(Shelti is sitting in her seat in the front row of the theater. She is reading something, and giggling. Jahari comes in, holding a large popcorn and two drinks. He sits down beside her and gives her a drink.)

Jahari: Whatís so funny?
Shelti: This flame, hehehe. Very loud, but very funny.
Jahari: I see. So...
Shelti: Itís for this story, you see.
Jahari: Thatís a good thing, right?
Shelti: Maaaybe. *turns to the readers* Us again! I was surfing ff.net and found yet another Mary Sue. And not just any Mary Sue -- this oneís an unashamed self-insertion. Hee.
Jahari: And, apparently, it got flamed.
Shelti: Several times. And it got some blind praise as well. *shrugs* So, anyway, weíre going to MST it! ^_^
Jahari: Should be fun.
Shelti: *calls up* Okey-dokey, then! Roll it, Tom!
Tom: (in the projection booth) Aye aye, Captain!

(The fic starts rolling)

The Lost Temple of Rivina

Shelti: The FOURTH Indiana Jones movie!

Legolasí Elvin Queen

Jahari: Quick, who will be the lust object in this story?
Shelti: My guess is ... LEGOLAS!

*Chapter 1~ The Lost Temple*

Jahari: Ooooooh.


Shelti: I knew it!

fired three arrows in rapid succession at the approaching enemy.

Shelti: Excuse me sir, cat-tails advancing from the rear!

He ducked,

Jahari: Quack.

and an ax sailed over his head and stuck, quivering, in a stone column.

Shelti: *making sound effects* Shooooom! Clack! Twingy-twingy-twingy!

He got up and raced for the entrance to the temple.

Shelti: And itís Legolas in front... oh no, the unnamed enemy is coming up behind... itís gonna be a close race, folks...

He reach it,

Jahari: And random tense-changing strikes again.

dived inside, and slammed the doors shut, bolting them securely.</p>

Shelti: (Doors) BAM! Shonk!
Jahari: (Legolas) That should hold you!

He let his eyes adjust to the darkness then took stock of his

Shelti: Clothes!
Jahari: (Legolas) Letís see... Three tunics, four shirts, one pair of leggings... and a dress?! Where did that come from??

surroundings. He was in a huge circular room, with a huge stone platform and a sarcophagus on top of that. Upon closer inspection, he found that the sarcophagus had a glass lid.

Jahari: Upon... CLOSER inspection? Usually itís rather easy to tell the difference between glass and stone, unless itís really dusty.
Shelti: ĎHari... You just answered your own question.

He peered beneath it and gasped.

Shelti: Snow White was there!

A woman lay asleep,

Shelti: See? Snow White!

her head propped up by a velvet blue pillow. Her blonde hair which spread out and reaching her waist gave her an angelic glow. Long dark eyelashes, pale ivory skin, perfect body.

Jahari: ....OH NO.
Shelti: Sheís HE~RE.

he had found the lost temple of Rivina.

All: Yay!
Jahari: Wait, was he looking for it in the first place?

A long time ago, he remembered, an elvin

Shelti: ElvEn...

girl with unmatched beauty, called Rivina, had been pursued by

Shelti: Happiness!

many men, even the Elvin King's son.

Shelti: Quick, who is she?
Jahari: The Mary Sue! =D

When she rejected him for a pauper, her father grew angry and banished her.

Jahari: Is it just me, or do Suefics have no logic? Iím thinking itís the latter...

She wandered into the woods and became lost.

Shelti: Well, if you wander into the woods without a map and no way of knowing where youíre going... yeah, youíll become lost.

She fell asleep, and a wandering hobbit,

Jahari: THEREís an oxymoron.

amazed by the woman he found asleep on the ground, cast a curse on her,

Both: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Shelti: Thatís just... I mean...
Jahari: The HOBBIT did that?!
Shelti: *screams in Jahariís ears* HOBBITS CANíT CAST SPELLS!!!!
Jahari: *holds hands over ears* Owww... We know.

now knowing what else to do, and encased her here.

Jahari: Where? The woods? The temple?

She wouldn't awaken until the man destined for her freed her from her prison of crystal.

Shelti: I thought you said it was glass.
Jahari: Taking bets on who it is and how he frees her... now.
Shelti: Legolas, with a kiss.

"Rivina." he murmured.

Jahari: Who did? The hobbit?

Without thinking, he took his bow and smashed the glass.

Shelti: Augh! *ducks*

It flew everywhere, shattering into a million pieces.

Shelti: Now, how do you know itís EXACTLY a million? Did you count them?

He leaned down and kissed her.

Shelti: Ohhhhh... YES! IíM RIGHT!
Jahari: Congratulations.

Her eyes opened and she pushed him away.

Jahari: (Rivina, in falsetto) Eww! Gross! Get away! Eww!

She looked confused, then she looked at Legolas.

Jahari: Who was as confused as she was.

And she fell in love.

Shelti: Awwwwwww!
Jahari: Itíd be sweet if it wasnít so clichťd.

"Who are you?" she asked.


He just stared dumbly.

Jahari: Then he gazed mutely.

"Hello?" she snapped her fingers in front of his face.

Shelti: *snaps fingers in front of Jahariís face* Hello!

He shook his head and spoke.

Shelti: (Legolas) Gaaagaaa booo gaaa loooo... Ooooka mooodiiineeeekaaa...

"I am Legolas.

Jahari: And Iím Jahari. Pleased to meet you.

I saved you from your crystal prison,"

Shelti: Yay Legolas of the clichťd rescues!

he said stupidly,

Jahari: ...Yes.

still staring. She sighed.

Both: *heave huge, dramatic sighs*

"What are you talking about?

Jahari: (Legolas) I have no idea.


Shelti: Yes.


Shelti: Yes!


Shelti: YES!

she said plainly. Suddenly the temple doors burst open and one hundred orcs rushed in.

Jahari: OMG!!!!1 Liek, wher ded TEY cum form????/
Shelti: O_O;;;
Jahari: I think Iím regressing... X_x;;

He grabbed her

Shelti: WOAH! ďAquaintancesĒ flashback!

and snapped his fingers.

Shelti: Nothing happened.
Jahari: (Legolas) *snaps fingers* Dangit! I knew I should have gotten the fingers with the warranty!

They disappeared just as an orc ran a spear through the air where they had been standing.

Both: WTF?
Shelti: Thatís not... I mean...
Jahari: First the hobbit, now Legolas?! Whatís happening, did they go to Magic-Spells-ĎRí-Us or something??
Shelti: Good grief!

Want sum more?

Both: NO!

Cuz I have it all done.

Shelti: Thatís nice.

the thing is.. I want reviews!

Shelti: !!! *twitch*


Jahari: No.


Jahari: Didnít you hear me? NO!


- Part 2 * * * Home -