Decisions, Decisions

BY: Luce

Okay so maybe you don't understand why this is needed. I felt it was though...it takes place the day of the wedding, around about now...now being about four in the afternoon.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of LKH's characters and if anyone would like one slightly used demon I have one, answers to Astro Turf...he's house broken...any takers?
Rating: PG-13 (It's pretty mild guys)

I'd been starring at my wedding costume for what felt like hours...perhaps it had been hours. I wasn't sure I wanted to put it on. If I put it on it meant I was going to marry her. After the debacle at the Stag party I wasn't sure anymore. Part of me scoffed at the idea that I was going to let a little incident like that keep me from claiming what was mine. Another part was still filled with an intense desire to show her, and the rest of the world that she WAS mine and to bend her to my will until she begged and pleaded.

I sighed turning away from the garment. I hadn't seen her since then, no instead I'd been a fool and left her in the bosom of her "family" those damned Avi's. Saul...he had been a source of irritation for almost five thousand years now, I'd watched as he walked to her side and offered her comfort. I wondered still if she had been comforted...had she fallen back into their fold and wept on their shoulders...had she run to Dare and let him sooth her 'ache'.

I growled low in my chest, if he'd touched her I would find some way of making sure he had an extended stay in Hell and enjoyed Baal's tender ministrations for the entirety. I smiled at the thought, then sighed again. Torturing Darius was no way to assure me of my fiancee's affections. Affections I wasn't sure I'd ever really had.

For the one yes she had given me there had been thousands of No's. "She only wants you for the sex." The words kept ringing in my head...and had been with every kiss, every touch. Was it true...was that all she wanted of me. Lillith had once upon a time assured me that as a lover I excelled, but then...I am Lucifer, the Tempter, the Seducer of Virgins....it is a gift...or a curse depending on my mood. Now I was left in the agony of not knowing if that was all my attraction for Kashauna was.

I had nothing else to offer her really. The legions of Hell notwithstanding. She didn't want those, she had no desire to gain power through her affiliation with me. She didn't need that, she didn't want money or fame. I had nothing to offer but the pleasure found between the sheets. If anything I was nothing more then a walking problem for her. She was an Avi....the very antithesis of what I stood for. I could only cause her trouble.

I walked to the arm chair sitting next to the fireplace and sat down heavily. I wasn't surprised when Astoroth requested permission to enter a few moments later. He was all too pleased with recent developments. He wished to rule Hell in my stead and for a while now I had been giving him more and more control by my simple absence. I had been distracted, and now he felt safe in taunting me about my bride. I was going to have to do something about the encroaching little toad...the question was what. I almost wished I could send him against the Avi's...he'd wind up dead and back in the pits. I smiled at him, letting none of my agitation show in my eyes.

I waited in silence for him to say his piece. I suppose it was rude not to welcome him, however, he was NOT welcome and I felt no reason to lie about the matter. He stared at me for a while letting the silence lengthen and grow faintly ominous. "Your Bride." he spit out the word like it was distasteful to him, "wishes an audience, my Lord." The last two words dripped with sarcastic venom. Oh yes I was certainly going to have to put the demon in his place, very shortly.

I nodded. "Have Pug bring her." I added as he turned to the leave the room. He paused for a moment, his back getting rigid and then continued out of the room, anger evident in every step. Astoroth detested Pug...which was just as well because Pug couldn't stand Astoroth. I smiled but it faded when I heard the steps outside the room. No one but me was allowed to teleport directly into my chambers, unless of course I allowed it, presently I was NOT allowing it. My Bride could come in through the door like any other visitor.

Pug entered first. Kashauna was a few steps behind him and so I could not see her immediately. I could feel her though, and smell the faint scent of her perfume. She looked subdued, which surprised me. I rarely saw her...I stopped...lately I rarely saw her behave like this, but before...it had never been a good sign when Kashauna was subdued...I wasn't sure what it meant for Kash to be thus.

She had not been Kashauna to me for a very long time...she had become Kash...the woman who would bounce on the bed and giggle, or the girl who crawled under beds searching for lost kittens, or the imp who looked for any opportunity steal Jean-Claude's shirts...or even the evil tempered virago who loved nothing more then to argue with me until I had to kiss her silent.

