
Cooking With 'N Sync!
Mel: Hi! We're here with our good friends 'N Sync! And today we will be showing you how to cook!
Heidi: That's right! Justin, what will you be teaching us to make today?
Justin Timberlake: Apple Jacks!
Mel & Heidi: Apple Jacks?
Justin: Dat's what I sayz.
Heidi: Justin, dear, you can't make Apple Jacks. They come made.
Justin: No dey don't! If dey came "made" da box would be soggy!
Mel: *rolling eyes* Okay Justin, you "make" Apple Jacks while we go cook with Joey and we'll come back to you later.
Justin: *whimpers*
Heidi: What's wrong?
Justin: Well see, I ain't actually ever made Apple Jacks. My maw always done it for me.
Heidi: You do know how to make them though, right?
Justin: *shakes head*
Mel: For Pete's sake!
Heidi: Look JuJu, it's not that hard; you'll figure it out.
Justin: And if I don't? *getting teary eyed*
Mel: If you don't we'll just give you a gold star for effort, okay?
Justin: Aight, dat be good. *with a big smile he starts to open the box of Apple Jacks*
Mel: Moving on...
Heidi: Yes, moving on...Joey, what will you be showing us to make?
Joey Fatone Jr.: Jell-O!
Heidi: *laughs nervously*
Mel: *shakes head and mutters* I knew we should have had the Backstreet Boys instead. At least then all we would have to put up with is Nick Carter eating all the bacon.
Heidi: *kicks Mel to quiet her down* Okay Joey, what type of Jell-O will we be making today?
Joey: Cherry.
Joey & Mel: *snickering like the perverts they are*
Joey: You know why I picked cherry? *still laughing*
Mel: JOSEPH! This is a family show!!
Mel & Joey: *start to laugh again*
Heidi: *getting aggravated and shouting over the laughter* OKAY! Where do we start Joey?
Joey: Huh? Oh right. Get a bowl of water...*pouring water into the bowl* Hey no spills!
Mel & Heidi: *standing unamazed*
Joey: Now I hate to give this secret away...
Mel: C'mon Joey! Your among friends!
Heidi: *laughing uncontrollably* Good one, Mel!
Mel: *kicks Heidi*
Heidi: I mean, c'mon Joey. I'll make it worth your while. *shows some shoulder*
Joey: *eagerly* OKAY!! Into the water add lard. You know, animal fat. Any type you've got handy should do the trick. Pig lard, cow lard, chicken fat, turtle fat. Anything, but add about two pounds.
Heidi: *shuddering* And if you can't find any...lard?
Joey: Use Crisco! Baking grease, hell use Pam if you have to; it's all pretty much the same. *clumps a bowl of pig fat into the water* Now stir it good, there's nothing more repulsive than a clump of fat in your Jell-O!
Mel: How did you come up with this...unique form of Jell-O?
Joey: Well I figured I like Jell-O and I like lard in my brownie, why not in Jell-O?
Mel & Heidi: *exchange "WTF" looks as Joey mixes Jell-O*
Joey: Now some people put bananas in their Jell-O, some people put pears in their Jell-O. I just put in jelly beans and peanut M&M's in mine. You know, so it's good for you, too!
Heidi: Ummm, jelly beans and peanut M&M's aren't good for you.
Joey: *whimpers*
Mel: Oh fine they are! Get a move on, Joey. Your segment is already 20 minutes over it's allotted time. You're just lucky Timberlake is a dumb ass.
Joey: Well for your information, Miss Smarty Pants, I'm DONE!
Heidi: Um...Joe, don't you need to refrigerate that?
Joey: Well, I'd refrigerate it, then I'd get hungry and drink it anyways. *slurps out of the bowl* Mmmmmm...want some?
Mel & Heidi: NO!
Mel: Now to JC...
JC Chasez: *smiles like an idiot*
Mel: Hey hot stuff...*bats eyelashes and runs finger up and down his chest*
Heidi: What will you be making for us today?
Mel: I know what he's making me! *giggles suggestively*
Heidi: *rolls eyes*
JC: Well today I will be...*all three sniffing* Do you smell *sniff* smoke?
Smoke: *comes from the Justin area of the studio*
Heidi: Excuse us. *grabs Mel and they run past Joey licking the sides of the Jell-O bowl to Justin's area*
Mel: Justin WTF happened?!?
Justin: Damn it foo! I sayz I don't know how to make Apple Jacks!
Mel: That doesn't explain the smoke.
Heidi: Um maybe it DOES explain it. *points to an open box of Apple Jacks sitting in milk in a frying pan over the stove* You're lucky you're the cute one, cause you sure aren't the smart one.
Justin: *smiles* So you thinks I be cute? Everyone does. I knewed you wanted me. *smiles*
Mel: *shakes head* What are you gonna do when your looks are gone?
Justin: *laughs pervertedly* Sell dem videos Britney keeps sending me of her in da tub.
Mel & Heidi: *exchanging looks*
Heidi: That more than I ever wanted to know!
Mel: Me too! Let's get back to JC. *both walk back to JC* Sorry about that, big guy. Now what were you gonna show us how to make?
JC: Something I love, need, and depend on...my special COFFEE!
Heidi: Thank God, this should be quick.
JC: *starts to pour items into his coffe maker...coffee...water...the contents of three pill bottles...contents of syringes...*
Mel: Good God, JC, what are you putting in there?
JC: Prozac, speed, vodka, pure sugar, pep pills...You know the norm.
Mel & Heidi: *exchange looks*
Mel: Doesn't mixing all those pills have any side effects?
