The Less Than Punctual Principle

BY: Crystal

Disclaimer: The things in this story do no belong to me, but to Laurell K. Hamilton, or The Berkley Publishing Group. Also some of the ideas belong to J.K. Rowling and Jim Butcher and are not mine either. It is only a parody and I am not making any money off this. This is just for sole entertainment purposes on, until the next book comes out.

Rating: PG (some bad language)



I was sitting in the office of the magic school trying to clear up a horrible mess, that Orthos had left me when he departed for the council. The files were out of order and date, along with other stuff thrown here and there. ?Just like a man not to be organized,' I snorted to myself. Tonight was Kash and Luce's wedding and I was going to miss the first half of the nuptials. I wouldn't get to the lupanar until past midnight. I stared at the mess and just groaned, because on top of this I had to find some time to set up their gift. It took me awhile to figure out what to get for someone who had everything. I couldn't come up with anything, so I settled on doing something for entertainment. I was going to set of a fireworks display that was design and made by me. Hopefully everything would go well and they would work. They were tested and they had worked, but you never know when something can go wrong, especially with Booster running around causing all kinds of trouble.

Everyone was dressing in medieval costumes for the festivities. For me it wouldn't be dressing up, because I'm required to wear robes as the principle of the mage's school. I was appointed by the wizards council three weeks ago to take over as the new Headmistress here at the McGregar's school of witchcraft and wizardry. I had walked the school and the grounds throughout the day, making sure things went smoothly and the children were attending their classes. I went to visit the school elves in the kitchen to see if they were doing ok. They even asked my opinion on what would be good for dinner. I gave them my opinion and added some of my ideas to the already large menu. I smiled then left roaming the halls, looking in on all the teachers and their class rooms. The rest of the day went by fast and before I knew it, it was dinner time. I made my way to the dinning hall and took my seat at the head of the teacher's table. I talked throughout dinner to the personnel, just having fun without bringing up details of the school. I try to make them leave their work outside the dinning room doors and just be themselves and have fun. Some are easier done than others. Take the teacher who teaches Defense of the Dark Arts, Professor Baltese for instance. He's a stiff and acts like a drill sergeant in the army. He never smiles, is constantly moody, is always giving the students a hard time. Glancing over at him, while shaking my head in the process, I noticed it was almost ten o'clock. Excusing myself from the table I headed back toward the office.

I grabbed the door knob and turned it, but the door wouldn't budge. I noticed something pinkish sticking out through the cracks in the door and the keyhole. Someone or something had glued my door closed with gum. I swore loudly, then heard laughter ringing through the walls. Booster knew I had found his surprise gift from my cursing, and was enjoying my reaction to the sticky stuff in my door. I stepped back from the door and stomped my foot lightly on the hallway's carpet. I tried to calm down by counting to ten and back again. Finally with my head cleared, I put my concentration into a spell that removed objects from places they need not be. I waved my hand over the door and chanted, "Tracanwasi." The gum went through the door to the other side. I heard it hit its target when the substance fell inside the trash can.

I walked through the door to yet another surprise. The sneaky poltergeist put a trap above my door. So if I got through the door a string was triggered, causing a bucket of water balloons to fall on my head. I stood there soaking wet, with a pool of water and broken balloon pieces around my feet. Shaking my head and counting to ten, I began to clean up the huge mess on my office floor. Once that was done, I worked on drying out my robes and headed toward my desk. I crossed the room and landed on my green Persian rug. Just then the whole floor disappeared from underneath my feet. This makes the third trap I walked into today, but hey like they say third times a charm. I fell through the portal to land on something or someone face down. I heard voices of alarm. I rolled over to fall off what looks to be a couch, hitting the floor hard. "Ouch," I mumbled along with a few not so nice words. I glanced up at two staring faces to realize, that I was in Maggie's apartment.

