Bumper Stickers Around the USA

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A cat almost always blinks when hit on the head with a hammer.
There's too much blood in my alcohol system.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.
I need someone really bad... are you really bad?
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
All Women are idiots ... I married their Queen.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're a jerk.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Keep honking, I'm reloading.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
God must love stupid people, he made so many.
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
There's too much youth, how about a fountain of smart.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

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