Instead of saying: When the f**k do you expect me to do this?
Say: Perhaps I can work late.
Instead of saying: No fucking way.
Say: I'm certain that is not feasible.
Instead of saying: You've got to be shitting me!
Say: Really?
Instead of saying: Tell someone who gives a shit.
Say: Perhaps you should check with...
Instead of saying: Ask me if I give a shit.
Say: Of course I'm concerned.
Instead of saying: Its not my fucking problem.
Say: I wasn't involved in that project.
Instead of saying: What the fuck?
Say: That's interesting behavior.
Instead of saying: Fuck it, it won't work.
Say: I'm not sure I can implement this.
Instead of saying: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?
Say: I'll try to schedule that.
Instead of saying: Who the fuck cares?
Say: Are you sure this is a problem?
Instead of saying: He's got his head up his ass.
Say: He's not familiar with the problem.
Instead of saying: Eat shit and die motherfucker.
Say: Excuse me sir?
Instead of saying: Kiss my ass.
Say: So you weren't happy with it?
Instead of saying: Fuck it, I'm on salary.
Say: I'm a bit overloaded at this moment.
Instead of saying: Shove it up your ass.
Say: I don't think you understand.
Instead of saying: This job sucks.
Say: I love a challenge.
Instead of saying: Who the hell died and made you boss?
Say: You want me to take care of that?
Instead of saying: Blow me.
Say: I see.
Instead of saying: Another fucking meeting.
Say: Yes, we really should discuss it.
Instead of saying: I really don't give a shit.
Say: I don't think this will be a problem.
Instead of saying: He's a fucking prick.
Say: He's somewhat insensitive.
Instead of saying: She's a ball busting bitch.
Say: She's an aggressive go getter.
Instead of saying: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.
Say: I think you could use more training.
1.How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
2.How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
3.What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? "Dam!"
4.What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.
5.What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
6.What do the letters D.N.A. stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
7.What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.
8.What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.
9.What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
10.What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? Quatro sinko.
11.What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
12.What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
13.What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table.
14.What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
15.Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.
16.Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep.
17.Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have phones.
18.Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They're trying to get away from the noise.
19.What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.
20.What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie? A dog that runs for help ... after it bites your leg off.
21.What does it mean when the flag is at half mast at the post office They're hiring.
22.What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka.