A PERSON CRAZY.
AFTER INTRODUCTIONS, YOU ALL SIT DOWN TO EAT.
THE TABLE LOOKS GREAT, ESPECIALLY THE BIG VASE OF BEAUTIFUL PUSSY WILLOWS, CAT TAILS, AND TIGER LILIES.
OH NOOOOOOOOOO.
FELIX HAS BROUGHT HIS BAG TO THE TABLE -- ELDRICK SITS DOWN WEARING A GOLF GLOVE -- MORRIS IS ALREADY POUTING -- TIGG HAS THAT STUPID LOOK ON HIS FACE THAT ALWAYS APPEARS JUST BEFORE HE STARTS INTO HIS ROUTINE -- AND YOUR DAD ALREADY IS WEARING A GREAT BIG SMILE IN ANTICIPATION OF THE EVENTS TO COME.
AFTER YOU ALL PAWS TO SAY GRACE, MOM GETS UP AND GOES OUT TO THE KITCHEN TO BRING IN THE MEAL. JUST AS SHE IS DONE SERVING, IT STARTS!
FELIX HAS OPENED HIS LITTLE BLACK BAG AND PUT ON A TOP HAT.
MORRIS HAS ALREADY PUSHED HIS PLATE AWAY.
TIGG IS NOW STANDING ON HIS CHAIR.
ELDRICK HAS PUT CHERRY TOMATOES IN THE SUGAR BOWL, AND IS BLASTING THEM OUT WITH A CARROT STICK.
YOUR DAD IS BEAMING WITH PRIDE.
"LOOK EVERYONE, NOTHING UP MY SLEVE" ... "I DON'T WANT THIS!" ... THE WONDERFUL THING ABOUT TIGG..." ... "FORE!" ... "THEY'RRRRRRRE GREAT!" ... "PICK A CARD, ANY CARD" ... "WHY CAN'T I HAVE..." ... "GO AHEAD, ASK ME A QUESTION" ... "PLAYING THROUGH!" ... "THEY'RRRRRRRE GREAT!" ... "CAN I HAVE A VOLUNTEER?" ... "HOW COME YOU ALWAYS MAKE..." ... "ABSOTIVELY, POSILUTELY, MAYBE" ... "PUT THAT CAMERA AWAY!" ... "THEY'RRRRRRRE GREAT!" ...
... THEN, JUST AS A CHERRY TOMATO RICOCHETS OFF CAT'S FOREHEAD AND LANDS RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR MOM'S BUNDT CAKE, ELDRICK SCREAMS "A HOLE IN ONE!!!"
CAT EXCUSES HERSELF TO GO EXTRACT A TOMATO SEED FROM HER EYE AS YOU SIT THERE IN TOTAL AGONY.
AS YOU ARE AWAITING CAT'S RETURN, YOU HEAR THE FRONT DOOR SLAM AND A CAR ENGINE START.
YOU RUN TO THE DOOR JUST IN TIME TO SEE CATRINA SPEEDING AWAY IN HER JAGUAR. YOUR WORST FEAR HAS COME TRUE.
OVER THE NEXT FEW DAYS YOU TRY TO CONTACT CAT, BUT SHE HAS MOVED AND LEFT NO FORWARDING ADDRESS, AND NOW HAS AN UNLISTED PHONE NUMBER.
YOU SPEND WHAT HAS TO BE THE WORST WEEK OF YOUR LIFE, JUST AS THE REST OF YOUR FAMILY IS HAVING UNBELIEVABLY GOOD LUCK.
FELIX HAS BEEN OFFERED THE CHANCE TO DO A MAGIC SHOW IN LAS VEGAS. HE DECIDES TO ASK ONE OF HIS WEIRD FRIENDS TO DO THE SHOW WITH HIM, AND PLANS TO HAVE HIS TRADEMARK FEAT OF MAGIC BE MAKING A TIGER DISAPPEAR AT THE END OF THE SHOW EACH EVENING.
MORRIS HAS BEEN OFFERED A JOB AS SPOKESPERSON FOR A MAJOR PET FOOD MANUFACTURER, COMPLETE WITH NATIONAL TV COMMERCIAL EXPOSURE.
TIGG HAS REALIZED HIS LIFETIME DREAM. HE HAS BEEN GIVEN A LATE NIGHT TV COMEDY/TALK PROGRAM ON NBC. HE WILL DO THE SHOW USING THE STAGE NAME "KIT CARSON."
ELDRICK HAS JUST BECOME THE FIRST CHILD TO MAKE IT ONTO THE PGA TOUR. HE ALREADY HAS 50 MILLION DOLLARS WORTH OF ENDORSEMENTS AND ALL OF THE FREE SNEAKERS HE COULD EVER USE.
