If you are a male you should refer to the last statement at the end of this book. Thank you.
~ SMART GIRL RULES ~
1.) You must have a manly male friend or boyfriend. (Refer to Dumb Guy Rules to see who applies.)
2.) If any guy is rude, mean, disrespectful, or hits you, you should hit him back very hard. If you can't or do not wish to harm him get one of you manly guy-friends to slap him around for you. Acting sweet and innocent while asking him always helps.
3.) You should be nice to everyone. Remember, we are made of sugar and spice, but we will still kick your ass if we have too, so don't make us go there.
4.) You must try to hug as many guys as possible and as many times as possible in a day. You must also hug all of your girlfriends at least that many or more times. If you wish not to be hugged by a guy, find a manly friend to set him straight or you can give him the look. All guys will recognize the frowning "back off dude" look.
5.) Show your pain. Guys will comfort you. One can never have too much sympathy from guys. It works like a charm.
6.) If possible never pay for anything you can get a guy can pay for. Just in case always carry around money. If you really must pay or help pay do not make him feel bad for doing so. He will beat himself up bad enough. He should and will reimburse you at a later time. If he doesn't let your manly friend deal with him for being forgetful. It really helps guy's ego's when they pay for things.
7.) You do not need permission to kiss a guy. Exception: He has a girlfriend and/or your best friend likes him. If a guy wants to kiss you he must first ask for permission. Just because you gave him permission once to kiss you doesn't mean he has right to do it again unless otherwise arranged. Giving kisses too freely is never good. All guys should have to earn each and every one of them, like a rewards system.
8.) You may white-lie only if it is for a surprise birthday or other sort of party for some. Or you wish not to admit you like someone (i.e. emotions). Keeping such things hidden is a girls emotional right. Its better to have a crush that admit to having a crush and then look foolish.
9.) Guys should compliment you often. Manly men know this and they should do so whenever they can. When you are complimented on certain things about yourself that are sweet you should blush, look at your feet, and deny it cutely (or coyly). If you are complimented on womanly area's you don't want mentioned the guy should get a very harsh stare or in some cases (decided at the moment) a quick punch to his mid-section. This will reduce his compliments to your unmentionable area's.
10.) Girls can be mushy around everyone. Its a right all girls have. Girls are always expected to be mushy. Exception: Around family members. They will tease you.
11.) If you see a girl in rule #2 situation, kick the guy severely hard in the groin area. If he then turns on you or you can't hurt him get manly man to do it for you. He will deal with him.
12.) Flirt at all times as if you don't realize you are doing it. Exceptions: the guy has a girlfriend. You should be jap-slapped by a close friend as a wake up call. If you have a boyfriend DON'T do it so much. You really have to work on controlling it, because all guys get jealous very easy. It's a genetic territorial flaw they are born with.
13.) Always try to dress your brother, male friends, or boyfriends in women's attire for Halloween just to see how cute they would look as a women. Its very shameful to the male variety, but in doing so is so-so much fun, and their resistance to being dressed as such makes it even more fun. Exception: If the guy seems to like it, then don't EVER do it. That's just creepy.
14.) Never curse, because its un-womanly. Exception: You’re in a catfight, then your allowed to cuss. (HINT: punch. It causes fewer scratches).
15.) Girls should act vulnerable and fragile around guys that you like. You must however be strong enough to catfight any girl and have strength enough to kick a guy where it counts when necessary then run. All guys like vulnerable and fragile girls. We just keep it a secret that we can kick there ass when we need to. Remember their fragile ego's.
16.) If you are upset or hurt, you can CRY! Don't stop until you've had enough male attention. If your not getting any male attention cry louder. This excludes most brothers. Brothers will only hurt you more or laugh at you if you cry. A good cry never hurt anyone and the attention gained is well worth it.
17.) Make it known that your boyfriend is your private territory. Do NOT get upset if he talks to other girls. You should however monitor his conversations from a discreet distance to make sure nothing fishy is going on.
18.) All girls should establish womanly hierarchies to know whose breasts are biggest, waist is fittest, who is the best dressed, and who is smartest. This will remain as such for all time unless diet, exercise, or study changes. Surgery may also count under some situations. Exception: None of the girls in your group care, or they are farm girls. Farm girls don't care either.
