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Some Laughs
A BAD VICE
Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees, "The President Must Go!" written in urine across the snow. Well, old Bill is pretty ticked off.
He storms into his security staff's HQ, and yells, "Somebody wrote a threat in the snow on the front lawn! And they wrote it in urine! The person had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where were you guys?!"
The security guys stood silently and stared ashamedly at the floor. Bill hollers, "Well dammit, don't just sit there! Get out and FIND OUT WHO DID IT!! I want an answer, and I want it TONIGHT!" The entire staff immediately jumps up and races for the exits.
Later that evening, his chief security officer approached him and says, "Well Mr. President, we have some bad news, and we have some really bad news. Which do you want first?"
Clinton says, "Oh hell, give me the bad news first." The officer says, "Well, we took a sample of the urine and tested it. The results just came back, and it was Al Gore's urine."
Clinton says, "Oh my God, I feel so....so....so....betrayed! My own Vice President! Damn....Well, what's the really bad news?"
The officer replies, "Well sir, it was in Hillary's handwriting."
A small West Virginia Wild Animal Park had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very horny, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available. While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators noticed Ed, a part time redneck intern, responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Ed, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species.
So, the park administrators thought they might have a solution. Ed was approached with a proposition; would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500. Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions.
"First," he said. "I ain't gonna kiss her. Second, you can't never tell nobody 'bout this."
The park administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition.
"Well," said Ed. "You've gotta give me a coupla weeks to come up with the five hundred bucks."
Bumper stickers seen this weekend...
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me
I have the body of a god... Buddha
This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult
The face is familiar but I can't quite remember my name
Illiterate? Write for help
Honk if anything falls off
He who hesitates is not only lost but miles from the next exit
This isn't my idea of a good time
It's been lovely, but I have to scream now
Uniquely maladjusted, but fun
This bumper sticker exploits illiterates
I haven't lost my mind it's backed up on disk somewhere
Oh, evolve!
Gone crazy. Be back shortly
If you're not outraged you're not paying attention
Copyright2004© WolfHouseGraphics
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