Both Maggie and Noah stared down and I just smiled. "Hi Maggie. Hi Noah. How's it going? Sorry I dropped in on you unexpectedly, but I was going toward my desk when the floor disappeared from underneath my feet. Can you help me up? I can't feel my butt." I said.

Noah started laughing and put his hand out toward me, "No problem, but we were just getting ready to leave for the wedding. I just made Maggie sit down to catch her breath before we head out the door. She gets a little panicked about things. She starts running around and babbling." He looked over at Maggie who was blushing with embarrassment. He went over to kiss her cheek and continued, "But she's cute when she does it. She just needs me to calm her down when she gets like this." He then looked at me with a raised eyebrow, "Shouldn't you be getting dressed as well?"

I smiled at Noah and said, "I am dressed. I'm going as myself in wizards robes. Sometimes being an authority figure comes in handy."

Maggie ran to her room to get ready for the wedding. About ten minutes later, she ran passed me and out the door, yelling her goodbye's and something about being late for the wedding. Noah turned toward me and said with a smile, "I guess that means it's time to go." He grabbed Maggie's cloak and followed her out the door muttering under his breath about, "Don't know why Kash had to have her wedding at the wolves' Lupanar anyway. There were lots of nice places in the woods to have it that didn't scream territory of the wolves." I heard Maggie's giggles down the hallway and just shook my head. "Why are people in such a hurry? It's not like your committing a crime by being late," I muttered to myself. Then I smiled at the comment Noah made about where the wedding was being held. I found myself agreeing with him. If Richard could hear what I was thinking, he would be fuming about now. But that's nothing new, I stay in trouble with his highness.

I walked out into the hallway, closing Maggie's door behind me. Looking up and down the hall to make sure no one was lurking about, I pointed my index finger at me and said, "Disapparate," and vanished into thin air. People had a tendency to freak out on me when I used that spell, so it was good to make sure no one was around when using it. Moments later I reappeared back at the office. I went about finishing up the work I had to do and closing off the portal so it couldn't be used from that position again. How anyone managed to get that one by me, God only knows. Finally about 12:30 I finished my work and headed to the lupanar on my broomstick. Richard won't let me use the portals, so the only other way I could get there was to fly. My present was already there, hiding behind the throne in the bushes. So all I had to do was land down behind the curtain and set up my display of fireworks for the lovely couple. I had thought about getting Kash a pony, but I didn't think Luce would have liked the idea. So we would be watching a beautiful display of sparklers tonight in momentum of their joyous occasion.

I arrived at the lupanar twenty-five minutes before one. Something wasn't right and I could feel it in the air. The power around the circle was thicker then it should have been and the pack's munins were screaming in pain. There was evil magic at work here and it was making me sick. I centered my broomstick over the lupanar and looked down amongst the crowd. The demons were sitting on the right, while the Angels were lounging around on the left. The center was for the rest of the guest as they watch the bridesmaids take their position at the altar, across from the groomsmen. Kash was making her way down the aisle on Jean-Claude's arm.

Besides the normal guests, no one looked out of place, but that didn't mean anything at the moment. The feeling of an evil spell poured over my body and I began to see stars. Clearing my head and concentrating on the threat below me, I tried to work my way through the barriers to find the source of my discomfort. I worked at pealing the layers away like an onion, until I had come to the dark magic underneath. I knew nothing of it's kind or make, I just knew that it was black and it was causing all my hairs to stand up on their ends.

