INSTRUCTIONS FOR GROWING A BOY BAND IN A BOX
Step 1. Find a good shoe box for your boy band to begin in. Please note: If you choose to use an Adidas/Nike/Reebok etc. box, the majority of the boy band will be into sports (i.e. 'N Sync). However, choosing a box from a trendy pair of shoes will end up with a well dressed boy band (i.e. 98 Degrees), a box from the trash results in a very Howie Dorough-ish boy band, and a plain box results in a boy band somewhere along the lines of 5ive.
Step 2. Go through teen magazines finding and cutting out words and phrases that you feel your boyband should live up to. Note: If you use the word "sexy" PLEASE do not intentionally or unintentionally cut off the "y." This has happened in the past and well, where do you think 5ive came from.
Step 3. Now, appearance is a good chunk of being in a boy band, so also cut out pictures of what you would like your boyband to look like. Do not over use one certain picture of a certain celebrity. It starts to look suspicious this way. (I.E. Ryan Phillipe and Justin Timberlake, David Boreanz and Nick Lachey, a troll and Howie Dorough.)
Step 4. Lastly, how they boyband sounds. After putting all magazine clippings in your box, let your box listen to the radio at least an hour a day. Make sure it is a station that plays current pop, seeing how boybands must keep up with the changing times. Note: Although it may be tempting to broaden their musical background, do not play jazz of any form for your box. This was a fatal mistake made with 'N Sync's JC.
Step 5. Now of course it's time for the boyband to grow. You must give your boyband box plenty of water and milk, nothing else. (Note: Too much milk results in your boyband being dubbed "Da Bod Squad") If you feed it table scraps, such as left over hamburger, it will get attached to these foods as a boy band member and will result in Nick Carter. You must also take it for a walk, at least once a day.
Step 6. Results should appear within 4-6 months. It may seem like quite a while, but hey- it's worth it!!
Step 7. Obviously your boyband will never get anywheres without getting a record deal. Simply shop your boy band around to various record companies and someone's bound to snatch 'em up! (Note: Transcontinental has a weak spot for box grown boy bands!!) Just remember, you are their Manager. *wink*
Step 8. Be prepared. Once your boyband launches it's career, things will get kinda hectic. But if you have properly grown your boyband, they will repel sleazy girlfriends and slutty fans throwing themselves on stage at concerts. Soon you will evolve from their manager to their good friend until you have manipulatively become their girlfriend.
So get out there and grow the best damn boy band a shoe box can allow!!!
Sounds fun! But take me home for now...
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