Kyle,
Look, I didn’t know who else to turn to. I guess you were the only person who really understood. Please forgive me. You know how it is. I hope your new life is better. There is a tape in the box for you…you don’t have to listen to it, but please do. I’m so sorry for everything.
*Jamie*
You look into the box. Sure enough there is a tape in it. You turn on your stereo and put in the tape. Sitting down on the floor you hear the tape crackle twice and then Jamie’s voice comes on.
“Kyle, I don’t know how much you remember from that summer with those guys and all. But I’m sorry. I’m really sorry that I put you in that position because I know you didn’t want to be. If you get this then I’m dead. I just couldn’t deal with it any more. You and BJ, Bj left just as many bad memories as you did. He was new to it too, just like you.”
There is a pause and Jamie’s voice comes on…crackling at first but it becomes steady.
B.J. and I met at a club. We started dancing a little and then we left together. He goes to school with me and he is my earth space class. We talked about a lot of stuff on the way home. We took the bus back up to the high school then walked home. We sat in the park on Main Street until 2:00 am. just talking. I got home and went to sleep. I was geeked because I had met a great guy but I didn’t think I’d talk to him again. I got up and went to school and tried to forget about him, he would never talk to me again. I didn’t see him at school, how not suprising. I was walking home after school when I heard screaming. I was about a block from my house so I just kept walking. I had my head down and I ran into B.J. He helped me up and turned toward his house. His dad was walking back inside, he slammed the door shut. B.J and I walked towards my house not really saying anything. I knew there was nothing to say. I asked him if he wanted to come to my house and he said he did.
We worked on our homework and just hung out. I don’t really bring people to my house because it’s always dirty and stuff but it was okay with B.J. B.J. and I were good friends after that. I miss him.
A few weeks after that incident B.J. showed up at my house. He looked really worried and upset and he’d been crying. We went for a walk. We were talking about his parents when we got to his house. He looked up at his house sadly. I remember looking up at it and wishing he didn’t have to go back there because it hurt him so much. I was standing there and he hugged me. I guess I really liked it. And I guess he could tell because he tilted my head up and kissed me. I just stared at him, amazed. He pulled his hand away from my chin and ran up the step. I was so amazed. I didn’t think he liked me.
I went to school the next day was looking forward to seeing B.J. really bad but whenever I saw him he wouldn’t look at me. I went to his locker after school and he looked really depressed. He had a black eyes and cuts on his hands and arms. I knew he had a fight with his dad. He looked at me and shut his locker and just left. I followed him out side and up a small back path behind the school. I walked beside him for a while before we got to this little clearing. We sat down under the trees and he put his head on his knees. After a little while I put my arm around him and realized he was crying. When he looked up I asked what happened. He said when he got home his dad was drunk and had seen us kissing. His dad screamed at him for being a slut and punched him then tried to attack him with a bottle. That’s how he got the cuts on his hands and arms, protecting himself. BJ got out and he walked around for a while. When he went back to his house his dad was passed out on the floor. We just sat there for a while hugging. After a little bit BJ got up and we walked home. He kissed me again before he went up the stairs to his house. But he said that was it, he wasn’t gonna talk to me anymore because of his dad. I walked the rest of the way home and sat on my floor for hours. He didn’t like me anymore. I wanted to just kill myself so bad. I fell asleep at about 2 am before I did anything. The next morning I was at school and I saw BJ again and I didn’t know what to do. I wrote him a letter asking him to meet me at the bridge at 3, after school. I don’t know why I asked him there, or what I’d say. He was feeding the ducks, just like you were when those guys beat us up and then you moved. We walked around the park for a long time. He asked if I had had other boyfriends and I explained what had happened with you. How we got beat up after the dance that one time and that sometime people scare me and he said that it was okay and he wouldn’t let anybody do that. We went home.
At school the next day I was amazed to see that B.J wasn’t there. I was in fourth period when they called me to the office. BJ had dropped off a letter earlier. I sat in the G.O office and read it. It’s in the box. You should read it.
You turn of the tape player and open the box again. You find the letter and read it.
Dear Jamie,
I’m sorry. You know how much I love you and you know why I couldn’t stay and put up with it anymore. My dad spazed out again. He hit my head off the floor and I blacked out. He was gone when I woke up. He didn’t like you and me together. I really hope I’ll see you soon. I’ll miss you. I’m sorry. No carnations okay? I’ll miss you. I’m sorry. Don’t tell anybody how much I loved you though. They can’t know that I’m gay. Please? I love you, and I’ll miss you.
Love you always and forever,
Peace not greed
BJ
You put the letter down as you remember one a lot like it that Jamie had written a few years ago after the fight. You turn the tape back on. Jamie was obviously getting emotional.
They told me that he took a bunch of sleeping pills and stuff. He died. I just didn’t know what to do. I went to his funeral and I almost died when I saw him lying there like that. He looked like wax. Like he’d just wake up any second, and he didn’t look like him. They dressed him up all nice and stuff. Not like him at all. When everybody left I broke down. I didn’t know what to do. I lost so many people. You, my family, Bj. I couldn’t take it. I went home and I recorded this. I’m mailing this too you and then I’m going down to the pond. I’m going to drown myself. I can’t take it anymore. I’m sorry. I can’t live this way.
Jamie’s voice fades out and in the back round you can hear him opening a bottle of pills. A single tear runs down your cheek and you sniffle. You hit the stop button. You can't believe he just did that. You haven't spoken to him since two years ago when two guys beat you up for going to the snowball dance with another guy. Why did he send it to you?
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