I didn't have a clue how to alter it, so I tried the only spell I knew for disarming other enchantments. Clearing my mind, I dropped my shields releasing my own magic to help give the charm an extra amount of energy to make it work better. I commanded in a strong voice, "Finite Incantatum." The effect of the counter spell shocked me, for the result wasn't what I had expected. Instead of removing the curse, the incantation backed-fired, throwing me off my broomstick and into the eye of the storm. Falling through the center of it, I could hear it crash like mirrors, while the scene changed before me. I moved toward the ground with the speed of lightning, while I watch the wedding party along with the guest, disappear. There were flashes of lightning, that lit up the sky like the Northern Lights in Alaska, spreading across a dark and clouded horizon. A forest appeared from out of nowhere, the skeletal branches reaching out as if they were grabbing for something. I had only a few seconds left to stop my fall, so I began to summon my magic once again for another spell. Praying to God that this one didn't back fire also. I spoke loud and clear, "Impedimenta." The enchantment worked and I was left hovering just above the ground. Letting out a slow sigh I began to lower myself down to rest my feet on the soft-covered grass. Standing there giving my heart time to slow down inside my chest. A fog began to roll in from the east of the forest. I glanced around the darkened forest, while trying to catch my breath, looking for any signs of life. I turned this way and that calling out names, but no one answered.

Moments later a shadowy figure walked out of the fog that had begun swirling amongst the dead leaves. He had a determined stride about him and you could hear the echo of each footstep. It sounds sharp with anger by the way he crunched the leaves beneath his feet. He was Richard's height, with chocolate brown hair and soft green eyes. His build was similar to Richard's as well, and he was framed with a black tunic and pants suit. "THAT WAS NOT POLITE," he said with a voice of authority.

While looking him up and down I returned his question with a stern statement with one of my own, "EXCUSE ME."

Throwing his hands around in the air he shouted, "You've quite ruined a work of art. Who are you anyway?"

Glaring at him and his accusations, I shrieked back, "I haven't got a clue as to what your talking about. Who am I? I should ask the same of you."

He began to look around in irritation, then began to mumble, "What am I to do with them now, it took me weeks to construct that dream, damn him, I should never have agreed to this nonsense." He then turned his attention back toward me while scowling in the process, "Haven't got a clue you say, you're obviously one of us. No one else could," then he glared at me heatedly before continuing, "shatter a dream like that."

I glared right back at him, trying to stay calm and knowing that I was failing miserably. I did the smartest thing I could do and continued answering his questions with questions of my own, "What do you mean by that dream and I'm not one of you. Whoever you are?"

The stranger growled very silent, then an evil smile spread across his face, "I suppose it's not a total loss, you've effectively destroyed their minds." He began to stroll away from me while ignoring most of my comments. "Now they are completely blank slates," he said while smiling at me. "I couldn't have managed that little feat without your help," he continued while tilting his head to look at me through half closed eyes. He came closer with that look a cat gives a bird and mouse, saying as he moved, "I'm Cimries, and you my sweet are most certainly one of me." He began to laugh, while speaking with the degree of confidence that all men acquire, "Well one of us anyway. Odd you're so very young, it's been age's since I've met another of our kind and those were all ancient ones. Tell me, who is your Dame?"

I stood there not wanting to move, with my hands on my hips. Glaring daggers at him, while I tried to get the shakiness out of my voice, "I didn't do anything. I just fell off my broomstick when a spell backfired, causing me to land here. *Looks around trying to figure our where here is* Where ever here is?" Glancing back toward Cimries, I said, "I'm not sure what you mean by blank slates and I sure as heck didn't help you in any way in your little scheme. Whatever that might be?" I crossed my arms, then spat out," Oh and please do tell me what exactly are we suppose to be, cause I don't have a Dame, let alone know what one is?"

Turning fully towards me he began to move his hands around in the air again as he spoke, "Why your friends my dear. Your friends. I was sent to give them a very bad dream. Unfortunately, you've quite destroyed the one I created and for the present, your friends are quit blank. Their memories are swept clean away." He ended his speech there, then glanced at me with a look of pure concentration. Then continued very quickly, "We are Quwanganii, children of the dreamer. The queen of nightmares is the mother to us all. As for your Dame, you have to have one, cause we all have a Dame. They are our mothers, whose blood of our kind flows through us." Looking at me with a sudden speculation, he continued, "I could not pass on my gift or my blood, but your child would have the power if you were to conceive." He slowly began to move towards me in a seductive manner, while saying in a low husky whisper, "A child of OURS would have great strengths."

