Nighttime Confessions

Devon breathed in the cool night air of G889 and smiled. The past few months since she was brought out of cold sleep and Healed by the Terrians, offered a new chance on life, she had felt a deeper connection to this planet than ever before. That connection had brought her closer to her son because he understood it, shared it. Devon had felt a strange peace, a feeling of belonging, of almost-completeness.
Almost.
There was only one aspect of her life which remained unfixed, out of focus. Her brush with death had shown Devon what she really wanted. Or perhaps, who she really wanted. Devon sighed and dismissed the thoughts that would never really stay dismissed. She leaned back against the Transrover that hid her view of the camp, and wondered idly if she’d come here to get closer to him somehow, or if she’d been expecting to see him here, like she so often had on her nightly walks. But he wasn’t here, and she sighed and laughed at herself for what she was doing. Then Devon headed out for her walk, to calm her somewhat excited thoughts and restore her balance.

John Danziger sighed in frustration and clenched his hands into fists. He scowled in anger with himself as he stalked through the bush around the Eden Advance camp. He was not unheedful of the dangers, though, and remained within yelling distance of help. But he wasn’t really thinking about the hundreds of dangers on this new, alien planet. He wasn’t really thinking about anything on this new, alien planet, except for one woman he could have found back on the space stations, had he gone looking. But back there, in that other world of the Council, the stations and the high-ups, John Danziger, Quadrant Drone, would never have had any reason to associate with Devon Adair, let alone think the thoughts about her that he currently was.
And that’s it, exactly, isn’t it, John? he asked himself with a mental sneer of disgust at the turn his attitude towrads Devon had taken over the past few months. She’s not like you. She’s better, she deserves better than anything you could ever give her. She belongs on that other world, in civilization. She belongs.... with someone else. Not a Drone!
It didn’t matter that he was no longer a Drone. He’d been raised a Drone, it was in his history. Maybe True, or one of her kids could have a chance at a higher-up, but a man who’d lived most of his life in the Quad with a blueblood like Devon Adair? Even if she wasn’t anything like he would have expected. Well, despite that annoying habit of hers to need to control everything. John wasn’t aware that a tender smile crossed his lips as an image of Devon, hands on hips, eyes blazing as she challenged his authority, sprung to mind.

When they’d first landed on this world, John had been furious with Devon’s high-handed, blueblooded arrogance. She’s challenged every decision he’d made, every suggestion he came up with. She still did of course, but now he’d gotten used to it, even come to like it, because it was who she was. He didn’t quite know when he’d fallen in love with Devon Adair. He’d never thought to love another woman again, certainly not an Adair! She was so different from Ellie. John sighed. He still loved Ellie, he always would. She was True’s mother, after all, but Ellie was gone forever. John had moved on with his life, had finally gotten to a point where he was able to think about Ellie and his life with her without grieving. But he’d never expected to love again.

And then the ship had crashed on this planet and he’d come head to head with Devon Adair. He’d resented her, been furious with her for bringing them all her, for putting his daughter’s life in danger. But then, as the weeks passed, he’d come to recognise her strength and her courage at facing what this planet had to offer. And her determination and the goddamm stubbornness that had organised this expedition and saved her son. That second night here, when Uly had been taken by the Terrians, he had seen her at her most vulnerable, her most frightened and he had vowed that nothing would ever make Devon feel that way again, nothing would ever bring that haunted, lost, alone look into her beautiful eyes. If he could stop it, she would never know such pain and fear again, such pain and fear as he had felt when she’d been put into cold sleep.

John stopped still for a moment, and sat down on the ground rather suddenly, the pain of those weeks all-too-fresh in his mind. He’d thought he’d lost her forever. That was when he’d realized how he felt, but he couldn’t actually pinpoint the exact moment when he’d stopped finding her annoying, audacious, and bossy and started thinking of her as sexy, beautiful, courageous, determined, intelligent..... Well, he could go on and on but that didn’t solve anything. He frowned again and found he was still clenching his hands into fists. Consciously relaxing, John tried to think rationally, difficult as that was with Devon. He loved her, he could no more deny that than he could deny he loved his daughter! And he’d always been attracted to Devon, even without realizing it. He smiled slightly and shook his head as he thought back to the day she and him had gone searching for water, just a few weeks after they had crashed. He’d realized then for a few moments, that he was attracted to her. But it had never been as intense as the past month and a half, since Devon went into cold sleep. Her eyes had haunted his dreams, beckoning him during those two weeks - the worst two weeks in his life.... When Devon had been under, when Julia had nearly killed herself trying to find a cure for her, John had felt...... lost. Lost. Like he’d had some important part wrenched from him, torn from his soul. And now, now that he had her back, now that he knew how much he needed her, wanted her.... He couldn’t tell her. God knew what she’d do. Laugh at him, tease him that he was delirious, as she had Alonzo when he’d come onto her under the effects of the spider bite. Get embarassed and run away, perhaps. Whatever, it would make things awkward between them. How could he risk that? She was their leader, she had enough to deal with getting them all to New Pacifica, without worrying about avoiding him as well! John had never been faced with such a dilemma before. And now, these thoughts, and dreams he’d been having.... About Devon... and him. It didn’t help, but despite his considerable self-control he couldn’t seem to stop them.

