I watched Ezekial coat him with the oil, watched his body come alive 
at the touch of it.  Frost and Doyle stood on either side of me.  Cel 
looked at me while it was happening, his face saying plainly that he 
was thinking about me in a very un-cousinlike way.  “I was going to 
just kill you, Meredith, but not now.  When I get out of here I’ll 
fuck you, fuck you until you’re with my child.  The throne is mine 
even if I have to get it through your lily-white body……”

I knelt down beside him and watched his face for a long time, knowing 
that slow compassion was crossing my own features as I did so.  Still 
I continued to study him until he spat at me, “DON’T,” he 
screamed, “Don’t pity me, Meredith.” I reached out and began to 
caress his un-yet coated cheek.  “I do believe that’s the smartest 
thing you’ve said since I arrived here, my cousin.” I answered him 
softly, forcing him to strain towards my touch even as his eyes 
registered repulsion against it.  I continued to trace his handsome 
face alternately tangling my fingers through his thick hair. “Someone 
who would truly be king would have thought about that one a long time 
ago. A true king who had the welfare of his people would have thought 
about that.  He would not have wanted to waste even one womb to petty 
selfishness and greed. A true king would have seen my womb as an 
asset for replenishing the royal sidhe blood and Fey nation as a 
whole. He would have taken full advantage of it.”

Cel’s eyes were glazing over in uncontrolled lust as I watched him, 
straining in frustration at the un-fulfillment of my touch.  I 
couldn’t be entirely sure that he even comprehended what I was 
saying.  Still I continued to speak because the words had been a 
heavy weight on my heart for many years.  “Who knows my cousin.  If 
you had approached me in such a manner years ago before you started 
all this assassination crap, I might even been willing to accommodate 
you.” I felt a tear well up and slid silently down my cheek.  “But 
you didn’t do that Cel.  Instead you have tried to accomplish my 
death over and over until now even if you DID change your ways, I 
would never be able to trust you.”

I spread myself out on the floor, heedless of the guards at my side 
now.  I began to rub my cheek against Cel’s tenderly, my tear 
moistening his face. “What do you want from me, Meredith?” Cel 
whispered hoarsely. Momentarily, I raised my eyebrows at my cousin’s 
strength and ability to hold back the insanity of the Tears. A half-
choked chuckle escaped my lips at his question.  “I want to be free.” 
I whispered against his ear, nibbling at his earlobe a moment until 
an agonized moan left him. “I don’t want to be queen.” When he didn’t 
answer, I continued, “Does that surprise you? It shouldn’t.  I don’t 
want the responsibilities of our people on my shoulders.  For all my 
Sidhe blood, my cousin, I am still only mortal.  I have maybe 40 
years left, 50 if I push it.  Being queen would cut that in half no 
doubt. Being tied to a people who alternately abused and neglected me 
since my birth. Trying to do everything in my power to insure they 
had a future, all the while seeing their hatred of me in their eyes, 
always trying to duck their attempts at my destruction.  I don’t want 
ANY of that.”

My tears flowed freely down my face now, drenching both of us. Cel’s 
body trembled with need, and his face rubbed against mine in 
constantly.  Still he had the presence of mind to ask, “Then why 
accept my mother’s offer, Merry?  Why fight me?  Why didn’t you just 
stay hidden away?  Why did you come back?” A dark hand laid on my 
shoulder, “Princess, you must allow Ezekial to finish.  It is time to 
go now.” Doyle’s voice rippled over my skin like rich molasses.  I 
shook him off, “In a moment,” I snapped.  Cel’s teeth nibbled down my 
jawline followed by the softness of his tongue as he lapped at me 
like a child’s sucker.  I put both of my hands on his face, one palm 
on each cheek, and raised myself to look in his eyes now.  