19.) Girls should buy Valentine cards for everyone. Put special mushy notes in the ones for guys. Guys won't admit it but they like getting Valentine cards from girls.
20.) As a girl you should own many kinds of cute and loveable stuffed animals. You may NOT own any NAKED stuffes animals. There are 'No' exceptions to this rule.
21.) Keep clean, your hair in order, and well dressed. Anything tight is fine but not too tight is recommended. You don't want guys to think you're a hussy. A guy could be checking you out at any moment. Exception: You are home alone. If a guy shows up unexpected, a quick slap or a harsh glare at him should remind him of the concept of calling before coming over.
22.) You should take notice and remember the guys who open doors for you, especially if you don't know them. Also those who stand up at the table when you approach and do special things for you could be possible boyfriend prospects. Refer to rule #23 in the (Refer to Dumb Guy Rules for better understanding of what they should be doing.
23.) Send mushy letters to the your boyfriend or the guy you like a lot but not too many. You should first have your close girlfriends examine the letter first to make sure it contains the right amount of mushiness. This level of mushiness increases as the dating process moves close to what I call the 'Lord Of The Rings' level. You know, "One ring to control them, two rings to bind them!"
24.) Tell all your girlfriends and male-friends you love them. ALL THE TIME! You never know when they might die. Plus they will always think you are very sweet.
25.) If you have the slightest cold stay home. If your boyfriend or the guy you like is severely ill take a bowl of Campbell's chicken noodles and a cup of hot cider to his house yourself. Don't bring crackers. It might hurt his throat. (Don't feed them. They still need their dignity). Still, guys like to know you care. If they act whinny and babyish because of their sickness, just bite your lip and ignore it for the sake of their ego.
26.) If someone of the male variety is perverted in any way that you do not like get a manly man to deal with him. Or if no one is around a glare at him or a quick punch to certain manly area's will shut him up. Girls do not want to see or hear perverted-ness. We are always considered to have virgin ears and eyes (whether we do or not).
27.) Because you are of the female variety we have a natural nurturing instinct to comfort people. Use it to its fullest to comfort males and other females when they need it. Its a mothering instinct we are born with, just like guys are born with the instinct to fight, fart, and burp.
28.) Try to be smarter than males which is often very easy for us, since we actually think with our brains 100% of the time. Do not get too cocky. Guys don't like it and it makes us look nerdy. If a male gets too cocky around you have a manly man deal with him for you. Some cockiness is to be expected in all guys.
29.) Girls should learn to fix their own damn car and stuff. There are two exceptions. A. You are dating a guy. You must let him fix things so you can watch him, plus it makes him feel good. B. You like him and want to check out his ass without him noticing.
30.) You should carry a small purse including makeup, mirror, mace, change, I.D., and tampons. Like a girl scout, you should be prepared for anything.
31.) If a guy or girl curses at you, you are allowed to slap him. Its a standard rule.
32.) Treat your boyfriend like a king. Treat your male friends like prince's, with the exception: Your birthday and V-day. They are then your servants. Remember they should at all times be ready to be your servant. Of course never tell them they are. Let them think they are in full control even though we know they are not or will ever be in control.
33.) NEVER allow your body to be used in any shape, way, or form you wish it not to be used. This is very important. Your body is a temple as should be regarded as such by everyone.
34.) Before leaving your home always wear appropriate clothing. You may change as soon as you are an appropriate distance away. Remember to stay clear of any relatives who do not approve of your clothing.
35.) Beware of your father and brother(s). They own shotguns and shovels. They also know remote area's very well. When you bring your boyfriend over keep your male family away from anything sharp. There are no exceptions to this rule.
36.) When you are upset you should shop for yourself. Spend your boyfriend's money if he can spare it. Clothing is suggested. Bath & Body is another good place for shopping to relax.
37.) NEVER put a guy on the spot unless you trying to find out the truth from him. If you are a male and you are reading this watch "Kate and Leopold." Then take notes. If you have stolen these rules and the female owner finds out you will soon be beaten.