A sudden noise made him jump and go alert, even before he recognised it as something crashing through the underbrush of the forest. His eyes narrowed as he tried to pierce the darkness and see what was coming. A grendler? Not a Terrian. They didn’t travel above ground, and that wasn’t the sound of a Terrian moving through the earth. Belatedly it occured to him that it could be someone from camp and he called out, “who’s there? Baines, is that you?”
“John?” returned a voice that most definitely was not Baines’. Danziger felt his breath quicken, and his heart speed up and sternly controlled himself.
“Dammit, Adair, what are you doing sneaking up on people in the middle of the night?” he demanded, feigning irritation, even as she emerged, looking beautiful and indecently sexy in the moonlight. He wet his lips and looked at her.
She smiled slightly, cocking her head at him in that way she did. “John if you heard me, I wasn’t precisely sneaking up on you. And it’s not the middle of the night. See?” and she indicated the first moon that had barely risen. John sighed and stared at her. Her expression went from almost-coy to irritation. She put her hands on her hips, and glared at him with a consternation that barely covered her concern. “John, what are you doing out here, without even a light?” she demanded.
“What are you doing out here, Adair?” and Danziger raised his eyebrows mockingly, trying so hard to act normal when all he wanted to do was take her in his arms and kiss away all traces of the frown she was giving him. But he couldn’t, and John forced himself to banish such thoughts.
Devon looked at him sideways. “Just walking. Like normal.” She gave him an odd smile, and bit her lower lips, unknowingly making John’s pulse quicken.
“Oh. Okay then.” Danziger fell silent, feeling uncertain, nervous, like some teenage kid about to ask the girl he had a crush on out on a date.
Devon, uninvited, moved to sit beside him, close enough so that he could smell the sweetly feminine fragrance of her and so that the light, almost gauze-like white shirt she wore tickled his bare arm. She’s been wearing that particular shirt quite a bit recently, since the weather had turned warm. It had been found in a grendler hold they’d raided, originally from the Eden supplies. It was just a little too transparent for Danziger’s peace of mind, and it didn’t help to have her wearing it so close to him.
“Dev -” John stopped and cleared his throat. “Uh, Devon...” He didn’t know what he’d been going to say, except it didn’t matter, because she interrupted him. As usual.
“John, do you ever wish you’d never come here?” the woman asked, craning her neck so that she could meet his gaze. As always, Danziger was startled by the quiet intensity in her eyes.
“What? Whaddya mean, Adair? It’s not like I had much choice. We crashed, remember?”
“No, I mean, joining the expedition.”
John was silent for a moment. “It paid my freedom, and True’s. That was what I’ve wanted all her life, to give her her freedom. I’d have gone to the ends of the universe to give her a free life.”
Devon smiled up at him. Such a beautiful smile “You did, John,” and her eyes laughed at him. A smile touched his lips.
“Yeah, I guess I did at that.”
Then her expression altered slightly and he wondered what she was thinking.
“You know, John, I care about True very much.” Danziger stared at her in surprise. “She’s very important to me and when we reach New Pacifica and you go back to the Stations, I can help you. I still have power, and some money back there, that I won’t ever need.” She gave a small laugh. “Not as much as before I started the Eden expedition, but quite a large sum anyway. I’m never going back there. That’s an entirely different world and I will never need that money. But you and True -”
John stared down at her, a confused mess of emotions warring for dominance: indignation and insult for the charity, shock, tenderness and pleasure for her offer..... Then he smiled. “Well, you know, Devon, I might not be going back to the Stations.”
She looked at him with blatant surprise. “What? But I thought - I mean, you always seemed to hate it here, to... John, you weren’t even supposed to land here! Now you want to stay?”
John grinned, obscurely pleased to have been able to bemuse her. “Yeah. It’s not a bad place. True likes it, and I like it better for her than the Stations. We could make a good home here.”
“We?” Devon stared up at him, overjoyed at the thought that perhaps John might stay, that maybe she’d be able to see him everyday for the rest of her life.
“Well, True can’t take care of herself, yet. And if I went back to the Stations...” John frowned absently, momentarily distracted from Devon’s presence. He’d decided a while ago, that he and True would have a better life here. They’d made a position from themselves, and if they could just keep it when the Colony ship arrived... Then this planet would be a better home for them, with more opportunities for True than the Stations where they were just a couple of ex-Drones.
“You’ll stay?” Devon asked, her eyes shining brightly with hope, a delighted smile on her lips.
“Yeah.... Adair - hey Devon, what is it?” he asked, bemused by the expression on her face.
Devon forced herself to tone down her smile. After all, she was reacting as someone who loved him, not just as his friend, and it was her nature to protect herself from pain. She was good at it. “It’s nothing, John. I’m just glad you’re going to be staying, that’s all.” John shifted slightly, so that he was looking directly at her. “Why?” His voice was soft, low, and Devon almost didn’t hear him.
“Why? Because you’re - you’re so important to the Colony, we need you! You’re a part of the group, John. I can’t imagine life on G889 - at New Pacifica - without you.” That admission was torn from her, and Devon was silent, barely breathing, wondering if she’d betrayed her feelings, some part of her hoping desperately that she had, that he understood the true meaning of her words and could somehow love her too.
John’s breath caught in his throat as, for an instant, he recalled something he’d overheard Devon telling Alonzo. In the spider caves, a few months back, after they’d gone through the time-space tunner and he’d been separated from them. Devon had said “I hate how much I’ve come to depend on that man.... And maybe more.” And she’d told Alonzo, not knowing he could hear, “if just wouldn’t be the same without John.”
Did that mean....? Why had he never thought of those words before, to give him hope? Devon had warmed perceptibly to him, and Danziger had overheard several comment from various group members (mostly Bess) indicating they believed he and Adair would make a good couple. But their opinion didn’t count. Only Devon’s.
“Well, don’t worry, Adair, I’m gonna be around a while yet,” he said, grinning at her. Devon cursed mentally. Didn’t he understand what she was trying to say? Or was it just that the idea of them together had never occured to him before? She scowled momentarily, wondering how she could give him the idea.
“Good.”
John caught the scowl, and the hard tone of voice, and intepreted it in a vastly different way. “What, would you prefer me and True went back to the Stations?” he asked coolly. “So you can lead this planet alone without anyone challenging you and helping you?” His voice was harsh, his blue eyes icy, covering the hurt he felt at the possibility that Devon didn’t want him.
“Are you offering to help, John?”
He stared at her in disbelief, wondering at the softness of her voice. He had never heard her speak like that, in that tone. Not to him. Not to Uly, or Yale - or even to Sheppard. What was that soft inquiry all about? He tilted his head down to look at her, only to find that she’d raised her head to meet his gaze, and that their faces were far, far too close. He stared down at her, barely breathing, their lips just centimetres apart. “I always have, Devon,” John answered softly, his gaze flicking away as it met hers. Their mouths were so close - all he had to do was lean forward the slightest bit and...
It was Devon who did it, though, lifting her head so that her lips touched his, barely, and Danziger responded by pulling her to him and kissing her firmly on the mouth. He didn’t stop until he heard a chuckle deep in her throat. Then he pulled away, his expression cautious as he looked down at her, wanting to tell her how he felt, but unwilling in case she withdrew from him, in case she pushed her barriers back up around herself to keep him out. In his own way, John had as many self-defense mechanisms to protect himself from pain and hurt as Devon Adair did.
But it didn’t matter, because she was looking up at him tenderly, with only a hint of caution in her expression, a tender smile curving her beautiful lips, amusement shining in her beautiful eyes. “Well, I’m glad to hear it, Danziger.”
He stared down at her, in wonder. Had she planned this... this ambush? John chuckled to himself, and decided two could play at that game.