Kashauna was a different matter altogether. Kashauna was the one who stood in front a firing squad and quipped about the weather, the woman who endured hours of torture and still managed to sing Rainbow connection off key and at the top of her lungs. She was also the one who could look a demon in the eye and rip his soul out of a body and send it back to hell without so much as batting an eyelash. Kashauna was the one who joined Edward at the firing range, and the one who studied schematics and diagrams with a quick analytical mind that didn't miss a beat. Kash was the one who cried during sappy movies.

I'd wanted Kashauna for her power...I'd seen it and wanted to wield her like a weapon, to turn her against her Chris and destroy him. But it was Kash who I wanted to marry, who I'd made love to, who I missed when I was away. Now though, it looked as if Kashauna was back...and that hurt.

I watched her in silence as Pug nodded at me and quickly fled the room. She stood just as still and quiet as the first time I'd met her here. Of course then she'd been glaring daggers at me, now her face was carefully blank. She took her time before speaking, letting her eyes run over my face. I don't know what she was looking for.

"You've been avoiding me." She said in a carefully neutral voice.

I shrugged at her. Yes I had been. Now though she was here, and I was about to be forced to make my decision, I was sure. I began to slowly seethe, as I watched her. If she wanted to demand an answer I would give her one. I was about to burst out of my chair and fly into a rage when she surprised me.

The mask she'd been wearing began to crumble. "You're gonna leave me aren't you?" She said blinking back what looked suspiciously like tears. Her shoulders drooped and she looked away from me for a second taking a breath before she turned her eyes back to mine. "I didn't know about the Tears you know...Gigs told me about them later...if I'd known..." she trailed off as if she couldn't really go on, then she squared her shoulders. "I know that's no excuse, but I would never have drugged you...never. I only wanted..." She shook her head a determined look settling on her face. "We had that discussion, you can believe what you want, but I wasn't trying to make you break your vow."

Her chin had inched up a bit and now she somehow managed to look haughty. I wasn't sure what my reaction to that should be. Anger at her arrogance, humor at her weak attempt to pretend she wasn't afraid, or joy that she was here at all.

I remained silent, studying her face, and watching as she became uncomfortable with the silence. I was going to speak when she interrupted me again. "What Luce...what do you want?" She asked her eyes becoming wide and pleading. "Do you want me to beg...to plead to fall on my knees and cry for you to stay...is that what you want?" She asked her voice angry and shaking. I was confused...her emotions were so fluid moving from one to the next with no logic I could follow. "Is that it? Is that what you want?" She demanded again, looking at me with fiercely burning eyes.

I moved my head to shake it to tell her no that wasn't what I wanted, but she was across the room and kneeling in front of me, her knees on my toes she was so close, she wrapped her arms around me and buried her face against my knees. "Please, don't go, don't leave me, I love you, I need you, I was wrong and stupid, please don't leave me." She burst out, and I could hear the tears in her voice...and feel them soaking through the cloth of my pants. She sounded stricken, heartbroken...and so scared. I'd tried to scare her for years and failed miserably, and now the idea that I might leave her, terrified her.

I reached down and pulled her up into my lap. She all but threw herself against my chest, crying still, mumbling over and over again that she was sorry and that she loved me, and please don't go. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard.

I pulled her gently away from my chest, where she had attached herself and made her sit up, wiping her tears I smiled. "The Groom isn't supposed to see the Bride before the wedding." She gave a small hiccup and burst into a fresh round of tears. I let her cry this time. Cuddling her against my chest, and doing my best to be soothing.

She finished eventually and leaned back to look at me. "Do you mean it?" She asked a little timidly as her eyes searched my face. I stilled. This was the last chance, no going back after this. "Yes, love." I leaned forward and kissed her gently, a soft sweet innocent kiss...it lasted all of three seconds. She jerked back wide eyed and jumped out of my lap. "I have to go....I'll never be ready in time." She practically flew out of the room. I smiled amused. She might be Kashauna...but she'd always be Kash first.



To be continued..... (hey I'm typing as fast as I can leave me alone)



INDEXor To Be Continued