At his last words I nearly went into shock, and my face began to pale. I start walking backwards away from him. I was horrified that I had interfered with his plans, when I fell through the center of the spell. Trying to keep my words calm, I began to speak trying to make sense of all that was happening, "Why were you sent to give my friends a bad dream and who sent you? How did I destroy your dream when I have no idea how to do something like that? What happens to them now that their memories are gone?" My face grew paler as I remembered him saying something about being born of the queen of nightmares and I wanted to cry. I looked away and mumbled to myself, "Oh dear God, this can't be happening to me. What else did that woman pass on to me?"As I turned back to face Cimries, I found that he had moved closer than I liked, so I began to move backwards. "Stay away from me."

He laughed as he stopped advancing on me. "You shattered the dream when you entered it, dreams aren't exactly fluid you know. They pop like bubbles when you try to touch them. Well if you aren't careful anyway," At this he began examining his finger nails causally, "Why nothing happens to them I suppose and I could return them to the world, but they'd never recall who or what they had been." At this he shrugged, "But that's a small burden, don't you think?" Then he looked down and away before continuing, "Of course I might be convinced to give them a sporting chance, of course I couldn't do it out of the goodness of my heart." He turned his attention back towards me and smiled widely, "Cause I don't have a heart."

I began to look worried as the information hit home. "So that's what was going on over the lupanar. The spell was your doing and when I tried to stop it. The spell knocked me off the broomstick into the dream itself. So what your telling me is that I broke the dream when I fell into it, but I caused my friends too loose their memories as well," I said glancing at him sideways.

He smiled at me then and I glared at him and his cool demeanor. "I want them returned the way they were before you cast the spell," I commanded, then walked up to him with an upturned face, "But I see you have something else in mind and of course I wouldn't expect you to do it out of the goodness of your heart. You're a demon and your right, demons don't have hearts. They only care about themselves and what they can get out of things."

Cimries began to laugh while he reached out and touched the tip of my nose, "My you're cute when your angry. You're quite right though and how very astute. I am a demon and I do care only for myself." With a disgusted sigh, while shrugging his shoulders lazily, he began ranting on, "Though the same can't be said for all my brethren. However if you'd like to make a deal, a wager, an arrangement perhaps I might be willing, providing you make it worth my while, to give them a chance to get their memories back."

I began to back away from his touch at that point, fixing him with one of my stares. "Don't touch me and don't call me cute." I began to taunt him while rolling my eyes just because I was getting a little ticked at these games he was playing, "I'm so sorry that your family doesn't know how to act like they're suppose to, but I personally don't give a rat's ass. Besides what kind of arrangement can you make with me that will be worth your while. I have nothing to give," I said while tilting my head to the left as I looked at him suspiciously.

He lifted one eyebrow mockingly and said, "It isn't wise to provoke me. We are in MY dreamscape after all." At this lightning flashes very close to were I was standing making me jump. "I'd hate to have to harm you." He then appeared at my side taking me into his arms while he began to talk in a low whisper, "Especially when you'd make such an excellent mother of my children." He placed his hand on my stomach and looked at me, "You see my dear, you have something I want and I have, oh twenty-five somethings you want. It's not the best bargaining chip, but I think it should do the trick."

Lightning hit the ground too close for comfort and with a whispered voice I said, "I wasn't trying to provoke you. I'm just trying to understand what's going on, that's all." While trapped in his arms, I asked, "How would you know if I would make a good mother. I don't even know if I can have children." I was getting scared of the situation as comprehension began to sink in on what kind of a bargain he was looking for."

