12-19-06

Damn, I really should update this more often.

Just in case I don't get in here tomorrow, let me wish Jessie Schiff a happy birthday. It's not every day you find out that a character you made shares the same name as a real-life person. I would like to have had the next chapter of Pretender to the Throne finished as a present, but that's not looking too likely. Despair not, however, I am working on it. It's only the fifth major re-write I've done so far on this chapter.

"Yay, fun of doom." Jessie Schiff (the real one)

5-21-06

I'm gonna lighten things up a little bit with some stupid criminal tricks:

A guy robs a bank, then celebrates with pancakes at the diner next door.

If you wanna sell pirated DVDs, don't sell them to the guy whose job it is to arrest people who pirate movies.

Voices in my head? No, burglar in the chimney.

No more speaking in tongues for this guy

Stupid boy stabs his mother, and hides from the cops in a DOUGHNUT SHOP.

When stealing someone's identity, make sure they're not a convicted sex offender.

Thief locks self inside van

5-15-06

I tried a blog at MSN Spaces, but they deleted 5 of my entries, so screw 'em.

If you hated the government before, read this, you'll hate it even more.

Also, check your local library to see if "The War on Truth" has been suppressed yet. If it hasn't, go read it.

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3-26-06

Why does George W. Bush spend so much time at his ranch in Crawford?

That question has been put to me many times, as if I knew, as if I could read the little monkey-boy's mind and tell you what part of the Bill of Rights he was going to trample on next.

Given the fact that the only time I ever intend to be in the presence of George W. Bush is however long it takes to slap the cuffs on him and read him his rights and the list of charges, I don't think I'll ever know for sure. However, there is a theory:

The White House is said to be one of the most haunted places in America. Ghosts of former Presidents are said to walk the floors, gaze forlornly out the windows and make their presences known in other ways. There's a so-called demon cat who appears in times of strife. George says, according to some who've interviewed him, that he has never seen a ghost, but we all know by now his love of cover-ups. It wouldn't surprise me a bit if the angry spectre of Thomas Jefferson was trying to dissuade the First Simian from his despotic path. Just imagine, for a moment, the words "SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE" appearing on the walls of the Oval Office in blood. Thomas's spirit holding a spectral pistol, trying to shoot him as he is said to have done to another traitor on the White House lawn. Maybe appearing in his dreams, or popping out of the mirror, or whatever else angry ghosts do.

Make no mistake, the Thomas Jefferson we are taught to revere in high school as the author of the Declaration of Independence, the man who championed a Wall of Separation between church and state, and called for a Bill of Rights to be added to the Constitution--that man, were he alive today, would shove his foot so far up W's ass he'd sneeze Mr. Jefferson's shoelaces.

If you were W, wouldn't you want to be somewhere else too?

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3-16-06

We had an election, and I didn't get to vote. Not registered? No, that's not the problem. I'm registered. In fact, my voter registration card is right here on my desk where I can see it. Felon? No, I've cautiously avoided trouble with the police whenever possible. My only encounters with them are when they decide they want to make trouble for me. Dubya closed my polling place? Nope, not this time. Apparently, though, this time around it was the Primaries, and in order to vote in the Primaries, you have to declare a party allegiance. Being denied the right to see to it that the Democratic candidate isn't one of those left-wing "gun-free America" nuts and the Republican candidate isn't one of those right-wing "let's ban everything that's not explicitly allowed in the Bible" nuts is bad enough. But they had a bunch of local elections bundled with the ballots for the primaries, so I didn't get to pick county judge or any of the city council members or anything like that.

Pissed? Me? You'd beter believe it.

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3-8-06

I hate double-standards, don't you?

Let's look at guns, for example. The Japanese version of the Yu-Gi-Oh! trading card "Don Zaloog" has a pair of guns, but the American censors changed them into knives. In the television show, scenes involving hired goons (such as the ones employed by Maximilian Pegasus) have places where the editing-out of the guns is so obvious it makes your head hurt to wonder how STUPID they think we are.

And yet, Yosemite Sam is allowed to keep his guns. Elmer Fudd gets to keep his. Tom and Jerry use guns all the time. Elisa Maza carried a gun on her person in the Gargoyles TV show, and was even accidentally shot by Broadway.

Double standards. If the show or the trading-card game had been created in America, it would have stayed as-is. Look at Invasion America. Look at the Batman and Justice League series. You don't see the minor baddies in those shows losing their weapons to censorship, do you?

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3-7-06

People say, if you want to know the will of God, read the Bible. I've read it. It contradicts itself. So do the other books (the Qu'ran, Torah, etc.). The problem, I believe, is that these books have been in the hands of humans for more centuries than W can count without taking off his shoes.

Why is that a problem? Because humanity's defining trait is that we like to change things to suit ourselves; we alter our environment to our own advantage. I mean, even you have turned on an air conditioner or heater at some point in your life, right? Rolled the window down on your car? Turned a light on? That's all changing your environment.

Throughout human history, we've had a series of leaders with the power to make almost any demand they wished, and have it obeyed. Pharaohs, Kings, Emperors, Presidents, special-interest groups. They have had the power to change the holy writings of the region's religion, and the callousness to do so for no reason other than they don't like the way it is now. The same reason you'd roll down a window. A recent example: Today's New International Version of the Bible. Altered by weirdos who were offended by gender-references in the Bible.

See? You can't even read the Bible without offending somebody. This is why our Founding Fathers never inserted "the right to destroy or alter anything which offends you" into the Bill of Rights.

So...how do we know the will of God when we can no longer trust the human-controlled holy writings? How do we even know WHICH religion is the RIGHT one? I mean, sure, everybody thinks the one they were born with is right, unless they've recently converted. But that just makes it their favorite, doesn't it? Sure, you could have a war, but as the saying goes, "War not determine who is right. War determine who is left." What if we all came together and had a big vote? Do you go by the one with the most members? No, wait, that just determines which religion is better at breeding, doesn't it?

And if it's true that you're going to hell if you don't belong to the One True Religion, then your chance of going to hell is at least 8 out of 9 just choosing from the major religions that believe in hell. Cheerful thought, isn't it?

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