NOT ONLY IS YOUR DAD BESIDE HIMSELF WITH JOY, BUT HE HAS LANDED A CUSHY, HIGH PAYING JOB WITH A CEREAL COMPANY. HIS ONLY JOB REQUIREMENT IS TO KEEP SCREAMING HOW GREAT HIS KIDS ARE. GO FIGURE.
MAN, WHAT TERRIBLE LUCK!! IF YOU HAD ONLY WAITED A WEEK TO INVITE CAT TO DINNER. EVERYTHING WOULD HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT. RATHER THAN BEING A TERRIBLE LIABILITY TO YOUR LOVE LIFE, YOUR FAMILY'S IDIOSYNCRASIES WOULD HAVE BEEN FAR OUTWEIGHED BY THEIR ACCOMPLISHMENTS. IF ONLY......
YOU ARE SO FORLORN THAT YOU DECIDE TO TRY TO DROWN YOUR SORROWS BY PLAYING SOME SPADES ON THE ZONE.
ON THE FIRST HAND OF THE GAME YOU ARE DEALT THE FOLLOWING CARDS AND BID NIL.
SCORE
YOUR TEAM: 0
PONES: 0
North 4
West 4
East 3
South Nil
2 4 9
4 5 7 J
2 5 7 Q
3 9
EAST IS IN THE LEAD ON THE HAND AND LEADS THE 4 OF CLUBS. WHAT CLUB SHOULD YOU PLAY.
HOPEFULLY, YOU HAVE LEARNED AN IMPORTANT LESSON FROM YOUR EXPERIENCE WITH CATRINA, AND WILL NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE THAT MANY PLAYERS DO OF NEEDLESSLY EXPOSING A POTENTIALLY FATAL CARD TO THE OPPONENTS.
MISTAKE
WHEN PLAYING SECOND OR LEADING FROM A NIL HAND, IF YOU VOLUNTARILY EXPOSE A CARD THAT YOUR PARTNER MAY NOT BE ABLE TO COVER, YOU ARE NEEDLESSLY RISKING YOUR NIL BID, AND YOU AND YOUR PARD ARE LOSING MORE SPADES GAMES THAN YOU SHOULD.
IT IS SURPRISING HOW MANY PLAYERS, IN THIS SITUATION, WILL PLAY THE 9 OF CLUBS (OR WHATEVER THE HIGHER OF THE 2 CARDS IS) WHEN DOING SO PROVIDES VIRTUALLY NO BENEFIT TO THE TEAM'S EFFORT, AND SIGNIFICANTLY INCREASES THE CHANCE OF THE NIL BEING SET.
THE THINKING SEEMS TO BE THAT THEIR PARTNER PROBABLY HAS A CARD HIGHER THAN THE 9, AND IT WILL BE GOOD TO GET THIS DANGEROUS CARD OUT OF THE WAY. A FURTHER HOPE MAY BE THAT THE COVER PARD MAY THEN LEAD THE SUIT AGAIN AND CLEAR THAT SUIT FROM THE NIL HAND, ALLOWING FOR DISCARDS ON FURTHER ROUNDS OF THE SUIT.
LET'S EXAMINE THIS LOGIC
ALTHOUGH THE CHANCE IS LOW THAT YOUR PARD WILL NOT HAVE A CARD HIGHER THAN THE 9, IT CERTAINLY IS A REALISTIC POSSIBILITY.
IF YOUR PARTNER HAS MORE THAN 1 CLUB AND AT LEAST ONE CARD HIGHER THAN THE 9, THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO RISK ASSOCIATED WITH DUCKING THE LEAD WITH THE CLUB 3. YOUR PARTNER WILL BE ABLE TO COVER YOUR 9 ON THE NEXT ROUND OF THE SUIT.
IF YOUR PARD HAS ONLY 1 CARD IN THE LED SUIT (VERY UNLIKELY CONSIDERING THAT YOU HAVE ONLY A DOUBLETON), AND THAT CARD IS HIGHER THAN THE 9, YOU WILL LOSE THE OPPORTUNITY OF HAVING YOUR 9 COVERED BY THAT ONE CARD.
IF, HOWEVER, YOU ARE SO CONCERNED AS TO WORRY ABOUT YOUR PARD HAVING ONLY ONE CARD IN THE SUIT, IT IS EQUALLY AS LIKELY THAT THAT CARD WOULD BE LOWER THAN YOUR 9 AS IT IS THAT IT WOULD BE HIGHER THAN YOUR 9, SO WHY TAKE A VIRTUAL 50/50 SHOT AT LOSING YOUR NIL BASED ON THE "SINGLETON COVER CARD" THEORY (THE ONLY CONSIDERATION THAT KEEPS IT FROM BEING A TRUE 50/50 SHOT IS THE SMALL POSSIBILITY THAT WEST HAS ONLY A CLUB OR CLUBS HIGHER THAN THE 9).