He began to laugh huskily in my ear as he replied to my nervous questions, "Oh I'm not interested in your parenting abilities just in your eggs, my sweet. In this day and age that's really all I need." He then pushed me away roughly as he continued to speak, "As for the bargain, why I have them." He nodded to his left where the immediate wedding party now lay frozen in time. Kash stood wrapped in Luce's arms as he kisses his bride. Gigs eyes had locked on Gideon who was sitting near by. Tanya and Pug were cuddled together in a couple of chairs. Chessire sat across the aisle sulking with Sarai and Sarah, who seemed more interested in the proceedings. Asher's eyes were locked on Tamara's face as she smiled across at him. Anita's eyes are locked on a figure off to the front, which turned out to be Edward standing near the trees, while Richard seems unconcerned.

I came back to my senses as I nearly tripped over my shoes, trying to move around, getting a good look at the wedding party. I glared at Cimries for a moment before I spoke, "I'm so glad you find all this amuzing, but I don't want to be a mother. I've got enough children to handle right now being the headmistress of a mage's school that is. Besides what makes you think my eggs are still good. For all you know they could all be dead." Glancing back among the frozen crowed. I get a devastated look on my face. "What are you going to try and do to them now? I hope you're not planning on splitting anyone up," I asked.

Cimries eyebrows shot up and he gave me an appraising look. "Split them up. Why I hadn't even considered that. The original idea was, oh well that is neither here nor there. I have seen a few movies you know. Of course, presently that is a moot point. They have no idea who they are presently and if they woke like this, they'd be helpless. They wouldn't have any clue as to whom they were. No ideas of what their strengths or even their weaknesses are. Can you imagine the vampires strolling out into the rising sun? What fun that would be? Yes I think waking them up and setting them loose is much likely to bring about their demise then anything I could do to them here."

I crossed my arms and watched him with a smoldering glare, while trying to understand the problem at hand more better. "Fine, then what do you suggest we do, since I had a hand in this little plot. Even though I didn't know it at the time."

He smiled that smile that mad me want to slap him and said, "My dear I know what I should do. The question is are you willing to change my mind."

My eyebrows shoot up and I nearly choked trying not to scream at him. "And do tell what I could possible do to convince you other wise. For I want my friends back the way they were, but you on the other hand want something else. I think we need to make some sort of an arrangement. A business arrangement, nothing more, nothing less. So what exactly do you want and I'll be happy to give you a run for your money."

Cimries smiled seductively and said, "Oh business would be lovely, but I've told you what I want. I want a child. Your child. If I agree to restoring your friends will you give it to me?"

I glared at him, trying to hold back the tears and the thought of a child being raised by him. I knew I was going to regret my decision, but I'd already made up my mind. My friends were more important to me than that. While making a face, I answered, "Fine, but there's going to be some stipulations."

He eyed me quietly for a moment than began in his husky voice, "What kind of stipulations. We have yet to agree on the manner in which their minds will be restored. I can't just wave a magic wand and bring them back you know."

I started to pace around him, while tapping my fingers against my chin and said, "You want a child by me and I want my friends back. I could easily give you what you want, but how do I know you will give my friends back their memories."

I saw out of the corner of my eye, a corner of his mouth turning up in a smile as he shrugged, "I can't restore their memories, my dear. It was your magic that removed them, so only you can restore them. I can only offer you the opportunity to try, of course. I do have a job to do you know and I am a demon."

I stopped in mid-stride and glanced over at him. "That might be so, but it was your spell, not mine that destroyed their memories. I didn't know what was going on at the time. But since I did damage the spell like you said. It would be up to me to try and get their memories back. But how to do it is the issue." I continued my pacing while I thought of something to help my friends.

