I watched his beauty kill him-
and even lent my hand-
He ate what calmed his harrowed heart,
but still the flowers screamed for him.
I had to watch him read to death-
With fettered eyes in undone hands.
Nothing can save him then.
I had to let it snow-No holding back the sky.
Tickling keys of fellow-feeling-
I always understood.
Discordant in his revelries,
lost inside his void.
I had to watch him stain his heart
With bitter springs of jealousy.
He just wanted some agony
To give him room for art.
I had to let him go.
No holding back the sun.
Everything I dreamed for him
Is whispering undone.
Blue tuxedo in his rebellion-
Jeans in his earth-toned sweet.
Remembering the formality
That reduced him to a casualty.
The girl with the upturned nose turned up
And turned his planet upside down.
I had to watch him slowly fade in darkness-
It alone could soothe him.
Occasion comes around at times,
And I still hold out for his return.
I had to watch him flicker-
He burned his Bunsen at the edges.
Can't even cry for help.
Hydra-chloric sinner-Chemical remorse.
I had to watch him die inside
to feel that he belonged somewhere.
His pill will never let him feel the panic he creates.
With a flute and his mountain,
In cloven bliss.
Everywhere is his pasture.
I had to watch him wander off-
He never even turned.
Shaken by a part of me
That he revealed, then left to God.
I had to watch him bee-line
for the C-chord in those days.
Wasted halo on his spirit-
Unrealized shrine to bliss the page.
I hate to watch him cut himself
Into a broken peace.
But I linger for his call-
I have to watch him glow again
Before I close this weary soul.