Danziger didn’t say another word. He just gave her a devilishly wicked smile and leaned in to brush his lips against hers. And that was all it took. That soft, intimate touch broke down the rest of both their barriers, and the kiss deepened almost instantly, turning from one of tenderness to one of undeniable passion. A level of passion which surprised both. Within moments, they were lying on the ground, limbs twined around each other, the rest of the world banished from their reality. The months of suppressed attraction gave way to fierce hunger, a longing for the other which neither could possibly have hoped to control or fight. John pulled back only long enough to figure out how to remove the gauzy white shirt which had so effected him from Devon’s body, and then pulled her closer to him. Devon sighed in pleasure as John’s trail of kisses led him to her neck, and she tilted her head back in silent encouragement. She smiled lazily and he reached up to kiss her, unleashing her full passion.
“John,” Devon sighed, as he pressed his bare chest against hers - and when did he manage to get rid of his shirt? she wondered insanely.
“Yes, Devon?” He had stopped, hesitated, as though unsure.
“I love you.”
She could feel his joy, through their closeness, could see it in his eyes, the wonderful smile she loved. He paused and then kissed her softly, tenderly.
“And I love you, Devon.”
He said those words in a tone of mixed love and passion, and Devon was astounded by how easily she had roused him, by how easily he had roused her. She knew then, instinctively, comfortingly, that he did love her, that he was attracted to her, and that nothing would change that.
And then she could not even think because he began kissing her again. Devon did not resist, in fact, encouraged him with her hands and her lips and her soft moans. It didn’t matter than neither had loved anyone for years, it didn’t matter than they had both pretended until moments ago that they didn’t love each other. Suddenly, wonderfully, they had found each other, and admitted their love and need for each other and their passion, and nothing could remove that knowledge which blazed in each’s mind like an unstoppable inferno.
Oh why had they wasted all these months? Devon wondered. But it didn’t matter. After all, what was a few months when compared to the rest of their lives?