FURTHER, IF YOUR PARTNER DOES HAVE ONLY 1 CLUB, AND IT IS A HIGH ONE, AND YOU DO MISS THE OPPORTUNITY OF HAVING YOUR 9 COVERED BY THAT CARD, YOUR PARD CAN ALWAYS TRUMP THE NEXT ROUND OF CLUBS IF NECESSARY TO PROTECT YOU.
AHHH! YOU SAY, BUT WHAT IF MY PARTNER HAS ONLY A FEW SPADES AND HAS TO USE ONE FOR TRUMPING CLUBS, AND THEN IS NOT ABLE TO COVER MY SPADES?
THE ANSWER TO THAT ARGUMENT IS THAT, IF YOUR PARD HAS ONLY 1 CLUB, IT IS HIGHLY UNLIKELY THAT HE WILL BE DANGEROUSLY SHORT-SUITED IN SPADES. HE MOST LIKELY WOULD HAVE AT LEAST 4 SPADES IN THAT SITUATION.
NOW, IF YOU HAD BID NIL WITH 4 SPADES (VERY UNLIKELY IF YOU HAVE READ "HOW NOT TO LOSE AT SPADES") THE CONCERN OF YOUR PARD HAVING TO TRUMP A SECOND ROUND OF CLUBS IS A LITTLE GREATER, BUT STILL NOT UP TO THE 50/50 PROPOSITION OF LOSING YOUR NIL BY PLAYING THE CLUB 9 ON THE FIRST ROUND OF THE SUIT.
NOW, AS FOR THE HOPE THAT BY PLAYING THE 9 YOUR PARD WILL BE FORCED TO WIN THE TRICK AND THEN CAN LEAD CLUBS BACK SO THAT YOU CAN VOID YOURSELF IN THE SUIT AND START SLOUGHING.
THE LOGIC BEHIND THIS ARGUMENT IS ALSO VERY WEAK. WITH YOU HAVING ONLY 2 CLUBS, THE REMAINING CLUBS ARE EITHER SPLIT 4,4,3, OR AT LEAST ONE PERSON AT THE TABLE HAS AT LEAST 5 CLUBS (A MUCH MORE LIKELY SCENARIO).
IF YOUR PARD HAS SEVERAL CLUBS, CHANCES ARE HE WILL BE LEADING THAT SUIT VERY EARLY ANYWAY. IF ONE OF THE PONES HAS SEVERAL CLUBS, CHANCES ARE THAT HE WILL BE LEADING LOW CARDS IN THAT SUIT VERY EARLY IN ORDER TO TRY TO CATCH YOU WITH AN UNPROTECTED DANGEROUS CARD. EITHER WAY, YOU WILL VERY LIKELY GET VOID IN CLUBS EARLY IN THE HAND.
THERE IS ONE MORE IMPORTANT REASON NOT TO PLAY THE CLUB 9 IN THIS EXAMPLE. AFTER EAST LEADS A LOW CLUB, THERE ARE STILL 5 OUTSTANDING CLUBS THAT ARE LOWER THAN YOUR 9. IF IT TURNS OUT THAT YOUR PARD HAS ONLY 2 OR 3 CLUBS WITH THE HIGHEST ONE BEING THE 8, THE FOLLOWING SCENARIO CAN TAKE PLACE.
AFTER YOU PLAY LOW ON TRICK 1, WEST WILL MOST LIKELY WIN THE TRICK WITH A HIGH CLUB. IF WEST THEN LEADS A LOW CLUB AND YOUR PARTNER PLAYS HIS 8, EAST MAY BE SITTING THERE WITH A SMALL CLUB AND SOME OTHER CLUB OR CLUBS INCLUDING THE 10. IF THIS IS THE CASE, EAST WILL OFTEN RISK COVERING THE 8 WITH THE 10 IN ORDER TO ATTEMPT TO GET RID OF THE CARD IN AN EFFICIENT MANNER. IF HE DOES SO, YOU CAN THEN ESCAPE WHAT WOULD OTHERWISE BE AN INESCAPABLE SITUATION.
THERE IS ONE EXCEPTION TO THE "ALWAYS DUCK" PRINCIPLE WHEN PLAYING THIS TYPE OF NIL SITUATION. THAT IS WHEN, AS SHOWN IN THE EXAMPLE BELOW, THE HAND IS A 12 OR 13 BID HAND AND IT IS CRUCIAL THAT YOUR PARTNER MAKE HIS BID AS WELL AS YOU MAKING YOUR NIL.
