Smirking
in the
Shadows
Everyone I ask has that one little thing that they will always remember someone by, and that is completely unique. It's never anything big, or anything you'd notice anyway, and so that's how you know they're close, tight like that, because they notice. Maybe I'm wrong, and maybe it's weird, but I've found that one little thing. It's that smirk.
I think it's the most adorable thing, that tiny little quirk in his face when he smiles and tries to hide it, and you'd never pay any attention to it usually, but I know it's there. It's the sort of thing that you'd only see at the late hours of the night, like those warm summer nights when it's dark and we're cuddling and there's lights that seem to flicker just like candlelight. But it's not candlelight, it's only the flashing TV screen and the movie that's almost done and really wasn't all that interesting anyway. But it doesn't matter, because we weren't really watching the movie anyway, we were all talking together and so we can imagine it was like candlelight anyway because we feel so close that nothing wrong could happen. We're having that moment. You know, that one where all your friends are together and laughing and feeling that connection that you swear you'll never forget and hope you don't lie, and then look back ten years later and remember and wish you would have at least phoned them or sent them a letter but didn't, and so all you have are the memories and the happy times like now. Sort of like that. But for now no one thinks anything of the future, only of the now and new and we're young and free and never realize how good it is until it's past. It's joy reincarnated. And then you start to fade back and you lay your head against his chest simply to hear his heartbeat. His heartbeat, nothing more, so strong, just like him. And while you're lying there, listening to his very heart, you'll hear his voice, in that muffled way it can only sound when you're pressed against his body. Maybe then you'll giggle because he's made some cocky ass reply to your friend and you know she probably deserves it anyway. And then you look up, because you can hear it in his voice, that cute little smirk and you want so badly to see that one little thing about him that you could never forget. You see the play of shadows on his tiny little laugh line dimple and you sigh contentedly because you remember every thing about him that makes him so special and you love it all. You love him. You've never been able to admit it before, but you do. You love him. And then maybe you'll hold your breath as he glances down and catches you staring at him and he'll wonder why and his eyes will dance. They will dance just like faery magic, a hidden step you'll never understand but always love. He'll look straight into you and say, "I love you forever," and you'll believe him because you do, too, and he'll steal a sweet kiss from your lips and you'll let him. You'll let him because it's all you wanted, too, and you know it. You both know it. Then you'll smile again because you feel just so warm and pleasant and most of all, loved. To be loved, a forever love! And you'll wonder if he could be forever, and if your heart would burst if you could do this every night and could wake up in the morning with birds chirping and his arms around you and you wonder if you could ever recover if he couldn't be your forever. And this would make you shut your eyes so tight and whisper your denial, "no," so softly. Ever so softly, because you don't want to hear it, don't want it to be heard because you don't want it ever to be true. Because you don't want to think of such a thing and then you fall asleep with him there beside you to comfort you in your dreams. And he does.
And then it's morning, far too soon. It's three o'clock and you want nothing more than to stay here beside him but you can't because the parents don't know you stayed the night and mustn't. Oh, to only have him forever! His arms, even in sleep, grip tighter around you and you gently kiss his lips and slowly pull away with tears in your eyes because you want nothing more than to hold and be held and only by him, and wake up in the morning in his firm grasp and gradually wake him up by letting him know you love and love only him, and who could argue with such a true feeling? Who could argue with this tender love? But for now you must pull away, must go softly out into the cold cold night, and ever so far way from him and as you climb into your frigid single bed you wonder if he, too, has a tear tracing his face, pooling into that dimple of his, and that's what you dream of all night, yearning to be near him once more, that single tiny dot etched into his smiling laughing loveable face. And that is why you love him and his adorable face. Because you love to be loved and love to love. And who could ask for anything more?