(Anita and Jean-Claude)
Richard got run over by The Undertaker
Trotting home from the Circus on Christmas Eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Edward,
But as for me and Jean-Claude, we believe.

(Anita)
He'd been feeling way to guilty,
'bout his beast stuffed way to low.
And his lack of any backbone,
Had the rest of us cringing that he'd blow.
When they found him Christmas morning,
At the scene of the attack.
There were tread marks on his forehead,
And incriminating Homady XTP ammo in his back.

(Anita and Jean-Claude)
Richard got run over by The Undertaker
Trotting home from the Circus on Christmas Eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Edward,
But as for me and Jean-Claude, we believe.

(Jean-Claude)
Now we're all so proud of Anita,
She's been taking this so well.
See her in there pawing Micah,
Drinking coffee and stroking leopard's to no avail.
It's not Christmas without Richard.
I'll never get my midnight snack.
And I can't help but wonder:
Should I help control them, or just pimp out his little pack.

(Anita and Jean-Claude)
Richard got run over by The Undertaker
Trotting home from the Circus Christmas Eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Edward,
But as for me and Jean-Claude, we believe.

(Anita)
Now Jason and Nathaniel are on the table,
Stripping off their last garments.
Should I join the celebration,
Or just take to bed these rowdy varmints?
I've warned all my other boyfriends.
"Better watch out for your lives."
They should never give a handgun, 
To a man that's sociopathic and plays with knives.

(Anita and Jean-Claude)
Richard got run over by The Undertaker
Trotting home from the Circus on Christmas Eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Edward,
But as for me and Jean-Claude, we believe.