Frenchtoast's Excellent Advice!

Hey hey, it's ASK FRENCHTOAST! Here, you can ask the lovable little French breakfast food your most burning questions and listen to his heavily accented solutions! Unfortunately, my carefully-drawn rendition of the lovable little guy might not come up on your computer, but rest assured that he's perfectly adorable. If you've got a question for Frenchtoast, e-mail him at lily264@hotmail.com...

NEW ADDITION! Dear Frenchtoast- Shouldn't we be calling you "Freedomtoast" now, since we're mad at the French these days? Sincerely, Proud American.

Monsieur le fier americain, c'est les gens comme toi qui je n'aime pas. Tu as peur de ce que tu ne comprends pas. Tu as vraiment l'esprit etroit. Or, to put it zimply- you, good zir, are a moron.

Dear Frenchtoast, Would you like to be my date to prom? You have all of the answers to life and are my role model. I know that I have never seen you on my computer screen but I know how beautiful you really are. Love, In Love With Frenchtoast

Ma Cherie, I am tres flattered by your gracious invitation. I would love to go to prom avec toi. Ca serait mon plaisir! Zat is, of course, if you don't mind my being a piece of toast. Mais oui, if a couple can overcome zat, zey can overcome anything! A bientot, mon ange!

Dear Frenchtoast, My computer coffee mug holder just broke off my computer (you know, you press the button on the computer and a little tray pops out and there is a little circle on the tray just big enough for my coffee mug). What should I do? Also, I paid extra for this cd rom thing on my computer and can't seem to find it. Would the company not have installed it? Thanks, Upset about coffee mug holder

Chere Upset- Coffee mug holder? Oh, la la! Perhaps it's better for people like vous not to worry about ze cd-rom. Just think of ze big screen-looking boxy thing as a tres expensive paperweight. Oh- and P.S.: Possiblement you should stop drinking zo much coffee.

Hey Frenchtoast! I was wondering. Do you have any information about the squirrel intelligence spy agency known as STARES? I was recently asked to become a member and was wondering if you are a member? Please write back. love, vp of STARES

Chere VP of STARES- Oui oui, I am indeed acquainted with zis excellent group. For zose of you who have not heard of it, STARES stands for "Students Taking Action to Remove Evil Squirrels" and ze members are quite involved with anti-squirrel action in local areas as well as on nearby college campuses. For zose of you who are interested in membership, drop my excellent Webmistress a line. As I understand, she will also soon be creating a section of ze Squirrelden devoted entirely to STARES affairs. Vive le revolution anti-ecureuil!

Dear Frenchtoast- No offense, but why should I trust advice that comes from baked goods? Sincerely, Confused in Chicago
Chere Confused- Why should you trust MOI? Mon petit, I will tell you- because I am much more intelligent than YOU, obviously. Questioning my advice? BAH!

Dear Frenchtoast- Where can I get a nifty pair of pink boots like yours? Love, Anxiously Seeking Pink Footwear
ChereA.S.P.F.- I special-order les bottes roses at Elo5die's Used Footwear and Drive-Thru Sushi Emporium. Zey have a wide selection of shoes, and ze sashimi- c'est magnifique!

Dear Frenchtoast- When will the penguins from space come back and redeem us from the rule of the evil Squirrels? Yours Truly, Penguin
Chere Penguin- Je ne sais pas when that day will come, but I know it will be glorious, with people dancing in ze streets and ze wonderful melodies of ze single-stringed qua to be heard everywhere. Ah, I am as anxious as you are.

Dear Frenchtoast- Do you suppose you could hook me up with Joe da Sqrl? I wanna take him to Homecoming. Please please please, with a cherry on top? - JoeLover
ChereJoeLover- Ah, l'amour... I don't know if Joe ze Squirrel is open to inter-species dating, but why don't you two do lunch and see how it goes. Bonne chance!

Dear Frenchtoast- Why is Susan so weird? Sincerely, Somewhat Frightened.
Chere Frightened- Why is Susan zo odd? Well, as ze French zay, je ne sais pas. But I zink it has somesing to do with ze fact zat she ate a lot of toothpaste as a child...

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