(IT IS EVEN MORE IMPORTANT IF YOUR PARD BID PRIOR TO SEEING YOUR NIL BID ... THE CRITICAL IMPORTANCE OF THIS FACTOR IS EXPLAINED AT LENGTH IN MY BOOK.)
SCORE
YOUR TEAM: 384
PONES: 435
North 4
West 4
East 4
South Nil
IN THIS SITUATION YOU HAVE THE SAME HAND AS IN THE PREVIOUS EXAMPLE AND EAST IS IN THE LEAD AGAIN.
HERE, IF EAST LEADS A LOW CLUB, YOU SHOULD PLAY YOUR 9.
THE REASON FOR ASSUMING THIS RISK IS AS FOLLOWS:
IF THE PONES MAKE THEIR BID, YOU MAKE YOUR NIL, BUT YOUR PARTNER IS SET ON HIS 4 BID, THE OPPONENTS WILL WIN THE GAME (517 TO 444 OR THEREABOUTS).
IT IS AS IMPORTANT FOR YOUR PARD TO MAKE HIS BID ON THIS HAND AS IT IS FOR YOU TO MAKE YOUR NIL. IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS, YOU CAN OFTEN HELP YOUR PARD TO MAKE HIS BID BY PLAYING YOUR HIGHER CARD.
IF YOU PLAY THE 9, WEST WILL OFTEN MISTAKENLY LET YOUR CARD STAND AS HIGH CARD ON THE TABLE IN A MISPLACED EFFORT TO SET YOUR NIL RATHER THAN THE COVER BID (WHICH IS ALMOST ALWAYS EASIER TO SET IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS). IF HE DOES SO, THIS WILL VERY OFTEN ALLOW YOUR PARD TO WIN A CHEAP TRICK WITH THE 10, JACK, OR QUEEN OF THE SUIT. IF THAT HAPPENS, YOUR PARD WILL ALMOST BE ASSURED OF MAKING HIS BID. ALSO, THEN, IF YOU ARE SO UNFORTUNATE AS TO GET SET ON YOUR NIL, WITH YOUR PARD HAVING WON AN UNPLANNED TRICK, THERE IS A VERY HIGH LIKELIHOOD THAT THE PONES WILL GET SET ON THEIR BID AS WELL. IF THAT SCENARIO WAS TO COME ABOUT, YOUR TEAM WOULD ACTUALLY REALIZE A NET GAIN ON THE HAND, NOT A BAD OUTCOME GIVEN AN UNSUCCESSFUL NIL.
OTHER THAN IN THIS SPECIAL CASE, PLAYING THE HIGHER OF YOUR CARDS WHEN YOU CAN DUCK INSTEAD IS, IN THE LONG RUN, A LOSING PROPOSITON.
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE SEEN PONES GET SET ON A NIL AS A RESULT OF MISPLAYING THIS SITUATION.
THE SCENARIO IS ALWAYS THE SAME. SOUTH WILL GO HIGH WHEN HE COULD HAVE DUCKED ON THE FIRST ROUND OF A SUIT, AND HIS PARD WILL NOT BE ABLE TO COVER THE NEEDLESSLY PLAYED HIGHER CARD.
ON THE NEXT ROUND OF THE SUIT, SOUTH WILL PLAY A CARD THAT WOULD HAVE GONE AROUND SAFELY ON ROUND 1, AND EITHER HIS PARD WILL BE OUT OF THAT SUIT ON ROUND 2, OR ONE OF THE PONES WILL BE IN A POSITION WHERE HE WOULD HAVE HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO COVER THE HIGHER CARD ON ROUND 2.
THE DISCUSSION FOLLOWING ROUND 2 OF THE SUIT IS ALWAYS THE SAME...
NORTH "WHY DIDN'T YOU PLAY THAT CARD THE FIRST TIME PARD?"
SOUTH " SORRY PARD"
REMEMBER THAT OLD SAYING..... ..... ANYTHING WORTH DOING IS WORTH DOING TOMORROW!
IT REALLY IS TRUE WHEN IT COMES TO PLAYING YOUR NIL HAND.
NEVER EXPOSE YOUR WEAKNESS BEFORE YOU HAVE TO, OR YOUR NIL MAY GO THE SAME WAY AS CATRINA ... OFF INTO THE SUNSET.
ALWAYS REMEMBER CAT'S TALE LIGHTS FADING INTO THE DISTANCE, AND YOU WILL ALSO REMEMBER TO
BE A SPADES PRO -- CRASTINATOR NEXT MONTH......THE KING OF THE BUNGLE! !
GOOD LUCK AND HAPPY SPADING! Tiger_Galt
(Please note: JohnGalt will be signing books and meeting friends at the live tourney in Atlanta in September.)SITES OF INTEREST How Not To Lose At Spades!
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