(Shelti is sitting in her seat in the front row of the theater. She is reading something, and giggling. Jahari comes in, holding a large popcorn and two drinks. He sits down beside her and gives her a drink.)
Jahari: Whatís so funny?
Shelti: This flame, hehehe. Very loud, but very funny.
Jahari: I see. So...
Shelti: Itís for this story, you see.
Jahari: Thatís a good thing, right?
Shelti: Maaaybe. *turns to the readers* Us again! I was surfing ff.net and found yet another Mary Sue. And not just any Mary Sue -- this oneís an unashamed self-insertion. Hee.
Jahari: And, apparently, it got flamed.
Shelti: Several times. And it got some blind praise as well. *shrugs* So, anyway, weíre going to MST it! ^_^
Jahari: Should be fun.
Shelti: *calls up* Okey-dokey, then! Roll it, Tom!
Tom: (in the projection booth) Aye aye, Captain!
(The fic starts rolling)
The Lost Temple of Rivina
Shelti: The FOURTH Indiana Jones movie!
Legolasí Elvin Queen
Jahari: Quick, who will be the lust object in this story?
Shelti: My guess is ... LEGOLAS!
*Chapter 1~ The Lost Temple*
Shelti: I knew it!
fired three arrows in rapid succession at the approaching enemy.
Shelti: Excuse me sir, cat-tails advancing from the rear!
and an ax sailed over his head and stuck, quivering, in a stone column.
Shelti: *making sound effects* Shooooom! Clack! Twingy-twingy-twingy!
He got up and raced for the entrance to the temple.
Shelti: And itís Legolas in front... oh no, the unnamed enemy is coming up behind... itís gonna be a close race, folks...
He reach it,
Jahari: And random tense-changing strikes again.
dived inside, and slammed the doors shut, bolting them securely.</p>
Shelti: (Doors) BAM! Shonk!
Jahari: (Legolas) That should hold you!
He let his eyes adjust to the darkness then took stock of his
Jahari: (Legolas) Letís see... Three tunics, four shirts, one pair of leggings... and a dress?! Where did that come from??
surroundings. He was in a huge circular room, with a huge stone platform and a sarcophagus on top of that. Upon closer inspection, he found that the sarcophagus had a glass lid.
Jahari: Upon... CLOSER inspection? Usually itís rather easy to tell the difference between glass and stone, unless itís really dusty.
Shelti: ĎHari... You just answered your own question.
He peered beneath it and gasped.Shelti: Snow White was there!
A woman lay asleep,
Shelti: See? Snow White!
her head propped up by a velvet blue pillow. Her blonde hair which spread out and reaching her waist gave her an angelic glow. Long dark eyelashes, pale ivory skin, perfect body.
Jahari: ....OH NO.
Shelti: Sheís HE~RE.
he had found the lost temple of Rivina.
Jahari: Wait, was he looking for it in the first place?
A long time ago, he remembered, an elvin
girl with unmatched beauty, called Rivina, had been pursued by
many men, even the Elvin King's son.
Shelti: Quick, who is she?
Jahari: The Mary Sue! =D
When she rejected him for a pauper, her father grew angry and banished her.
Jahari: Is it just me, or do Suefics have no logic? Iím thinking itís the latter...
She wandered into the woods and became lost.
Shelti: Well, if you wander into the woods without a map and no way of knowing where youíre going... yeah, youíll become lost.
She fell asleep, and a wandering hobbit,
Jahari: THEREís an oxymoron.
amazed by the woman he found asleep on the ground, cast a curse on her,
Shelti: Thatís just... I mean...
Jahari: The HOBBIT did that?!
Shelti: *screams in Jahariís ears* HOBBITS CANíT CAST SPELLS!!!!
Jahari: *holds hands over ears* Owww... We know.
now knowing what else to do, and encased her here.
Jahari: Where? The woods? The temple?
She wouldn't awaken until the man destined for her freed her from her prison of crystal.
Shelti: I thought you said it was glass.
Jahari: Taking bets on who it is and how he frees her... now.
Shelti: Legolas, with a kiss.
"Rivina." he murmured.
Jahari: Who did? The hobbit?
Without thinking, he took his bow and smashed the glass.
Shelti: Augh! *ducks*
It flew everywhere, shattering into a million pieces.
Shelti: Now, how do you know itís EXACTLY a million? Did you count them?
He leaned down and kissed her.
Shelti: Ohhhhh... YES! IíM RIGHT!
Her eyes opened and she pushed him away.
Jahari: (Rivina, in falsetto) Eww! Gross! Get away! Eww!
She looked confused, then she looked at Legolas.
Jahari: Who was as confused as she was.
And she fell in love.
Jahari: Itíd be sweet if it wasnít so clichťd.
"Who are you?" she asked.
Shelti: YOUR EXECUTIONER!
He just stared dumbly.
Jahari: Then he gazed mutely.
"Hello?" she snapped her fingers in front of his face.
Shelti: *snaps fingers in front of Jahariís face* Hello!
He shook his head and spoke.
Shelti: (Legolas) Gaaagaaa booo gaaa loooo... Ooooka mooodiiineeeekaaa...
"I am Legolas.
Jahari: And Iím Jahari. Pleased to meet you.
I saved you from your crystal prison,"
Shelti: Yay Legolas of the clichťd rescues!
he said stupidly,
still staring. She sighed.
Both: *heave huge, dramatic sighs*
"What are you talking about?
Jahari: (Legolas) I have no idea.
she said plainly. Suddenly the temple doors burst open and one hundred orcs rushed in.
Jahari: OMG!!!!1 Liek, wher ded TEY cum form????/
Jahari: I think Iím regressing... X_x;;
He grabbed her
Shelti: WOAH! ďAquaintancesĒ flashback!
and snapped his fingers.
Shelti: Nothing happened.
Jahari: (Legolas) *snaps fingers* Dangit! I knew I should have gotten the fingers with the warranty!
They disappeared just as an orc ran a spear through the air where they had been standing.
Shelti: Thatís not... I mean...
Jahari: First the hobbit, now Legolas?! Whatís happening, did they go to Magic-Spells-ĎRí-Us or something??
Shelti: Good grief!
Want sum more?
Cuz I have it all done.
Shelti: Thatís nice.
the thing is.. I want reviews!
Shelti: !!! *twitch*
Jahari: Didnít you hear me? NO!
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