I heard a heavy sigh and turned my head. Cimries was shaking his head and staring at me, "Do quit pacing child." He rolls his eyes and two couches appear out of nowhere. He motioned for me to take a seat on one of them, "Sit and we shall make an arrangement. I really don't care whether your friends have their memories or not, this is true. My job," and he said the word with extreme distaste, "Was not of my choosing in any event. Even though the payment was high, I can find out what I need without Astoroth's benevolence." A table appeared with drinks. He reached over and took one off the table. "Now as I have said, I did not take their memories. You did that, so you will have to restore them. I can merely create a dream setting in which you have the opportunity to do so." He begins to sip his drink casually before he sits down on one of the couches. "Now, as I am willing to give up my pay in return for you're, well in return for a child. I do wish this to be fun for me. I do so enjoy a nicely plotted dream. The question comes to what dreams are they going to have. You quite shattered the dreamscape you know and I can't merge them back into one. I'll have to make a number of them, the question is what kind of dreams are they? He sat his drink back down as he leaned back into the couch, steepling his fingers as he began to think.

I had stood looking at him suspiciously for some time. Finally I just shook my head and sat down on the couch opposite him. I had a lot more questions running through my mind, so I started to asked them, "Who was doing the payment? You or Astoroth. If you asked me, I didn't think he dealt with anyone but himself." He kept reminding me at how it was my fault that my friends were at that moment vegetables. "I really wish you would stop saying that. I know I'm responsible and I'm willing to fix it, so stop bringing it up." I tried to calm down before I lost my temper and made things worse then they were. "What kind of dream setting would you be interested in doing were I would have a chance at returning their memories."

He just sat there while looking at me with contemp, "A female who takes responsibility, what a novel idea,"

I smirked at his comment and said, "Why thank you. I'll take that as a compliment."

Cimries gave me a thoughtful look before continuing, "There are nine fragments that you will need to be concerned with. So we must come up with nine dreams, something generic preferably. I really don't want to invest any more time in this then I have to. In fact my lovely, why don't you just tell me what they are to be and I shall make them. You would be able to go into each one, so you can remind your friends of who they are, simple enough don't you think."

I took his suggestion into consideration. This had to be some sort of trick, that he would allow me to pick the dreams for my friends. I got this feeling he was up to something, but it couldn't be proven, so I went on to say, "There's nine? I didn't know there could be that many in a dreamscape. Of course time is too valuable to lose on making up something that could be so simple. So I agree with you there." I began to think of what kind of dreams that would be easy and take less time and effort. Soon a smile spread across my face and I conjured up a book from thin air. It was a book of fairytales that was given to me as a gag gift from Gigs. I needed to remind myself to give her a big hug for it when all this is over. I handed it over to Cimiries for his inspection and said, "What do yo think Cimiries? Does this entice your interest?"

He reached out and took the book, looking it over with certain interest in his eyes while flipping through the pages. "This should work, I suppose." He glanced down at one of the pictures, then back up at me. "You shall be their fairy god mother, how adorable. I do hope you can be convincing, trying to persuade them that they are not in fact the characters in this book. This should prove highly entertaining."

I smiled at him and replied, "I thought you might like the idea. So do we put a time limit on it or just go with the flow until all are back to normal."

Cimiries shrugged nonchalantly, "Take what time you need. Astoroth has frozen time in this through out the world, they will not be missed," He rose from his chair as he spoke, "I'm sure you'll be able to restore their memories, but," He got a wicked look in his eye as he said the next part, "Since this is a wedding, in order to get out, they must kiss. No one leaves without kissing someone else. Good luck my dear, I'll shall be seeing you," then he disappeared without another word.

I nearly fell off my couch from shock, when he disappeared, but remembered that he didn't say anything about true loves' kiss. "Hey you didn't say whether or not it had to be true loves first kiss or just a plain old kiss from anybody," I yelled into the thin air.

Faint laughter rang in the air. I stomped and kicked dirt at the laughter. The couches and table began to vanish and I run forwards to retrieve my book, but found it missing. I screamed, "Cimiries, bring me back my book." There was nothing, but silence as I plopped down onto the ground as it began to rain. I started crying, cause that was the kind of day I was having. Plus God only knows if I could pull this off. I've never tried restoring people's memories before, so how was I going to go and do it now...



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