“Tell me, Cel.  You want to be king so bad, but what would you do if 
you gained the throne?  How would you care for our people?  How would 
you shoulder the responsibilities of our dying race and see to it we 
continued? Hmmm?”  I could the see the struggle on his face not to 
desolve into insanity of lust.  He was fighting to listen to my 
words, but he had no answer. “See?  You have no idea.  You have no 
idea what to do with the power of a throne once you get it, do you?”  
A glint of death passed over his expression, but then he lifted his 
head towards me, trying to reach me so great was his unleashed 
desire. Slowly I resumed caressing his forehead and face. “It’s not 
even your fault, my cousin.  You’ve lived your entire life in this 
court.  It’s all you know. The conspiracies, the intrigues, schemes, 
and manipulations.  The backstabbing. That’s all Andais had managed 
to teach you. Survival of the fittest.  Look out for yourself at all 
costs and to hell with anybody else.  All you could do if you gained 
the throne would be to abuse your power until our race had been 
completely wiped out. You do not possess the skills necessary to save 
our people.”

“Fuck me, Merry.  Help me then.  Save me. Bear my child and stand by 
me as my queen.” Cel croaked as he sucked on a strand of my hair as 
if it were the sweetest licorice.  I pressed my forehead against his 
and heaved a deep sigh. “If only I could believe that were possible. 
That you would allow that…but you and I both know it is not so. You 
would not be able to tolerate sharing your throne with anyone anymore 
than Andais can.” I murmured against his fevered skin.  “Damn you,” 
he condemned against my neck.  My lips trembled with my pain.  The 
salt of my tears stained my tongue.  “I don’t hate you Cel.  I wanted 
you to know that. This would be so much easier if I did.” I whispered 
back before pressing a kiss onto his forehead.  Then I raised up and 
looked at him again.  Contempt and raging lust consumed his gaze 
now.  He no longer heard me. “I love you, my cousin.  And I wish I 
knew how to save you from this fate the Unseelie court has decreed 
for you.  But I don’t know how.  How do you change a man’s heart?  
How do you erase his dark fantasies and give him honorable ones in 
their place?  How do you teach him to be great?” I shook my head 
overwhelmed with emotion.

“Please Princess,” Ezekial spoke now. “I must finish this quickly or 
the Queen will be displeased.”  His voice held the tone of 
indifference like a practiced physician accustomed to death and 
suffering. Frost leaned down now to help me up, but I waved him 
back. “A moment more,” I commanded, but my voice was hushed sounding 
like I was unsure of myself. Then I leaned back over my restrained 
cousin as his body writhed. “I don’t know how to save you, Cel.  So I 
will take this burden from you. I will shoulder the needs of our 
people and be their Queen. With any grace of the goddess above at 
all, perhaps you will learn from my example that there is another way 
of doing things. Better ways.  And perhaps one day if you ever DO 
become king, you will have a better understanding of what is 
required.”

“You can’t change me, Meredith.  It’s YOU who doesn’t understand,” 
Cel replied.  “They will drain you of your strength, ALL your 
goodness.  They will kill your spirit…and then they will kill you.”  
As I studied Cel’s eyes, I saw insanity take over.  Lust shuddered 
through his being and he licked his lips at me in disgusting vicious 
need. I slowly nodded and leaned down until my lips were barely a 
breath from his. “You just remember that when you get out of here.  
Remember the sacrifice I made on your behalf. Remember how much I 
loved you after I’m gone.” I drew him into a long kiss, branding him 
with my heavy heart, allowing my final tears to drop down into his 
eyes.  Then I slowly stood, lifted under my shoulders by the two 
guards in preparation to go.  I nodded to Ezekial and he finished 
preparing the prince. 

I turned and replaced the court mask on my expression that I’d had 
long practice of. My voice was cold as I spoke over my shoulder.

“If you come near me again, Cel, I’ll kill you.” With that I turned 
and walked out.  Doyle and Frost came behind and to either side like 
good bodyguards.  Cel’s voice followed us down the hallway.  He was 
screaming my name, “Merry, Merry!” each time more frantic than the 
last. 

Long after I shouldn’t have been able to hear his screams, they 
echoed in my ears.









INDEXor 
Entrance