JC: Well, you'll start to get a bald spot in the back of your head, you'll feel the urge to unzip your fly when singing "Tearin' Up My Heart," and you'll date ANYTHING you're so out of it.
Mel: Oh! That explains that whole Nikki DeLoach/Stacey Ferguson thing!
Heidi: Well, JC, sounds like a lot of bad things happened to you cause of drugs.
JC: *starts to sob* Sure did. *points finger at camera* Kids, don't ever do drugs! *sobbing* I mean, God, look at how much hair I had in MMC and now look. *runs up to camera, unbrushes his comb over and reveals the balding sport on the back of his head* See! Look! *runs fingers through his hair and pulls out clumps* OH GOD! And another thing drugs do. I'm not a "gentleman." I just can't get it up anymore! *sobbing*
Mel: *hugs JC and comforts him*
Mel: Heidi maybe you better do the next segment witout me. *nods head toward a sobbing JC in her arms*
Heidi: NO SWEAT! We're gonna be cooking with my man, my baby, my big stud daddy...CHRIS KIRKPATRICK! *walks over to Chris* Hey there!
Chris Kirkpatrick: Hi Heidi!
Heidi: What will you be making us?
Chris: Well I did have something made, but Joey ate it all. *glares in Joey's direction* But don't fear, I have something in mind. We're gonna drive over to Taco Bell and I'll show you how they make tacos.
Heidi: Okay darling, let's go.
Chris: Okay. *stares confusedly at Heidi*
Heidi: Okay.
Chris: Okay what? Oh right! Taco Bell. *pulls up little red wagon* You wanna drive?
Heidi: Huh?
Chris: You know, I don't have a car. And well, I only have two roller blades...
Heidi: Can't you borrow one of the other guys cars?
Chris: Not exactly...After I go to Taco Bell I get this nasty gas and it just smells up the car and even Joey...
Heidi: Okay, Chris! I get it!
Chris: So you gonna drive or what? (Remember, Heidi is one of the four fans Chris has.) I think it's really sexy when girls drive my wagon.
Heidi: Oh I'll drive your wagon...*licks her lips*
Chris: If that was a come on I don't get it! Sorry, it's been awhile...
Heidi: No prob. So how do I "drive" this?
Chris: Well it's a stick gear.
Heidi: Um...Fine. How do I drive it?
Chris: Okay, first I get in. *hops in* And now you pull.
Heidi: *begins pulling* Oh you're lucky I like you!
Chris: I know. *smirks*
Heidi: *pulls the wagon 12 blocks to Taco Bell while Chris throws his arms in the air yelling "WEEEEEE!!!"* *out of breath* Finally...here.
Chris: Um, Heidi. We can't go to this Taco Bell.
Heidi: Why the hell not?
Chris: I'm kinda banned...
Heidi: How can you get banned from a Taco Bell? Did you bring your own mice?
Chris: *laughs nervously* No um...Well see, gosh they are so touchy! Have you ever put a burrito down your pants and asked the cashier to ring your Taco Bell?
Heidi: *shakes head* I don't wanna hear it. Where's the next Taco Bell?
Chris: 3 miles.
Heidi: I shoulda drank JC's coffee. *continues to pull and Chris continues to "WEEEEE!!"*
Finally Heidi gets back to the studio, exhausted, with Chris asleep in the wagon.
Heidi: Mel, we have to cook with Lance still and I had to pull Chris to a Taco Bell 2 towns away! Will you do it without me?
Mel: Well I had to baby sit these morons! I had Justin asking me "What's the deally yo?" 45 times in half an hour! I told him to shut the F up and he said he's getting his homies after me! Then Joey was hungry and ate Lance's peach cobbler. He went to eat Justin's Apple Jacks but Justin told him he would get his homeboys after him too. Joey started crying, so I hugged him and he grabbed me. Then he was still hungry so him and Justin drove to the Sugar Shack (a local strip joint) to get "something to eat." JC passed out half an hour ago and he keeps twitching every 4 or 5 minutes. I don't wanna sound rude but do you think anyone will mind if we just skip Lance?
Heidi: Nah, he's no one's favorite anyways...
Mel & Heidi: *sit on the floor exhausted*
Lance Bass: *walks in* Okay girls! I'm ready! Now I know Joey ate my peach cobbler but I whipped up this fab devil food cake that is just delish!
Mel: Um, Lance we're kinda exhausted. Do you mind if we end it without you?
Lance: *stomps feet* It's not fair! Just not fair! Justin's the cute one, Joey's the hungry one, JC's the peppy one, Chris is the funny one. WHAT AM I? I'm that guy who looks like a turtle. That's me Lance Bass, the gay turtle. I tried to date the most hated girl in America. But no, Britney wanted Justin, so I went with number 2. Topanga.
Heidi: Don't you mean Danielle?
Lance: SHUT UP! Don't ruin my moment!
Heidi: Sorry...
Lance: I dated troll girl so girls would want me and she dated me so Ben Savage would like her. But did it work? NO! *huffing from the screaming*
Heidi: Lance?
Lance: *huffing* What?
Heidi: We've always liked you.
Lance: Really?
Mel: That's right, baby. There's nothing sexier than a guy who knows how to ride it.
Heidi: YEE HAW
Lance: *starts to get giddy* Really?
Mel: Oh yeah!
Lance: *sits down between Mel and Heidi* Good cause I didn't wanna have to drag Topanga into this.
Heidi: Yes. We're all glad Topanga didn't get into this cause I would kicked that troll's ass...
And they all sat exhausted and frustrated and carried on with their lives and vowed never to bring up what had happened that day. Unless for website purposes. :)
THE END
WCToaN
Da Write Stuff
copyright ©WCToaN